My girlfriend's son intentionally ripped the the tail feathers out of one of our parrots.

Warning: Long, as you can likely already see. I have provided a tl;dr at the bottom.There are typical nine year olds.And then, there is Dominic.Dominic has ADHD and ODD, possibly dyslexia. He is medicated on adult doses of medication which barely keep him functional and he is three grades behind his peers. He is prone to violent outbursts of rage, frustration, frequently puts himself into dangerous situations, and almost never demonstrates the ability to show remorse for his actions.His attention-seeking behavior borders on legitimate narcissism and the only thing he cares about after doing something terrible is, "Why are you guys punishing me?"Most of the time, the answers he gives us in terms of why he did something bad are completely unintelligible and make no sense in the context of what happened. His favorite thing is to begin talking about what happened in various Marvel movies he enjoys. We often give up and simply resort to sending him to his room, taking toys away, and delving deeper into our studies on children with his afflictions.The ADHD means that his emotional intelligence is extremely low, which I deeply sympathize with, as I am a presently-unmedicated ADD adult myself. Dominic and I understand each other most of the time, even though he can be extremely frustrating to work with.In spite of this, I love being a part of this family. It has led me to a life of sobriety after well over a decade of alcoholism beginning when I was 14 and my life feels wholly complete for once.However... he crossed a line last night which I never imagined he was capable of. Animal abuse.Tango is a baby kakariki who came into our family some months ago, nearly straight from the incubator. He is the cutest thing, very energetic, and loves to hop around the house exploring while he learns how to fly.Dominic has an extremely difficult time controlling his impulse to chase Tango around the apartment, which stresses him out when he just wants to hang out and be a "part of the flock," as it were.Last night, my girlfriend and I were cooking dinner and Dominic yelled from the bedroom, "I can't get Tango out from under the bed!""Be right there," I called to him.So, I finished chopping my onion, washed my hands, and headed towards the bedroom when I heard, "Got him! He's hiding behind your trash can."Well, I went back behind the trash can and I could tell something was already wrong. The typical affectionate, happy, energetic kakariki we know and love was cowering and extremely defensive. He was breathing heavily and extremely wary of my hand when it reached out to pick him up.What's worse: All of his tail feathers were gone. I later found them lying on the floor in a clump.Without going into the nitty-gritty of what happened that evening, Dominic has since admitted that he did it intentionally. He is extremely... blank when speaking about the incident and really hasn't shown a lick of remorse. All he is asking is why he has to stay in his room, why we are doing "this" to him, and what he can do to come out and have privileges back.Thing is, he doesn't understand how close we really were to sending him to acute-care psych inpatient for a 72 hour safety hold.I don't know what to do at this point. We lined therapy up initially (now that he's on "real" insurance) but after a few weeks of talking to one clinic and making initial appointments, they dropped the bomb on us that they wouldn't accept Blue Cross any more.I know what this behavior means. Children who hurt animals intentionally have extremely good odds of growing into a sociopath as they mature.I don't know what kind of help he needs, though. Quite frankly, we're scared of him now. We're scared to have animals any more, and we're even more scared that he is going to do this to a human being given enough time and the right situation.I have heard that there are "psychiatric boarding schools" which take insurance, and I hate to say it, but that is not off the table in my mind.Anyway, rant over. Any and all advice would be appreciated, however I would rather not hear, "Dude, run from this family," as I have from some other people.tl;dr ADHD nine year old has progressed to animal abuse and I have no idea what to do. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Sn0aku

What to do when toddler tells you her caregiver is touching her vagina?

My daughter is 2 years and 5 months. After daycare she came home and went pee, taking off her pants and underwear, and proceeded to just hang out naked waist down. This is normal for us, especially since we just recently potty trained her.Then she walks up to me, pointing her crotch upwards, saying "mommy, can you touch me inside my vagina?" I said "no thank you" and started bringing her attention to something else. Then she said, "only (caregiver's name) does it?" So I said "what does (caregiver) do?' She said " she touch me inside my vagina." I said, "you mean when she wipes your pee pee?" She didn't say anything for about 10 seconds, then she said "and then I say don't do that (caregiver) and then I cry, right?" I tried asking her to clarify but to her this conversation was over and she was playing with something else.I know this probably doesn't mean anything. She's so young and she's been known to make up stories or to fill in details of real events with imaginary ones. I had previously joked with a friend that someone who didn't know my husband or me might think we abuse her based on some of the things she says. For example, once she fell and bruised her arm. On a different day I asked her if she remembered how she got that bruise. She said, "daddy did it to me, daddy hurt me." another time while playing in a mischievous way, she said "mommy doesn't like it, right? Mommy says no don't do that, I'm going to throw you in the garbage." I honestly never talk to her like that, I have no idea where she gets it from! When she says these things she's not upset, she's very casual about it.I feel very skeptical about the possibility that her caregiver (at a home daycare) is touching her inappropriately, but I don't want to ignore this just in case. How can I get more information from her without asking leading questions? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Q5JRw1

Judge ordered shared custody and overnights with 4 month old. Feel like I’m losing my mind right now and need some advice.

My ex and I have split up when I was just starting my second trimester. He basically abandoned me until a couple weeks before birth, and has done every single thing he can to wreck me ever since. He’s used our baby to insert himself into every aspect of my life he can.I’ve just finally started to get some semblance of a routine with our son and I was so confident that the judge would order visitation during the week (already wasn’t crazy about having him in my home for that, but I breastfeed). My lawyer basically told me there was no way he’d get shared physical custody at this age, but here we are.We have a 60/40 physical split, he has our son for 3 days, two overnights and 50/50 legal custody. There is no way this is healthy, and the judge all but ignored every shred of evidence we provided about the emotional development of babies at this age, breastfeeding, the need for routine, nipple confusion. You name it, I brought it up. I plan to file an appeal, but my lawyer advised me that it’s not likely to get overturned. I just have no idea why this is allowed to happen. Every professional I’ve ever read about advises against a back and forth custody schedule like this. He’s way too young to be away from me overnight and I’m so worried this will throw him off and effect his attachment to me. My ex only fought for more custody so he wouldn’t have to pay me as much support (he said that to my face) and told me he’ll do whatever he can to “keep me out of his pockets”. He doesn’t care about this poor baby, and he’s fine with allowing him to suffer. And the judge will let him!Reddit, how do I handle being away from my practically newborn 3 days a week? Why is this even allowed to happen? Why does the government get to rip a baby away from their mother for half the week because dad just wants it? I was under the impression courts do what’s best for the child, but there is no way anyone could spin this in my sons best interest. I know I’m venting but I just need some support because I feel like my heart is breaking. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2QtdOW2

Do you worry what lessons our kids are learning from their favorite shows and movies?

I watch movies like Rio with my 3 year old and cringe every time the scene comes on where Tulio cautions Linda against blindly trusting this little street urchin she just met, claiming that if she just follows him he can help her, and she responds by saying, "But I have to trust him!" I'm left speechless when the characters on Chuggington split into teams, and as preparation for their competition, one team prepares by Literally. Doing. Nothing. and proceeds to beat the other team who spent their time doing ACTUAL TRAINING. I want to bury my face in my hands when the babies on Word Party break into a fight... in the middle of their stupid jingle about not fighting...And that's just to be specific...The statically narcissistic "friend" character appears in so many of my kid's shows, it's practically a cliche at this point. You know who I'm talking about. That side character who always hangs out with the protagonist, but never thinks of anyone but herself, takes advantage of the protagonist's generosity, and never becomes a nice character no matter how many times she "learns her lesson." In Clifford the Big Red Dog, that character is Jenna (and Machiavelli); in True and the Rainbow Kingdom, that character is Griselda; in the PJ Masks, that could honestly describe all of the characters, protagonists and villains included. On top of that, it seems like every popular kids movie these days from Finding Dory to Rio again is telling kids, "Feel, don't think." Meanwhile, Disney continues to present the most unrealistic image of what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. From Enchanted to Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers, love and romance is just a magical, destined thing that you'll "know in your heart" the moment you first lay eyes on your "true love."Almost every time I'm sitting on the couch with my daughter, I want to throw my hands up at the screen and demand, "What are you teaching my children???"I can't be the only parent who feels this way. If you're in a foreign country, and one of the locals tries to warn you about potential danger... you should probably fucking listen... and if someone is trying to con you, saying you have no choice is not a fucking reason... that's literally how you get conned.... what kind of lesson is that? What kind of lesson is it that you'll be rewarded and successful for slacking off? What kind of message does it send when you tell the kids not to fight, and then immediately go against your own advice? How are you preparing them to have healthy relationships when you teach them to be a doormat to their friends, and that their romantic relationships will just magically work out? How are you preparing them to navigate the world and decide for themselves what's true when you constantly tell them not to trust their brain?This is something I think about a lot, but I really have no information to go on. I've looked around, but I can't find any studies on how children interpret the movies and shows they watch, and what affect that will have on their personality, their friendships, or how they formulate opinions. So, I'm just left to speculate. What do you do as parents when you think that a show or a movie is influencing your kid in a way you don't like, or presenting them with ideas you think are bad? Do you just take it away? I don't like that approach because it feels like avoidance. You can't shield your kids from ideas you don't like, and you're not doing them any favors by not preparing them for the things they'll encounter out in the world. But my kid is only 3. I can't have a conversation with her about why Griselda is a toxic friend, or that following your heart all the time will result in your making some poor life choices and stunting your emotional maturity. Am I just misunderstanding how kids will interpret their shows and movies? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2zBcLKd

What has your child done this week that was mortifying but you’ll probably laugh about later?

We decided to all go for a walk.My husband, 10, 6, and 4 year old sons. My 4 year old was pretending to be a pirate king. As we were walking our neighbors appeared about 40 yards away. My 4 year old decided they were bad guys and we have to protect our treasure.So he told my 10 year old to go fight them. So the 10 year old takes off in a jog and stops about 10 feet away from them.Suddenly he turns back to us and screams loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear “HEY GUYS! TELL (4 year old) ITS OKAY! THEY’RE JUST OLD PEOPLE!”I felt the color drain from my face.I know we’ll all laugh about it a while later but for now, I don’t know how I’ll face my neighbors... via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2RlanOm

I'm giving up

I can't do this anymore. I'm not a good mother and it is killing me. I have a 4 year old daughter and two stepchildren who are with us 50% of the time. The older ones are both lovely and very good kids. My daughter is... Well she is very spirited, opinionated, funny, intelligent and energetic. She can be hard to handle. Bedtime is usually a nightmare, dinnertime is a nightmare, getting dressed in the morning is usually a nightmare. She yells if she doesn't get her way, she bites herself (I see her do it) and blames kids in her class, she doesn't listen, she pulls my hair, hits us if she is not happy with the answer we give her. I just can't do this anymore. We don't have any close family nearby and no friends since recently (last January) moved to a new country and it has been very hard to get to know people. So I can't get much help or support.I've started to lose my temper and yell and be angry. I don't want to be a yelling mother, I wasn't raised that way. I hate myself every time that happens but it's hard to stop.I have tried to be very strict with her and I have tried RIE - respectful parenting but it only works to a certain extent.I don't know what to do. I want to help my daughter to be a better person and feel better but I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I'm the problem, I don't know.Sorry for the rambling. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Q700Ry

How do you get off Reddit when you get home from work?

I have an alarm set, but it doesn't work. I'll move from a cat story to a street fight to a news article and it doesn't seem to stop. I need to spend more time with my kids... via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2AFhKZI

My toddlers imagination

My daughter just turned 4, and she is an awesome kid. Often when we are sitting and talking she says “when I turn back into a baby” and tells me things she will do when she’s a baby again. Do your kids do this? It’s pretty funny to me, I’ve told her a few times “ hunny you’re only gonna grow bigger” but she insists she’s going to become a baby again. Maybe it’s because I tell her stories from when I was little and she just can’t picture her old man being little? It’s been on my mind today and was just wondering if anybody else’s kids have said stuff like this? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2DT7LmW

12yo boy struggling

My son recently told us that he's drawn toward spending so much time on YT or games because he feels he needs to distract his mind from being preoccupied with negative thoughts (death, bad thi nbn gs happening the world, etc) This was part of his response to a discussion of missing assignments and subsequent consequences of losing screen time.This is a bright kid. He's previously had therapy for loss of several grandparents. He struggles with organizational skills. He also has been lying about turning stuff in, although that isn't new.He refused therapy again. A part of me thinks he's creatively trying a bit of a dramatization so we're empathetic instead of disappointed about the missing work.Anyone have effective strategies for helping him stay on top of stuff and/or ways for him to focus on thinking positively? He's scoffed at my suggestions but it's probably because they were my ideas and not his. He doesn't have any ideas and takes a nihilist perspective. Sigh... via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Pd65Xw

Loneliness

First time mom to a 3 week old babygirl. Husband works 10 hours a day, and also has a 6 year old son he has to care for 6 days a week. I guess my question is how do I combat the crushing loneliness that is starting to consume me?Before baby we had date night once a week and also plenty of intimacy to make us feel bonded. Obviously now that is not the case. We don’t even sleep in the same bed most nights. (I stay in the living room with baby so he can get sleep for work)I’m overwhelmed and exhausted, and I miss talking to someone who can actually talk back.I’m sure I’m not the first mom to experience this. Any advice is appreciated. 💛 via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2DTgxRR

Volunteering with a toddler

I have a 2-year-old, and I feel he's more than capable of understanding the concept of "helping". I also want to take more opportunities to teach my son valuable lessons while we hang out, especially because I'm a working mom and my husband is the SAHP. Are there any ideas for volunteering with a toddler, like visiting/donating to animal shelters, that could be entertaining but also helpful to our community? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2QxP9Q2

Advice RE: Diet & Fitness for Brand New Dad

First post to this subreddit. Brand new Dad here! We had our daughter on Tuesday afternoon via C Section. Wife had preeclampsia so it’s been a rough one for her but our little one is doing great now. Unfortunately, we’re still in the hospital and have been here since Sunday AM. Hope to get out tomorrow!Anyhow, I’m looking for advice on diet and fitness in fatherhood (I want to avoid the “fatherhood 15”, haha).First, with diet, here what I’ve been doing besides plenty of water: Breakfast: Cliff bar, Greek yogurt, banana, & black coffee Snacks: Almonds/Pistachios, “healthy” popcorn, carrots/hummus, cheese sticks, berries, & of course, more black coffee Lunch/Dinner: Here’s where I need some advice, I’m looking for ideas “on the go”/super easy to cook at home & what to eat out (if we have to) PS - wife is a PICKY eaterSecond, so far, I’m doing at least 20 push-ups every feeding (started adding some variations yesterday as well). At home, I have a DB set (up to 40 lbs, I think) and one of those “towers” you can do dips & pull/chin-ups on in my garage. What are some routines and exercises you fellow Dads are doing when you can’t make it to the gym (which I expect will be a rarity now)?Being a Dad is EVERYTHING it’s cracked up to be. Much love everyone & thanks for the advice! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PbalH9

Cat food makes a great toddler toy

My 2 year old is obsessed with trucks, and has a 3" dump truck and excavator especially that he plays with. Dry cat kibble it's what he's using to load up and dump out over and over. I'm not worried that it's poison and I'm not afraid of him choking on it either, so I'm very content compared to how recent obsessions with fridge magnets and bread clips.He's got about seven kibbles that he found somehow, as the cats' food dish is on the opposite side of a baby gate. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2QqIKWT

Gender inversion phase?

My three year old boy is really enjoying inverting genders at the moment. At first it was fun, but it's getting really annoying. Every time I read a Peppa pig book, George has to be Baby George xx, or baby George xx Princess, and Peppa is Peppa XY prince. When we say George is a boy, sometimes he doesn't care, sometimes he gets upset.Sometimes he also does that in references to us. When we say "he" about him he does "but I'm a sheeee", and dad is xx, mum is XY, etc...I'm not concerned about him not being happy being a boy and wanting to be a girl, I'm just getting frustrated by this. Anyone else had this? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2rfKKDg

Paying money I don't have for a sitter because I don't know or trust my ex's new "girlfriend" to watch my daughter... but I don't want to get to know her.

Feel free to skip to the TL DR.......so, I know it's so petty and I never thought I'd be near the Jealous Psychotic Ex tier. That was his job, for a long time. And it was "just fine" when it was him seeing ME with some one new and he threw fits, insisting he watch our daughter in lieu of me even BRINGING HER ALONG when I spent time with a new guy (despite him also being a father)... but now I'm just supposed to accept this and roll out the welcome mat for this new 19 year old child to play house with my 8 year old daughter. (The irony - we are in our late 20s now, but when we first split, I was the same age as this girl is now, and the man I was talking to was my ex's present age. So essentially my ex is doing EXACTLY what he berated me and my then-boyfriend for doing at the time.)Only this situation is different - when I was 19, I held down a full time job, went to college, had a car, and took care of my then-infant child. A 27 year old man was actually an appropriate peer for me. THIS girl has NO experience with kids and in my eyes, being a mere 12 years older than my child, is incapable of appropriately parenting her. The girl couldn't even keep a pet snake alive ffs. No car, (so if my daughter had an emergency while dad's at work she'd be fucked). Works at the grocery store. And i can't help but feel like she's your classic "move me out of my mommy's house and be my new daddy" type of teenage girl, which alone is enough to turn my stomach... My ex has everything he has because of me financially helping him get a degree and a vehicle etc., continuing past even AFTER we had broken up because he had no other support and i wasnt going to let my daughters father be homeless. For years I supported him because of being manipulated to actually believe I was a "gold digger" for wanting to be with an adult who held down a stable job and a roof over their own head. We split mutually, after years of arguing, and now some 19 year old ACTUAL gold digger is reaping the benefits.I guess the TL;DR is that my ex has been a huge hypocrite in regards to us seeing other people; now that he's found a career and found someone, after sucking up my finances to do so, everything that wasn't okay, suddenly is. I'm supposed to welcome someone not old enough to be my daughter's real mom, in as her stepmom, and I don't know or trust her. But the problem is that I don't WANT to know her. I have aspergers, BDD, borderline, etc, and due to my mental disorders the idea of meeting the younger prettier thing that's getting every benefit that I worked for her to have, is enough to skyrocket my anxiety to the point of wanting to tear out my hair. Even someone WITHOUT anxiety disorders doesnt like being compared to someone better looking. Any judgement free advice on how to cope and 'be the bigger person' would be appreciated. I know I'm in the wrong but my emotions have an absolute hellhold on me for everything mentioned above. I'm caught in this limbo of not knowing whether I'm uncomfortable with her watching my daughter because I don't like or trust HER, Or if I'm just rationalizing my resentment toward my ex. I feel like I'm justified to an extent but I also know my emotions are probably making things out to be worse. But... We can't help how we feel. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2RnPx0J

Bi-Monthly Application, games and books review - November 30, 2018

This is a Bi-Weekly thread meant to share review and comments on children's phone applications, games and books.Feel free to share with us your new discoveries, what you liked and what you didn't really appreciate. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2rcz8kx

How to teach 3 yo to deal with anger?

Recently my 3yo boy can get really frustrated when things don't go his way. For example, when his rocket made out of Lego breaks, he will sometimes yell and scream at the top of his lungs. We always tell him not to panick, and we can always fix it, and sometimes he just says that "you see, I didn't panick", but sometimes he'll just yell like crazy.Earlier today he bit his had while eating some bread and also yelled at the top of his lungs, and started hitting his head.I don't really know how to handle that. I worry that saying things like "don't yell" may feel like I'm dismissing his feelings. I do try to tell him it's ok to be angry, but he has to learn how to express his anger. But frankly I get so frustrated when he acts like that. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BJoMP5

Sleep, where’s sleep

I need help with my angel turd of a daughter (7months) who doesn’t sleep in her own bed or sleep through the night and needs me to put herself to sleep. I bought the baby Merlin sleep suit because she is such a light sleeper like me and it worked and she slept through the night! (One time she didn’t take a nap all day and nowAt around 3 months I trained her to sleep in a pack n play which was amazing but around 4 months something changed and for the life of me she wouldn’t sleep anywhere else except a mattress!I tried to retrain her to sleep in the pack n play but it was different, like she knew I was leaving her and she cried sad tears and wouldn’t go to sleep for 2 hours! So frustrating but I just wanted sleep so I let her sleep in the middle of the bed.Well this past week has been horrible since she has a had a cold and won’t sleep in the suit and she just unswaddles herself and she gets mad now and throws fits when I try to put her to sleep. And now she gets really sad when I leave the room too on top of everything....ugh a long week it has been ! Sorry this is long I just want to know if any of you have a similar situation or some solutions other then crying it out because that doesn’t work for this girl. (Among the times I tried, she was gagging herself from crying so hard)And side note, I tried to put her on a schedule with her bottles and it didn’t work to well because sometimes she refuses to eat and won’t finish a bottle in one sitting. I’m thinking of getting a different sleep suit to see if that will help. I’m so tired of being up through the night and she’s big enough (18.6 lbs)I think to sleep through the night without a bottle.Thanks in advance via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2DR91XO

Pregnant girlfriend has the flu worried about our 5month old getting sick

My gf suddenly came down with flu like symptoms she’s also 9 weeks pregnant. We have a 5 month old son also. I’m fine and very rarely get sick.My son has had a have a cough though but he’s had it longer then my girlfriend started having symptoms. I’m hoping maybe it’s not the same illness because he would have got it before her right ? He’s on formula and my gf stopped breastfeeding at 2 months.He’s more then likely gonna get it though right or is there a chance he wouldn’t ? He’s with her 70% time. It’s making me extremely nervous, what should I do ? This is our first child and would appreciate any advise. Iv been checking his temp its at 97.7 and his breathing. He’s been happy all day but he’s teething so gets little fussy but overall normal. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2QrqZa5

My daughter (15) wants to start birth control but she doesn't want me to tell my husband about it

I'm conflicted and would appreciate hearing other opinions.My husband (her father) wouldn't react negatively but she doesn't want him to know. She said it's "embarrassing." She also wants everything to stay the same between them. I don't think this would change their relationship but she disagrees, she thinks it will be weird if he knows she's having sex.What is the right thing to do in this situation? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Pcl4B0

To helicopter, or not to?

For background, my son will be 2 in January. He's at an age where he's getting pretty competent around play equipment, but he's also usually the youngest one there (or thereabouts).The other day I was at the park with him and there was a child who I'd guess was about a year older than mine (so still quite young) who, for whatever reason, took a disliking to my kid and decided to single him out. It was nothing too bad, whenever he spotted him he'd run up to him and push him onto his butt in a non-playful manner, he wouldn't let my kid go down the slide, and pushed him out of the way a lot. The worst it got was when he tried to sit on my son at one point.My kid wasn't hurt, but it was upsetting him and he was getting mad and a bit confused as to why it was happening.Obviously, my first instinct was to jump in and help my child, which I did. But I've been thinking that maybe it would've been better to back off and monitor the situation from afar. Maybe this is an opportunity for him to experience something while I'm present and able to help if needed? The idea of not helping him when he's being bullied hurts my heart to think about, but what would other parents do here?Is it better to teach him that I'll always jump and help him out when I'm around, or should I allow him to navigate it and see if he can work something out?Edit: obviously the ideal outcome would be that the other parent puts a stop to it. I'm not mad at her, she did stop it once and was apologetic, but the poor woman was also wrangling three older children who looked like a massive handful, so she didn't spot it till I'd already jumped in. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2E4BHxh

Came up with a system to get my toddler to eat dinner

My 3 year old has been on a "nothing but noodles" stint for about 6 months now. I guess I just hit my wall and figured, I don't care if she eats the same thing every single meal, but it needs to have a few more food groups!An idea popped into my head, I tested it, and it is working like a charm so I wanted to share. I wish I could post a picture of what I created, but it says no posting pictures so I'll try to describe.I created four squares: red, yellow, green, and purple. They are printed out next to each other and below each square it says Protein (red), Grain (yellow), Vegetables (green) and Fruits (purple).I then created a bunch of these colored squares in Photoshop. For each color, I pasted in a picture of a food that fits in the category. I printed them out and now we have a bunch of colored squares with foods on them that our daughter can pick from.She has to pick one of each color category and put it on the matching labeled square. That is her meal. If she tries everything and eats at least 2, she gets a dessert.It's not perfect (ideally she would eat whatever we make) but at least she hasn't had noodles at all this week! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2QySRcx

My wife is pregnant - and we're broke in London.

The pregnancy came somewhat earlier than intended. I'm a photographer and this year I quit my job as first assistant to a fashion photographer in London to pursue my own career and open a company. It's been a tough year financially but I've been happy as hell with my decision and growing artistically and professionally. She supports me fully and we knew it would take time. She wanted to have a kid but we'd agreed that we'd wait until next year to be financially more stable. Anyways, she really wanted it and I guess we both gave in. Short story, she's pregnant, due in June. I'm super happy but at the same time worried whether I'll "make it" in time to welcome out child into the world. Truth is, we're currently living from her salary. I've made great connections this year, and I want to believe that 2019 will be better in my career and financially. Even though I'm worried about money, I've also confirmed my thoughts that life is not about money. I went from a great salary, with a job travelling the world and working with A listers, to barely making it to end of the month. However, we are really strapped at the moment and can't see things changing until 2019. I guess I have 6 months more to make things work.I suppose my question to you guys is: How do you mange economically when living in a big city with your partner and your kid? And more importantly, if you're in a bad financial situation, does it matter? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2RomH0r

A car shredded my stroller as i was walking across thr street.

We were just walking across the street, 2 yr old in right hand, pushing empty stroller in left. It's my light. A red van turns and clips the stroller. If my kid had been in it, she wouldn't have legs. Stroller is shredded on the side. I took pics of the car after getting back to the curb. Pics are blurry. What can I do to get it visible? I'm like dead inside right..kid is totally fine btw. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KJ0lnI

I can't keep doing this every day with two babies.

I don't know if this is acceptable here, but I need help. So bad.I have 16 week old (10 weeks, adjusted) twin boys. I can't fucking do this. They scream all the time. I feed them, change them, cuddle them, make sure they're warm and clean, that they aren't hurting, that they don't have gas, I give them tummy time, I read and sing to them, I play with them (as much as you can with an infant) and they just don't stop. I'm losing my mind. I feel like I'm going to go insane. Everyone tells me I'm amazing for having two and that I was made to be a mom but oh my God I feel like that couldn't be further from the truth.I hate them sometimes. Like, I just can't stand them. And I feel like the worst person in the world for feeling that but they're just relentless. It's like they conspire against me, making plans that when L1 stops crying L2 starts. They cry until they burst blood vessels in their eyes. Screaming like they're being murdered. AND NOTHING STOPS THEM EXCEPT ME HOLDING THEM. They aren't sick, they don't have colic, nothing is visibly wrong. I can't hold two babies at the same time all the time!! Why don't they understand that??? I'm so tired I can't think of basic words. I don't want to do this. I would never leave, I would never hurt them, but I'm at the end of my rope.Please tell me it gets better. I need help. I sob every day about how terrible I feel about all of this, and mostly because my babies are crying and I can't fix it and it makes me so angry. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2rePPM6

Low self-esteem in my 6-year-old, how to help?

My 6-year-old son has always been very sensitive. He's empathetic and caring, going out of his way to help others.He cries when he thinks he's disappointed others, even if he hasn't. It's upsetting to him to think he might have done something wrong or made a mistake. He gives up easily and can't handle failure or losing. Even with board games.We try to encourage him by praising his efforts (as opposed to successes). He gets loads of affirmation, affection, and support at home. Despite all this, he speaks poorly of himself saying he is terrible at everything, will never be good at anything, is a bad person, etc. I have no idea where he gets this idea as we all strive to encourage and support him. His school is supportive as well (he's in the IB program which encourages kids to develop a sense of self and their part in the community).It breaks my heart to hear this sweet, loving, wonderful boy speak about himself like this. I want to help him develop a good sense of self-worth and confidence. He's brilliant and people love him. He's got tons of positive qualities, that he just doesn't see.What can I do? How do I help? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2zwxUFo

Fat in food and my toddler

Hi folks,So despite the fact I've told my husband that the recommendation for toddlers is unrestricted (healthy) fat before age 2, he's already started fat shaming her.So a month ago or so, he asked me when we should start restricting fats in her diet or worrying about her weight. I told him the answer is 'when the doctor tells us to'. This may not be enough for him, as he would rather 'preempt' the issue before weight is an issue.Since that conversation, he's brought up the fact that he doesn't feel like yogurt is something she should be eating on a regular basis anymore since it's typically fairly calorie dense. I usually buy a high milk-fat variety for her. I bought a lower MF version recently (in a flavor I knew she would love) and his response is that it was okay, because it has less fat in it. (of course the trade-off is sugar...)The other evening he commented how big her belly looked and I said 'it doesn't take much food to make her belly look a bit distended.' which is true. Her belly shows if she ate well at dinner or didn't. She's 50% percentile weight and maybe 30% height. So I promise there are NO issues with weight currently.Can anyone think of a good way to explain this to my husband and get it through his head he's gotta quit fat shaming the toddler? Point in fact, I could stand to lose a few lbs (my BMI is in the rather mildly overweight territory for reference) and he's got 0 comments for me about weight. It's just the toddler.EDIT: She is 18mo. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Qu7FsE

Rough boys and developing empathy. Just had our first proof that we’re doing something right

Flair should be “good behaviour” ;)Our boy has just turned 3. He’s never been overtly affectionate. He’s already so much of a “boy’s boy”: rough housing with daddy, playing with sticks and trucks, never ever sitting still. We also had the biting, hitting and kicking thing, which we’re thankfully through. You name it, he fits the boy stereotype. But he’s adventurous and curious, which is great. And according to grandpa, he’s exactly like his dad. Awesome.I’ve only had sisters. And we were all calm, quite girly and loved nothing better than craft and books. So this has been an adjustment.He’s also my only kid so far, and so given my limited understanding of rougher kids generally, I have always been a bit nervous that he doesn’t like kisses and cuddles.How do you raise affection and empathy is a boy that loves to smash and crash?Well I’m so proud of him.We found out today that while at daycare, his little friend (whose got a few emotional issues, eg. living with his aunt because his parents aren’t on the scene) had a toileting accident - he had urinated all over his pants and burst into tears.The daycare teacher had found my son in the toilet giving his friend a huge cuddle, saying “it’s okay, it was just an accident. You’ll do better next time”. That’s my first evidence of (unasked for) empathy right there.I think he’ll be okay :) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Ayh4FC

Need hair tips

I may cross post this into the foster parent group. There’s more people on this sub so I figured I’d try here first. We got a 19 month old baby girl placed in our home yesterday. She’s African American and we are Caucasian so we need some help! Her hair is already quite long. She arrived with very lose twists in her hair. She has severe dry scalp which is said to be psoriasis but her caseworker believes it looks like dry pulled skin from stress. What can we use to help these patches? They definitely bother her. She can’t get in for a doctors appointment until a week from today. So I’d like to try something on it before then. Secondly how often do we need to wash her hair? I imagine by that time her hair will need to be taken out of the twists as well. Any specific brands you recommend? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BHPl7d

My son is 4. Had to punish him for misbehaving and now I feel like crap.

My son is 4 years old and has been misbehaving consistently for almost a week now. I told him earlier tonight that if he continued I would take him straight home to bed, and take all his teddies and toys out of his room.We usually talk to him and make sure he understands why he is being told off or shouted at, and he is usually a very insightful boy, tells us exactly what he did wrong, and how he would feel in our position. Tonight he has been a nightmare, refusing to listen. I tried reasoning, tried talking to him, tried shouting at him after that, then told him i would take his toys away. So he then behaved. For a short while. But he knew he was on one warning.This is where we're at now. I followed through on the threat and he hasn't stopped screaming. I feel like a shit parent and human being, sitting here and ignoring him crying and screaming but we have tried everything else. I have all his teddies downstairs and bagged up. He is in bed. His toys are out of his room.For context, he had mostly been misbehaving by refusing to do what we asked. Myself and his mum have been exasparated constantly trying to get him ready for school, his after school clubs, and everything else. He has been doing everything else. He's been pushing and pushing, and while i was trying to get his shoes on earlier tonight, he kicked me in the stomach, took his shoes off and ran away. That's when i made my threat.Now he's upstairs in bed, crying and screaming the house down. He wants his mummy. But she isn't in and he has me. And i currently feel like the guiltiest dad on earth. I never hit him, i barely ever raise my voice at him (only if i absolutely have to and only to get his attention if he won't listen). I haven't been the perfect parent but I am learning. I came into his life when he was 2, and i'm still learning the ropes in some ways, because I work a lot and don't spend as much time with him as I would like. Today was my day off and I spent it telling him off and punishing him. I hate it. I hate punishing him and being angry at him. But I feel like it needs to be done.I don't know why this is going on Reddit. I guess I just needed to vent, maybe some reassurance while the Missus is away. Am I doing the right thing here?He seems to have finally quietened down a bit at least. He asked for a hug to help him stop crying and I gave him one. At least that helped. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FPVAd9

Let's Play a Game!

Cooking show idea: you have 45 minutes to cook dinner, but oh no! You forgot to take meat out of the freezer. With only a basic stove and microwave (No InstaPot or air fryer), do you risk time by defrosting? Or do you get creative with common kitchen staples? And let's throw in a curveball at the halfway mark. Like the baby is bored, so now you have to cook with him in your arms. And the judges? 2 kids and 2 adults. Bonus points if your kitchen is spotless when dinner is served.In today's episode, I risked defrosting. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2zx8wPz

AWOL Mother

Long story short, after divorcing in 2016, and even while separating in 2014, I have had majority, of not total, custody of my now 5 year old son. His mother, who is entirely too into drugs (opiates, both manufactured and later, heroin) has been in and out of his life constantly since he was around 8 months old.Now, this morning in fact, I had one of his teachers tell me after I dropped him off this morning that he has been yelling and screaming at them, and when asked why he is acting this way, he just says he is sad. We literally talked about why he is sad on the way to school this morning, and He and I have talked about him being sad before, and it always, without fail, comes around to the fact that mom isn’t/or is barely around.This is her choice, she has supervised visitation, every Tuesday and every other weekend. She, however, has chosen to live in another state, because she gets to have her dream job, AKA pot farmer. Basically, from my point of view, as I have had discussions with her about this numerous times, it’s not a problem for her, as it seems she just continues to move further and further away.My son, who is literally everything to me, is acting out about this, and I’m at a loss on what to do. He asks where she is, I have answered in pretty much every way that a 4-5 year old can understand, but it doesn’t help. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Q7aoco

Alphabet at 4 years old. Is it really that important?

My son is about to be 4 years old. He's been in daycare since he was 6 weeks old, and the daycare has a preschool element to it. Because he's a December birthday and our district's cut off is December 1st, he won't start kindergarten until he's almost 6 years old, so he's currently in the "pre-school" room, and then next year he'll move up to the "pre-K" room.My son likes playing, and he has little to no interest in "learning." He knows his numbers, his colors, and most of his shapes, but he doesn't know his letters. His teacher acts like this is concerning, and something we should be proactively working on at home, in addition to the 8 hours a day he is in daycare. I'm not really concerned that my 3, almost 4, year old, isn't academically inclined. He still has almost two years before kindergarten, and I don't think the world will end if he can't perfectly recite his alphabet.We read books every night, which he loves, and he shows interest in learning about things - doing things, seeing things, experiencing things, but he just had no interest in sitting down to learn through repetition. Honestly, I'd rather take him to the playground to run around with other kids, then do flash cards until he knows what A is. Am I wrong? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KLtajy

How do you deal with your child having a toxic friendship?

Some backstory but will try not to make it too long.​My daughter and a couple little girls from daycare became friends with each other. Eventually all of the parents got together and found out that we all really enjoy hanging out with each other. We have become quite a little crew of just hanging out and it's been awesome.​The downside... One of the families don't quite have the control over their kids that the other two do. The kids run the house and we are totally ok with that because to each their own. However, last night something happened and while it isn't the first time an incident has occurred...it did bother me.​My wife was taking the girl home and heard them talking in the back of the car. The girl asked my daughter if she could have something, daughter said no and the wife thought that was the end of it...Turns out the girl just took the item and wouldn't give it back. Finally the daughter came down to my wife and spilled what was going on...the girl was called down by her mother..made to give it back. Instead of handing it back..she threw it at her and screamed that she never wanted to see her again..wife was done at this point and they left. On the way home the girl called and apologized.​I really don't like my daughter being treated like this... it's abusive and I don't want to teach my daughter that she has to accept this type of shit in order to be friends. The downside..we LOVE the parents and want to continue to hang out with them..but they don't have support for kid free nights.​Thoughts? Have you had to deal with it before?​P.S it's really hard not to use names LOL via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2AANAH0

Ten Yr Old Daughter Texted That She's Bisexual

Backstory: divorced mom of four. Been divorced nearly three years now following a domestic violence situation. Father of kids still involved, but has had order of protection against him and it's expiring soon. Kids are all well and happy. Dad is in their life and we are going back to court soon as he wants them exactly half the time now.Now that that's out of the way.My daughter, C, is a wonderful girl. Smart, well-adjusted, a natural leader, and extremely helpful. We've had the typical "birds and bees" talk and she gets it, isn't particularly interested in it and everything seems pretty normal there.This morning she texted me (while she was on her bus on the way to school) "I have to tell you something" and then "I'm bisexual".I assumed some friend or other kid on the bus was messing around, so I asked "who is this" and then she sent a text that was definitely positively identified it as being her that sent the original text. So I messaged back, "Do you know what that means" and have yet to hear back. Most likely they've arrived at school and they're not allowed phones on during school hours.I will preface this with: I'm agnostic, a liberal, and consider myself open minded about sexuality. I'm not personally bi, but I don't have any issue with her being bi. What I'm most concerned about is, how do I talk to her about it? I'm not upset, just curious about what her feelings are.Another major issue is her father. He is very conservative, southern Baptist (he "found god" after the divorce) and definitely thinks being gay is wrong. As we are due back in court in three weeks, I'm super worried he will freak out on our poor daughter if she also tells him. If she doesn't tell him, should I? If she asks me not to say anything, should I keep the secret? She is well aware of her dad's tendencies towards anger and close mindedness.I most likely won't hear from her again until school is out, and I pick them up around 6 pm. So of course "a talk" is in order. But what do I say in order to be as supportive as possible while also still being a good parent?Any advice is appreciated. Unless you're gonna rant about homosexuality being a sin. In that case, please just don't. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FLw3BW

Weekly - Things my kid said - to share all the things your kids say. - November 29, 2018

This is a weekly thread where you can share the things you're kid said to you that made you laugh/cry/go on a mad rampage.If you'd like to talk daily about things your kids say, feel free to visit /r/thingsmykidsaid via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2TTnAjj

Tips for potty training

My son just turned 3 at the end of October. We have been trying to potty train him for about 6 months now. At first he was peeing once in a while but only when we asked if he needed to. He would never tell us. Then he started to not even want to sit on the toilet when we asked. He refused. The other day we let him walk around the house with no diaper or pants on. He told us when he had to pee and actually told us he needed a diaper when he needed to poop so we put him on the toilet. We thought we were making progress but then the last two days he has gone back to not wanting to even sit on the toilet. Last night we tried no pants again and he had to pee but wouldn't on the toilet. Once we put a diaper on for bedtime he peed.Any good tips on what to do? I thought letting him walk around naked was a great idea. It worked that one day but hasn't since. His pedi said her daughter didn't potty train until she was 4. I'm not overly worried yet. Just a little frustrating to try and get nowhere. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FLCzJ1

7 year old I am nannying has no filter...I need to address it with her parents

So I recently lost my job and began working as nanny for an affluent family.The daughter is 7 and I am with her Monday thru Saturday.Yesterday her school was closed for teacher work day so we decided to hit up a local kids art class. About half way through she came to find me an announce to the adults “I want to go home and rub.”She has some developmental delays and cognitively is around 4. I knew what she was asking for because in the 1.5 weeks I’ve been with her I’ve found her hiding in various places around the house masturbating which she calls rubbing. Her parents are aware she does it and just advised me to send to her room so she can do it privately. Which I’m fine with.I said we were staying and she needed to finish her painting. A couple minutes pass and she said she had to use the potty, her parents are strict about going alone, they want her use the bathroom alone and not ask for help which she’s good at. As I’m waiting for her to finish a mom comes out and ask if I’m waiting for a little girl and I said yes, she said you need to go in there now she’s being disgusting.I walk in and she’s in a stall naked, rubbing herself. I hastily get her dressed and bring her home.When we get home I let her know she needs to take her nap and she was more than willing. 30 minutes in to her nap and I hear her screaming. She said her privates hurt from rubbing and she doesn’t want to stop but she hurts.I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! Her mom is going to be by the house around 1 and I want to discuss this with her but I don’t know how.I had met the previous nanny who warned me about it but said because she is delayed mentally that this is one of the few thing she can do unassisted and be proud of so just let her do it.I don’t care that she masturbates, but I care she’s hurting herself.This uncharted territory for me and I need help. I don’t think it’s abuse. Her parents are never around, I’m always there and she’s in school a bulk of the day. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2rdPCsB

Sudden behavioral change for a 1.5 year old

I'm wondering if this is a normal phase of behavioral development or if we are doing something wrong.Before two weeks ago, my son was a bright ball of happy (if a little clingy) energy that generally did what we wanted him to do with only a little bit of fussing or a few nos. Starting two weeks ago, he has been saying no more often (to meals, getting his diaper changed, going for a nap), but we could still get him to do what we asked.Then starting last Saturday, everything related to bed/bath time is a violent struggle, his clingy-ness seems to have doubled to the point where I can barely make dinner without him begging me to hold him, and diaper changes have become tornado wrestling matches without some serious distraction (basically a song and dance routine from me and my wife).Last night was the worst putting him to bed, as he absolutely refused to go into the tub like we were putting him in acid (as of two weeks ago, he loved taking a bath and would run upstairs when we said it was bath time). When I tried to give him a glass of milk to put him to bed or walk him around the room, he would throw himself against the door trying to get out. After 30 minutes he was exhausted enough that I could get him to sleep.Right now I'm hoping this is a phase, and he's apparently well behaved in daycare, and the Dr. just gave him a clean bill of health this Monday. My wife and I try to re-direct him as much as possible when he gets upset or angry (he's also lately taken to throwing things when he gets angry), but it's only working so well.As for potential causes for this change in behavior, he was sick last week with a stomach virus, but that only lasted a day, and he has had them in the past with no problem afterwards. His cousins (4 and 1.5) also visited us over Thanksgiving, but they had also visited 2 months ago and he was fine after that visit. He also gets some eczema during the winter, but it's fairly mild and we treat it with some eucerin.Any advice on things I should be looking to do differently? Or is this just something I should wait out for now? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BFHJ57

When Your Kid is the Naughty One -- elementary school

My son has ADHD. We are desperately awaiting his psychologist's appointment to get on medication. As of now, he has exactly 0 impulse control.He is wickedly smart, incredibly funny, silly, loving, sweet, creative...just a great kid. But he is incredibly difficult--it's hard to get him to follow instructions promptly, he doesn't sit at a desk and do work for long periods of time, and he is very emotional.He can go from 0 to 60, and unfortunately in school this means that he has been in trouble for pushing, grabbing, and even hitting. I just got a call from the office for the FOURTH time this year.The issue is, my kid is being bullied by a particular classmate. We have done everything in our power to deal with the situation. We have met with the teacher twice. We met with the principal. We've talk to our son's behavior therapist about it. We've set up reward charts, home communication book for school, we've role played, we've coached, we've talked. It's a very small school and to avoid this boy completely he would have to play by himself at break time or ask one boy from his class to play with him instead of the group game.Obviously, this has been to little avail. Last month there was a disagreement during tag, resulting in my son being hit and chased across the playground by this boy and another child. They chased him into a classroom and ganged up on him, hitting him with pillows before an adult found them in the classroom alone. So you see, this is clearly and back-and-forth, ongoing issue with these boys. I was not notified of the incident nor of the consequences involved per the school's confidentiality policy.​I just don't know what to do anymore. Short of babysitting him at school how can I prevent my son from losing his cool and hitting again? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2QpBFpt

What are the best ways to build up a 9 year old boy's confidence

My son is amazing he's funny, intelligent and very caring. He sometimes is socially awkward though and takes on this defeatist sort of attitude when he talks about how he thinks something might play out.What kind of things should I be doing to build his confidence in himself. Especially in the long term before he becomes a teenager via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2DRDDbO

Mishandled security threat at school?

I’m just trying to gauge how mad I should be here after my daughter’s preschool mishandled a security threat.Basically, a former employee made a very vague threat on Facebook at 10pm last night. The school contacted the police department who decided it was not a credible threat. The school decided to go ahead and lock all the doors, station a school employee at each door and have the police at school for the morning. This is all great - appropriate response imo.BUT. The school chose not to notify parents at all until pickup at 2pm when they sent out an email. They said they didn’t have time to notify parents...about a threat that had occurred some 16 hours earlier. Several parents noticed the security and asked to speak to administration about what was going on - they got the run around and pretty vague answers. So, as happens, news spread but since no one had any details it was just a series of texts ‘what’s happening?’ With no answers (to all of our credit, no one was speculating) but obviously a lot of us were getting panicked and picked our kids up early. When I picked my daughter up her teacher told me that not even the teachers had been notified. She was very apologetic (and seemed a little shaken up as well)My issue is that we weren’t notified - even a brief ‘a threat was made, we’re unconcerned but investegating’ and the school has been completely unapologetic about it. They’re acting as if it’s fine that they didn’t notify parents. One friend was even told ‘our job is to protect the kids, not to notify parents’We absolutely love this school. The teachers a great, we love the families there and we love the administrators that run it. All of this security stuff comes from the .org that oversees the school/admin.We’re planning on writing a letter and expressing our frustration but I know several parents have pulled their kids out of the school. My stance was that IF they updated their protocols we’d stay and if not we’d think about it (they did have proper security, just not notification). My mom thinks I shouldn’t let my daughter go back until protocol is updated. My issue is that we love it and want to be in this school for another 5-6 years. I want to be firm but polite.Any thoughts here. Should I be hitting the roof or is raising this enough? Any other ideas on how to make the school understand that emailing parents is imperative? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2zwE9Zv

Advice Needed on 1 YO Daughters Diet

I know this is common issue and I’ve read tons of stuff on this subject over the last few months but I need some advice/personal experiences with this. My daughter is almost 14 months old and still almost exclusively on formula. She was a premie so I wasn’t going to try and stress too much until her “due date” marker of one year. However that day has come since it is on Saturday. Her pediatrician has told us to start transitioning to a toddler formula so I’ve been slowly doing that (currently 1 scoop toddler, 2 scoops infant per 6oz). She does fine with purée fruit/veggies and has 8-10oz of purée a day and about 24-30oz of formula a day. Anything with more texture than purée makes her gag/vomit. She won’t eat any meat purée either. I buy jarred organic store bought fruit/veggies or make it myself but I won’t buy the jarred meat because something about meat sitting on shelves for months grosses me out so I make the meat puree at home with organic meats. The meats make her gag/vomit even when I do it with veggies. We’re getting a ton of push back from her daycare about this. We have to provide a doctors note every single month for both purée and formula despite the fact I provide these items now that she’s over 1 year old.She is still under 20lbs and only gained 2oz in the last month. What can I do to get this baby to eat? I’ve been looking into this whole toddler formula thing and it’s got the added calcium which is great, but it also has added corn syrup solids. Toddler formula is not heavily regulated by the FDA like infant formula is either. I’m just not sure where to go from this point. Her pediatrician doesn’t seem to really know much about toddler formula despite her recommending it. Where should I go from here? Other things I should look into? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2QmBrjb

The limits I've set for my daughter aren't working. What else can I do? I want to encourage her love of art and writing, but I can't deal with all the wasted paper, plus the stealing and lying!

My 6 year old daughter loves to make art and specifically she enjoys writing and illustrating her own books. It's her one true passion. But its out of control and I'm losing my mind.I have set limits that she must use her own supply of paper that I ration out to her and her art and books are to be kept in her desk in her room. If it cannot fit, it needs to go in recycling. Her desk has three deep drawers that are filled to the limit. She also hides her books in her room to avoid throwing them out.I walked into her room this evening to say goodnight and saw that she had about 15-20 brand new, blank books all stapled together and laid out in a circle on her floor. The paper looked like my brand new copy paper. She is aware that she is not allowed to touch my paper.I asked where she got all this paper from and she lied and said she reused the paper from her old books. When I questioned further, she lied again and said the paper was from school. I pressed the issue and she finally admitted it was the paper for my printer. I was so mad I gathered all of her art supplies and books and just completely cleared out her desk and put everything in a big laundry basket and put it in my room.Now what do I do? I'm itching to just throw it all out, but that would not solve the issue at hand.My gut says to keep her supplies for a few days because she not only took paper that did not belong to her, but she also lied about it.But then what? These stupid effing books are driving me crazy!!! She goes through paper at home like its nothing. Plus everyday she brings home art from school. I don't even look at it anymore, it just goes straight in the recycling bin. I'm sick of it.I bought her a huge white board and markers hoping that she could draw and erase and save paper, but she doesn't like it because she can't save her work that way. She wants to hoard all of her art. If I throw away all those books, she will literally have those drawers filled again in a matter of weeks. She will do anything to get her hands on paper.I don't want to squash her passion but there has to be a better way, right? How can she go green and stop wasting all this paper, while still being able to do what she loves?Am I going to have to buy a fancy tablet and stylus? Then I'm worried about the extra screen time. It feels like I can't win. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2E0DJPf

Is this normal from an eight-year-old?

Occasionally our 8yo boy will ask one of us (me or my spouse) if we are going to break up or get a divorce. There's no event or occurrence to link this to usually.I mean once in a while it'll happen after an argument he overhears or something but correlation is not always causation.Just usual child paranoia as a result of having friends who parents have separated or divorced?Thanks. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2E3NoEp

How do you deal with family members' "opinions" on your parenting?

I'm a new mom to a 4 month old. I admit, I am feeling a bit vulnerable because, well, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. But I'm learning, and I'm doing my best, and I'm trying. I'm human. It's all I can do.My mom has been getting under my skin lately and I'm not quite sure how to handle it - both within myself, and with her.She watches my daughter 2 nights a week while we wait to get her into daycare (at the beginning of the year, thank goodness). I've heard a lot of things like "Poor kid. You should really quit your job. Raising her is the most important thing you'll do. Do you want someone else raising your child? Is money that important to you?" "Oh, I hope you quit your job" etc. Even telling other family members that she "hopes I stay at home".I shouldn't have to justify it, but letting go of my job and losing my income just isn't going to work for us personally. I already feel bad about it. I already wonder if I'm doing the right thing.Then, I hear "assessments" like "Her bath water is way too hot, it's abuse" "Your bedtime routine isn't working" (yet she tried to put DD to bed and failed... lol). "She needs less tummy time" "She wants to be walked around more" "Put a hat on that kid" etc. To assessments about my freaking house, like "You need to vacuum" "The food in your fridge isn't healthy enough for a breastfeeding mom" etc.To make matters worse, my sister calls and says that my DAD is now complaining to her about how I raise my kid. I think my mom has a tendency to wind him up, but it makes me really question myself.So, how do you fellow parents let things roll off your back? Are there any go-to phrases you use in the company of judgmental family members? How do you develop your confidence as a parent? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Rj4G3n

My sister’s [10] attitude is giving me [22] mild alcoholism

Hello everyone! I’m pretty new to this sub so let me know if there have been posts like this before.Anyway, I take care of my 10 year old sister. I am pretty much the main parent. She great and is very similar to me but she has this attitude that is driving me wild.Everything is stupid. Her homework is stupid. He teachers are stupid. Numbers are stupid. Seasons are stupid.When she gets frustrated (which is ANY time we do homework) she throws around her pencils, crumples her paper, cries - basically anything that can prolong the time that she doesn’t have homework.She also has this nasty little tone that is just so rude. An example:Hey, sister. Let’s read this together out loud so it will help us understand it better.“I ALREADY READ IT.”Okay, well sometimes reading out loud helps us process it.“BUT I.... THIS IS JUST.... YOU DON’T EVE- okay. Fine. Read it.”It’s as if she is challenging me to fail. Like yeah, read it. You’re not going to get the answer either.She absolutely never admits when she is wrong either and gets in fights constantly with other kids because of it. Not to mention, me.Please help me. After doing division for an hour with her shit attitude and trying to be positive the whole time, I feel like I need 7 shots. The man who owns the wine store down the street now calls me if I don’t come in that weeks. My liver will thank you lol via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Rm4MYj

I would like to vent.

Annon account, really just looking to get stuff off of my chest.​So here's the situation. My wife and I have two kids, Thing 1 (3.5 y/o), and Thing 2 (1 y/o). (That's a Cat in the Hat reference, in case you never read that book.) Wife is currently pregnant, and still in prime morning sickness mode. We are relatively young (think mid 20s).​Here's our daily routine: Crack of dawn I wake, sometimes shower and drive about an hour to work. I work in the STEM field, and am pretty busy all day. Wife will stay at home with the kids during the day (Thing 1 will go to a mother's day out program twice a week for a few hours). Some time before I leave work the wife drops the kids off with my mother so my wife can commute to her work (medical field, half an hour drive). My mother works an office job, and usually gets the kids at her work. While I'm commuting home my wife likes to talk to me on the phone. this is usually her going on about her day and things that upset her, never really asking how my days have been. I get the kids from my mom's house, go home and watch them until my wife gets home, usually well after sun set. Most days this means the kids stay up well past 9 pm since Thing 2 refuses to be put to sleep by me. Thing 2 also is still waking up every 2 hours, and with my wife's nausea medicine she won't wake up for him half the time. Wife works Saturdays, so I'm with kids for most of the day Saturday, some Saturdays all day since my wife needs to rest cause pregnant.​Everyday when I get home with the kids the house is a mess. I try and clean, but Thing 1 and 2 are very adamant about receiving my undivided attention. No matter what I get clean or how much work I put into the house, it's either undone the next day or no more work is put into the house while I'm at work. This is frustrating.​While I'm at work, my wife will text me all day long trying to vent about her morning sickness and the kids being needy. I'm not the most important employee at my company by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm not one with a lot of free time either. I do my best to reply to my wife and offer sympathy, but she is never satisfied with my responses. This is frustrating.​Neither my wife or I have been able to feel any bit of excitement about the baby growing in her belly. Wife is a more traditional thinker, and feels that terminating a pregnancy at any stage is equivalent to man slaughter. I don't share these views, but understand that if I push too hard on this I won't have a wife anymore, and may not get to see my kids anymore either. This is frustrating.​I feel depressed. I have struggled with thoughts of suicide before, and have attempted suicide long before I met my wife. Even though our kids are very needy, they are what keep me from trying again. My wife has suffered from postpartum twice, and is consistently commenting about how she can't handle it a third time. I am so ready to give up as well, and fell numb most days. This is terrifying.​Our finances are horrible. I am in the STEM field, and make (pre-taxes) $60k a year. my wife is considered part time, and makes roughly $1,000 a month. Health insurance and taxes have been so terrible that my actual yearly pay is around $45k a year. My wife is an avid spender, and prefers to be in control of the bills. Just last month our bank account dropped to $20 because all of the bills pulled on a single pay check, and we had to go to the doctors for the kids for multiple reasons. This is terrifying.​My wife and I are currently strictly platonic. She gets mad when I leave in the morning without waking her up for a side hug, but that's it. Ever since we found out she is pregnant we haven't shared anything more than that. No kiss, no other hugs, nothing. I understand, she's got a human in her and on her at all times, so she needs her space, and sometimes so do I. But with most days feeling like I'm on the edge of a breakdown, I just want another adult to hold me and let me know it's going to be ok. This is frustrating.​All in all I am just tired of waking up every day. I am tired of being a parent. I am tired of being the only one cleaning our house. I am tired of living most days. I need to get help but I realistically can't.​"Things will get better" Yes, they will. I will continue to wake up every morning. I will continue to give my all in raising my children. I will continue to clean our house. I will continue to live. Whether I like it or not, I am going to have a third child, and will love it and care for it just the same as my other two.​Thank you for listening to me complain today. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BCMH2q

Lesson learnt

Just ended up sending a video which might have involved me singing ba ba black sheep to my babbling one-year-old to new workplace WhatsApp group (203 people). This video was for the grandparents.Of course, I checked back on WhatsApp after putting the little one to bed, only to realise I can't use to the 'delete for everyone option' anymore. The group admin was kind enough to let me know about this within the first five minutes of me sharing the message, obviously, I was too busy to check my messages.So while I am recovering from severe embarrassment, I wanted to share the lessons I have learnt today.1) The 'delete for everyone' feature in a WhatsApp group has a time limit - 7 f*king minutes2) Do not send messages while you have a toddler trying to climb on top of your head.- That is all - via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ScEwPO

Two years ago today I had to admit my 12 year old daughter to an inpatient facility for suicidal idealization, severe depression and anxiety on her birthday. She turned 14 today and she’s doing so much better!

There’s been lots of therapy, tears, stress, meds and med adjustments, homeschooling, outpatient and inpatient hospital stays in the past two years.Today she turns 14 and I’m happy to say she’s happy and healthy and in a much better place! I took her today to enroll her back in public school (at her request). I’m so so proud of my beautiful girl. ❤️❤️❤️I know she will still have struggles, probably all her life, but for right now, today...she’s good and I want to celebrate that ❤️Happy birthday to my baby. I love her so much!Edit...Ideation not idealization. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2DZY873