How to be a Stepford family or get dad to lower expectations?

I feel my hubby overreacts about my kids and their level of responsibility and cleaning up after themselves. If children 11 and 13 forget to put something away, he calls disrespect/disobedience and starts a tirade about how nobody listens or respects him; how in the 'real world' they wouldn't be able to keep a job, drive safely, that they are dangerous and careless and could get themselves or someone else hurt, etc. He says the behaviour would not have been tolerated when he was growing up, and decides to ground them for a month over anything out of place. He then asks me how I had fun with them before they cleaned up after themselves, and accuses me of just wanting to be the fun parent. Yes, the kids know they are to clean up after themselves, but I see them trying their best and most times it is a completely different item he is getting angry about. I don't see it as disobedience but a lack of good habits which still need coaching. And they are always quick to do anything that is asked for when prompted. But I think he's looking for perfection and needs to lower expectations. I'm about at the end of my patience trying to buffer between them, and need some tips about how to explain that their behaviour is based on their maturity and undeveloped skills rather than disobedience or defiance. I go out in public and people feel the need to compliment these kids on their behaviour and helpfulness, but he only seems to focus on the imperfection. Any advice? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2I3twiF