I (F/41) raised my son (M/17) alone. His father and I never married, only dated a few months. I was married to an abusive man for a few years, and I worry my son saw and heard things that shaped him. Starting in around 4th grade, he began refusing to go to school, started getting periodically violent. In 5th gradehe was diagnosed with ADD, but then had bad reactions to three different meds. Tried Zoloft, another bad reaction. Ended up being prescribed a bipolar med that didn’t seem to help much.Over last few years, his father (who lives within 10 mi of us) has seen him 2 days a month. Not because of a parenting plan, but because he didn’t want him more. Five years ago, my son wasn’t getting along with his half-brother there and his stepmother said she didn’t want him there much.Also over the last few years, my son has been getting more and more violent. He used to just break stuff at home or kick walls. I would put him outside or sit on him (although twice he told teachers I held him down and CPS came to my house, and that was horrible. Everything was “unfounded” but what a nightmare.) I just started trying to push him outside when he’d have a blowup, and he’s throw plant pots against the door, threaten to break windows, threaten to kill himself.I had him in counseling constantly. It didn’t seem to help much. I tried to get him to eat well and sleep well. He wouldn’t eat lunches I packed, and he spent lunch money on oreos and coke. He wouldn’t have dinner with me. He would sleep in his room from the time he got home and would constantly tell me how unhappy he was.Whenever he would have a giant rager, I’d text his father to tell him. He would call or text my son, and often blame me. I became the bad guy in everything. When my son was failing two classes because he wasn’t doing homework, I made him have his computer at the dining table, not in his room. His father called me to tell me I was keepibg him from succeeding in school since I wouldn’t let him have his computer.About a year ago, he was having a major rager, throwing stuff, and I pointed at thr door and told him to leave. He hit me, closed fist, in the face. I called the police and he went to juvie for one night, until his father got him out. He had fun community service for a few hours and that was it.The last six months were hell. He kept saying he wanted to live with his father. I said “okay, see if your father okays it”. Finally his father said he could. But he wanted him to switch schools midyear and move right away. I said no, wait until school year is over.Since then it has been horrible. My son would fight woth me over everything. His father would reward him for being awful to me.A month ago, my son was refusing to get to school and then had a blowup when I told him he wasn’t staying home. He wrecked a bunch of my stuff (broke my glasses, damaged a bunch of stiff in the garage). Then he hit me with a chair, kicked the back gate into me so hard I bled and now have a acar, and then shoved me onto the concrete.I called his father, who told me not to pick fights with him. I then filed a police report. My son was taken back to juvie where his father got him out an hour later.Since then, I haven’t seen my son or talked with him. He moved in with his father. I texted him and he only says I wrecked his life and he hates me. His father says I made the whole thing up, and he is now trying to force me into agreeing with a parenting plan and a lot of child support.This all feels surreal. I am an educated woman and I have tried so hard to be a good mom. My son blames me for everything, he and his father seem to be egging each other on, and neither of them even seems to remember that for years, his father didn’t want time with him.I don’t have anything I can do, really. I love my son. I know he has a great heart and also a mood disorder. I wanted to help him find a way to cope with his depression, anxiety, and rage.He says (via text) that he is happy now and doesn’t want to see me again.TL;DR: my 17 yr old son who I raised alone hurt me, went to live with his father, and won’t see me. I feel like a bad mother and I feel broken. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ulz6v7
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