No Contact For The Lady Who Birthed Me

“We’re having a baby!...Mum don’t tell anyone please we want to surprise people in due time” When I spoke to all of my 3 brothers: “Oh mum told me months ago...” and the same with my sister and she was very nearly going to tell my dad Oh she also told all of her friends, my aunt and so on...While my wife was still pregnant with our daughter, my sister (17) came to stay with us for a short while - she didn’t feel safe at parent’s house because everyone there would bully her all of the time and ignore her concerns & not support her with her mental health or education which she is struggling with So I suggested she could stay with us as long as she wanted to - after confirming with my wifeA week into her staying here, my mum realising she’s not coming home any time soon starts calling and messaging me repeatedly I try to be ‘the voice of reason’ and explain my sister’s concerns to her She quickly twisted that into her being the victim and my sister “bullying” her Bear in mind my sister is a very small timid and quiet girl who is petrified of conflict/arguments So that couldn’t be further from the truthThen my mum starts raising her voice at me because I refuse to make my sister go home ... and out pops a load of F bombs and strange comments about my unborn daughter (If I recall she was 5 months pregnant at the time), including “I hope your daughter runs away from home”Another time, same situation she starts making comments about my wife regarding a severe argument me and her had over a year ago - that we have dealt with and ‘turned a new leaf’ So she was trying to incite issues between me and my wife because she knew my wife was with me and probably listening (I always put phone on loud speaker / for past 6 or so years).... Then before our baby was born, she’s doing fucking amazing btw! Me and my wife were speaking about people visiting and any concerns we had - smoking, unvaccinated people, young kids, etcI decided to mention to my mum that we don’t want people smoking here etc Instead of being reasonable or even a little resistant, her response was; IM HER FUCKING GRANDMOTHER THIS IS MY FIRST GRANDCHILD HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STOP ME FROM VISITING! SHE WILL BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO SMOKE ANYWAY (no she won’t, no one here smokes... she knows that)Then our little baby was born... We sent her a picture of the baby and insisted she doesn’t show anyone - as again we want to announce her birth to people Later that day... her Facebook is publicly full of pictures of the baby that she got my dad (they aren’t together) to send her Dad had 2-3 pictures, no reason for thatWe confronted her about it and again SO YOU WANT ME TO PRETEND I DONT HAVE A GRANDCHILD THAT SHE DOESNT EXIST?! Ugh we just said not to post fucking photos of herSome weeks later..... She’s making problems with me again and I told her I cba with your shit I’m busy with a baby Then my sister shows me that she reposted the photos of the baby on her Facebook moments after I told her to go away with her shit So she posted them in nothing but in spite and to get at me and my wifeSo, yes, you’re a grandmother But a grandmother who put the father (and his siblings) through hell their entire childhood and teenage years, assaulted them and put them down.. But we hesitantly wanted to give you a chance, a chance to be different, a chance to treat our baby with some respect and to build a relationship with her But you ruined all of that.. You’re a grandmother yes. But you will not be visiting your granddaughter any time soon because I do not trust you to be safe with her I do not trust you to respect our boundaries I do not trust you to not make comments about her in an argument I do not trust you to respect her I do not trust you via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ZUgBZo

My son (5) just told me he wouldn’t love his brother if he had brown skin.

His comment came out of nowhere. He doesn’t know what race is but is obviously now at an age where he is noticing the differences of skin tone.My first thought was to not have a big reaction. He’s also starting kindergarten soon. I don’t want him to be ignorant to the people he comes across.I think I’m here because I would love some advice. I How to start the conversation process again, or should I wait to see if he mentions anything? I really don’t want to wait so I was thinking of getting some age appropriate books about the different types of people in the world. Anything else I should be thinking of?Thanks in advance for any advice! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ZXqHZB

I stood up to my mom on behalf of my son.

Now for a very brief bit of background...I was molested when I was 5, it was something that my mom walked in on. She told my dad what happened and somehow they decided because it was a family member that they would not do anything about it. They kept bringing this person around every single holiday or big event throughout my childhood. I was forced to give this grown man a hug hello and goodbye from the time I was 5 until I was 15. He even lived with us for a few weeks. I grew up not feeling protected, a burden, not a priority. I felt unsafe every time this person was around.​So because of my past, we have had a rule in our house since my son was a toddler: you ask him if you can hug him or kiss him. If he says no, then you can ask him for a fist bump. He may say yes or he may say no. It's ok. We are trying to teach him that NO means NO and that he is in control of his body. It also gets the point across to him that other people are in control of their bodies and if they don't like something, he needs to respect that.​My son is now 6 years old. We were at dinner with family, my mom included. She kissed my son quite unexpectedly, my son was leaning in to tell her something and she took that opportunity to steal a kiss. By his reaction, I could tell he did not like that, but he moved on and I figured I would talk with my mom at a later time about it. What I did not expect is when I was tucking him in and went to kiss him goodnight, he told me that he did not like it when grandma surprise kissed him. We had a talk about boundaries, that he is in control and if he didn't like something that he can always tell her or anybody, "No, I do not like that!"​I had to have a talk with my mom a few days later. I reminded her of the rule of asking before hugging and kissing. Then I brought up the incident at dinner a couple of days before. I told her that my son specifically said something to me. Making sure that she knew that it was not just my issue but my sons as well. My mother made excuse after excuse. At one point she said, "Well, we are Italian, that is how we are in our family." I told her no. that is not how we are in our family. I told her that she needs to ask my son for a hug or a kiss. I could tell she was super hurt. I could tell she felt rejected. But you know what, this is not about her...this is about my son who needs to be comfortable and be able to trust the people around him. You would not randomly kiss an adult in our family, why is it ok to force yourself onto a child? In talking with her and telling her that I need to stand up for my son's boundaries, something that was not done for me with my molester, she then was silent. Completely silent. I think it finally dawned on her what I went through as a kid. It's nothing I haven't said before, but in that silence, I could tell that things were clicking into place for her.​So yes, I will stand up for my son. I will make him a priority. I will enforce his boundaries without apologizing. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XetpYK

Disagreement about having another

My wife is adamant that we have a third baby but I'm struggling to keep up with the responsibilities that we have. We have two daughters 8 years apart, the oldest being my step daughter. My wife is insistent that we try to have another soon because she wants the youngest to have the experience of growing up with a similarly aged sibling. I see her point of view, but I feel it's a terrible idea as we struggle with the financial and time commitments that we currently have. Both of us have full-time jobs and she's attending a graduate program while I'm finishing up my undergrad part-time. Time is in short supply but we've done a pretty good job of splitting child duties 50-50.I feel having a third is just going to dilute our resources and make us worse parents to the two that we have. Furthermore, I had a terrible time adjusting to the baby stage for the first time. It drove me into a depression that I'm still working through in therapy. I'm terrified to go through that again.Has anyone ever gone through a similar disagreement? We genuinely have a fantastic relationship and are great at talking through problems... but I don't think she fully realizes just how much I struggled with our first. However, I feel terrible because I know how much she loves being a mother. I'm at a loss, do I give in and drive myself to the absolute brink of sanity for her? Or do I insist leaving her defeated because she might not get the chance to have another baby? It really feels like a lose-lose situation. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Yn7Fvd

Adult daughter moving home and need some advice.

Our adult daughter is moving home. YAY!! She moved in with some friends last year and it hasn't worked out. They haven't been employed the whole time and she is tired of picking up the slack. She is thinking that she will be home for a year or so until her boyfriend graduates college and they can start looking for their own place. We are perfectly happy with that.I just want to make the transition as easy as possible. Before she moved out our big rules were that she text me if she was staying out all night so I didn't worry. Also to text me if she is bring people over at night so I don't get caught in a tshirt and undies. He boyfriend can stay over as often as they want as long as she lets us know. We are not planning on charging her any rent as long as she is saving some of her paycheck. She will have to pay her own bills like phone and car insurance. But she is pretty good about budgeting so I am not worried. She will have normal chores like mostly running the vacuum, sweeping, and keeping her room reasonably clean.How does that sound? Am I forgetting anything? Any advice from parents who had kids move back home? Thanks via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XKbXzE

Girlfriend’s cousin is too close for comfort to our son

My girlfriend and I have a 3 year old son together and everything is great. She has a male cousin who is our age (mid 20s) who has begun to make us feel uncomfortable when he is around our son. He’s normally a cool guy that we have fun with at party’s and family get-togethers, but with our son it’s gotten unbearably uncomfortable. He does questionable things such as hugging him excessively, holding him closely on his lap, and touching that is one step away from becoming inappropriate. The good thing is that my girlfriend is aware and we’ve both agreed this can’t go on any longer. Now, I’m not a fan of confrontation; let alone telling someone to fuck off because we think he has sick intentions with our son. So I’m wondering, has anyone here dealt with a similar situation? If not, what would be the best way to go about fixing this problem. I’m thinking of telling my girlfriend that we should sit down with him one day and tell him we don’t want him doing this anymore, set boundaries (a hug hello and hug goodbye are perfectly fine but anything more is going to be considered inappropriate.) Obviously if it were one of my cousins it would be 100x easier for me to tell him/her to cut the shit, I think that’s what makes this harder to deal with. Is there any better way to do this? I didn’t think I’d ever have to deal with this but it’s my kid so this has to get solved. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NoMfwX

SAHM returning to work - any advice?

I've been a stay-at-home mom for 5.5 years. I'm going to be returning to work in the summer when my 5 y/o starts school. I don't know whether I will be getting a full or part-time job, but I will be putting my youngest son (2.5 y/o) in daycare for the duration of my work hours.I have struggled with depression for most of my life, but it became much worse during my time as a SAHM. I think because of the isolation, and my feelings of inadequacy as a mother (mostly due to the depression itself). My kids are healthy and well adjusted, so I know I must be doing an okay job. The reason I mention the depression is because it adds to my mixed feelings and anxiety about returning to work. I'm very excited about getting out of the house again, (without the kids!), to work around other adults. But I'm also nervous that I will fail... That after 5 years of being at home, my skills might be rusty and I might not be up to par. Even before I stayed home, when I was doing administrative work before, bosses/coworkers would make rude comments to me about my solemn demeanor or tell me that I'm dumb.So I have a lot of mixed feelings about returning to work... With regards to how it will affect my kids, my mothering abilities, me as a wife, and my ability to perform the job.Please, anyone, even dads... All advice and input is welcome and needed.Thank you! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/302iK5d

Super-dad to the rescue!!

I just need a moment to have a complete bitch-fest about the societal expectations on dads vs moms, because I am utterly pissed off.I have two daughters, 3 and 4 months. My husband lovingly took them with him to the store this morning so I could rest at home for a moment. (I love him for that.) However, while he was at the store, a lady walked up to him and told him he must be a super dad for having two young kids with him.Excuse me, but what the actual fuck?!?! I have two kids with me solo all the freaking time and I’m never told that I’m a super mom for doing so. Instead, it’s completely expected, dare I even say required?, that moms are able to do this. But when a dad does this, he’s an amazing super hero!!!To my husband’s credit, he responded by saying, “I really don’t think so.” And moved on with his day. But fucking-a people, the societal norms/expectations suck.Rant over!! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XfYb8M

Don't Want 17 Month Old to Stay With MIL

To cut a long story short, I'm a stay at home dad and both my parents are dead. My wife's mum stays a 3 hours drive away but regularly visits every 2-3 weeks and stays 3-4 days. During this time, I let her do everything as she wants to look after LO and I'm really happy for her to be involved in LOs life, I have no issue with it at all. She has now asked for LO to stay with her for 3 days whilst we stay at home. My wife agreed but when I found out I was furious and feel cut out of the decision. I don't trust her to take LO for 3 days and for LO to be a 3 hour drive away. My wife is furious with me, but surely who has care over our LO has to be a joint decision and we both have to agree? It's causing a pretty big argument between us with both of us not moving from our position. There's just no way I'm sending LO away for 3 nights so far away and staying in a house that isn't baby proofed but I don't know if I'm in the wrong or right. Any advice? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Xjgbiv

My son had his bike stolen, most likely due to a failure to properly secure it. Wife and I disagree on whether or not we should go half on another bike.

My son (14 in this week) bikes absolutely everywhere. Because of how much he bikes, we decided to match how ever much he saved and he got a fairly expensive bike back in March. We don't pay for chores so this money was saved from his dog walking job.On Monday he rode his bike up to the park to meet up with some friends. He normally leaves his bike unlocked at the park because he can easily see it from the field they play sports at. He has a lock but doesn't always use it even though we have told him countless times that he needs to. They go to this park at least 2 times a day and normally for a couple hours, so that's a lot of time to leave a bike unlocked even in a safe area. The park became crowded with families and kids, so they decided to ride to a local high school to run around the track and play ultimate frisbee and football on their field instead. My son came home to get the football and met his friends on the track. He said that there were a lot of cars in the student parking section, presumably because of summer school (my kids go to a different high school so I don't know the schedule). The track is up a hill and behind the school so you can not see the bike rack from the track.My son came back to find that his bike was stolen. His was the only one missing and he swears he locked it. The lock was missing too. Given the fact that he isn't used to locking up his bike, I think it's likely that he was in a rush to meet up with his friends and didn't secure the bike. While his bike was the newest, it was not the most expensive nor was it in the best shape of the bikes on the rack because my son is hard on bikes. There were 12 kids in total but only 2 with my son when he parked his bike. One says he thinks my son locked it and the other says she wasn't paying attention.My son wants us to match him again for another bike. He says he'll get a cheaper (quality second hand) bike this time. My wife doesn't think we should match him because we already did that once and he had his bike stolen. She doesn't think he ever locked it and thinks he should buy a bike that he can afford without our help. I think there is a chance he did lock it and one of the summer school kids broke the lock and took the bike. She is more "too bad, so sad" about it and thinks this is a natural consequence. I believe having something stolen sucks and our son hasn't complained about it. He is currently borrowing a friend's bike that is a little too big and a little girly, but he's fine with using that until he gets a new bike. My wife thinks it's fair for him to make a decision between spending what he has on a bike or using the "rental" until he has enough for the bike that he wants. I think he's already compromising by buying a less expensive bike than before and still believe that he could be telling the truth. He has said numerous times, "I know I locked it. I know I did."My wife is huge on responsibility and I could see her point if he had a pattern of irresponsible behavior but he doesn't. He maintains straight As while playing sports year round and we never have to nag him about homework or studying. He ran track for his school and played baseball for a community team this spring. If practices or meets/games collided he made sure to let his coaches know ahead of time. He gets up every morning at 6am to walk dogs for the neighbors and calls ahead if he can't make it. He's obviously not perfect and if I have to remind him one more time to unpack his clothes from a trip we took in June then I might toss him out the window, but he doesn't cause trouble. I don't think going 50/50 on a bike will undermine 14 years of parenting, but I am generally the softer one.Note: We have looked into claiming it under home owners insurance but it isn't worth having it on our record given the deducatable and the fact that we can easily afford a new one. Giving him a bike on his birthday isn't an option since he picked having a large party over a present, but he will be getting money from visiting in laws next weekend. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XkOrKr

I shamed one of the other mums in my group. Did I go too far?

(This could end up being a long post so my apologies for that)Since my 8 year old son Zach was born, I became part of a sort of informal ''parents group'' who had kids born around the same time. A lot of them now go to the same school so we meet up regularly.Not all of us are close to each other. I barely interact with Elaine outside of the group, not for any particular reason we just never grew close.Elaine's daughter Ellie is the informal ''celebrity'' of the group. She was an early developer. Started speaking and walking much earlier than any of the others and has always been very advanced for her age. She picked up reading, writing, spelling and maths very quickly, and at this point she has completed tasks intended for 13/14 year olds. This is fantastic and it must be lovely to have a child so talented, but unfortunately Ellie is also a huge bully to some of the other kids.Zach doesn't like her. When the group used to organise play dates a few years back, Ellie used to constantly steal and snatch things from him, and say mean things. Zach is a sensitive child so this upset him a lot. I have taught him you do not ever hit or scare a girl (or anyone for that matter, but especially girls) and have tried to explain how to stand up to bullies ''nicely''. But even if he did this Ellie used to run to Elaine in tears, saying Zach wasn't being nice to her. Bear in mind that we were all watching this and it was clear as day that Ellie was picking on Zach. Elaine insisted that they were just playing around and that it was Zach's fault for spoiling the fun. If I pushed the matter further Elaine had the nerve to say that I was making out that Ellie was the problem because I was ''jealous'' that Ellie was gifted and Zach was average. From then on I kept my distance from Elaine and tried to limit the time Zach spent with Ellie.Some of the other mums/dads in the group admitted they also had concerns about Ellie's behaviour. She had a little friendship group and the parents of kids who weren't part of it said their children were teased and made to feel excluded/unwelcome. Elaine never punished or tried to control Ellie's bullying behaviour, and I couldn't help but notice Ellie bursting into tears at the slightest hint that she would get into any trouble, and when that happens Elaine tries to paint Ellie as the victim. She has also accused other parents and their kids of being jealous of Ellie's talent if they had a word with her about the bullying.Yesterday it was Zach's friend Sam's birthday party. Sam is a lovely boy who's mum thought it was only fair to invite everyone in the class even if he was only close to some of them. Ellie and her friends were invited too.Everything was going well until towards the end, when a girl called Rebecca (a nice girl who is friends with Zach) ended up crying to her dad because Ellie and her friends had been teasing her all day. This resulted Ellie crying, Elaine insisting that it couldn't be her daughter's fault, and then attempted to accuse both Rebecca and her dad of picking on Ellie out of jealousy. I have been very stressed due to work and other things, and for some reason this made me snap. I started shouting at Elaine that being smart is not a pass to be a bully, and that Ellie is a spoiled and rude child who needs to be taught boundaries and how not to hide behind her tears. I also said that she was much of a bully as her daughter.Elaine and Ellie left early, but I got a text from Allison, one of the other mums, demanding to know what I thought I was doing humiliating Elaine in public like that. To be fair I did manage to keep my rant out of the earshot of the kids (except Rebecca and Ellie) but even so I understand the point about shaming her in public, but at the same time I think those things needed to be said. It may even allow Elaine to do some hard thinking about her parenting choices.Did I go about this the right way? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2JdqNWo

Drowning in papers

Help! I need your solutions to handling kids end of year chaos of “treasures” they bring home. I feel like I have no idea how to sort what is keep/throw away, and what to do with what I want to keep. I just realized I threw it all in a box last year to deal with later and now I have last years and this years of 3 kids worth to deal with! I am feeling like a borderline hoarder and need to figure out how to get rid of things, but don’t want to be the mean mom who didn’t keep anything either.Wise internet people, tell me your solutions please!! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XjpqiI

A mom told me my kid makes her kid uncomfortable

Throwaway. I chose support for my flair but advice is welcome. I just needed to type this out.We’ve lived in our neighborhood for three years and when we first moved, my daughter Jane was 8 years old. We tried to get her to connect with other 8 year old girls, but nothing really took. Jane enrolled in school and sort of made friends eventually, but it was a very long and challenging process with a lot of tears. She graduated from elementary school this spring and none of her friends have reached out to her this summer. Then about a year and a half ago, one girl in our neighborhood, Emma, seemed interested in being friends with Jane. Emma is a year younger than Jane but they seemed to hit it off. Emma would invite Jane over to her house, they hung out when we all ran into each other at common spaces/events, etc.In the meantime, this past winter we brought Jane to an area research hospital to have her assessed. She’d been diagnosed earlier with ADHD and mild depression and the anxiety that goes along with ADHD. After her assessment, she was additionally diagnosed with high functioning autism, which did NOT surprise me. She misses cues, says the wrong thing at the wrong times, and has trouble with some kinds of conversation. Add in her impulse control as a result of the ADHD and she can come across a “weird” kid. I know this about her and I try to coach her when I can, but I also want her to be herself and feel like she is OK the way she is.This weekend, I brought Jane to a neighborhood party, and Emma was there with her family. Emma’s mom, Kate, comes up to me and locks me into a conversation about our kids, schools, etc. I’m not really friends with Kate, though we do socialize and have mutual friends. So as we’re sitting there talking about our kids she takes a big breath like she wants to get something out. She’s smiling nice and big, too. Essentially she says to me that Jane makes Emma uncomfortable and that Emma doesn’t know how to handle it. Jane stands too close and is awkward and Emma doesn’t know what to do about it. Kate starts telling me how she is trying to coach Emma to “just be kind” and polite and find excuses not to hang out. She is telling me this as though we’re in this together as moms—we’re both just trying to help our kids! She also sort of acted out how stiff and uncomfortable Emma felt around Jane and how she told Emma to just “blame things on her mom,” i.e. “I can’t hang out right now because my mom and I are doing something.” She then said "I'm telling you this in case Jane ever comes home and says "Why is Emma being mean to me?"The whole time I’m standing there with a plate of pulled pork in my hand while Kate basically is telling me that my kid is creepy, that she’s creeping out her daughter, and that she’s coaching her daughter in how to get away from my daughter.And here’s the thing. I know Jane makes Emma uncomfortable because I’m not a fucking idiot. I see it. I’ve been gently trying to direct Jane away from Emma without telling her that Emma wants nothing to do with her. So first of all, I’m not sure what Kate is trying to do/say beyond telling me to keep Jane away from Emma, which I already do, thanks very much. And secondly, and more poignantly, Jane has NO friends here in our community and no one who stuck in school. We are looking at one private school for next year but it’s not like that will make her challenges go away. I’m not sure if it’s the kind of thing where she just needs to find the kids who like her for who she is or if we need to give her more support and coaching.What I do know is that the heartbreak of hearing another parent tell you your weird kid makes their normal kid uncomfortable is not something I really know how to get over. And the fact that Kate did this in the middle of a party where I couldn’t really do anything except smile and nod made it even worse.My kid tries so hard. She wants friends so badly. She is smart, funny, artistic and yes—she is odd. Right now her only friend is her little brother, who’s five. I wish someone would just tell me how to help her and that everything would be OK for her someday.TL;DR: Another mom told me my HFA/ADHD kid makes her kid uncomfortable. I worry that this will be something my daughter has to deal with the rest of her life. I am angry at the mom, but I also want to help my daughter and I don’t know how. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2xmmTou

Explain the death of a parent to five year old son

I just received a phone call that my son’s mother died tonight. Forgive me in advance for this post, it’s late and I’m numb, she is our son’s custodial guardian, and I had him while she went out with some friends.The way it’s been explained to me is they were drinking, and she was also messing around with some prescriptions. She went and fell asleep on the couch and when they went to check on her, she’d died. She’s been in a bad place lately and I’m not even surprised. I knew she had those pills but not that she’d been mixing them.Our son is five and he adores her. They’re always off on some adventure. I’m so heartbroken I’ve been debating waking our son up to tell him but I know it won’t do any good.How do I even bring it up? What is death to a five year old? She obviously has died in a very adult way, what do I say? I will fill in more details when my head is clear. Any advice appreciated. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/323m95S

My wife and I had the strangest interaction with a Wal-Mart employee today.

So a couple of things, I stay at home with my kids after being put on disability 2 years ago from agoraphobia and ocd and working at 10+ jobs during an 8 year span due to having consistent breakdowns. My wife has always stuck by me and she works to provide for the family and we basically switched roles.We go shopping for groceries today and have our 4 year old son with us while my older daughter is with the grandparents. When we get to the checkout the employee jokingly tells my wife the register is closed. She joked back that it is ok because she doesn’t have any money. Never mind how bad these jokes are. Ha. The guy then turns to me and says that I have all the money and that she is “bought and paid for”. At which point I corrected him and said that she actually works more and makes the money.He then says “no, I bet she’s a stay at home mom and you work 48 hours a week.” When I told him that is not the case he said that she probably only works 4 days a week and gets overpaid. At this point we are just stunned that this guy is a functioning adult. Also, he murmurs out loud that I better stop spinning the grocery bagging...errr... holder. I’m just trying to help the guy out and bag the groceries because he’s a very large guy who was having problems moving around behind the counter.I was really upset by all this but my wife said we shouldn’t file a complaint because he’s just a miserable 20 year old and that this will just make his life worse. I don’t know, it just seems so personal the way he said all of it. Maybe that’s because I cannot work at the moment and she works hard to fight the stereotype against women. Plus, being a stay at home parent is not the easiest either though I relish that I get to do it.I should mention that we went through this guy’s line a month ago and he kept telling us how much he hated working there and how he probably wouldn’t come back so he’s definitely unhappy but surely he can’t just get away with trashing customers. He also joked to the lady behind us that he is closing his lane because he doesn’t check out old ladies. It was an all around strange experience. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2IZ7OzM

Parenting Upgrade

My firstborn has just been blessed with his firstborn.I've been upgraded from Ma-Ma, to Mommy, to Mama, to Mom, and now the ultimate upgrade - Grandma!!! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XeUhrz

My son wants to be a director and it will be the death of me.

Two things to note. Posting this as a through away account. And I changed some of the fine details to keep my self from being Recognized.I have mad mistakes in raising my kids but as we all know there is no manual for it. By the end of this some of you might think of me as a shitty parent. I can't blame you if you do.My son who I shall call Sam has always wanted to be a director. To under stand the current situation we are going to have to go back in time. Sam has always been focused more on the social aspects of life then work or education. This comes from two events in his life. His 8th birthday party that no one showed up for and from me telling him. He will only ever work at KFC(I know shitty thing to say as a parent I was in a bad spot in life and I took it out on him) years later he ended up getting that job at KFC and about 3 weeks after starting he was fired due to calling out to much.My house is a split level. 3 bedrooms 3 kids two of the kids would always share a room. Fast forward and it's off to college where he decide to fallow a BA in film production. Seeing this as an operationity to give my two youngest children there own room. And I give my son the dean as temporary room when he is home from college and little bit after was my thought.Now back to college. Me and my wife are not the richest people in the world but we get by. I guess you could call us lower middle class. And more then a fair share of bad luck. The college Sam picked was not the cheapest to go to. But that was the one he wanted. And we could not say no. This probably due to him being a miracle baby after we thought that God had cursed us with infertility but I digress.Like a lot of parents we co signed on the loan not knowing this will be the case of so much pain later in life. Fast forward and sam is out of college with no degree because he failed a class twice. And moved back in with us.Where the den became his domain. It started with a desk and from there he engulfed it. If you have ever seen Akira think the last 4th of the movie. It became almost impossible to find stuff that belongs to us in are own den. It has become his room.Sam is in his own words a insomniac that might be tru but part of me believes this is due to how long he sleeps for until 1 to 2 most days. And he is a very light sleeper so the den becomes useless until he wakes up.My son ended up getting a job at a place that sells paper and in his free time he would spend time writting scripts. A small time studio purchased a trilogy that he had wrote and offered him 10k each. 5k up front and 5k after the the scripts where finished. And then he quit his job.10k a year is not a lot of money. That's 5k sort of working full time at a minimum wage job. And he had to get insurance which is about $500 dollars a month plus his student loans. That money will go away fast.Now my son is a collecter of things those figurines and movies he has a lot of them along with pokemon. Which he spends moneny he does not have on them.And let us not forget tax season. In the US if you are an independent contractor which a write/director is considered. you are responsible for saving the money to pay for your taxes. And he did not so my son had to go on a payment plan.Now remember how I said I am a co signers on his loan normally if you make 2 years of on time payments you can be removed from the loan. Sam has not done this. Me and my wife had to pay for them a few time.Now my son did get a job working one day a week at a friends family business it but it only pays $20.The house hold has become a silent cold war. The reason is I wants to retire this year which i can not because I have to pay for my sons loan and stuff.And my other son is pissed at him for wasting money to go to college and not get a degree preventing him from going to the school he wanted to go to.he continues to make up excuse why he has no job. I want to retire, I want to have my den back. I dont want to lose my house But most importantly I want my son to be successful. I don't know what to do. Any advice for an old man.Edit: fixed formatting via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FIg8SB

Left toddler with in laws, and got a series of update texts that indicates that they were drinking after she went to bed.

So we left our daughter with my in laws for a couple nights while we went to an out of town, non-kid friendly wedding. It seems she’s been having a ball with them. I thought this would be a great opportunity for them to bond. My concern is that this evening, after her bed time, we got a series of texts from my mother in law that really seemed like she was drinking. I’m now very concerned. My wife is as upset as I am, and wants to confront her mother about it, though their relationship is pretty touchy and I’m now worried about having her upset at us, while caring for our kid—not that she’d intentionally hurt her, so much as perhaps get even less responsible. I’m trying to find the right way to communicate our concern, ask her gently not to drink, and get our kid back as painlessly as possible. I’d really like some advice about what to do here. I can skip the wedding tomorrow and go back to get her if needed, though that might cause even more drama. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2JeWuOX

My 7 year old is pretty cool

My son and I have been through a lot. Having come out of a toxic relationship had left both of us with a lot of mental healing to do. It's been very hard to make sure my child got the help he needed to flourish. Although we're still struggling, there's been an amazing amount of progress. I never imagined my son would become the boy he is today and am excited to see the man he'll become.At the young age of 4, he recieved open heart surgery to correct a murmur that was slowly distorting his aortic valve. It was successful! I highly commend the doctors who performed the surgery but what happened after has surprised me and continues to surprise me every day. My son had become very interested in watching surgical videos.I was shocked when one night as I was putting him to bed, he asked if he could watch surgery being performed on the brain. By this point, he was between 5 and 6 years of age. While I do allow my child to have an imagination (ie: Santa, tooth fairy, and the sort), I don't sugar coat the reality of the human condition so that night, my son and I watched an open brain surgery on YouTube that was being performed on an older woman. She had suffered a blow to the head from a fall and developed a massive hematoma. He watched on with such intrigue and I was in awe of him.Since then, he's watched several surgical videos of various parts of the body, including a video of the same surgery they performed on him. He's been learning more and more every day and is now in the process of learning about cancers in different parts of the body. Today, he learned about breast cancer and of its stages including the treatments used to eliminate or remove the tumors. He was sad to learn that women had to get their breasts cut off in the later stagesHe has seen humans being cut by scalpels and their insides displayed. He doesn't often get nightmares and when he does, he brushes it off as he recognizes that it's just a dream (his words). I asked him why he was so interested in watching surgeries and such and his response was this:"I want to learn about the human body; how it works and how to fix it."Guess what he wants to be when he grows up? lol I think hes pretty cool kid. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XhtpvZ

Worries about my kids at in-laws house because of swimming pool.

My in-laws have a pool in their backyard which is fenced off from the house but they have a pool house that opens up to the pool so the pool isn’t isolated. The pool house has bifold doors that are all open during summer and a lot of time is spent out there for family bbqs, parties ect. The pool house is used a lot, bbq, extra cutlery and cooking items, and as a laundry and storage.It is winter & we went around there. My mother in-law, sister in-law, her partner, & my husband went into the pool house so my husband could help move a fridge out of the room. The kids went with them. (1yr old and 2 yr old) I sat inside but was watching through the window. Suddenly my 1 yr old walks through the open door, walks to the pool, lays down and starts reaching for the pool cover which was floating around. (Nobody follows and they are all inside the pool house) I run out from the actual house and start yelling and my husband runs out of the pool house and grabs him.Since then I have found out that his cousins child has fallen in and someone had to jump in and grab him, as well as his other cousins child. Both toddlers and couldn’t swim, (they were fine though)My husband won’t support me and says I’m being over the top when I say I want a fence to isolate the pool from the pool house. We have had huge fights over it. He refused to ask his parents, i begged him and ended up doing it myself. Since then no fence has been put up. I asked four weeks ago. We had a family member pass away so I get that it’s a difficult time. But not one word suggesting it will be done at some point. Other than this issue they are great people, and love the kids. Regardless I find it incredibly awkward because i have zero support from my husband who has made it clear to them that it’s ‘my issue’.They invited us over for dinner tonight.. what do I do?Side note: people sometimes walked down there during dinner to get extra plates, my daughter can unlock the sliding door to the back and always asked to go out. She is also very naughty. The house is also really big and it’s really hard to to watch where they are everyone minute because sometimes they play at opposite ends of the house...Do you think I’m being reasonable? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/320LywT

Depressed

I love holding my son as we sleep. He’s the only reason I’m here. Once he’s older and distant from me I don’t know what I’ll do. Some days I feel like dying, some days my heart skips bests, and some days my future seems black. I feel like I get left in the past because I won’t live long. I hope I’m wrong. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NmLW5P

Birthday party season

You know how it is. Kids' birthday party season, about nine months after the season when all the parents decided to make extra people. Swing sets and dirty feet. The smell of baby wipes in the air. Little hands slathered with an admixture of SPF 50, bubble solution, and purple grocery store sheet cake (no less than 70% frosting). Pizza on paper plates, cheese fast congealing. Maybe some token beers for the adults. But let's be honest: This party is for the kids. You're only here because you're designated driver and you can open juice boxes like a pro.The best part is the parents awkwardly standing around trying and failing not to talk about kids or jobs. Because really, what else is there? A kid interrupts you mid-answer; you were starting to open up about what you really thought about your job. Have a moment. Or maybe just unburden yourself on a fellow survivor. But this conversation is fated not to happen.This kid, maybe your own, maybe someone else's for whom you feel unreasonably responsible, demands something from you. Another juice box, perhaps. Maybe they have to poop and they decided you should be the first to know. Or, maybe, just maybe, they desperately need a nose wipe, and actually requested help instead of smearing it across their cheek with Doritos-encrusted knuckles.You pull a fresh tissue from your pocket, because you always have a fresh tissue in your pocket—you're a goddamned parent. You go in for the attack, but the kid demands to do it themself. You roll your eyes and hand the tissue over. They give it a swipe, and cheerily hand it back. Only after you grab it reflexively do you realize it was snot-side up. Another day, another handful of other people's boogers.Maybe there's a bouncy house, perhaps a trampoline. Something, anything, to work the sugar out of their collective systems a bit before they crash. The kids start running around in loose packs, roving, half delirious. Staying this late, you're in dangerous territory. Wiser parents, veterans, those with a couple of kids under their belt, have already slunk out. Meanwhile, the little hellions have started jumping off of things that should probably not be jumped off of. Throwing things that should probably not be thrown. Shrieking with glee, and shrieking when someone takes the thing that they thought was theirs. Basically, a lot of shrieking.Cars skitter across the floor, as if self-propelled. In some cases, they are. Something plastic from China, overturned, lights up and blares a nursery rhyme as a gaggle of kids stream past. A forgotten doll cooks on the front burner of a play kitchen.At some point, you lose eyes on the target. You experience a moment of panic. But then you calculate the odds of a trip to the ER. Or a shattered family heirloom. Or the little sweetheart deciding to take a dump on the hardwood. All of that, weighed against a momentary and oddly unfamiliar sense of peace washing over you.When your kiddo does finally crash from the heady combination of over-stimulation and lack of sleep—and it is a certainty—it's spectacular. Hopefully by then, you've at least made it to the car and taken up a defensive position. You know, with the child demon strapped securely into the car seat before the talking in tongues and noggin spinning round: I dropped the other one, Daddy, I dropped the other one, and I can't reach it from my car seat, Daddy. I want the other one. It's a crisis, Daddy, because the other one, the actual name for which I do not know, the thing I did not know existed until five minutes prior when I acquired it as a party favor, I absolutely must have. Right now. Not when we get home, and most certainly not when we stop the car.You do make it home, but barely. Tears are shed. The kid cries a lot too. You rocket through the house, slowing down only long enough to give some feet or hands a cursory rinse, grab a comfort animal or three, and throw the little turnip into bed, shuttering the bedroom door, crossing yourself, and sliding down the wall in the hallway.Welcome to birthday season. You're hosting the next one. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2RIpqTr

Divorced parents - what is your custody arrangement?

Unfortunately, my marriage is coming to an end, but we are still amicable. Our goal is to agree to a custody schedule that is in the best interest of the kids (10F, 6M, and 3F). We plant to still live fairly close, so 50-50 is possible. The concern though is that it will create a lot of back and forth without anyone ever feeling settled. I’m just trying to get a sense of what’s common (e.g., every other weekend, alternating weeks, 3-2-2, etc.). I tried googling but I got overwhelmed pretty quickly.  via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2xlSlDk

Needing a Prayer

I am a mother of 3 small children and I am in a severely verbal abusive relationship. We live with their father but we are not married. We have been together going on 5yrs and everyday I do my best to make sure I donot do anything to set him off. Words of being worthless and lazy, not good enough are all among the words that are yelled to me. I donot work so being a stay at home mom, i do all i can to make sure the house is spotless. That dinner is made to his liking and he has lunches made for when he goes to work. Why have i stayed you ask? Although he isnt a good partner he is a good father and loves his kids. He suffers from PTSD from the military and he does have his good days. I havent worked in 5 yrs. I donot have any money set aside. I do have family, but they know nothing of this abuse. We have set a picture of perfection and happiness. I have stayed silent although in reality my home life is an absolute nightmare. I have to get myself and my kids out of this environment. I stayed because i thought he would get help. The person he is when his ptsd isnt taking charge is the man i fell in love with. I know this isnt him but mentally I cant take the abuse anymore. Im slowly going under myself. My question is, we live in NC. Are their resources in my state that can help mothers in my situation? What do i do? If i act like im going to leave it will set him off. I know its the weekend so most places arent open. I need a plan. I dont want my kids to hate me for leaving their father, but i also dont want my oldest son to turn into what he believes is ok behavior. And my 2 little girls to feel its ok for a man to talk to them this way. Im terrified writing this post. Normally I am a strong,ambitious,outgoing woman. Since ive met him I have given up all outside friendships and usually never go anywhere. What do I do? I have kept silent through all this and i feel so alone and out numbered. I dont know what to do. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XBLlkj

I gave up broadband and tv at home

we only have limited data on phones and I have access to limited internet at work. I like tv and gaming. Seeing my kids throw tantrums over watching tv and then seeing how much we as parents watched made me feel like a hypocrite. so we shut it all off.it's been 4 months.it definately has helped.pros: we all go out more. we all sleep better. the house is cleaner. there are fewer tantrums. we have so much free time.cons: I feel like a social outcast, this experience has shown me 60% of my conversations With coworkers were about tv or games. my kids are a little out of the loop too. I have so much free time. (I have discovered I am very boring) apparently schools now have given up teaching and ask kids to play learning games at home(gr 1) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KPalP2

So there was a meltdown in front of my house today...

...it was a young child, in a pink Jeep toy thingee they cruise around in. She and her dad were out on a stroll/ride, and I don't know what went wrong, but she was having a Very. Bad. Day. My wife, teen son and I got home just as the meltdown started. We went inside and didn't get involved, because it's not our business and Dad certainly didn't need us weighing in. The tantrum went on for about 20 minutes. We could hear it inside, and every now and again we would take a quick glance outside to make sure everything was OK. Dad was doing his best to be as patient as he could be and solve the problem that was ... who knows. Eventually, Dad picked up his daughter and awkwardly dragged the Jeep home. My point of this post: I've got teens now. But I've been there. And just so in case you folks with little ones are wondering: There are a lot of us who have been there. I felt bad for Dad. He was doing everything in his power to reason with the unreasonable. We didn't get involved because it was just a bad day. My kids certainly had them. I believe the family is new in the neighborhood, and I hope they are out again at some point so I can introduce myself. But parents who are experiencing a public meltdown - I know it's not fun. But those phases pass. Before you know it, your kids will be almost functional, normal humans. And there are a lot of us out there who hear the meltdowns. And we're not judging. We're in your corner. And out of your way, so you can navigate the waters. Hang tough, y'all. And good job, Dad. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KLZOUX

When to call Child Protection?

My neighbor recently received her children back from foster care. She has been SCREAMING at them on and off all day. Cussing and yelling profanities at them.I have not heard any hitting or beating.Should I report this to the authorities?I think she lost them due to drug use or drug dealing. I suspect she is still dealing drugs because people come and go from their house all day, everyday.Its really hard to hear a parent losing it on their kids like this, but I don't know if it's bad enough to report. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2JgfU5T

What am I supposed to do all day with a child who refuses to engage in self-play?

My son, 4 (soon to be 5), refuses to engage in any kind of self-play. Only very seldomly will he play by himself for 10-15 minutes. The only activity he will do by himself is screen time.If we assume that he sleeps about 10 hours per day, that leaves 14 hours per day to fill up. The time it takes to eat meals surely amounts to no more than an hour. That leaves 13 hours. Let's say we limit screen time to 2 hours. Now we are at 11 hours of time to fill up. How do you fill up this time? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KPdWNh

Is it just me?!

Parents, I'm throwing a query your way...might sound mental..Have any of you taken a while to accept/comprehend/realise that you are a parent?Sometimes I get little moments where I think.. "I'm a mother.." I think I'm always on mothering autopilot that I don't stop to comprehend that I am actually a parent and what that truly entails via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XcMWhj

My 8 year old son is suspected of molesting my 3 year old son. Please help.

Background: I have an 8 year old son with my Ex, whom I get every other weekend. He’s diagnosed with ADHD, but isn’t a very wild kid. He can be impulsive, but hasn’t been violent or anything along those lines. I have recently been given custody of him over the summer while he’s off school to try to make a difference in his behavior. His mom doesn’t do anything with him and has him on some (in my opinion) unnecessary medications that make him drowsy and a little bit easier to deal with if you’d rather not be active with him. He’s getting up there in weight, his first day at my house he was at 112 pounds. I haven’t noticed any issues between him and my 3 year old, they play together well and whatnot.So two weeks ago when my 8year old began his summer with us, my wife had a not too serious surgery. The boys stayed with family. Start Saturday evening they stayed with father for two nights, then with my mother in law and brother in law (who live in the same household) until the following Friday. They came back home with us and were with my wife at home while I was at work. This past Wednesday my wife tells me that 8 year old isn’t keeping his hands to himself or listening to her very well in general. I somewhat dismiss it as light rough housing but still agree it needs to stop. When I get home we have a conversation with 8 about it and leave it there. Similar issue the next day, so I had him write out “I will keep my hands to myself” on a couple pages and keep it at that. My wife tells me that 8 is trying to lay on 3, is grabbing his arms and legs and twisting them as if just attempting to pin him down, and she seen him pretending to put their toy broom handle in 3’s butt. She decides to send 3 to my MIL for the night so she doesn’t have issues while I’m at work the following day. When I get home she tells me that MIL called and told her that 3 began humping her and laughed about it when she told him not to do that. Later on he was also trying to put his finger in his butt and she told him not to do that because he will get hurt. But she also asked him if someone showed him this and he said yes, but nothing after that. We asked her to leave it be and not press him further until we figure out the correct way to start this whole process. These are behaviors neither myself nor my wife have seen before from him.Then MIL told us that she won’t allow us to have 3 back until we find somewhere for myself and 8 to go, as she sees it dangerous for 3 to be in the same house as 8. She said when they were both in her care that 8 was still being too hands on and wasn’t really listening but she seen enough to not trust them being alone in a room or whatnot together. She says she’ll call CPS before she lets him come back home. I don’t disagree with her, however I’m not to fond of her attempting to keep our child from us.I want to believe that the worst isn’t happening here, but either way my wife and I decided to call CPS and report this on Monday, but I have zero idea as to what is going to happen or if that is the right place to start. If 8 is doing something to 3 then I have reason to suspect that someone is doing something to 8 and I want to get everybody the help I can get as soon as possible but I have no idea where exactly to start.Please help me. If you need more info please ask and I will answer. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Jckx10

Baby didn't want to wake up today. Scared us half to death!

My wife and I are very lucky to have an 11mo LO that sleeps during the entire night with only occasionally waking up ( about once a week and even then she usually goes back to sleep easily).After this morning,however, I kinda wish she wasn't such a sound sleeper.I do a quick 2h shift every Saturday morning from home. After my work was over I exited the work room to find my wife holding our LO while crying. I thought that she just got overly emotional about something the baby did but then she told me what had happened just minutes before I exited the work room.Apparently, our LO decided to sleep in thus morning. She usually wakes up around 8:30 am but snoozing a bit more isn't unheard of. It was almost 10 am so my DW decided to wake her up. Normally we do this by gently touching the LO cheek or gently speaking to her but today was different.According to my wife, our LO couldn't wake up. She shook the babyquite hard 2-3 times and the baby didn't respond. Worst of all, our LO's eyes were wide open. I can't blame my DW for panicking because I would have done the same.Thankfully, shortly after that, the LO woke up as if nothing had happened, she didn't even cry.My wife is still pretty shaken up by all this and I can't blame her. We searched online but we couldn't find anything related zo a baby just refusing to wake up with eyes wide open.I'd like to think that our 11MO LO is just a troll with a dark sense of humor but I still can't take any chances.Does anyone have any advice? Has something similar happened to you?Update: After my wife calmed down she explained the story again. It's very much possible that the baby was just relaxing and chose not to respond on the first few nudges. Still, we are going to see our pediatritian on monday and see what he thinks. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2YjuWOR

Dealing with our first stomach bug

My poor little one (2F) caught her first stomach virus. We've been up since 4:30am giving snuggles, watching her favorite TV shows and making sure she is staying hydrated. Poor thing doesn't know what's going on and is more distressed by the mess than the actual being sick. She just says "messy, I made a mess" while crying.Luckily she's on the mend and has nibbled on some crackers while, as my SO puts it, we watch her like an active volcano.Just wanted to share this first for us. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2LrEIuI

15 year old son dating 18 year old girl, and I’m not okay with it

Anyone been in this situation? My 15 year old son has been dating a girl for a few months. She seemed/looked a little more mature than the girls his age, but I figured maybe she was an early bloomer. Turns out she’s 18 - and when I say he’s 15, he just turned 15 a couple of months ago. Because he’s a complete dope, his texting notifications come up on his iPad, which I had borrowed (with his permission) for a project. I got to read so much that I never wanted to know, but most importantly, I found out they are sexually active, which is a crime in our state.His father doesn’t like her, but also feels like there’s not much we can do - he will just try harder to make it work if we forbid it. I feel like it’s gross and predatory for an 18 year old to be sexually involved with a 15 year old, no matter the gender. I know he had a really tough year socially, and I get the sense that she’s also kind of a nerdy outcast, so while I’m glad he’s connected with someone, I don’t want it to be with her.Any advice? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FHSBRB

I found out how to get your kid to stop coming in your bed at night!

So my daughter would sneak into our bed at night and I thought it would be funny to try this one thing and it worked! She crawled into bed with us and we faked that we were still asleep and so we started snoring really loud and being crazy sleepers like not giving her any room, flailing around and just making her uncomfortable. After a few minutes she went back to bed! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Xgvng9

Would you bring a 12 year old to an adult only birthday party? Wife and I are in disagreement.

Firstly, the host said it's no big deal. It just so happens that this group don't have kids of their own.It's an adult birthday gathering at an apartment complex grill/pool.Parent 1 feels it would be good for the child to see the parents being social with friends and that it's good to expose the child to potentially awkward situations.Parent 2 feels the child will be bored after five minutes in the pool and it would suck to put the child in that situation.Thoughts?! We're torn. The alternative is Parent 2 stays home with the child (the party is mostly the friends of Parent 1). via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2X7vjup

"He's just being a boy!"

I really hope this doesn't come across as "mom-shaming" because that's not the intent of it. Basically, I saw this happening and it's been on my mind ever since, and I'm wondering if other parents see the same implications in it that I did.So last week I took my 2yo to the local mall playground to get some energy out because it was raining like crazy and she was bored at home.There were a few other little girls and boys running around, as usual. One particular little boy kept chasing a small group of girls and shoving them/hitting/grabbing and just generally being very aggressive. I'd guess he was probably a big 2 or an average 3. He pushed one of the girls down and her mother saw it, the little girl was unharmed but distressed, and her mother very calmly helped her up and said, "Listen, if he's playing too rough and you don't like it, tell him 'no'." Cue the boy's mother standing up and marching over: "Don't tell her to tell my son that! He's a boy! He's just being a boy!" And she grabbed her son up and told him not to listen and that it was okay. I was a bystander to all of this and my LO wasn't involved in it but I was pretty disappointed in the boy's mother's response. Girls aren't allowed to tell boys no when they're being aggressive? I've never heard of such a thing. And again, the mother of the little girl was totally calm and it's not like she shouted at the kid or even batted an eye. She didn't even intervene to stop it herself; just told her daughter to tell the boy 'no' if she didn't like how he was playing.It's kind of scary as the parent of two girls to think that there may be other parents of boys out there who think the way this parent did. That they might be raising their boys to believe that girls aren't allowed to tell them 'no' because boys are somehow permitted to attack girls with no repercussions. I know this is kind of slippery slope type of thinking but it bothers me all the same. Is this a fairly common belief among other parents out there, or was this woman just extremely unusual in her parenting choices? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FGqjqN

I just took my last phone call as "Dr. Peter Venkman" of the Ghostbusters.

My daughter, Lily, is five. I have been showing her some things that were special for me growing up, before the way better, faster, smarter, more expensive, etc. things of today make that an uphill battle. She's got a blank canvas, so beating Super Mario's first level is as much a thrill to her as it was for me in the 80s. I've shown her a few movies, like Goonies, The Addams Family, the Ghostbusters, and some others.For a year or so, she's been obsessed with the Ghostbusters. She's particularly fond of Dr. Venkman, though after showing her his other films, she seems to just like Bill Murray in general I think.Every single night for the past year I have followed a routine: I do my part of bedtime, her mother tags in for the tuck in, I go to the garage and wait for my cell to ring. Then I answer as Janene, the receptionist. I am God awful at it, but she buys a pinched nose and horrific Brooklyn accent. It's like music to my ears. A tiny voice: "Hi, Janene! Can I talk to Peter?"​She then talks to "Peter Venkman" for about 5-10 minutes, depending on what happened at Pre-K. She truly thinks of him as a friend. I was her imaginary friend who could talk back.​And that's the problem. I knew this couldn't end well. She'd either figure it out, and then I risk credibility on the whole Santa thing too, or I stop doing it - and judge if you want, that option sucked too. I didn't want it to stop either.​Well, tonight, I took my last call as Dr. Venkman. Lily told me tonight that she wants to go off to be a wizard at Hogwarts now, and so she doesn't have to be a Ghostbuster after all. I'm going to take that queue to exit stage left.I must sound like a damn crazy person. I just wanted to type this out and say goodbye to it. I'm honestly having kind of a hard time with it. Thanks for reading. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Xc95wa

Parents of older kids- at what age was your baby ‘independent’?

Currently struggling with a one year old. She has big feelings but not enough words to communicate, so lots of screaming throwing etc. Everything online said it will get better but it somehow seems harder. Less time to rest and more ambiguity. Like is she hungry? Thirsty? Bored?At what age are they able to mostly communicate their needs, eat without throwing a tantrum and overall not be as difficult to her their needs met? Tired mom here looking for some perspective. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FBHwBK

My teen says she's not going to summer camp. What to do?

I've signed my 14 year old daughter up for a variety of programs based on her interests. She tells me that she's not going.I asked her wayyyy ahead of time what she wanted to do for summer and I got no answer. When she told me that she did not want to do the camps I asked her what she would rather do and again no answer.I know what she really wants to do is stay home in bed, eating and playing on her cellphone. I can't have that. Her grades were terrible this last year of school and so I planned on getting her a tutor over the summer as well. Of course we'll do fun things too.I really put a lot of effort into finding and registering her for these programs. Its not boring stuff either, you'd think she'd appreaciate it. If she does not go my only resort is to shut the phone off and just leave her home until school starts back up.I have to work Monday through Friday so I can't hang in the house with her, she doesn't have any friends or family in the area so if she stays home she will be alone in the house. I want her out, aound others in the fresh air having new experiences.The first camp starts on Monday and it's cellphone free.Any advice on what to do if she refuses to go? I'm so frustrated with her!!!!! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Xl5fkB

I am a stay-at-home-mom and a "friend" of mine asked "Don't you have any life goal", I responded and deleted him from my contact

This "friend" is also on Reddit so I am just going to tell a simple version of my story.Him and his wife both work and they have a daughter similar age to mine. I have two kids, a three year old boy and a almost one year old baby girl.One day, out of nowhere, he suddenly asked me if I ever plan to get a job.I was surprised by his question and aked why.He said, well my wife enjoy being a mom but she needs a job to feel balance in life.I found it a bit offensive and just replied "no I want to be sit on my couch for the rest of my life".Then he immediately said "Don't you have any life goal? Other than taking care of children?"Some might say it's just an ordinary question but to me it was rude af. What kind of friend judge people like that?I said, my life goal is to be a useless piece of wood.He said something like that's lame and conversation carried on.I tried to change the subject and suggest maybe a play date in the future, since our families have similar culture background. I also said I could help babysit if some time they want a little break.He simply rejected me by saying their life right now is quite perfect and they have babysitter, their kid has her own friends so play date is not necessary.Later I just got more and more upset about what he said and I texted him a long little essay.I said maybe you didn't mean to but what you said really offended me. You don't know what happened in my life and how everything leads to the life I have right now. I hope those misfortune will never happen to you.I think I texted more but I don't remember.Then I deleted him. He tried to add me back, I ignored. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Xl5cFr

Our introverted 4 y/o invited a left-out child to play with him

Our son is 4, and is quite an introvert. Any given day, he would prefer to play by himself than with someone else. He is also quite shy and does not usually say "hi" to anyone other than us (his parents).However, today at his childcare program, there was another boy who was being left out by another group of children. He was crying inconsolably; not even the teachers could help him. My son, who has NEVER asked another child to play with him, saw this, went up to that boy, and asked him to play. The two boys talked and played a little bit, and they both had a good time. Nobody had to even ask our son to offer that boy to play, like we normally do. We are all so proud of him for doing this, and our son is pretty happy as well! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2J5bYVu

I read that if babies have cradle cap you can rub a little olive oil on their heads and it helps.

So I used the most expensive, purest olive oil I own that I got from Palmer square for $50/bottle. And I fucking forgot that it was infused with herbs.So now my baby smells like fucking Italian bread.And he just had a bath. Like literally right before I put the olive oil on him.Mom fail. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FCIoGc

Future step son/mommy issues

Good morning fellow redditors,So, I'm a male, my fiance is female. She has a 3 year old son and I have an almost 5 year old daughter.Her son can be a hand full. All he does is cry and whine at the littlest things and especially for mommy. I can RARELY do ANYTHING with him. I want to build a connection with him, especially since his A-hole father decided to up and leave.He is a great kid minus the crying at everything and for mommy. He'll constantly cry that I'm hurting him or "ouchie" when it's just me in the room and his mom is doing something in another room. This happens when I'm not even touching him. He won't even let me unbuckle him from the car seat.I'd never hurt the little guy and I care for him, just as I care for his mom.I don't remember my daughter EVER being so whiny and crying, like he does.I want to help my fiancee out so much because she totally gets overloaded with life and dealing with him on her own, she won't admit it, but I can tell, so I try to help but he goes bezerk. He flips out at everything.Any advice to a guy genuinely trying to be a good male figure in his life. I want to help raise him (which has already been agreed upon with my fiancee), it's just hard with a kid that is constantly upset about something. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2xk5DA6

Am I wrong about making my daughter (5) where shorts under her dress?

This morning was a bit rough getting her out the door to school. She had a half a dozen different excuses as to why she didn't want to wear shorts under her dress. I was patient, but we had to get going as it was dragging on and we'd be late to work.The tag hurts -> I'll cut it offBut the elastic hurts -> I swap out the shorts for softer onesBut my friends like seeing the designs -> you shouldn't be showing your underwear (explain about privacy)But my dress (on the inside) doesn't touch my skin until (points to mid thigh) here -> it's on the inside no one will noticeBut it gives me extra wedgiesThis is where I falter. I don't want my daughter to be uncomfortable, but I also don't want her playing outside in the mulch on the playground without the extra protection. I also don't want her underwear showing during activities. The dress comes down to the knees. I know this is subjective, but am I being unreasonable for wanting her to wear shorts under her dress? What do other people do here? I was close to relenting because the dress is long enough in most cases except play.She was in hysterics bawling, which she doesn't usually do unless something is wrong. I got her to agree to turn it into a game (count the wedgies so we can find the shorts with the least wedgies) and the waterworks subsided a bit. The whole ordeal made my wife late and took about 20 extra minutes, but I wanted to work through it all as best I could. Curious for outside opinions on the situation. Thanks! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KJg6xT

What should go in a teen boy's room?

So there's this 16-year-old kid who, at this point, literally lives on my couch. His parents are shit, he doesn't even have a room at "home" (he sleeps on a mattress in the kitchen). So he lives with me. He's a good kid.Recently I spoke with my roommate and we agreed to move into a three-bedroom so he can have his own space. The cost difference is not significant so we can afford it just fine, and we both consider him like a son (he jokingly calls us "mom" and "dad," even). He doesn't know we're doing this yet, but of course we'll run it by him before we commit to the new place.I want to surprise him with a room that's actually ready to move into. I'm planning to buy him a bed frame and mattress + pillows and sheets and all that, a TV, a desk, school supplies, and a mini fridge. We're also going to paint it his favorite color.I'll still have a little bit of money left over after all that, so my question is, what else should I put in his room? What can I do to make it feel like a home for him? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Nke0q8

Bi-Monthly Application, games and books review - June 28, 2019

This is a Bi-Weekly thread meant to share review and comments on children's phone applications, games and books.Feel free to share with us your new discoveries, what you liked and what you didn't really appreciate. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KNx5PA

Bedtime - are we setting ourselves up for failure?

My daughter is 4. She usually doesn't nap during the day. Bedtime is 7pm.We'll do our bedtime routine every night but then she often complains she's not tired. If she's not tired, we'll let her play quietly in her room. This is usually colouring/drawing. She can play in there for quite a while until she lets us know she wants to be tucked in. Last night it was 9pm when she fell asleep. More often it's closer to 8pm.Experiences with this kind of routine? Should we be more strict about being in bed? Previously we insisted she stay in bed and honestly it didn't get her to fall asleep any earlier. Battles over it sometimes lasted over an hour and even two hours on occasion. This seems to result in happier bedtimes for all, just concerned that there may be a downside later.Summer complicates it a bit as well, as it is still light out at 9pm here. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2X88vdX

Self-made childrens books?

I’m looking for a site that enables me to write a story that can be illustrated or where you can add your own photos/clip art to drive the story. As my toddler gets older I like the idea of creating a story with him and then having a book made of what he comes up with- does anyone know if something like this exists? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2IUBlul

My daughter cannot answer questions.

My daughter is three, she talks very well, she is very intelligent. But when I ask her 'how was school?' or 'Who is her friends?' she says nothing. She can make choices. She asks me questions all the time. I am not really concerned, it is just strange to me. I would like some opinions. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ZP5Asc

Ever get super emotional over how much you love your child?

new mom here. my one and only baby is my whole life. after her, i can no longer have more children. i cherish every waking moment with her. she had a long day today and woke up about twenty minutes ago crying. i put her next to me in bed to comfort her and now she is back asleep. she has smiled a few times in her sleep and even giggled. i just feel so overwhelmed with love for this sweet baby. i can hardly bring myself to put her back in her bed because i just miss her so bad while she sleeps. after i make this post i will though so we can both get some good rest. what kind of moments do you find yourself overflowing with love for your children? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2X7xVIH