Need reassurance, I am terrified my toddler is going to grow up to be someone none of us like to be around

I made this account just to post this. I feel so horrible even thinking it, but it seems like our almost 1.5 year old daughter is just cursed with a really obnoxious personality and I don't know how to just accept it and move on somehow. Ever since she was born, she has been EXTREMELY demanding, loud, obtrusive, and dramatic -- the exact opposite of the rest of us. We are all quiet, reserved, polite people who enjoy having our personal space and time to relax. She is nonstop shouting, yelling, tantruming, screeching, biting, scratching, demanding attention and in your face 24/7. And worse, the kid doesn't fucking SLEEP! I haven't had more than 4 or 5 hours sleep in a single night SINCE SHE WAS BORN. And that's not 4 or 5 hours in a stretch; that's broken up over the course of the night. We have tried every reputable sleep training method short of just shutting the door and refusing to open it until morning. We can't do that because she would likely scream the entire night and 1., we don't want to do that to her, and 2., we live in a condo and would have the cops called on us after a couple hours or so. But we've tested it out and she will cry for AT LEAST two hours STRAIGHT with no sign of stopping. She wakes up 4 - 10 times every night, whining, then fussing, then all out screaming until someone comes and rocks her back to sleep. She wants to be nursed to sleep even if she just ate a 7 course meal and then wants to nurse hourly after that, ALL NIGHT LONG. She used to take good naps though, which helped us maintain our sanity but not anymore. Now she'll sleep half an hour and wake up yelling, then act like you'd expect a sleep deprived toddler to act for the rest of the day. My spouse and I finally admitted to one another that we genuinely regret having had her. I wish on a daily basis that I could go back and NOT make that decision. The thing is, in spite of this, I do love her. I WANT to like her. I want to hold her and hug her and cuddle with her, I want to sit on the floor and read books with her like I did with her older sibling, and draw pictures and go for walks... but she makes everything miserable by constantly doing things that ruin it for everyone. Try to read her a book? She yanks it out of your hands and throws it. Or reaches out and tries to tear the pages. Try to draw a picture? It's not fun until you make Daddy or Mommy mad by trying to draw on them and then biting when they take the crayons away. Walks? Forget it, she will refuse to hold your hand and sit down on the sidewalk and scream when you insist. We can't take her places in the car; she screams the entire time. We can't go to the store because we have about 30 seconds before she starts yelling and throwing the items she can grab on the floor, or trying to get out of her seat, etc. There isn't a second of peace in our house until she falls asleep for a blissful few minutes before the battle begins again. I hate that I long for the times when she is sleeping so I don't have to deal with her. I cry often, thinking of the fun times we all had before she arrived. We are all cranky and totally overwhelmed by this tiny, obnoxious, high maintenance addition and I don't know what to do.I want to know if anyone had a baby like this who learned to fit in with their family eventually. I want to enjoy being around her like we did with our other child. I am sick of dreading every day because it's completely overwhelming and I'm barely clinging to sanity. I want to hear some stories that will give me a reason to keep trying with her, because I do love her. I know it sounds like I don't but I'm crying as I write this because admitting it is so hard. I kiss her and hug her and tell her she's wonderful all day, even though inside I'm dying for a moment of peace. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2C42RzU

Son doesn't speak enough English to qualify for ESL services. Is there anything I can do?

My 5 year ols son came to us from China in October. We started him in kindergarten in early November. He has no cognitive or developmental delays but his English is still coming along and he doesn't understand a lot in English. We have been fighting to get him into ESL since he came home. We had him in but were told that he can't stay in the program because he doesn't know enough English. I thought the point of ESL was to teach English to kids who don't know but I am now being told that he needs to be proficient enough to qualify for services.What can I do? My son needs help. We are working him him at home and he has come a long way since coming home. He speaks some English and understands even more. He is fluent in Mandarian. We do need some more help though. Is there anything we can do to convince the school to put him back in ESL? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lxLn8X

How to create a happy, healthy environment for our children?

A few months back my husband (J) and I (A) (with input from our children) decided to move from the state we were in to the state we were from, 9 hours away. We had lived in the current area for 7 years. Our second child was born there and both of our children were close to my parents, who also lived in the area. While my parents aren't perfect, they did a lot for us and spent regular time with our children.We were a bit stupid with the move. We didn't have any savings. My husband had a job lined up, though, and we were going to stay with his mom (Je), step-dad (R) and step-dad's brother (F). We left most of our things behind, apart from sentimental items. This had a lot to do with our apartment at the time having a bedbug problem.At first it seemed great. But eventually, things declined. Je complains about money and family members frequently. She still finds it necessary to buy useless shit and give in to every person who whines.R has major health problems, including cancer issues. He says he has a job and will bring in money, but that rarely happens. He drinks the day away and smokes at least two packs of cigarettes a day.F is on disability. He does not help with food or other household items. The only money he supplies is for his phone and the cable, which he requested. He also drinks most days.Je never seems to have money. She makes a decent wage but after a mortgage, all insurance, two vehicles, phones, beer, cigarettes, etc., she rarely seems to have money for necessities.We provide a lot for food and pay a rent amount, which, when piled onto other bills, creates a situation where we cannot afford to save for our own place.I made a bit of a fuss which has alleviated most of the smoking in the house. Our children are still hearing language that we do not deem appropriate. They see their "grandpa" stumble in so drunk that he can't eat properly (literally had pie all over himself one night). Also, R is on oxygen at night and has been known to light a cigarette in the same room. My mother in law will swear he is harmless.I don't know what to do anymore. We wanted the best for our family, we thought my husband's family would be supportive of our independence and grateful to have grandchildren around that they hadn't seen in forever. Instead, they tell us it's "their house" and that they don't know how to survive the winter without us.I am tempted to take the kids back to the old state. Or to another family members. My husband is considered to have too much income for us to get assistance. We can't get a loan. I'm terrified for my babies... via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lyX6Ty

[UPDATE] HELP. Wife died. How to tell my 2yo Mummy is dead?

See original postSupport Links for those who go through something like this; * 1) Winston's Wish T:08088 020 021 * 2) Cruse T:0808 808 1677 * 3) The Widower's Toolbox: Repairing Your Life After Losing Your Spouse * 4) 'You'll Get Over It': The Rage of Bereavement * 5) A Grief Observed - C.S. LewisTLDR: Daughter now three, bday party was hard. She is grieving and hurting deeply. She cannot understand or explain how she feels. Started self-harming. Hugely separation anxiety for me and is terrified that I will 'go away'. Become scared of 'monsters'. Had to tell her Mummy is a star to give daughter something tangible she could focus on.This update post has been too long in coming. It was just too hard, too painful, and I have been focusing all my attention on my daughter.Firstly; a HUGE thank you to each and every person who commented. An even bigger one to those of you who have PM'ed me stories, anecdotes and support. **Especially to those of you who have lived through similar events, and chose to relive those experiences, even though it's painful.Sincerely, thank you.So,,,,,,Since the last post. The day before the funeral is when I told my daughter Mummy had died. Because she was only two she could not understand the inappropriately detailed and advanced explanation I was given by Winston's Wish. It spoke of heaven and angels, a long bit about how sick Mummy was, etc. My daughter lost concentration after a couple minutes. I had to instead go with; Mummy was really, really ill. Her body was broken. The doctors couldn't fix her, and Daddy couldn't fix her. Mummy didn't want to, but Mummy died. She can't come back. Truth be told, initially I went with 'Mummy was really ill. Mummy died. She can't come back'.My daughter let out the tiniest, saddest 'Noooo' I have ever heard from her. Around the time I stopped commenting on the OP was the time when my daughter started melting down. She was scared by all the visitors, so I unilaterally declared an absolute ban on any and all visitors - which really offended my Aunt who had flown over from America within a day of finding out. My concern was only for my little one. And she remains my only priority.It has been a really, really, hard few months. I am actually counting the days, hours, minutes and seconds since my wife died. I have an app. At times it has been a case of watching the seconds count up, usually in the dead of the night. Sometimes it has been a minute by minute situation. Other times I have had to fight to get from one breath to the next, because it has been so, so hard.Thankfully my daughter is still able to be happy. I have done everything I can to protect my daughter from all the heightened emotions and the upset in her routine. Keeping a rigid routine is definitely key. It is absolutely vital to anyone in this position to try and maintain a 'normal' daily routine. Toddlers need this, their stability is built around this. It has helped my little one to remain anchored. As did telling her that Mummy has become a star.I know it is contentious, and that multiple posters warned me against doing so. In this instance my little one was becoming increasingly lost, she couldn't understand 'dead' or where you go. How can you tell a toddler that there is big unknowable, invisible and all powerful entity who can snuff you out in the blink of an eye. Or conversely, tell them that once you die that is that, you are worm food. At this age they cannot understand the difference between dreams/imagination and reality. My daughter has developed a new and severe fear of the dark and 'monsters'. I have now placed three different light sources in her room, and keep her door wide open with the landing light on. She also has two torches in her bed, one of which I have physically attached to Mummy's Pillow - the one my wife used every night, and now daughter sleeps on it most nights.Telling my daughter that Mummy is a star has been a big help. It gave her something she could see, something real. Not a story about any supreme being which may or may not exist. Every single morning and every single night, we say hello to Mummy. Even though it is torture for me - she talks to the star as if Mummy is right in front of us in the flesh. She tells Mummy how much she loves her, and most heart-rending *'I miss you all the time'. And each time she does I cry. I can't help it. I'm crying right now.I have to be careful about my own grief (and yes I am seeing someone). It is important that I do not let her see me sobbing, because it makes her very distressed. It's only happened about 3 times in total, but each time my daughter becomes agitated and outright terrified. Last time it happened my mother told me that daughter started calling for her (I had already done so), and when my mother arrived she says that daughter looked terrified and had no idea what to do. My daughter sees me crying, and she knows it is ok to cry, it is ok to be sad, because it means we love Mummy and miss her.And my God do I miss her. I miss her with every single heartbeat. There has not been a single second where I haven't wished it had been me instead. Everyone keeps telling me that I have to keep going for my daughter, that she is utterly reliant on me. Which is most definitely the case.Daughter has nightmares about something bad happening to me, 'going away'. Her anxiety has also resulted in stopping me from eating bananas with brown spots, 'because it will make you go away'.We talk about these things, I reassure her as much as I can. I give her a safe space where she can express any emotions she has. I encourage her to talk about her feelings. That it is ok to feel sad. We talk about Mummy and happy times we had. I show her photos and video. I wish we had taken more video. We also draw pictures for Mummy - on Christmas Eve I went to the grave and I put one of her drawings there, attached to the roses I placed there. Other drawings I keep in a special keepsake box. All my wife's possessions have become holy objects of veneration for me. Every time I go past my wife's coat I stop, close my eyes and smell the perfume still on it. But that smell is fading, and it feels like losing another little piece of my wife.I can go on and on. Tell you all about the grind of daily life. But it is both redundant and personally painful.It has been a lifetime since my wife died. It has been a single day.My daughter is hurting deeply. And as her understanding increases, so does her grief. I am getting her help, and me too.But fuck, I never knew how much grief feels like fear. (paraphrasing C.S. Lewis)Take care, Happy New Year, Give your spouse/partner/whatever and your kid(s) a huge hug and a big kiss on me.And for the love of everything, understand that the bullshit pride that stops us apologising/letting go of a grudge, is just that. Bullshit.Because I promise you this, if you lose them, that person you see your future with, then you will spend every day beating yourself over every missed opportunity.And finally: Happy New Year - as of 1.5 minutes GMT. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CwH2do

Conversation with my very angry 4YO

"Mommy, I'm going to kill you!""We never, ever, threaten to kill anyone or anything, Sweetheart. That's very bad.""Fine! Then I'm going to break your car so it's not nice anymore!""Well, Sweetheart, then what are you going to ride in? That's the family's car."Kiddo thinks about this for a bit"Okay, Mommy, I'm going to throw all your bags in the trash!""The grocery bags?""Yes! I'm going to throw all the food in the trash so you'll be hungry!""Well, you could certainly do that and we'd all be very hungry. You wouldn't get supper either.""FINE! I'm going to go to my other home and leave you!""Well, if you feel you must. That's far away, isn't it?""Yes! I'm going to leave you, Mommy!""Well, you might get hungry on the way. Can I cook you supper and get some food packed for your journey?""...okay."...we ended the ride home from the grocery store by sing-dance-fighting zombies that we're trying to get in the car.(She was angry about us putting a bag of top of a toy caterpillar that she suddenly decided to care about) via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Cgy0En

Looking for parents with special needs kids like mine.

Looking for parents who deal with some of the same things I deal with, maybe even penpals for my kids. My 10yr old is ADHD and explosive mood disorder (was odd but they changed it the doc also thinks he's bipolar but can't dx it till he's a teen) he's also high anxiety. My 9yr old her brain doesn't connect properly with her vision and hearing so her brain doesn't tell her everything she sees and hears or tells her she sees or hears something that she doesn't(it's her 4th year in school and she still can't read yet). My almost 7 yr old has drop seizures and seizures in her sleep. My youngest 5yr old has severe asthma , been hospitalized for it more then once. If anyone wants to talk I'm here or if you think your kid might like a pen pal I can tell you my kid's interests. We live in TN via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lto2F8

Do you let your teens sleep in during school breaks?

My husband and I disagree and I want to see what others do.My kids have been off of school since late last week for winter break. School breaks mean no school sports practices either. My older two have had friends over a lot and that normally leads to a sleepover. They end up staying up really late and then sleeping in the next morning. My younger son and his friend are normally up by 10 in the morning but everyone else sleeps to midafternoon.I don't have a problem with it. I figure sleeping in late isn't going to kill them. My oldest works on the weekends and is always up and ready to go for his shift so it isn't having a negative impact on them. My husband thinks it's lazy but they usually get up and go do something after everyone gets up. It just happens later in the afternoon.Do you wake your kids up during school breaks? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2q684ph

10 year old being bullied by neighbor

Not a parent, but my little sister and her friend are being bullied on her bus and while playing or walking outside by a neighbor boy her age. I just found out and am going to start picking her and possibly her friend up in the afternoons after I am out of school and before work but I have no idea what to do beyond that. Help? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Cs8TuZ

The weirdest parenting hack

My daughter complains about a lot of owies. Every little thing that causes a little bit of pain she wants at least a kiss if not a band-aid. Well about two weeks ago I was feeling a little silly (probably from working a night shift I don't normally work and only getting 5 hours of sleep before having to return to work) and my little girl hurt her hand. She needed a kiss and since I was in a silly mood and had a blue sharpie on me I told her that the sharpie was a magic marker that would made the pain go away. I drew a little blue X on her. She pointed to a 2 more owies and 2 more blue X's were added. The best thing is it made her happy and annoyed the wife.Now flash forward to today. She scraped her shin hard. I don't know how it happened but she was hurting. She was cuddled, crying, in my lap and wanted a band-aid. Well there was no blood and I didn't want to try to remove a band-aid later from an area that will probably bruise. I suggested the "magic marker". My wife, who also didn't want to deal with a band-aid, handed me the blue sharpie and a little blue X went right next to the scrape. The crying stopped immediately. I asked her if she needed another Magic mark. She said no and hopped happily off my lap. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2DG8RiF

Fun activities and games for New Years tonight for my daughters under 10?

It will just be me and my 3 daughters 4,7,9 tonight at our home.Want to know what type of games or activities or things I can buy to make it fun.Happy new year! Thanks ! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2zTPJvk

Feel like my fiance's 2 year old doesn't want me anymore...

So I've known my now fiance 6 years. Dating since last winter, engaged since the late summer and were very happy until the last month. She has a 2 year old, 3 next summer, who's father will not now or ever have anything to do with him. So essentially aside from my fiance's dad, I am the primary father figure in his life. I love the kid, I really really do even if he frustrates me sometimes, but lately I am at the end of my rope. I see him and her 2-3 times a week, always the 3 of us together, usually staying several nights over. Our usual routine all year was he would rush to me when I got over and give me a hug, sometimes even yell "Dad!" He slept great, he even left me and my fiance sit and cuddle while he played or used ABCMouse. Life was bliss. We felt like a real family.Then he got sick, like 3 illnesses in a row sick, and all he wanted was mom. If I touched him or even sat near him, he cried, threw a fit, and would SCREAM until my fiance came over. The only time he wanted me was bedtime because I am warm and he had the chills at night, so he would cuddle up to me. He got over his illnesses, as toddlers do, but not much has changed. He doesn't scream and cry when I sit near him, and he's fine (usually) when my fiance is out of the room. He'll sit and play, hug me, giggle, everything. But if she is in the room I do not exist. If I try to have him sit with me, tantrum. If I tell him no to anything, tantrum. If I block his way to her for even a minute or she doesn't give him immediate attention, tantrum. If we sit and cuddle and he realizes he's not included, tantrum or whining until she cuddles him, usually leaving me alone on the opposite end of the couch.Just most recently I told him no to getting into her makeup and carried him over to the couch. The second his butt hit the couch, tears, screaming, biting his finger, and flailing. My fiance rushed over to him and he stopped and she calmed him down. Not a minute later we were sitting talking and he looked at her, looked at me, I smiled, and he threw himself on the floor and started screaming again. She says it's a phase, she's his mom, I know she knows, but it frustrates me so much, and I feel like I lost whatever bond I had developed with him no matter how hard I try. I don't know what I am doing wrong and it makes me feel I am not ready to be a parent. Am I in the wrong? Am I being immature? I just need advice. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2zUbuep

Two year old going apeshit every morning

My 2 year old son (twin of girl) is used to a morning routine That's nothing out of the ordinary. Lately he has been going on uncontrollable tantrum streaks the moment his feet touch the ground every morning. He starts uncontrollably whining, escalating to full tears and eventually head banging foot stomping tantrum. Over. Nothing. Literally he will wake up happy and I will carry him downstairs while we discuss what color cup to put his milk in. He will then reject milk, any morning snack, even his favorite TV shows (while I shower, he sits with his toys and Elmo in his playroom). NO amount of calm conversation or attempts to redirect will work with him. He becomes uncommunicative, even if I try to ask him what is wrong or what he wants, or even offer two options. My wife and I get the same treatment. Even time outs don't work on this. I'm at my wit's end. Any advice on what's going on? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2zSmx85

Sick parents and relatives around newborn

My wife and I had our first son born on the 19th and our parents visited us in the hospital. My dad was sick and my mom had the flu and neither bothered to tell us before coming to the hospital. My parents want to come bring us presents for Christmas now. How do I ask/tell them nicely about the sickness and that they can't come around him if they are sick?My 8 year old niece was diagnosed with RSV & an upper respiratory and I know my dad and step mom were around her for Christmas. I'd like to ask them to wait to see the baby if they were around her. Is that necessary or if I ask them to wash their hands..is that enough?Thanks... via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CfuQ3L

Sick of my 21 mo old

TLDR: 21 mo old daughter is extremely needy, attached, easily frustrated, impatient, cannot play by herself, and sometimes aggressive. What am I doing wrong?Our daughter is different. Not handicapped or autistic as far as we know, but different... and difficult.She can be the sweetest girl, but she’s aggressive sometimes, and sometimes inflicts harm on herself. She has always been needy and attached, especially for mom. If we’re all together, she’ll only want to be with mom and couldn’t care less if I were there. This, despite me spending more time and quality time with her in the past year than mom. Significantly more at times. Mom stayed at her me with her up until 1 year. We moved from Europe to Hawaii. We didn’t have jobs for a while. Really we spent an awful lot of time with her. Too much? She loves daycare, ever since we started when she was 16 monthsWe sleep trained her for 1 to 2 months when she was 5 months, and from then until a month ago she slept through the night like a charm, with the normal set backs (teething, moving, etc). This past month she is inconsolable. As I type she’s been crying for the past half hour. Normally she self soothes and is retrained within 2 days. Not this time.She has terrible tantrums and sometimes scratches her own face badly..and she’ll throw things out of frustration.Now lately, when she gets even the slightest sign of disapproval, she looks downward and runs or walks away in silence to be alone, and avoids us....she never did that before..We talk to her calmly and gently most of the time. We try to discipline her appropriately and compassionately... yeah sometimes we don’t get it right and lose our temper.There’s been a ton of strain in the household with moving, job searches and switches, and other personal battles: depression and other..I don’t know. I don’t know what to do anymore. Our baby’s made us really question our choices and our emotional stability. Our marriage and our personal lives have suffered, are suffering...both of us have recently contemplated suicide. I guess that comes with the depression though.We can’t talk to anybody about this. No one seems to understand how difficult she is. They just see how cute or pretty she is...We feel pretty alone and helpless, and we just really need some help, advice, therapy, whatever..A babysitter... via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lrBdXo

Is it wrong to get sick of your kids and just want to run for the hills?

I have 5 lovely children, most of them adopted with my wife. Our oldest is 20, then we have 17 year old twins, a 13 year old daughter, and a 7 year old daughter. Both my wife and I work, and we don’t see much of our oldest until she comes down from college for the weekend. Our twins babysit the younger kids, and it mostly works out. Sometimes, things are great! I’m so thankful to have a family that I love, and were all happy. Then, there’s the other days.Our oldest transferred schools this year, and has been having a hard time adjusting. We get a call from her almost every night, sobbing that nothing is the same. I try to console her and sympathize, but she just gets angrier and hangs up. The twins are both applying for college, and our son is doing better academically than our daughter (she’s still doing okay, just not as well, and we make sure to praise her for what she’s doing), so he has more options. It’s creating a lot of jealousy and twin fights that often result in mass destruction once we’re home. Our daughter is a troublemaker at school, and it’s always a fight with her over homework or test scores. I tried to do Mommy Daughter Study Time, and she wouldn’t do it! I’ve asked her to do an hour worth of homework with me each night, and she flips me off and locks her door. Taking away her car did nothing, grounding her did nothing. It just makes her angrier.Our 13 yr old has hit the angsty teen phase, too. She plays her music way too loud, always yells, slams doors, and fights with her siblings constantly. Her latest technique is harassing our little one, and making fun of her for singing or dancing or just being happy in general. I got a call from a concerned teacher at our youngest’s school saying that she won’t sing like she normally does, and that she was “afraid of getting yelled at.” I told my daughter about it, and she said good, because then her sister wouldn’t be so embarrassing. We’ve been working with her to get her self-esteem back up, but she won’t sing anymore, and if she catches herself dancing, she looks very sad and stands perfectly still. She’s a handful on her own, though. If dinner isn’t up to par? It gets smashed into the floor. If she has to do too much homework? It gets shredded. If I’m talking too long? She screams. If I don’t give her my phone at dinner? She smashes her head on the table. Time out is fairly effective, but once she’s out, she just goes back to it.Ugh!! Sometimes I just want to go take a vacation all by myself and hide. Is this a normal feeling? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CpEfoq

How long do one year olds remember things for?

I'm asking because I am just curious. I thought it was for an hour or something maybe. But last night my baby who is 16 months, ran away without her diaper on after her bath. She was down the hallway by the front door and my wife went and got the diaper while I kept an eye on her and of course she pooped right on the floor lol. She looked back at it and seemed grossed out and than ran to me. And we put on her diaper and cleaned up the poop. So today I was with her after her bath and she stayed with me and I said, "What did baby do yesterday after her bath?" Just to see what she would say and she makes a fart noise. Well that could be anything with her lol so I said, where did baby poop? And she ran over and pointed at the exact spot where she pooped yesterday. And than I said "where did we put the poop" and she pointed at the hall bathroom where we did put it. So she definitely remembered. I was surprised, I guess I underestimated her! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2DDTlnn

Searching for the perfect parenting partners

Are you looking for the perfect parent friends? Do you want a babysitter for times when you want to do nothing? Do you not want to pay $10 an hour for a sitter? Do you want a sitter to take the kids until 2 the next day in case you are hung over? Do you want parents of kids your age to bitch to? Do you want someone to drink wine with and talk about nothing? Do you want play dates that don't require socialization? Do you want like minded people who understand what you are going though? Do you want the perfect coparent friends so you aren't alone?Look no further! So. AM. I.Seriously, single mom whose friends either have newborns or were 16 when they had their kids. Sometimes, I just want to take a bath and drink wine. Sometimes, I want to go out. Sometimes, I want like-minded friends to come over and drink wine. I don't do bars or restaurants because...well, I am a poor single mom. I have my kid all but two nights of the month and I am exhausted and just want adult interaction. Work does not count! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2zSrL3j

When is it inappropriate for an opposite sex parent and child to see each other naked.

I just answered a question in another group and the top comment said that a parent viewing an opposite child nude beyond toddlerhood is inappropriate. The question was specifically related to stepparents, but the commentor said it was inappropriate for biological parents and kids as well.I have always taken the "whenever it's uncomfortable" approach with my kids. Am I missing something? Do people really not see their opposite sex child nude beyond toddlerhood? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2BWvcb9

I feel like I should play the lottery now

I had been working on potty training with 26 month old son. It didn't seem to be clicking, so I stopped. Tonight (a week after stopping potty training) he was giving me drama over putting on a diaper. Finally he said "sit potty", so I let him sit on his. He peed.1 hour later he came running into the room saying "sit potty", found his potty, sat down, and peed.I know there is a long road ahead, but this is a big step and I am so proud of him. He seems to be doing great while running around commando, so we will see how he does with underwear in a day or two.I thought this day would never come. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Cpnaei

Kids Aren't Into...Anything

My sons are 8 and 11. They're good-hearted kids who do well in school and don't give us any major trouble.But I'm a little worried because neither of them are into any kind of activity at all. We've tried many sports - team stuff like soccer, solo stuff like swimming - the result is always the same. They'll finish the season/session because I make them, but they'll complain through every moment of it and beg not to go back.If they were just not sporty kids and wanted to do non-sports things instead, that would be fine. But it's the same with music lessons, art classes, cooking/baking, riding their bikes, summer camp, crafts, playing outdoors in general - they'll do an activity if I make them, but they don't have fun and they certainly don't adopt it as something they're into.My husband and I are both serious introverts and former "indoor kids" - so to a point, we get it. But despite this, both of us had some activities throughout childhood that we managed to enjoy even though our default setting was to be at home by ourselves. And I guess I'm a little alarmed that nothing has worked for our boys yet.Maybe if they were having a fabulous time at home making their own adventures, I wouldn't worry. But that is not the case. Mostly, unless it's their allotted (and limited) screen time, my kids are bored at home. If they have a friend over, the friend will often instigate an activity they all enjoy. But they seem incapable of solving their own boredom, hate everything my husband and I suggest, etc.Meanwhile, it feels like all the other kids I know in this age group has something else that they're into, even if screen time/video games is the #1 favorite. Like my nephew is obsessed with Minecraft and YouTube, but he also likes to play baseball and the guitar. There's no "also" with my kids, and I guess I'm wondering if that is a solvable problem? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lwiQzH

Normal Vocabulary for a 14 month old ?

Hi all , I am wondering if anyone can give me some insight as to weather my 14 month old is on track with her vocabulary . I cant find a solid answer on line and i don't see her doctor until next month but i will be double checking with him than . She can say -HiMommama ( not sure if that and mom count as one )dadathathothatmattwoofmoomeowroar ( Do animal sounds count as words ? )baa ( for ball) via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Cet7f0

Tip: set your phone passcode to your spouse’s phone number. This will help kids 4-7 to quickly memorize your phone numbers.

This is much easier now that newer phones have fingerprint verification.When it’s a requirement to watch Netflix or YouTube on the phone, your kids are more incentivized to memorize your phone number. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2q16bdD

My son always has to poop if asked to do chores

He is ten and has been doing this since he started being assigned chores. Twice today, he’s been busy playing and I’ve asked him to take care of a chore. Both times “oh no I have to poop sooooo bad!” Then runs to the bathroom for 15 mins. It doesn’t get him out of doing chores ever so not sure why he does this. He does this at both his dads and grandmas houses too. Anyone else’s kids do this? Should I ask him if he needs to poop before asking him to do any chores?? I’m not sure why he does this or if he even actually poops. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EiRWDL

innapropate gift

hello I have a question on how to handle a family situation. background my wife is a early childhood education teacher and also vegan. for the holidays my brother in law made my infant a busy board/activity board. on the board it has antlers from a deer killed while deer hunting. shotgun shells, and a fishing lure attached a retractable string(used for badges in offices) it's huge. We aren't going to let our kid use it. it's not safe for a kid. How do I let him know while it was a nice idea, it's not good for a kid.busy board http://ift.tt/2luV1be via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2DzZxgb

I use my daughter's nickname more than her real name

My husband and I have 2 kids, a 14 year old daughter, and a 9 year old son. I'm Dominican, he's Japanese, and it was very important to us both that they stay connected to their roots. Both of our parents live in their home countries (DR for me, Japan for his), and we rarely get to visit them. There's some good cultural resources around, and we try to make food that belongs to our cultures, but it was super important they have an inherent cultural tie. For our daughter, we chose a Japanese first name and a Dominican middle name. Her first name is Momiji- it's not terribly common, and we love how it sounds. Her nickname is Momo.The other day, a friend of mine came over to our house for the first time, and addressed my daughter as Momo. I thought it was kind of odd, but I knew I referred to her by it, so it was fine. At one point, my husband referred to her by 'Momiji' instead of Momo, and my friend asked what that meant. He said it was her name, and she said that I called my daughter Momo so often, she had thought it was her name. I was horrified. I've been trying to keep track of how often I say it, and the count gets way too high for my comfort. I tried to keep track of how many times I used her real name, and it was 3 times- once when talking to her principal on the phone, and twice during an argument.What the hell is wrong with me? Is this as much of a problem as I think it is? I told my daughter about it, and she just laughed at me. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2ltMhCv

Ass wiping 101 please

Okay, my almost five year old daughter is fully potty trained in all ways except for poo wiping.In our household we are split on our methods and it seems none of them are right. My husband stands to wipe and I find this to be sacrilege. And tmi, but he isn't always uh.. effective.I sit to wipe, but reach between my legs and just control to not wipe onto my vaginal area. This is how I've always done it. I am completely effective, lol, but I know the right way is supposed to be reaching behind and front to back.My daughter finds this awkward clearly, and isn't effective. Can some of you kind folks please lay out how you instruct your child to wipe completely, what motion, what reach, etc? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lnYEAI

Validating my son's emotions leads to extreme tantrums. What am I doing wrong?

I've been trying to do better about validating my 4 year old son's emotions and helping him name what he's feeling, but it seems like almost every time I do, it blows up in my face.Like just now, I was nursing the baby and his dad was starting a shower. Our son was playing legos. A wing of his plane feel off, and he said something like "it broke" and started making some small whiney noises (What I would call fake crying). I call over the couch something like, "that's frustrating!" Almost immediately the small whiney noises turn into full blown cries and he starts running around the house. I try to modify my strategy and say, "Wow, you're mad! But how does this crying help you?" Doesn't change anything, now he's throwing himself around and hitting me. Finally his dad comes out and asks what is going on. Son calms down and tells his dad that his legos broke. Dad goes and fixes it. Son decides that the legos won't break again. I tell him that they probably will break again, and that if he has another tantrum about it I'm going to have to take it away until he can have help. He plays with them for a little while longer while I try to nurse the baby again, then decides he's bored. When I ask him what he would like to do instead, he yells, "Don't talk to me! Don't say anything!"This whole time I feel like I had a normal, nice tone of voice, and I tried too copy exactly what How to Talk so Kids Will Listen said I should say. It's also not like I wouldn't have helped him put his plane back together if he had brought it to me. I do sometimes nurse the baby on the floor near him, but with all of the new toys around I don't have the cushions set up, and he mostly doesn't need help, so I figured that being on the couch would be fine. This is not the first time that I've gotten this reaction, and other than me naming his emotions, there doesn't seem to be a common thread (it's not always while I'm dealing with the baby or when he's playing by himself). This is the exact opposite of the reaction I was told to expect, so what am I doing wrong? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2q16Lrt

Should I Pay My Ex Child Maintenance for my Step-Daughter

I separated from the mother of my children 12 years ago. We have four children together - two boys who are now 18 and 17 and live with me, and two daughters, 15 and 13 who live with their mum.Just over a year after we separated she had another daughter with her new partner; this girl's now 11. However her father has been absent from her life since she was very small, does not see or acknowledge her, and makes no contribution to her life. As I have always had regular contact with my four children, I have taken on this girl as my own daughter since the age of 2 years old. She calls me 'dad' and see me as such, even though she understands the real situation.I have always paid regular child maintenance to my ex for my children at an agreed amount. Recently we've started using the Child Maintenance Service. My ex is asking for maintenance money for my step daughter as I treat her like my own daughter.Should I pay maintenance to my ex for this child? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2zPyVWc

Your worst non-diaper related toddler story?

I'm a first time parent, so maybe this isn't so bad:Drive 7 hours with 16 month old and pregnant wife.Finally Arrive home (1 am).Wife goes to sleep (can't blame her, creating new life seems hard).Baby can't sleep, sick and has tons of mucus.Crying in my arms, I upend the house and bags to find the suction tool.Can't find it so I take him to bath and try to loosen it with steam.Baby is happy for the moment.Begin to dry baby.Baby starts choking on mucus and can't breath well.Freak out, place my mouth over his nose and try to suck out blockage.Lots of salty mucus now in mouth.Observe that baby can breath.Spit out mucus in sink.Baby still fussy, but cries if I set him down.Still requires an hour of constant carrying before he goes to sleep.Unable to feel validation from wife because she is sleeping.Goes to reddit and makes post because can't sleep now. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2q0mSpp

Dont know if this is right place to talk about

Im a relatively new father as we have a 6 month old. The first few months were fantastic and I loved it. I guess I still do becuase I love my child. But in the past 3 months or so. Ive been feeling really down, emotional and upset. I think because my partner went throguh post natal despression and left me to do everything. This has run me to extreme exhaustion to where first thing I think about when I wake up is going back to sleep.But every aspect of my life now is im just seeing negatives. My work has just become busier at the same time and I feel like I am not coping. Ive lost a lot of friends since bubs was born and ive made attempts to catch up but they bail on me. So Im feeling really alone.Im getting into a thought process that even i know im liked at work something creeps up on me say basically says to me that they do it because I work with them and they really dont like me.I dont know what to do or how to fix how I feel. Ive tried talkingto my partner about picking up some slack but it seems to fall on deaf ears. She helps for a day then it reverts back where it was. I feel like I have no support network and id be lying if I didnt feel like ending it all but i stay because of my child. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Ej5L5e

Finally he started to smile at me and started coming at me when I show my hands

I know it's not a great deal for many of you, but this made my day. He was acting like I was a stranger because of my frequent work related travels. He is just 10 months old. Yesterday for the first time I felt like he knows me as i am his father and started coming at me and smiling at me full fledged, not the awkward smile he gives to random strangers. Couldn't help but share this. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2ChFhTJ

MIL talking to kids about God

My husband and I are atheists. I was raised Unitarian Universalist and believe I have a healthy appreciation for world religions, but consider all of them to be mythological rather than explanatory.My MIL never struck me as particularly religious. According to my husband they went to church as kids but it seemed mostly about the community aspects to him. His father still attends church regularly but his mother is not....well, religious, about her attendance.My 4yo recently mentioned something about "God does xyz" to me. I asked where she heard that and she said that Grandma has been teaching her about God. I asked her to tell me more and she elaborated at great length on the things my MIL has been telling her. She sees grandma frequently and they get plenty of one-on-one time together.I explained to my 4yo that some people believe God really exists and affects the world, and that daddy and I think stories about God are imaginary, like Paw Patrol (when she was younger she asked to visit Paw Patrol and that discussion was where the concept of "imaginary" really seemed to click for her). I emphasized that it was important to treat other people's opinions and beliefs about God respectfully. She was totally fine with all of this, and said that she believed God was probably imaginary, too.It seems inappropriate, but also harmless, that MIlL is having these conversations. What bothers me the most is that MIL is quite evidently having them behind our backs, which strikes me as not a coincidence. So all of that said, should I ask my MIL to back off the God talk? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Cn0ATA

He bought them Christmas gifts.

Kinda a rant. I’m angry and don’t really know how to vent. Long story short, my ex kicked me and my one year old son out of his apartment and made us move 6 hours away because he found someone else. Christmas past a couple days ago and my child’s father had not talked to him in weeks. Christmas Eve came and I messaged him but he never replied and never even said merry Christmas to our son. Well after being a little snoopy today I found out he bought the girl he’s seeing kids gifts and spent Christmas with them. He contacted me the day after Christmas and said he was “sick” and that’s why he couldn’t say merry Christmas. Which was a lie. I’m so disappointed in myself on who I choose to be the father of my child and I don’t really know what to do anymore. He’s only known this girl for a couple months and we left his house 4 months ago. Any advice if there’s any to give? :/ via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lihOrJ

Just how it goes sometimes

My almost 2 yo threw a phone at my wife. It bounced off her head and hit him in the head. He looked at her like she committed the ultimate betrayal and hurt him so came crying to me. I am now the golden parent via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CiLvCG

She just turned 3 and she's already surpassed her old man on savagery

me: You know what is better than toys?Penelope: (confused)me: You. You're better than toys. We love our family and friends more than we love our toys.Penelope: We do?me: Yeah, you know, I like my phone but I love you so much more than my ph...Penelope : I HAVE A PHONE!me: And so do you love me more than your phone?Penelope: No.me: What? No you love me more than that flip phone, come on...Penelope: No. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EdDYmC

Advice: Single Dad with 2 daughters, Is a one-bed apartment feasible/practical?

As the title suggests, I'm a single dad (31) with 2 daughters aged 9 and 5. Separated with my wife a year ago and we won't we reconciling. I've been living at my parents for the past 9 months as I can't afford the rent and bills on a two-bed on my wages. I need my own space again and I'm considering renting a one-bed apartment which I could afford, however I have 50/50 custody of children and have them every other week. I don't know how realistic it is to try and raise two girls in a one-bed.Has anyone been in this or a similar situation? Any advice? Would a landlord/agent allow it? An outside perspective would be welcome.I live in the U.K, if that makes a difference. Thanks via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Cl4b25

What's one silly thing you said you'd NEVER do as a parent that you've actually stuck to?

For me, it's stickers on the window inside the car. I just can't deal with the idea of having a bunch of random gluey bits of ripped gummy paper stuck on the window. But holy crap, so many people people give my preschooler stickers right before we get in the car! I keep a blank book in the car just for "grocery store/doctor's office/dentist/nice lady in the Starbucks drive-thru" stickers lovingly gifted to my smiling daughter.This is the silly sticker hill I will die on.Edit: I get that even asking this question with a "Silly" label might be asking for it in terms of judgment-land, so maybe we can say our silly thing without any added salt in potential wounds. Parents, you do you. Kids need love more any other ol' thing. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2zMCso3

I'm concerned about my daughter's (16) habits

I've been raising my daughter as a single mom since she was 2. She's 16 now, and a bit of a handful. Her teachers say she doesn't like to work with others, and will beg to be able to do group projects individually. When she doesn't get her way, she acts out and will purposefully tank the work of her other group members. She does incredibly on her tests, but refuses to do her homework, or will purposefully try to get as few points as possible (no work, one word answers, not following directions, etc.) I've been worried about her for a while now, and my attempts don't seem to be going over very well. I try to talk to her, and she gets defensive and yells. If I get her a tutor, she won't work with them, and will demonstrate complete knowledge of what they're talking about, just won't put it down on paper. Her school hates her and doesn't trust her, so if her tutor writes it in for her, she gets accused of cheating.She also eats a lot. Never full meals, just snacks. They have a no snacks in class policy, and she always breaks that rule. Most of her food gets confiscated, and she frequently runs her lunch account balance down to the negatives getting a la carte snacks. When she comes home, she raids the cabinets, and never wants to eat what I make for dinner. I used to think she had just spoiled her appetite, but she goes back to eating her snacks right after I ask her to come sit for dinner. Sometimes, she'll say she's not even hungry, and go back to eating. I spend so much money on groceries for her, and I don't want to cut her off because I'm worried it might effect her.Have any other parents experienced this? Should I be concerned? Any next steps ideas? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2pUN2dj

4 mo. old stopped sleeping through the night

Hello Parents, First time posting here (and in general)... Our 4 month old daughter has been sleeping through the night since about 2 months old. We have been putting her in her Rock n' Play in our bedroom until now when she's too big for it.She now sleeps in her bassinet (still in our room.) We swaddle arms-in and feed her at about 7:30PM, then put her down. At about 11PM, we wake her and feed her one last time (she normally does this whole feeding with her eyes closed and goes back to sleep immediately.)Then, like clockwork, she begins to fuss at 3AM and will not be satisfied unless we put a binky in. Then she drifts back to sleep and the binky falls out and she fusses. Rinse repeat almost all the way until 7AM when we wake her up for the day.It seems she will only sleep soundly unless shes's in a Rock n' Play shaped bed or in our arms.any ideas on how we can help her sleep through the night again? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EeO86A

It’s finally happening

This is the third night in a row that my LO has slept through the night!!! He’s 15 mo and had only slept through the night twice before this. He’s EBF I’ve been working on night weaning for about a month now. We had gotten down to one feed at 4:30am and he just dropped it on his own!! Feel human again. Had to share my excitement! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Eghim0

Daughter delivered home by police dept

So my 15 year old niece came over last night stay with her 14 year old cousin, my daughter. They did the normal girl things, watched a movie, played on their phones, makeup, you know girl things. Well I was watching late news 10:00p.m. news and my daughter comes out and says "Dang ya'll are still awake?" I finish watching news while my wife watches some HGTV until 12:00-12:30 and comes to bed. Around 2:00 a.m. the wife is awaken by my daughter saying someone is here to speak with her. Wife, just barely awake, is greeted by a police officer in my living room saying he had picked them up over 2 miles from my home walking around with some boy. This boy had been expelled from school for bringing drugs to school last year. He was also involved with my niece; we had to have her moved away from here just to get her away from him, he was very abusive both physically and verbally. Wife tells police officer thank you and she comes to bed. They never woke me up mind you during this whole ordeal. I messaged the police officer being this is a very small town and everybody knows each other and he told me my daughter was walking back towards home and that my niece was walking away with the boys. My niece had my daughter go with her somewhere between 12:30 and 2:00 a.m. to meet a boy and was brought home by the cops. What kind of effective or reliable repercussions should there be? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lh1A28

Father of 4, asked not to come back to condo rental

Father of 4 here, long time lurker and hoping for feedback. Kids are 6, 4, 4 and 2. My wife and I rent a condo in MA for the summer every year. A few weeks ago we received a letter from the owner stating we weren’t welcome back. After calling her, she said the condo was left in a terrible state.Let me preface by saying this isn’t a /r/legaladvice thread, she can choose who to rent to and for what reasons. Also, my wife and I work in hospitality and have a good idea of how to leave a room.This particular day there were several tantrums going on (leaving is never fun!) and we did rush out faster than usual. We left a diaper in the trash, and dishes in the sink. We also left a tip for the cleaning staff that comes behind us.Although it seemed fine to us as parents, I’m assuming a childless owner would see the room as messy. It was a shock and we are embarrassed to be in this situation. I’ve been telling my wife that we’ll just have to clean better at the next place, but I can see she’s upset and ashamed.Has anyone been in a similar situation??Thanks for listening, I felt like I had to get this off my chest.Edit: I forgot to mention, the owner did not see the room. Her friend inspected it before the cleaning crew came and informed her it was “a mess”. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2DtPbyq

Grandparent problems

My wife and I both work opposite shifts, which is great since we don't need daycare, but we do have our parents watch our son (1yr) for overlapping shifts or in the morning so my wife can sleep while I work.The problem is that the grandparents go out of their way to make our son like them more, and it is working. My wife agrees with me that it is happening, and it is coming from both sides.The grandparents constantly do things we tell them not to do, like give him food he isn't supposed to have, let him play with their phones, tablets, etc.. which is a pain in the ass in itself because now he thinks he can play with our phones.They also go out of their way not to upset him. There is literally no discipline from them, they never tell him no. They don't even like to do things that might upset him like put him in a car seat, get him dressed, etc...Now whenever any grandparent comes around all he wants to do is play with them, he barely even acknowledges my wife or my existence, and he cries when they leave. My wife and I play with him constantly, so it's not that we ignore him.I feel like this is stereotypical grandparent behavior, but it is really annoying us. Mainly how he only cares about them when they are around, and cries when they leave, and he doesn't do that with us. Is this normal for 1 year olds? Do they grow out it? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2ljwJSt

Bi-Monthly Application, games and books review - December 29, 2017

This is a Bi-Weekly thread meant to share review and comments on children's phone applications, games and books.Feel free to share with us your new discoveries, what you liked and what you didn't really appreciate. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2pX1aTj

It is WORSE when my wife is off from work!

We have two kids. 3yo and 1yo My wife and I are AT EACHOTHERS THROATS. She is a teacher and is off for winter break. We are well off because of my high paying job, but she REFUSES to have our regular babysitter come even ONE day to help her out Call her “super mom” or “heroic...” I think it’s asinign!I feel like she has something to prove to me. Like, she doesn’t need any help. Meanwhile, our son is up ALL night. Our kids don’t nap much anymore. And she is insanly stressed. She yells at me for the dumbest things, like this morning. I woke up early and was giving my daughter breakfast...and she came down the stairs in tears with the baby because she was screaming for me for 10 minutes. And I “never help her.” Meanwhile I DIDNT HEAR HER! And on what planet is making our daughter breakfast not helping.I understand. She needs rest. She needs sleep. But I have a stressful, meticulous job where people pay me a lot of money to do detailed oriented stuff on them...and I need sleep when I work. I am MORE THAN HAPLY to have our regular babysitter help her when needed, but she REFUSES. Like it’s a slap in the face of her being a mother.It’s foolish! Our lives are devolving into a screaming match. She threatens CONSTANTLY to leave me, and tells me I do nothing (which is NOT TRUE!! I am present from the second I get up to the second the kids go to sleep. Except for when I’m working)Wtf is going on here. I can’t take much more of it. The second child just blew everything up. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CniEuG

How many times a week/hours do you let your Son/Daughter see the person they are dating?

My son is 15 years old and has his first girlfriend. He wants to make time to see he girlfriend, but seems like the parents have a lot of rules for her to keep her busy and not being able to see her for long. I get it everyone wants family time and there will be chores, but a child also needs to be a kid as well. They do live in the same neighborhood. The parents consider walking to the bus stop their time to see each other. My son doesn’t consider that their time. He wants to be able to just hangout watch a movie play a game etc. If he does get to see her it is only for a 1 hour or it is for 20 minutes when they walk the dog. So that is why I just wanted to get a few other parent’s opinion on what they do with their kids regarding the dating thing. I mean they are constantly on snap chat, but I don’t think that is considered hanging out.Any advice would be appreciated! :) via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2li1rLP

I feel like i cant post this anywhere else

My son told me he had to poop, and he went and pooped in his potty for the first time! Due to military obligations, we've been apart the better part of the last year, and I've missed so much. I didnt think i would be this excited for THIS first. Haha!! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EawW2i

A difficult situation - never wanted kids

I'm coming to this forum because I don't know what to do with my life, so maybe someone can help:I have two boys (4.5 & 3) with my ex-wife, and the bottom line is I never wanted them. I felt backed into a corner into having my first one (long story), and I didn't have any say over the second (begged for abortion, she said no). I have always been deeply uncomfortable with being a father, and since my oldest was very difficult for the first year, and because of my ex's work situation I was left along with him very frequently, I was left traumatized by being around kids. I never really liked kids, but now I actively avoid them. My reaction to people announcing they are having kids is one of horror, not celebration. I feel deeply ashamed of all of this, and I do my best to keep it to myself.Despite these challenges and misgivings, I work hard to be a good father, and have joint custody of my boys and have them roughly half the time. I do my best with them, but I know I'm not the best father. They annoy me frequently, and I check out too often. I'm surrounded my friends who have young kids who love playing and interacting with their children, building lasting memories with them and strong bonds. I don't feel any of that. I'm not driven to do any of it. I have to really work at playing and interacting with them and it's a struggle everyday.Still, I understand that none of this is the kids' fault. They didn't ask to be here, and it's my duty to help raise them to be honorable men, and of course I don't mistreat them in any way. Yet it's a burden that is just so heavy. I'm miserable all the time, and it impacts my relationships. I've lost many friends because my gloom and disappointment and shame regarding this situation has consumed my life. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think myself and they would be better off if I just let their mother raise them, but when I think about that I'm consumed by guilt and yet again more shame. Plus when I'm away from them for too long I genuinely miss them. Further, the research is clear that children with two involved and loving parents have better long-term outcomes.I realize I'm venting at this point, but I don't know what to do. I though things would get better after the divorce, or when they got older, but if anything that's made things worse.Help. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2zINxXz

Holding baby makes me feel high

The baby is asleep but I can't put him down. My body is flooded with oxytocin and I'm addicted to holding him. It's like when you need all your willpower to leave a hot shower.I don't want to tell my friends this and sound like a weirdo. But I could hold this baby forever. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2C8WJdB

MIL wants to take my daughter to Disneyland (again), and it’s causing a lot of stress. I don’t know what to do.

The Disneyland trip is a recurring issue that won’t seem to die, regardless of what I say. My MIL has been pushing to take my daughter back to Disneyland. Despite my feelings on the matter (which I’ll get to in a second), I agreed to let them go a couple of years ago. I thought that would settle her down, but six months later she started asking again, and has asked every six months ever since.My feelings on the matter: I would really love to take my daughter to Disneyland, which is a thing we are saving up for. I told my MIL that she can take my daughter after we’ve taken her, but we want to do these things with our kid. We don’t want every Disney memory to be with grandma. My MIL got very upset, told me I was being unreasonable, and then tried to bribe us by paying for our trip to Disneyland (we didn’t take her up on it).To some extent, I understand where she’s coming from: my daughter is the first and only grandchild, she’s the first girl born in the family in 42 years, and my MIL really, REALLY wanted a girl herself. She ended up with three boys. I can understand why she’s so adamant about doing this stuff with my kid. But she’s still my kid. My MIL got to experience the first Disneyland trip three times with her own kids, PLUS she took my kid on her first trip, she got to take them to new places and share things she loves with them. Now she wants to do the same with my daughter, but it just so happens that I want to do the same things. I don’t want to downplay her role as a grandma, I just want to create memories with my one and only child.When I attempted to sit down and talk to her about it, she made me feel terrible (she’s really good at guilt trips). Her sister, who lives for drama, decided that I am withholding my child from her grandma (my daughter sees them multiple times a week), and has told everyone they know. It’s really awful. I feel awful. I decided to compromise by suggesting they do a day trip to Disney while we are on a huge family trip to San Diego in March. She seemed excited, but ultimately decided it was a dumb idea.I’m not looking for anyone to tell me I’m right, I just don’t know how to handle this. While my MIL is a very generous person who loves my daughter a lot, she’s also manipulative. The whole family is passive-aggressive and will pretend everything is just fine when it’s not. They will deny that anything is wrong, only to use it against me later. Nothing ever gets resolved.I just want to feel like I can make decisions about my child without incurring the wrath of my in-laws. I’m so frustrated by all of it. And to be clear, this isn’t just about Disneyland. She wants to take my daughter to a lot of places that are special to me, without me. Disneyland is just the thing that keeps coming up.Edit for clarification: I did not tell my MIL that she could NEVER take my daughter to Disneyland, my husband and I simply asked her to wait until after we took our daughter. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2DryOSX