Ok, let me explain. This is kinda long, but I want to give a clear picture to get as accurate advice as possible.We broke up and I moved out when my son was 6 months. We had a great co parenting relationship up until a year ago. He kept the big apartment and was financially fine, and a great dad. He took him 3 days a week and never shirked his responsibilities to him. We have a non traditional set up, as he is in the service industry and works nights and weekends, so he has him 3 days early in the week (I work a 9-5), and would always take him any time he had off. He loves him very much, and has always put him first. He always paid child support, and his daycare and medical insurance, as stated in our custody decree. He had a few relationships before meeting Mary* (not real name), and I was in a long one for 2 years, but currently single. They met about a year ago through work. Initially, I thought she was nice, and hey, its not really my business and I trust him and his choices. Red Flags popped up: she moved in VERY fast, within a month, and shortly after, lost her job somehow (never found out why). A few months later, he tells me they are moving to a more inexpensive place. This is nuts, because the apartment he has for 5 years that we lived in together was a STEAL. At least 1/3 less than any other comparable apt in the area. He said it was temporary. I found out later that he was evicted and left behind all the furniture we bought together that was really nice stuff. Anyway, they move into an efficiency. He assures me its temporary. I start noticing when I drop my son off they are seemingly always in the middle of an argument. Around this time, he tells me she is bipolar, and went off her meds, so he is breaking up with her. I say cool, that is a good idea. They "work it out" and she gets back on meds. She still doesn't have a job at this point. He breaks down and tells me that she berates him constantly about not making enough money, that he needs to support her. I tell him that is crazy, she is 23 and there is no reason she can't get a job. She is still super nice to my son and I still figure at this point it is kind of his business. Around this time she gets pregnant, and they decide to have an abortion. For a while, I am sympathetic to this being the reason she is depressed and can't work. They have been together around 7 months at this point. His car gets repo-ed and now he can't pay for daycare and my son's insurance. She has also texted me a few times starting fights about money, that I need to pay for daycare alone because they are struggling, etc. Then, things seem to turn around, and they are getting a bigger apartment, and she gets a job.Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, and they have been there about 2 months. He still hasn't picked up his son's insurance yet, and I am splitting daycare with him (I qualify for assistance in my sons insurance, but it was explicitly said that he makes to much money. I have warned him that this could come back on him in a bad way, but I refuse to have him uninsured). Our custody schedule is a bit off, as I am taking him out of town for a few days and he takes him on an off night. It was her birthday so they were supposed to celebrate. The next morning I show up to pick my son up to head out of town. No phones are answered and I have to wait 20 mins for someone to let me in apt gate. 15 mins of pounding on door, and he opens the door, obvi just being woke up. His face is FUCKED UP. Nose is swollen with dried blood, scratches on forehead, black eye. I am pissed already with this, and my son is still asleep at 11am (we have been fighting about him letting him stay up all hours and sleep to late) and I start getting my kid ready when I hear the screaming and door slamming, as usual. Him trying to calm her down, her freaking out. I leave, we go on our trip and I am trying to figure out what to do. The next week he goes to his dad as usual, and I get a call on the 2nd day that I need to pick him up after work. This has been happening a lot too, always with the excuse that they suddenly both must work. I go to get son, dad isn't there. She opens door, mumbles something and I say, ok, lets say bye, and I feel a whoosh of wind and the door slamming in our faces. I had enough. I called dad, said I am sick of her craziness. He said he knows, that she is gone. Then I find out that he has been working SIX days a week, several of those days doubles, pays for all bills, rent, food, whatever, and she only works 2 shifts a week tops. ALSO, HE ISN'T THERE WITH MY SON 2 OUT OF THE 3 DAYS A WEEK HE HAS HIM. She is putting him to bed and spending most of the time with him. He is working to pay for her to not work so she can spend time with my son and not him. Not to mention, none of this money is going toward my sons insurance or paying fully for daycare.I told him this relationship is toxic and unhealthy and its been going on long enough. She has had ample time to get her shit together. I don't want my son seeing all this and thinking this is how he should be treated or how he should treat anyone. I asked his father if my son were living his life rn, would he want that for him, and he said of course not. It's been 3 days. She isn't gone, and now he is starting with the "You can't keep my son from me". I told him if he wanted to keep seeing her, that's on him, but she can't live there. Also, he has told me that she was brought up in a strict military family, and believes my son should be spanked for things like not eating dinner. His dad and I do not agree with this at all, and he assures me she doesn't spank him. When I picked him up last with the door slamming incident, he told me she spanked him. At the age he is, it is hard to know if its the truth. However, I guess it is a bit of a moot point since he will not be around her anymore.Am I wrong here? The next step may be looking for legal advice, but for now, I am looking for moral advice. I genuinely feel I am doing the right thing for my son, there is no spite, I HATE the idea of keeping his dad from him and him from his dad, but I feel like if I do not hold my ground, this will never end. Dad has never once broken up with a g/f, no matter how unhappy he is. He is a pushover.Any advice is welcome.TL;DR : Ex and I have a 3.5 yo, he has been dating an emotionally and now physically abusive, berating, mentally unstable woman. I don't want my son around her anymore, so I told him she needs to go or I won't let my son go to his house.I should say too, he does not have a car, and I live in a suburb with no public transportation 30 mins away or else I would let him come over to spend time with him. As it is, either I drive him and drop him off with him, or he doesn't see my son. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2J3stkk
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