How do you leave a abusive relationship when there is kid(s) involved.

I posted earlier https://ift.tt/2H5sMut have no idea how to even plan to leave. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pXsRIf

Everyone thinks My husband is the “greatest” man ever but he’s not.

Throwaway. I don’t want my husband to find this. I’m not sure if this is the best place to post this.My husband has put be through hell since we got together. We have the most amazing little boy(1). I’m been slowly planning our escape. I’m tired of being threaten, torn down and isolated.What’s great is my whole family loves him. no one knows what happens behind closed doors. My mother met him for the first time today and pulled me aside to tell how much she liked him and how well I did. There’s no one in my family that doesn’t love this man. He brings me to tears multiple a week but he’s a great father.No one sees the man I see and I’m starting to wondering if my postpartum depression is just making crazy. Theres no way he’s abusive if no one else can see it. Every time I hear how great he is I abandon my plans to leave because I must be crazy. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pTxQuj

What I put in my son’s eggs

There was a thread a few days ago about not wanting to spend too much money on Easter a few days ago which I totally agreed with. Last night as I was thinking of things to put in my 5 year old’s eggs I came up with making homemade “passes”. Some of them were an eat dessert before dinner pass, stay up 5 minutes past bedtime pass, get donuts for bfast pass and skip shower pass. We did his egg hunt today and he loved them! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GZ1zJG

How can I get my 3 year old to wear her Easter dress?

Hi all! I just want her to wear the dress her grandma made her to the Easter party. It is no sleeves, non itchy, with bunnies per her specifications, but she refuses to put it on.This isn’t any sort of long term discipline issue and yes the world will not end if she won’t wear it, but grandma made it for her and it would be really great if she would and really sad if she won’t.I have tried reasoning (ha) and telling her she can change after grandma sees her. I’m thinking of resorting to bribery. I don’t want to heavily lay down the law and make her wear it because I want to keep this a happy day and at the end of the day it’s just a dress. I’d really appreciate other ideas, thank you! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GIVjrL

I buried my baby

I feel like I've posted a lot on here, but I just wanted to talk for a little longer. We buried Millie today, and it wasn't something I wanted to bottle up. The community here is so welcoming and kind, and it's really given me an outlet for my grief. So, thank you.My mother helped me pick out what Millie was going to be buried in, and we chose this beautiful yellow sundress that she used to wear all the time in summer. It was her favorite season, and I wanted her to spend the rest of eternity in it. When Millie would wear it, I'd always tease her because her hair was this golden blonde and it blended with the dress when she wore it down, and we'd just laugh about it. Her hair looked so pretty. It sounds weird, probably, but I cut off some of it in the back, so I could see it sometimes after she's buried. She had the prettiest hair. It doesn't look the same in pictures. Even the part I cut off, it doesn't look like Millie's.Nothing about her looked like Millie. My ex lobbied for open casket, and I figured I'd give him that much. I wanted to see her, too. But it wasn't Millie. Even when she was on the floor, when she was just barely dead, she looked more like Millie than whatever we put in the ground today. That wasn't my baby. I think maybe it was because I didn't see her eyes open. Millie had gorgeous eyes, they always glowed kind of golden right before the sun set. And when it was right in the afternoon, they were this honey brown. She wouldn't pierce your soul with her eyes, she would just wrap you in a big hug. And her eyelashes, they were so long. I told her she had cow eyes, all big and brown and beautiful, with those long lashes.All of Millie's old friends came, and it was lovely of them. They were all really sad, but they gave me hugs and I just held them like they were my Millie. I practically raised some of those girls like my own with how much they were over. Millie used to hide her one friend in the house when it was time to go, and they'd plot on how they could sleepover forever. I could never find her, so we'd all just wait until they got sick of each other. They weren't very good friends, so it never took that long. Some of Millie's coaches came. They were really lovely. Her soccer coach spoke at the service, and talked about how dedicated she was and how much of a team player she was. But we all knew it was BS. Millie hogged the ball all the time, because she just wanted to win. I'd tell her not to, but she'd always say that none of the other girls could play like her. She was right.It was hard. It was really hard to say goodbye. I don't know what else I can say, and I'm sorry if this hasn't been entirely eloquent. Writing has been such a powerful coping tool for me, so thank you all for reading this. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2E9rqvz

Does anyone else ‘blag’ being a parent?

Hi.Dad here of two kids from the UK. One 2 1/2 year old boy and a 6 month old girl.I’ll be honest, ‘back in the day’, prior to being a parent, I was guilty of being a sanctimonious twat.I used to imagine myself as a parent and I thought I had all these wonderful ideas ranging from discipline to education.Since becoming a parent, boy how that has all changed, to the point all previous ideas are blown out the water I’m just blagging it.Example: as an experimental discipline measure (because the past 5 failed) we introduced ‘the time out zone’. Perfect, we thought. When he is naughty, he will be sent there and then after a few minutes we would go to him, get an apology, explain to him the boundaries and then normal service resumed. This worked for all of three days.No. Child #1, in his defiance, decided that if he’s being sent to time out, he’s also going to use that zone as a sort of avant-guarde experimental art zone. In layman’s terms that means he smears the contents of his nappy on the floor/walls/stairs and laughs about it.This happened twice. The solution? No idea mate.I’m blagging it now, the reality is so different to how you plan parenting.1) I’d rather face a day of work on Monday than a soft play centre with a hangover. 2) If you say “for fucks sake” in front of a two year old he will NAIL the repetition on 1st attempt. However, “rabbit” is “babbit”. 3) Oh no the toy no longer makes a sound? Oh dear (the batteries are staying put). 4) judge me all you want but if Peppa Pig is the ONE thing that keeps my kid quiet in the restaurant then that’s what I’ll do.Anyone else know what I mean?An apt link to lighten the mood (stand up comedy):ParentingHappy Saturday. My kids are both in bed and now it’s time for beer. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2H1TeVq

Shared a video of my daughter at work, coworker called me a terrible parent for subjecting my daughter to “such adult things”

This is half rant, half seeking input. I truly don’t feel there was anything wrong with happened but maybe I am in the minority. Also, throwaway due to possible backlash if I am in the wrong. I’ve seen the nasty side of Reddit beforeBackstory. I (27f) have been with my SO (27m) for over two years now. One of which he has lived with me and my daughter (6 1/2f). The half is very important to her. He is not her biological father, but he is very much a father to her.As long as she has known him, he has had facial hair. Usually a beard, at the very least a goatee. He’s joked with her multiple times about shaving it off, and she always yells at him “you better not!” Well a week or two ago, he got offered a job, and at dinner he was talking about it and told her he was going to have to shave so he could look presentable for the interview. She was so upset that she actually broke down in tears. He consoled her and said to make it up to her, after dinner, she could use the clippers to help him shave.So we go upstairs after dinner, he notched lines in his face to show her where she can and can’t use the clippers, showed her how to use them and she did a good job for the most part. She had fun and it made her feel better. I had fun watching him panic the entire time and took some pictures and video of it.At work yesterday, the topic of shaving came up between me and two female coworkers, and I remembered I had those videos. I showed them a couple videos, they thought it was funny and adorable. A male coworker overheard us and was interested in seeing what we were talking about. When I showed him, he immediately stepped back and told me I’m a terrible for “subjecting her to such adult things”. How it was grossly inappropriate for my SO to have his shirt off in front of her. How it was a sexual situation between them. How it was terrible to be teaching such a young child to be a servant to a man. All this crazy stuff, making me feel bad, like I did something wrong. I asked some other coworkers with children about this, one said maybe the shirt off wasn’t mandatory but otherwise it’s not that big of a deal.I couldn’t stop thinking about this the rest of my time at work yesterday. I talked to my SO about it, he said that my male coworker who said those terrible things was “a jackwagon who needs to step out of his fantasy world”. I personally don’t think there’s anything inappropriate with the nature of what happened. He sat on the floor to be at her height, he took his shirt off because that’s how he has always shaved and planned on showering afterwards. He still had pants and shoes on. They talked, he coached her through what she was doing, there was nothing inappropriate to the situation in any way. Or am I missing something bigger here? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GqICOV

There needs to be a word like “mansplaining,” but for non-parents who give unsolicited advice

Kidsplaining? Childfreesplaining?It’s never anyone I know, but for some reason my husband has like a dozen friends, relatives, and acquaintances who love to do this. From his 60 something uncle who always thinks what my toddler needs is a good spanking... to his sister’s 20 something roommate who gave us a lecture on the evils of screen time today (even though our kid doesn’t watch tv?)... there’s always someone who knows how they’d do it better.Anybody else’s lives just rotten with child rearing experts who have clearly never spent more than fifteen minutes around an actual child? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GKbjda

Why do we hate on parents who do more than us on holidays? Ex: “Easter being like a second Christmas”

I’m so tired of seeing posts bashing other parents who have different traditions than them.At Christmas it’s “Why is that mom buying their kid an iPad? I’m not spoiling my child!” ...and don’t you dare write that it’s from Santa!At Valentines it’s “Omg am I supposed to get my kid a gift for Valentine’s Day now? Why are parents buying their kids stuff for valentines dayyyyy?”On Saint Patrick’s Day it’s “WTF am I supposed to hide gold coins and make leprechaun traps now? I’m refusing to do this for my kids, those parents are crazy!”At Easter it’s “When did Easter become a second Christmas? My kids are just getting some chocolate and a skipping rope because I don’t spoil them!”Why is there SO much hate for parents who choose to do things bigger? Who cares if someone wants to spend a ton of money at Christmas or Easter? Why do people feel the need to constantly comment on parents who make the holidays into something bigger?I’m 28 years old and my mom always went big for every holiday. Easter was always a time for us to get outdoor toys like a new trampoline, new bikes, etc. My step mom always hid gold coins on Saint Patrick’s day, and we always go big on Christmas. It’s nothing new and it’s not millennial parents creating these traditions. Social media allows us to see into other peoples traditions more than ever before, so suddenly everyone is noticing that some people do things bigger, and seem to be hating it. There are people who do things way bigger than us and I couldn’t care less. Everyone has different budgets and different traditions, and we shouldn’t stop doing our traditions or feel bad about them just because someone else does something differently. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2J6lo2k

What do I do with my 3.5 year old while breastfeeding my new baby in public?

I had my second child on March 21, and it occurred to me this morning that not only do I have to get used to breastfeeding in public again, but that I'll have to keep my three-and-a-half-year-old corralled at the same time. Any suggestions on how to keep her occupied? We don't let her watch videos on iPhones or iPads, and I'm not sure I have room in the diaper bag for books. I'm thinking notebook and crayons, but I'm worried she'll get bored with that after a while. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GZu3Tr

fuck Diaper Genie and their fucking shit-ass shit can

Seriously. We had twins and I estimate we spent about $15/month minimum on refills for nearly three years. That's over $500. Stupid fucking plastic bucket broke all the time -- I could maybe have a part time job just in Diaper Genie repair. Always stinking to high hell, even with the deodorizing inserts. Taking the bags out and pinching off a shit sausage is always a stinky mess, too.We just had a third baby and got a new solution for him. I don't want to name product names, but it's basically a fucking trash can with a lid. It works 15000 times better than the fucking Diaper Genie and all I have to do is open the fucking lid and take the bag out. Also, the bags are just on a roll like normal trash bags and we're still on the first roll after three months in.In summary, fuck Diaper Genie and their fucking shit-ass shit can scam. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GncFLx

How do I stop hating being a dad?

I should preface this by saying that I am lucky to have a son who is healthy, smart and, by all accounts, a completely normal toddler. He's 21 months old this week.And... I hate it. It breaks my heart to say it, but it's true. For the past two years I've tried to convince myself that it will get better and that we just need some time to adjust to being a family, but I just can't bring myself to enjoy being a dad.Everyone knows that parenting is hard. "But it's all worth it!", say the parents for whom it obviously comes naturally. But it's not. I love the boy, I really do, but I just wish I could turn back the clock to before we started trying for a baby, before we had this needy, whiny, snotty bag of germs that's up all hours of the night and won't ever let me get any rest.I miss the freedom of being able to go out, or on holidays, or to the cinema. Or even to just sit and watch a film at home, or play a video game or read a book without being interrupted. I knew, of course, that these would be things that we'd be able to do a lot less of when my wife and I became parents. "But it's all worth it!" was the mantra. But it's not. It's just... exhausting. The thing that really gets me is the illness. I've been more ill, and more severely, in the last 2 years than I ever was in the 30 before. I don't feel like myself any more and can't help but blame the boy.My son is, in some ways, very independent. He hates hugs and kisses (which kills me inside, because I just want to give him a cuddle and tell him I love him, and that I'm sorry, and that I want to be a better dad). In other ways I find him incessantly demanding. The repeated reading of the same stupid stories. The endlessly looping videos of celebrities singing covers of their own songs on Sesame Street. It just grinds me down. I've tried replacing them with activities I thought we'd both enjoy. As a fan of Terry Pratchett I bought "Where's My Cow?" so that we could read that together. He loves it. We have read it three times this morning. I hate it now. The same words, over and over. It is torture.My wife says she wants another baby. This was THE PLAN. I told her I don't think I've got it in me to have another one. This caused a big row and we haven't discussed it since. My wife suggested that I was suffering from depression, so I've referred myself to a service called Time to Talk. I'm worried that someone will realise that it's not depression, it's just that I'm a selfish bastard who wants his old life back.But I want to change. I want to enjoy being a parent. I love my son (it might not sound like it, but I do) and I want to do better for him. I want to have a better relationship with him than I do with my own father. I just don't know how to start. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2uFaJJ0

Help me calm down

So my little monkey was jumping on the bed today, he fell off, hit is head. I took him to the doctor and the doctor said......... Your 3 year old has a mass on his brain not related to the fall.Now I'm freaking out. They sent us home and told us to wait for a call from a neurologist, but I'm taking him to a children's hospital for a second opinion as our hospital is very incompetent. I can't breathe.Please tell me that this can't possibly be cancer or require brain surgery. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GrA0aV

HPV vaccine or not?

I know vaccinations are a touchy subject for some people and I'm not trying to stir anything up! We are NOT anti-VAX parents. If you are, God bless but this question is probably not for you.Our kids (both teens) are up to date on all their vaccinations. At their last annual checkup with their pediatrician, the doc asked if we wanted to give them Gardasil (HPV vaccine). The wife said no (I wasn't there). Our niece passed out shortly after getting the first shot in the series. My wife has also heard anecdotal stories of serious complications. So based on all that my wife thinks the potential risks outweigh the potential benefits. Her argument is it doesn't prevent all forms of HPV so its still possible to get HPV/cancer despite being vaccinated. Therefore its not worth the risk.Doing a Google search for "HPV vaccine complications" is pretty futile. Its nearly impossible to get past all the anti-vax websites to anything useful.Normally I'm a firm believer in vaccinations, and would be on this if my wife hadn't pushed back.What are you feelings and experiences? Are you getting you kids vaccinated? I'm just looking for other parents thoughts on this specific vaccine. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GGZt3e

Mother and Father Duet Lullaby

My wife and I both sing decently well (though she's better than I) and I thought it would be really fun to learn a fun lullaby-esque duet that we could sing to our little one. Google has absolutely failed me on this, so I was wondering if anyone here had suggestions. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2IhRbvW

Is it OK to reuse baby boys clothes for a girl?

I have a 3 year old boy and i kept all of his clothes from 0000 to 3. I am having a girl soon and i am wanting to know can i re use a lot of the stuff that i have?Is there a general guideline as to what age i stop doing it or is there a certain point the female baby clothes cut fabric different or mould for a female ?If yes, what items are a big YES and a hell NO. I am thinking like leggins, onesies, singlets, tshirts would be fine and some pants, but some stuff is probably a bit too boyish, but does it matter?Is it better to save a few dollars and re use a lot? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GluvyC

Sports are ruining my life

My kids all play sports. Which was my husbands idea since he has played all his life. They are good for my kids and my kids love them, which is fine no problems with that. My problem is how my husband acts and talks about my kids playing sports. It’s to the point where I can’t stand listening to him. He’s that dad who thinks his kids are going to actually be professionals at some point. My kids are good better then most other kids but I attribute that to them practicing a lot. It’s so hard listening every day for hours about how great they are and how much better they are than everyone else...my kids are still in elementary school so I’m terrified of how this is going to play out through middle school and high school. It’s embarrassing and I don’t know how to tell him that it’s not only annoying but gives my kids unrealistic expectations and makes him look arrogant. Any ideas on how to tone this down without a fight? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Gq2hPd

Today my toddler showed a level of empathy and compassion that most adults never reach

I just want to share something that happened today... my daughter is almost 1.5 years old. Today at the park there was a group of what appeared to be foster children playing. Their (assumed) foster mom called to them that it was time to go, and began loading them into her van. 1 of them, a boy about 7 years old, sat on a park bench and began very loudly screaming and sobbing. My daughter was concerned for him (she always does this for children who are upset) and walked over to his bench. I squatted down next to her and quietly said “this boy is sad and angry. It’s okay to be sad and angry. Sometimes people are happy, and other times they are sad or angry. I think he is sad because he doesn’t want to leave the park”. The boy then said “No! I just want to go home to my daddy, I miss him” (cue my heart breaking for him). So we all sat there for another moment, the boy visibly calming down at this point. My daughter motioned that she wanted help sitting on the bench. I asked the boy “can she sit next to you?” He sniffled and said, “sure, she can sit right here” (motions to his right). I picked up my girl and sat her next to him as she had requested. We sat there in silence together for a minute while the foster mom finished putting children in their seats. Then, without any trouble or being asked, the boy got up and went to the van to leave.It’s amazing to me how this small gesture of understanding and compassion brought peace to this boy in that moment. I’m so proud of my toddler for learning empathy at such a young age. ❤️❤️❤️ via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pRCNnk

I worry she's never going to forgive me

My daughter is 12 and I haven't seen her since she was six I was a mess when I was with her mom. I got out of the army but I was a real mess and started drinking. It got so bad her mom kicked me out. I was homeless when I met my second wife who helped me get my life together but I was too ashamed to ever really go back and my ex telling to never come back also has been replaying in my mind over the last few years.Long story short I had a few more kids with my second wife and a few months ago my ex was arrested the main details are that she lost her job and her home and she became a prostitute which really shocked me and I'm not judging her. I'm the last person that should judge my ex. I lied to my wife in the beginning about my daughter I told her she was niece and I did it because I was a coward. I was afraid to tell her how I ended up on the street where she found me. She knew my alcoholism was why I ended up homeless she just didn't know everything.I eventually came clean and my wife was not happy. My daughter has been living with me for months and her views of me have not changed. She does not trust me and when she's not angry with me well it's like she's afraid of me no matter what.I don't even know how to discipline her because if I get mad she gets scared and I feel like I'm at a loss. I want to be a dad to her but part of me feels I don't deserve to be and part of me feels like I don't have the right to be. I feel like there is nothing I can do to get her to see I've changed and I won't blame her if she never forgives me. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2E7BTrk

My daughter says this is the meanest thing I ever said to her

Me: Did you know the word "gullible" is no longer in the dictionary?Daughter? No! That's not true!Me: No, really it is. They had a big committee meeting and decided that it was a word that shouldn't be in the dictionary anymore. It was all over the news. If you don't believe me look it up.Daughter: You're wrong, I'll prove it! OK, goose, guesswork . . . here it is!Me: Really? What does it say the definition is?Daughter: "too ready to believe what other people say, and therefore easy to tr--I HATE YOU!!!" via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GZoKUb

OMG stop whining!

OMG my 6 year old will NOT stop whining. That’s her communication mode with me. She does not do this with my husband or mother in law. Only me.I am attentive, I speak in a calm manner (until I have just had enough, but still I don’t yell or scream.)How can I fix this? She has been like for 3 fucking years and I’m losing my mind. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2J3Sa42

At what age would you allow your child to go on a camping trip without any adult supervision?

Question in the title.My twins are 13 and want to go camping with a bunch of their friends without any parental supervision. I'm against it. My husband is supporting my decision but says that he thinks it's a little overprotective. My twins are fraternal boy/girl so the camping trip would be co-ed. Am I wrong that this sounds wildly inappropriate for their age range? Am I missing something? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2uARaRW

Shingles at 4 years old.

Note: I'm not posting this to debate vaccinations, just looking for advice on how to help my child.My son (4) came to me the other day and said he had an ouch. I asked him to show me. I was expecting to see he scratched his self, but instead his ouch was very alarming as it was all blistery. The next morning I tried to reach the pediatrician, but due to phone problems on there end, I couldn't. So, I took him to the Urgent Care.In urgent care, the doctors kept saying "this shouldn't be happening" and were in complete disbelief that a 4 year old could have shingles. They asked a bunch of questions, about vaccinations, laundry detergent, family history, etc. Yes hes vaccinated, no changes in anything laundry wise, and answered the family history questions.They gave him an antiviral medication and told us to get to the pediatrician as soon as we could for a second opinion, because they would be more versed in children with shingles.Later that afternoon, I was able to contract the pediatrician and they got him in right away. Unfortunately, with no new answers. They were also in disbelief. I'm in disbelief. I never realized children of that age could get shingles, let alone a child who has been vaccinated for chicken pox.Anyway, if you've had shingles, or your child has, what is the best way to help soothe the pain. His are in his waste/groin/thigh/butt area and I just feel terrible that he hurts basically every time he moves.TLDR: 4 year old, complete vaccinated, has shingles. Looking for advice on soothing his pain and improving his comfort level. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GZf0cz

My 14-month-old only uses two or so words

He loves to babble and make random noises, but he only seems to use two words consistently. Any animal he sees is "doggie" and every other item or thing he sees is "daddy". He's a happy, healthy boy otherwise. Should I start being concerned about his lack of word diversity? He previously was saying "mama" a couple of months ago, but that has completely gone away. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2J7I02n

Looking for some good thoughts; wife going into brain surgery while pregnant.

My wife is about to go into (her second) brain surgery while 33 weeks pregnant with our second son. We've got probably the best neurosurgery and obstetrics teams possible, but we're also looking for all the supportive thoughts, vibes, prayers, etc. that we can get.So if you've got a moment, one parent to another, please spare a thought for my wife, my son, and my family.<3 via /r/Parenting https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/88ajqv/looking_for_some_good_thoughts_wife_going_into/?utm_source=ifttt

My 4 y/o called 911 this morning

I woke up to someone saying his name, I unintentionally hung up on them when I grabbed my phone off my chest (why it was there, I don't know) I immediately received a call back, the lady just confirming that everything was okay. I thought I was adamant enough that 911 was just for emergencies, but apparently my child takes after me too much. I did the exact same thing when I was his age, the only difference is I didn't converse with the operator, I got nervous and just sat silently on the end of the line. My son conversed, at least enough for her to know his name and for him to know where she was. Not sure how to get it in his head that 911 is for emergencies. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pQkxe1

Napping and Pushing Boundaries for 2 yr old

Hi everyone. My son is 2 yrs, 4 months old and while he sleeps happily in his crib at night, my wife and I have decided to co-sleep with him for this nap each day. Normally this has gone well and he will fall asleep quickly and nap with me soundly. However, for the last two weeks when I nap with him he has been wanting to crawl around the bed, pretend to nap with his feet hanging off the edge of the bed (I'm awake with him then so he's safe and won't fall), put the covers over his head, try to grab things off the nightstand, etc. He does none of these things when he's napping with my wife.I feel like he's trying to push his boundaries and see what he can get away with. I try to be as boring as possible (not interacting, etc.) but I do have to often move him back to the center of the bed when he's getting near the edge and I know this might seem like a game to him.Any advice on how I can get him to stop exploring and playing and focus on napping instead?Thanks! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Id4Ap9

Prom night, need advice!!

My daughter [17 f] will be attending prom in the coming weeks with her boyfriend of a few months [18 m]. He goes to a school about 25 minutes away, and lives about that far too.She brought this up to me about three weeks ago, asking for her (11:00) curfew to be extended on prom night since the dance doesn’t even end until then. I asked why and she was honest and said they would probably go to a party afterwards.I don’t mind. My daughter is a very mature teenager due to some circumstances she’s been in as a child. She’s never been to a party to my knowledge, and I trust the boy she’s with to be smart with everything they do.Here’s where I need advice. After I agreed to extend curfew, she insinuated that she would like to stay at her boyfriends parents house. I know the mother kinda well, and know that she does not care if my daughter stays over/stays late. Is this appropriate?My daughter is very honest with me, she has had sex before. I’m not worried about that as She’s mature/safe handling it, but is it appropriate to let her stay at a boyfriends house?I don’t want to go pick her up at 2-3am. I definitely don’t want her driving, especially if there will be a party afterwards. Lyft/Uber on a Friday night I’m worried about, she’s and I both have had bad experiences before. Not to mention, it’s gonna be a Friday night. Lots of drinking and drivingAs a a parent, what would you do? I’m struggling because on one hand I think “No!! She isn’t 18!!” But then I think, it isn’t some magic number, she acts more maturely than some 21 year olds. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pQ0zA2

3 Children and the bug

You need to find humor in things when shit hits the fan. My 2 1/2 year old woke up with the bug two days ago & I’ve never had to deal with so much throw up and shit in my entire life. My 6 month old started vomiting last night, she’s been the easiest(?) I mean she really can’t vocalize how shit she feels, so there’s that. My 8 year old ran out of his room, and threw up a couple times on the carpet in the living room attempting to make it across my long ass house to the bathroom. My husband and I both get up, fix him up & send him to bed with a bucket. We stand next to each other & look at the floor to assess what mess we have to clean up. There’s a thing in the mess. Both starring at it, “What is it?” I ask my husband. He replies, “A sock.” I look at him with my ‘4 in the morning fml’ face and say, “He ate a sock?” We laugh, gag and silently appreciate having each other to go through these crazy days with. I can honestly say there’s no one else I’d rather be picking up vomit with. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2J3SW1f

Opinion on DokiWatch and similar Smartwatch devices?

I have a 6 year old with ADHD.I had/have ADHD and was also the youngest in a large family, so I feel that I wasn't as prepared for some things as I really could have been as a kid. On the one hand, I had all the benefits of growing up in the 90s: lots of friends in the neighborhood, freedom to roam the suburbs, walked home from the bus stop with others from my area, etc.On the other hand, if I needed to get in touch with my parents, everyone had a hard line I could call from. To dial 911, I didn't need to enter a password, or swipe a screen, navigate to a menu option, THEN dial a number on a keypad. It takes 3 steps to be able to call "999" on my cell phone, and everyone's cell phone is different. In the 90s, all you had to do was pick up the phone and dial.So my son wants more independence, but I also am training him with how to keep track of the time and when to come home, how to ask for help, etc etc. So far, he's been okay at it but he is really bad at remembering when to come home--even when he has a watch. Maybe I'm lazy but it would be so great to ring him up on a DokiWatch and be like 'get your butt home' without having to wander around to track him down.I like the idea of him being able to call me to let me know where he is. Right now he is very good at telling parents: "Can you text my mom and tell her I'm here?" But that's not always possible, especially when he's playing outside in a group or when a nanny is home and not the parent. Or if he makes new friends whose parents I don't know.What do you think? Is this a 21st century gimmick? Is this too sheltering? We all learned to come home on time the old fashioned way, but I can't lie and say the GPS tracking for the SOS function isn't comforting. I want my kid to be independent, to be in situations where he has to make choices without me being there making them for him. But I also like the capability of ringing him when it's time to get his ass home.Right now, he knows that the sunset call to prayer means he's late. That's a good signal to him, but we won't be living in the Middle East forever.Thoughts? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2E6RlDW

Now we play the waiting game...

Post-ception. Original post is in there somewhere, just keep clicking... https://ift.tt/2pQb5aC. My lawyer is still trying to file the ex parte against the wife, but for that to happen my lawyer essentially needs the CPS worker on the case on speed dial, ready to talk to the judge. She can't do that because I have to sign a release form for my lawyer and her to talk, but she is out of the office until Monday.BUT. We are not giving up. My lawyer is still going to try to get in to see the judge. I will pay her whatever it takes to essentially be a bug up their ass, I don't care, GET ME THAT DAMN PAPER.The ex spoke with a mutual friend of ours who in turn sent me screenshots of their conversation, which will work in my favor. In this conversation, he is trying to get said friends to watch the kids because she is going crazy apparently (he works third shift, she is home ALONE with not only my children but her own as well, how the hell this is allowed almost stops my heart). He is apparently going to try to get emergency custody of the child they have together tonorrow because of how bad she has become.Legit shitting bricks you guys. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2J4d6bm

[Rant] Neighbors are perfect parents who's kid is a perfect angel.

Let start with I am fucking livid. On mobile so sorry for errors.This isn't the first incident with the neighbor boy [2nd grade] and my daughters [K and 1st] the first incident was a year ago when I caught him coaxing my daughters and another neighbor boy [now K] to pull their pants down and show him. I was angry but I passed it off as kids being kids. Granted we hadn't talked with our daughters about public nudity. Inside our home it is a non issue still today. They didn't know it was a predatory act and we have repeatedly had that talk since. Again I passed it off as kids being kids. I've witnessed him coaxing another neighbor boy [now 1st] to hit his parents car with a bat then run and taddle as soon as the boy did. Repeatedly had my daughters come to me about how he's being mean to them. My wife and I should have talked to his parents sooner, I know, but honestly I now know it was futile.Now to the issue. We live in a culdasac with low traffic and the kids have been great about watching for the few cars that do come through. There is a neighborhood traffic cone that every neighbor know kids are at play when it's out. If you think I'm a shit parent for this go to hell but we sometimes let them ride bikes outside with minimal supervision. Honestly I was glued to the front window the entire time. Recently we are always outside with them because of the troublesome boy. We told our daughter they are not to interact with him only to tell him the aren't allowed to play with him then move away. Today my wife was weeding while our daughters played with a new electric vehicle toy they earned for both learning to ride a bike without training wheels. Troublesome boy is angry he doesn't get to ride it and tells my oldest that if she gets near him he'll KILL her, wife heard it herself. With all that's going on these days that was the last straw. We both went over and told his dad, I quote "Just so you know your son said xyz to our daughter, we'd like you to talk to him." Dad takes son inside. Later the dad approached my wife and told her they don't use words like that in their house and are we sure? Did anyone else hear? Can you back it up? You know we've had trouble with you daughters too. How about we all just stay to our own half of the culdasac.Yes it's true. My oldest gets into trouble, we know this and discipline accordingly and would take another parent at their word if something happened.I am abosultly steaming right now that he would think an adult and fellow parent would lie about this. I went straight to Costco to buy then install survalence cameras. As well we're going to enforce the my half your half rule like fucking Gestapo. It was his damn idea instead of being a half decent person and parent. God I'm so angry!I really needed to get this out of my system. I don't know if there really is any advice for this situation. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GUCFL6

Am I A Bad Mom For Leaving My 3 yo For 6 Weeks

My son (3) and I are pretty inseparable, and I'm definitely his favorite over his dad. I breastfed him for 19 months, took a gap year between my post-bac and starting medical school, and although now he's finally in daycare, he still spends a lot of time with me while I study. I usually pick him up around 1 on school days. Needless to say, medical school is competitive, so I applied for, and got, a 6 week summer clerkship about 7 hours from where I live. It's paid, which is nice because I'd have to pay for his daycare all summer anyway to keep his spot. It's also near all my friends, whom I haven't seen in years. Aside from being in the hospital for a week and visiting my dad after his heart attack, I've never been away from my son. 1 week is the longest I've spent away from him, and now I'm freaking out over being away from him for 6 weeks. I also feel incredibly guilty because the clerkship is optional, though I've tried to find programs closer to me and haven't had much luck. I don't do a lot of extracurriculars during the year because I'm a mom, so I don't want to not do anything over the summer to make up for it. I plan on video calling as much as possible, and driving home at least a couple of weekends, but I'm worried my son will be devastated (which I'm sure is not the case, but I still worry). His dad has a long commute so he'll be in daycare way longer than he usually is, but he likes his school, so I'm not sure how bad that will be. I know this sounds stupid, but am I making a mistake by going? This clerkship is in the specialty I want to go into, and also provides different electives to rotate in, which I'm really excited about. I just can't get over this guilt. Any advice appreciated! Sorry for any formatting errors, I'm on mobile! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pVcc8r

I just want to talk about my Millie

It's been about four days since my daughter ended her life, and I just wanted to talk about her a little bit, especially since her birthday was the 27th. It was hard to go through that without really anybody to talk to. I don't know a lot of people where we live, so everybody's just been giving obligatory condolences and it feels really hard to tell them about my baby. It always feels like I'm talking into a void when I write here, so I figured I'd just give it a shot to see how it feels to talk about Millie like this.When it was just the two of us, we would have so much fun. Back when she had braces, I'd be the one to take her to all her orthodontist appointments. I'd let her take the whole day off school, and we would get breakfast together, and then I'd take her to the appointment. Afterwards, we'd get pedicures and go see a movie and have ice cream. And we were so happy. Millie would be having the worst week imaginable and then we'd go out together, and she'd just smile so big. It made me feel like I was some kind of a supermom. I just loved making her happy. She could never find anything with her full name- Millicent- on it, so I'd get custom stuff made for her from friends and companies, just so she could have a keychain to show off like all her friends did. I got her a Millicent mug, and one with my name for myself, and the paint on hers is barely there she used it so much. She loved that mug.Millie was so sweet and sentimental. She'd save up all her birthday cards, and read them whenever she got sad. And whatever we got her for her birthday or Christmas, she was always so grateful. Even a pair of socks got a squealing reaction from her, and whenever she didn't like something, she would just give it to someone who could use it more than her. She was so charitable. She always put other people before herself, she always was concerned with everyone else's happiness. Millie was the best daughter a mother could ask for. We loved each other so much, and I'll admit, I doubted if she loved me sometimes. But I feel like I know it now, just thinking about all those years with her. Millie loved me. And I loved my Millie so much.All I want to do is tell people about her. She didn't have enough time. Nobody is going to know my Millie in 5 years if I don't tell them. She never had the chance to do her big, world changing thing. I don't want to make her some icon of mental health awareness. I don't want to make her a martyr. I just want people to know that Millicent Grace existed. I want people to know that Millie fell asleep listening to public radio, that she poured honey in her cereal, that she wanted to be valedictorian just to give a speech, that she was someone incredible. I just want to tell people about my daughter before they forget I even had one. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GVKwZ7

Ex(38/m) is in a toxic relationship, I (30/f) just gave an ultimatum: her (23), or his son (3.5).

Ok, let me explain. This is kinda long, but I want to give a clear picture to get as accurate advice as possible.We broke up and I moved out when my son was 6 months. We had a great co parenting relationship up until a year ago. He kept the big apartment and was financially fine, and a great dad. He took him 3 days a week and never shirked his responsibilities to him. We have a non traditional set up, as he is in the service industry and works nights and weekends, so he has him 3 days early in the week (I work a 9-5), and would always take him any time he had off. He loves him very much, and has always put him first. He always paid child support, and his daycare and medical insurance, as stated in our custody decree. He had a few relationships before meeting Mary* (not real name), and I was in a long one for 2 years, but currently single. They met about a year ago through work. Initially, I thought she was nice, and hey, its not really my business and I trust him and his choices. Red Flags popped up: she moved in VERY fast, within a month, and shortly after, lost her job somehow (never found out why). A few months later, he tells me they are moving to a more inexpensive place. This is nuts, because the apartment he has for 5 years that we lived in together was a STEAL. At least 1/3 less than any other comparable apt in the area. He said it was temporary. I found out later that he was evicted and left behind all the furniture we bought together that was really nice stuff. Anyway, they move into an efficiency. He assures me its temporary. I start noticing when I drop my son off they are seemingly always in the middle of an argument. Around this time, he tells me she is bipolar, and went off her meds, so he is breaking up with her. I say cool, that is a good idea. They "work it out" and she gets back on meds. She still doesn't have a job at this point. He breaks down and tells me that she berates him constantly about not making enough money, that he needs to support her. I tell him that is crazy, she is 23 and there is no reason she can't get a job. She is still super nice to my son and I still figure at this point it is kind of his business. Around this time she gets pregnant, and they decide to have an abortion. For a while, I am sympathetic to this being the reason she is depressed and can't work. They have been together around 7 months at this point. His car gets repo-ed and now he can't pay for daycare and my son's insurance. She has also texted me a few times starting fights about money, that I need to pay for daycare alone because they are struggling, etc. Then, things seem to turn around, and they are getting a bigger apartment, and she gets a job.Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, and they have been there about 2 months. He still hasn't picked up his son's insurance yet, and I am splitting daycare with him (I qualify for assistance in my sons insurance, but it was explicitly said that he makes to much money. I have warned him that this could come back on him in a bad way, but I refuse to have him uninsured). Our custody schedule is a bit off, as I am taking him out of town for a few days and he takes him on an off night. It was her birthday so they were supposed to celebrate. The next morning I show up to pick my son up to head out of town. No phones are answered and I have to wait 20 mins for someone to let me in apt gate. 15 mins of pounding on door, and he opens the door, obvi just being woke up. His face is FUCKED UP. Nose is swollen with dried blood, scratches on forehead, black eye. I am pissed already with this, and my son is still asleep at 11am (we have been fighting about him letting him stay up all hours and sleep to late) and I start getting my kid ready when I hear the screaming and door slamming, as usual. Him trying to calm her down, her freaking out. I leave, we go on our trip and I am trying to figure out what to do. The next week he goes to his dad as usual, and I get a call on the 2nd day that I need to pick him up after work. This has been happening a lot too, always with the excuse that they suddenly both must work. I go to get son, dad isn't there. She opens door, mumbles something and I say, ok, lets say bye, and I feel a whoosh of wind and the door slamming in our faces. I had enough. I called dad, said I am sick of her craziness. He said he knows, that she is gone. Then I find out that he has been working SIX days a week, several of those days doubles, pays for all bills, rent, food, whatever, and she only works 2 shifts a week tops. ALSO, HE ISN'T THERE WITH MY SON 2 OUT OF THE 3 DAYS A WEEK HE HAS HIM. She is putting him to bed and spending most of the time with him. He is working to pay for her to not work so she can spend time with my son and not him. Not to mention, none of this money is going toward my sons insurance or paying fully for daycare.I told him this relationship is toxic and unhealthy and its been going on long enough. She has had ample time to get her shit together. I don't want my son seeing all this and thinking this is how he should be treated or how he should treat anyone. I asked his father if my son were living his life rn, would he want that for him, and he said of course not. It's been 3 days. She isn't gone, and now he is starting with the "You can't keep my son from me". I told him if he wanted to keep seeing her, that's on him, but she can't live there. Also, he has told me that she was brought up in a strict military family, and believes my son should be spanked for things like not eating dinner. His dad and I do not agree with this at all, and he assures me she doesn't spank him. When I picked him up last with the door slamming incident, he told me she spanked him. At the age he is, it is hard to know if its the truth. However, I guess it is a bit of a moot point since he will not be around her anymore.Am I wrong here? The next step may be looking for legal advice, but for now, I am looking for moral advice. I genuinely feel I am doing the right thing for my son, there is no spite, I HATE the idea of keeping his dad from him and him from his dad, but I feel like if I do not hold my ground, this will never end. Dad has never once broken up with a g/f, no matter how unhappy he is. He is a pushover.Any advice is welcome.TL;DR : Ex and I have a 3.5 yo, he has been dating an emotionally and now physically abusive, berating, mentally unstable woman. I don't want my son around her anymore, so I told him she needs to go or I won't let my son go to his house.I should say too, he does not have a car, and I live in a suburb with no public transportation 30 mins away or else I would let him come over to spend time with him. As it is, either I drive him and drop him off with him, or he doesn't see my son. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2J3stkk

15 year old daughter depressed, anxious and suicidal. Doctors refuse to do anything about it.

My 15 year old daughter is incredibly depressed (doesn’t want to leave her bed, doesn’t want to do anything at all, she just seems to have lost her will to live). She is also anxious (especially when it comes to PE which she hates, she literally starts crying if it’s even mentioned) and very self-conscious, on the rare occasion i do manage to get her to come out she will often change her clothes over and over while crying and berating herself, it’s heartbreaking. She has said that she wants to kill herself many times, however she has never attempted to do so and I doubt she will simply because she doesn’t even seem to have enough energy to even get the things she would need to do it. I do keep a very close eye on her and make sure she doesn’t have access to anything dangerous like that. She is an incredibly clever girl (predicted 9’s at GCSE) but she isn’t even nearing her full academic potential because of this. I took her to the GP and explained everything but all he said was that she should lose weight, go outside more and have a look at a website! I don’t know how he expects me to do any of this when she doesn’t even have the motivation to brush her teeth, nevermind starting to exercise every day!I am at wits end and really don’t know what to do, I would love some advice please. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2J5zHV5

Teenager doesn't care about privacy in regards to nudity at home. Is this a sign of abuse?

We never made a big deal about nudity in our house. We didn't run around naked but I showered with both of my boys until they were school aged and they bathed together for even longer. My oldest got more private around puberty. I figured that would happen with the younger one as well but it hasn't. Again he isn't walking around nude but he'll often leave the door open while getting dressed or using the bathroom. He'll adjust a towel in front of us or will jump into the shower while someone is in the restroom. It doesn't bother me much but my mom thinks it is a sign that he is being sexually abused. I think he would tell me if something was happening and he shows no other signs. He's a happy and normal teenager. I asked him about it and he was confused and said nothing is happening. Should I pursue further or drop it? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pOJXrO

I think my 2.5yo son is getting kicked out of daycare.

I posted a story a couple days ago describing a daycare situation (TL;DR my son is a acting out a little at his new daycare environment, and we got called into a meeting with the owners).The meeting was pretty terrible. They essentially told us that they are worried about our sons behavior, and that he cannot return to the daycare until he is "evaluated". We were totally blindsided. My wife, who is 8.5 months pregnant, immediately began to cry and had to leave the room. I went to console her and calmed her down a bit. When we returned, they said that he, in fact, could return, and that they'll work with him. WTF!Keep in mind, I think my sons behavior is more or less normal. He's just shy of 2.5. He doesn't like sharing, he throws tantrums sometimes, normal stuff. We scheduled a pediatrician appointment to address his behavior. The pediatrician asked questions and examined him and concluded that there isn't any developmental issues with him. We asked if there was a therapist she could refer us to about his behavior, and she said that any therapist she knows typically doesn't do behavioral therapy until they are around 3yo.Something is not right. I'm really starting to believe there is an issue with the daycare, and not my son. Like I said, my son seems very normal. I'm a first time parent, so I don't have a good frame of reference, but they call it the "terrible twos" for a reason, right?This is my first time dealing with a daycare. Is this normal? How common is it for a 2.5yo to be kicked out? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pQWhb4

Need advice, 11 y/o daughters "best friend" brought a knife to school with a list of names. Best friend is suspended and daughter is questioning how to handle best friends return.

My 11 year old daughter is in 5th grade, she is actually in middle school in because the elementary school building doesn't have room for 5th graders. Her best friend since 2nd grade (also 11 and in 5th grade and in the same classes) brought a knife to school and supposedly a list (didn't see the list, nor did my daughter). This best friend has spent the night at my house, my daughter has spent the night there gone on many outings together. I have not noticed any signs of violence or strange convo's between the girls. The best friend told my daughter about the list and said that one point in time my daughter was on it because she upset the best friend, but was removed after they worked it out. Now a specific young man was on the list because he was annoying and she wanted to hurt him. The best friend showed the knife to my daughter and a few other friends of theirs. Then I'm assuming she was scared of getting caught, the best friend then took the knife and put it in another young ladies backpack and tried to make like she had never seen it before. My daughter went to the teacher of the class she was in and explained the situation. The best friend told the principal that she was bringing the knife to protect herself from a potential school shooting, the knife was a kitchen knife a little bigger than a steak knife. The best friend was then suspended and will be returning the second week in April. Now my daughter is concerned, because she doesn't want to be friends with the best friend but is worried that she'll end up on a list of some sort again because it's happened once already. I feel my daughters conflict... I am wanting to teach compassion and being polite but then again, I want to tell my daughter to stay the hell away from said best friend. My daughter is concerned on what her actions will cause. How would you handle this situation, what would you encourage your child to do. I appreciate your time, thanks! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Gm84sM

[Humour] I never thought this day would come

Everyone in my household got a full night of sleep! 11 month old son went to bed at 7pm, and didn't wake up until 730 the next morning (didn't wake up once in the middle of the night as well). Wife went to bed at 10pm. I skipped doing HW that night, and went to bed with her. Everyone woke up happy and refreshed! I'm not holding my breath on it happening again :) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pOQ6oK

When is it a right time to teach a child about racism? What would be considered age appropriate?

I have a 6 and 4 year old and we live in a pretty diverse neighborhood. His class has asian kids, white and black and a few hispanic kids. My children are a mix. They're hispanic and white but got mostly my husband's features so they just look white. So i was having a casual conversation the other day but it soon turned awkward and it stuck with me. Mostly because of what the other person was saying. I said that my oldest had learned about Dr Martin Luther King in class and was starting to ask questions. I said i was going to teach my children what happened in the past but also that anyone could be racist and that its wrong. Because racism is basically hating another race and thinking your race is the better one. ..Right? Because just as there are white people that hate black people. In my life i've encountered several people saying that they openly hate white people. Videos on-line about black people who want to kill white people etc. Just a few months back i remember there being a post here (not sure if anyone will remember) about a white momma who's small child (3-4 years old) walked up to a black woman and mentioned an innocent observation to the momma that her children probably are black like her. Which set the black momma off and insulted the white lady and her daughter. And it was just a mess on the posts between people defending the black lady and others defending the white lady. I honestly thought the black lady was probably racist herself. My husband who is white works with teenagers and he's met a few black children who will openly insult and disrespect him, and ask for another black person to help them because they "hate white people"I just think racism comes from all sides and from ignorance and people not caring to get to know one another and show empathy to their neighbors. But this person just told me "Black people CAN'T be racist, they CAN'T". I hope this doesn't become too controversial. Am i wrong here? I just wanted to know what other moms are teaching their children. Are there any books out there good for a 6 year old to read? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GAF3sZ

My marriage is falling apart after our son was diagnosed with a terminal illness

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, but my post was taken down on the relationships subreddit, and I just need somewhere to talk about it. I'm sure a few parents might have some insight? Thank you to everyone in advance.My husband and I have been married for 18 years, and have one 16 year old son. We’ve been through good and bad, but have always come back to one another and have come out stronger. We had bad days, good days, okay days, but I’ve never been doubtful about why I married him. I always knew that I loved him, you know? There was never that feeling of “why.” I just always understood that we were meant to be, and that the hard times were proving it.Im not going to go into the particulars, just for the sake of privacy and personal comfort, but our son was diagnosed with an illness that had the capacity to be terminal. We immediately started treatment, and got into couple’s therapy, so we would be our strongest for our son. Recently, we got the news that treatment hadn’t been effective and our son likely isn’t going to live to summer. For the past 8 months since diagnosis, we’ve been crumbling and this has just been the final wrecking ball. I can’t describe it, but when we go to couple’s therapy, I feel like it’s a waste. We yell over the little things, we don’t hold each other and cry together, we hide our feelings from the other. We’ve stopped sacrificing for each other but still expect it, and I’ll admit I do it all too. I’m failing in this relationship. I get so gut-wrenchingly angry when he doesn’t turn the TV off, or when he leaves a mess behind. He yells and slams cupboard doors when I don’t do the dishes when I said I would or when I let our son break curfew. We’ve stopped listening to our counselor, it’s just that first response that kicks in.Every little thing explodes. The other day, my husband was taking PTO and I was working, and I asked him to clean the house because it was messy and my sister was visiting. When I came home, he was watching TV on the couch and the house was even worse than when I’d left, and I was so tired and I got so angry I just went upstairs and cried. I laid in bed for an hour, just sobbing and feeling sick to my stomach I was so upset and angry. Then, he came upstairs and told me how ungrateful I was and I told him to go to Hell and slept on the couch downstairs and cried more. Last night, I came home from work and he got upset with me because I’d forgotten to bring home groceries because I forgot it was my turn to make dinner, and I was so angry I screamed into a pillow and hit our mattress, because I felt like he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t get to be mad with me. And I cried again, and I keep telling myself that we’re both dealing with this and we both have a right to be upset and we’re both losing our son, but I’m so angry. I’m so tired of coming home and feeling like I’m going to cry the second I see the man I’m supposed to love. I’m tired of all of this.But I feel like I need to stay. I feel like this is going to pass after our son dies and we’re just buckling under the pressure. And I don’t want our son to feel like this is his fault. I don’t want him dying feeling like he’s the reason we divorced. He needs us both, and he’s too fragile to go between houses. But if this is the grief we feel before he passes, what’s going to happen when he’s actually gone? If couple’s therapy is this ineffective, where are we going from here? What do I need to do? Am I being selfish? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2uuDEzn

Parenting Level Up

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for more than half my life (in my mid 30s now) and by far having a child, being a single parent (while working) and completing grad school has been the longest and most challenging experience I could have imagined. I've had issues with being short-tempered, overwhelmed and yelling on many occasions when my daughter was younger. However, I knew at that time it was wrong and wanted to be better.I took a parenting class, kept up with posts here, meditation, eating better and, most of all, just effort, and incrementally I realized I was getting better. Last night, I had the most challenging night of my life with my 10 year old, who is already going through puberty. She lost it about something fairly inconsequential - screaming, stomping etc. Whereas before, this would have triggered me to lose my f*cking mind, I didn't raise my voice, but clearly expressed that this behaviour absolutely crossed a line, there would be consequences to pay and she was sent her to bed immediately (mostly for my own sanity).When I went to see her this morning, she had written a note to me during the night, apologizing and expressing some of her own anxieties about life and telling me she loves me. It honestly just felt so reaffirming. We had a lovely affectionate morning chatting about our weekend plans. If I had hurt her by raising my voice or screaming last night, we never would have had this opportunity. So to the parents who are struggling with frustration and temper, know that it can get better. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and try your best to get better. I see a lot of times people ask for help with their temper and some not-so-helpful people harshly criticize and repeat words like child abuse. While I don't disagree, you are making the assumption that people who post on here for help haven't already realized they have a problem. So shout out to the overwhelmed parents trying their best. Don't give up! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GAQkJB

Boyfriends mother thinks 13 month old is autistic

I’d like to start off this tangent by saying if my daughter is autistic, it wouldn’t change anything she’s still my beautiful little butter muffin and I will forever feel blessed that I’ve produced somebody so cute and special.It all started about 2/3 weeks ago when my boyfriend mentioned via FaceTime that his mother is worried about DD because she’s not a cuddle baby. Which is true, since DD became mobile at about 7/8 months she has become independent in the sense that she’s more than happy just toddling around and playing with toys alone and doesn’t seek a huge amount of interaction while playing except when she wants a nap, peppa pig, food or wants you to play peekaboo. She’ll play happily by herself for an hour at a time before she comes back to inspect what you’re doing then she’ll sit and chatter to you for a while then go back to playing but during that hour she doesn’t really like being picked up or snuggled by anybody, not even me who she is normally very close too.My boyfriends mother is a very nice woman, she’s bought a lot of clothes and toys for DD and loves her granddaughter dearly but she’s a hypochondriac and is constantly diagnosing people as narcissist/autistic/special. She is very busy with college and works a manual labor job 6 days a week, so she doesn’t have much free time and is understandably very tired when she does have free time this means she doesn’t spend a lot of quality time with DD, so DD isn’t very close with her and will always look for me whenever she picks her up.DD is like that with most people, the only people she’s close to and will happily be held and snuggled by are me and my dad (her primary caregivers)She also made a point that DD isn’t good at keeping eye contact and that she likes to flap her hands , which I can see her point but I don’t see them as a problem because DD can hold her gaze when playing with her otherwise she’s more interested in your mouth and only she flaps her hands when excited.It’s agitating as when it was first brought up I thought that it was just his mother being a hypochondriac but due to my anxiety I can’t stop looking for signs. I told my dad of her suspicions and he thinks that it’s ridiculous and he can see it’s really eating away at me. He said that I should bring her to the health nurse to give myself peace of mind but i feel like I’ll just be told that she’s too young to make any sort diagnosis. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GiNpSx

Weekly - Things my kid said - to share all the things your kids say. - March 29, 2018

This is a weekly thread where you can share the things you're kid said to you that made you laugh/cry/go on a mad rampage.If you'd like to talk daily about things your kids say, feel free to visit /r/thingsmykidsaid via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pQBg0X

Struggling to keep up with all the special events, dress-up days, bake sales, and projects my kids' school puts on. I have ADHD--do I just suck at life?

I have 2 kids and I work as an assistant at the kids' school (in a different classroom).Honestly we are 2/3 of the way thru school (term goes to the end of June) and I've already had to cope with crazy hair day, book character dress up, people of the past dress-up, STEAM dress-up, a special STEAM box that had to come back to school assembled (the kids got random items and "they" had to invent something with it), International day dress up, international day buffet which required me to make 2 dishes from our home country, 2 bake sales where I had to make something to sell...I swear to god I think I'm missing some.It is almost every week. One time I chose not to dress my kids up because I didn't have any crafting materials and when they got to school, half the kids were in Iron man costumes and Disney Princess dresses(Not even remotely related to the theme) so my kids were devastated. I even had coworkers chastising me. I felt horrible.The thing is, just getting my kids out the door on time is an accomplishment for me. Teeth brushed and matching socks is a big deal. It's a huge deal that I get their lunches packed the night before and uniforms laid out. It takes a lot of effort for me to be that organized. I know I suck at life. I try so hard, and there is such immense pressure to participate in all these things.Is this normal? Is this what I will be doing for the rest of their academic careers? On top of it, I have to make sure their homework folders are packed up and organized, I have to have a separate bag packed once a week for swimming, and they get told off if I forget something. My 6 year old is better at remembering library day and PE day than I am.The night before each of these events parents will be texting in the group chats about which stores or which malls they've driven across town to get to, in order to purchase items required for the special events. I'm sorry, but for me this is SO. EXTRA. I am not going out at 7pm on a weeknight to buy a blue tshirt because of some stupid event. I feel horrible about myself for feeling this way.We still have a music class production which will require me to buy more items to have my child in the appropriate costume. Simple as it may be, it is still extra work. I barely have the bandwidth to make food for my kids that doesn't go in a microwave every day and I am really struggling to keep track of all these events.What do you guys do? Do parents actually enjoy this? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GCeXWp

Basic human rights as something to be grateful for?

So my mum shared a post today that said '"How much allowance did you get as a teenager per week?" Me: I was allowed to live there'. The post featured endless comments such as - "nothing", "Nothing, you did what you needed to do to help out where ever you could its called respect something these kids today are lacking", "3 meals and a bed", and "Lol i worked full time, paid the bills and bought the groceries".Reasons this annoys the absolute crap out of me:What you're listing there are basic human rights. You are owed those by virtue of your parents bringing you into the world. This has nothing to do with allowance, and anything resembling 'you should be grateful you have a roof over your head' amounts to saying 'you should be grateful an incompetent person didn't birth you.' The fact that this is something anyone should be grateful for says a lot about the state of people having children. Also, I'm sorry, you worked full time as a teen, paid the bills and bought the groceries? I'm sorry your parent sucked and had you without being able to provide for you. Isn't saying 'I was lucky to have 3 meals and a bed' the same as saying 'either my parent wasn't really equipped to have me, or I'm lucky that they didn't abuse me'?It reeks of martyrdom and jealousy of 'how easy' kids have it these days. Maybe kids do have it easier. So what? They're your kids, shouldn't you be happy they have a full and rich life? An easier life does not equal a spoiled life. They can have an easier life while being taught to be good, responsible people.There is a difference between teaching a kid about responsibility/helping family, which of course you should do, and paying them to clean your house. That is not allowance. That is paying. Your child. To clean the house. You are teaching them to do a job. Not the value and importance of caring for family and home. That is not allowance's fault, that is the parent's fault.Giving them an allowance as teenagers is an excellent thing to do - it's a predefined amount of money for them to spend throughout the week. Do this instead of giving them money or items whenever they ask for them (THIS is spoiling them!), and teach them to manage their money, which gives them Independence and teaches the value of managing what money you have. This is what my allowance taught me. Maybe if the parent of the full time employed teenager had been taught this themselves, they wouldn't have had a kid they couldn't afford.Am I the only one? I certainly was on on that post's comment thread.Also, I say this as someone who grew up in a house where LOSING the house to the bank was a possibility like every five years. My mother is currently declaring personal insolvency because my father screwed us financially and bailed, and she can't afford the mortgage. I am not someone who had loads of money growing up or an easy life. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2GWovcI

5yo daughter only has attention for one particular girl from her class and ignores other kids.

So our 5yo daughter is almost obsessed with this one girl, She's always talking about her and more bad than good. It's been like this for 2 years and the teachers also try to separate them on assignments.There are some other kids that try to get her attention, but she just straight up ignores them and asks where the other kid is so she can go play with her.I don't know if this is normal behavior or not, but my wife and I are a bit worried. Plus I think our daughter is a jerk for cold-shouldering the kids that try to play with her. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pOCvhh

Need advice about my nine year old daughter.

Hello, I hope this is the appropriate subreddit for this kind of question. I have a wonderful 9 year old daughter, she's super sweet and loving and we have a great relationship. Currently, her mother and I are separated going through a divorce. It's a particularly stressful and her mother and I are not on good terms. That be said my daughters grandmother isn't a huge fan of me right now. Usually when I get my daughter for my time sharing its her grandmother making the exchange. Today, when I went to pick up my daughter they were sitting outside of a restaurant waiting for me. As I walked up, my daughter saw me, waved excitedly and ran up to greet me. She ran up to me with open arms and a big smile jumping up to me. Naturally, I scooped her up and gave her a big hug and kiss and asked her if she was ready to go. As we started walking off, her grandmother shouted at my daughter "Get down you're too old for that! That's something romantic partners do!" she continued to shout "get down" until we got in the car and left. I assured my daughter that she didn't do anything wrong and it was okay to hug me like that if she wants. I hate to admit this, but, it really made me wonder if I had done something wrong and maybe this kind of affection from her wasn't okay at her age. Am I doing something wrong? Is this acceptable at her age? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2E2ZeKC

Daughter (14) decided she no longer wants to live in our home. At this point she keeps running away and threatening suicide just to go back to the behavioral hospital

About a month my wife catches my daughter having a secret online life, trading pictures with boys and all that. When my wife walked in on her slammed the computer shut but didn't have a chance to close anything. Knowing that she got caught she runs away. We look for her can't find her have to call the cops. They find her because someone called the cops because she knocked on their door in the middle of the night to ask to use the bathroom. No shoes, no jacket 27F outside. So they bring her back and we sit down and talk about what happened, she understands she just ran because she panicked. Next few days are kinda rough but things get a little better. Then she starts taking about being depressed and she's been having suicidal thoughts, she feels worthless because her birth family didn't keep her. (We adopted her and her little brother from foster care 3 years ago.) But she never says she hates us or doesn't want to live with us just that she wants to get better. We notice that she's writing more about suicide and we talk to her about it and my wife takes her to place to evaluate her and they want to put her in a short term in-patient hospital. So we ask her if she's ok with that and we bring her.The next day we go for a visit and she's sad to be there but sees how good she has it compared to the other kids and she just wants to come home. We felt the same but also felt that we should listen to the doctors there and do what they recommend. The rest of the visits were fine she wants to come home and ready to do everything she needs to do. Also during this time they put her on 20mg of lexapro for her minor depression. The last visit she was very different, talking wierd and nothing seemed genuine. Take her home the next day and my wife can tell that something isn't right. We do everything that she wanted to do and this and that, she made a comment about all of earth being trash and why should we have to pick up after ourselfs. This upset my wife, she tried not to say anything but my daughter later asked if she was mad at her to which my wife said yes and why and the rest of the night is me trying to play ref and fix it, which by the end of the night it was for the most part. Next day they do a bunch of stuff have a great day, then they're on the way back from somewhere and my daughter says, a whole bowl full of pills sounds real good right now. My wife left it alone, we talked about it for about 3 hours that night and decided not to address it until the morning. My wife goes to address it and she immediately starts threatening to kill herself. Take her to the ER and the consular there asks her some questions and pretty much thinks she's just doing it for attention. Nothing more we can do so they take her to another in-patient hospital.She gets there on a Friday and by Monday the doctors sees her, says she not suicidal she just says she doesn't want to live with you anymore, mind you she still claims she loves us and doesn't have anything bad to say. I pick her up yesterday and she's breaking her neck not to look at me the whole ride home, I'm just pissed the whole drive knowing that it's going to be bullshit as soon as we get home. She gets home, and is talking with my wife nicely and says a consular told her all she has to do is talk to a therapist and cps and she could get transferred to another home. Which isn't really possible as she is legally our daughter and no judge is going to terminate our rights just because she wants to go somewhere else. My wife called her old caseworker and the caseworker told her what she didn't want to hear and she ran off. Called the cops to report the runaway and she ends up walking 10 miles to the first hospital she went to. My wife had to go and they had a bed so they took her in. The only thing we hope is that the medicine was causing her to have manic episodes and maybe if she stops taking it she'll come to her senses, at this point who knows. I honestly think that the reason she doesn't want to be home is because she can't deal with the fact that she has to deal with the consequences of her actions. We haven't had her home long enough to even try to make a plan to where she could earn some of her stuff back. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pM9D9n