Biking parents of infants, how do you bring your kids along?

My big guy is gonna be one this spring. The wife and I were pretty avid bikers, but took this summer off. We'd like to get back into it and bring our son along with us.I've seen a two solutions in the wild and have likes and hesitations about both:First solution I've seen are those tented wagons that hitch to the back of your bike. I've seen these have a minimum age of 1.I like these because if I fall over it's not his problem. I also like that he won't be in direct sunlight if we get a tented one. I don't like that he's just kinda "back there" and lower than us (and everyone else) so we can't really see him.I've also seen those seats that are secured to the back of the bike somehow, and are "on" the bike, not towed. I don't know what the minimum age for these are.I like these because he's up with me, and I feel like I can hear him and see him better. I also feel like people would notice me on my bike before a trailer, so he's less likely to be hit. I don't like that he's attached to the bike and if I go down so does he. I also haven't seen anything that would keep him out of the sun.Kinda long post but I'm interested to hear what others do, and what you think of the things I've seen and if you know of anything else. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2SiLzKC

Need advice on raising my 8 year old sister.

I just got temporary custody of my siblings(14yr brother, 11 yr brother, and 8 yr sister,) because my mother is back in jail for drug problems. My brothers I feel like I know what they need and how to talk about things, but I feel so uncomfortable with my sister. I love her to death, but I haven't really seen her since I moved out 2 years ago. She was going into kindergarten basically when I was leaving for college. I have been no contact with my mom since, but keep in touch with my 14 year old brother, and helped all of them when I could through him. My mom is going to be in jail for around 3-5 years this time, so I want to get permanent custody. We are going to have a lot of struggles as I am just in my second year of college, but we are going to do our best to stick together. What I have no clue know how to do is help her with her hair, or other girl things. Any single dads have advice for raising a girl without the mom around? Any idea what I should do here just in general to make sure she feels loved and safe? To her I am kind of a stranger. It's been a little awkward and uncomfortable. When she was little she just wanted to ride on my shoulders all the time. When I asked her if she wanted to do that today, she gave me the death glare. :D via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2BcB1D0

Weekly - Ask parents everything - January 22, 2019

This bi-weekly thread is meant as a place for non-parents and parents to ask questions to the community.Note - Remember that all questions and responses must adhere to our community rules.For daily questions see /r/Askparents via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2FHBIYL

Just lost my job, camping trip starts tomorrow

Hey, longtime commenter, never poster. I've got four boys, an expensive degree, and a mental block when it comes to job interviews and job hunts. I've been too old to be the his inexperienced for too long. This month marked the first time in my life I'd kept a job for more than one year. I guess 13 months wasn't meant to be.My oldest is 10, and he's never been camping. I've never had a stable income until now. So, I made the reservations at the state park where my dad took me and where my friends went after college and have been planning the three day trip for weeks. This trip has everything - the sex talk, mountains, a pellet gun, a pocket knife, campfires, sunsets, a trip journal. We've been really excited about it.Well, today my boss calls me in his office and tells me to shut the door. I guess things didn't work out. I had a feeling things were going bad a month ago and sent out a few resumes, but got nothing. I'm not looking forward to trying to find work again. I feel like I've exhausted every possible opportunity, and that my career as I knew it is completely over.So I'm not going to say anything to my son or my family. I'm just going to pretend for the weekend like I still have a job. Or I'm going to break down in years at some point tonight. Did I mention I'm divorcing? No plans, didn't have enough money for another place even with a job. But that's another thing I need to do.Sorry for venting. People on this sub have so many problems. But I've got no one else to tell. I really hope this trip goes well. My kid needs it. We both do. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2CVNsmQ

Effective punishment for a 7 year old boy who won’t behave at school.

So my son is 7, he’s in first grade and is constantly being sent home with notes from the teacher regarding his behavior. The unacceptable behavior is typically him trying to be funny/silly while the teacher is trying to give a lesson.He really doesn’t act that bad at home. He does act silly sometimes, but he’s 7, and I want him to be a kid.He is very intelligent, and always tells me that the only things they teach at school are things he already knows. I sometimes wonder if he’s just bored.I have tried yelling.I have tried rationally explaining to him that this is unacceptable.I have tried explaining to him that just because he knows what the teacher is talking about doesn’t mean he can distract the other kids.I have tried taking away toys/games/tv, etc.NOTHING has worked.Any advice is appreciated.PS: I’m Dad (34) via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2RZAY7T

Wife wakes up the baby constantly

My wife is brilliant, but she has this terrible habit of being an insufferable moron when she’s tired and right on the verge of sleep. She’s been pretty good the past couple months, but now that out daughter is 4 months old, my wife is getting worse.Example: tonight, she was lying in bed, right on the edge of sleep. I got the baby down in her crib (which is in our bedroom), when my wife suddenly says “lemme ask you a question. What was that game we played with the chairs and music and running around?” I responded “musical chairs?” She started singing Frere Jacques at the top of her lungs “No! It was the one with the chairs and this song!”Obviously the baby is awake at this point, screaming and crying. It takes another 30 minutes of cooing to get her down again.Episodes like this occur a few times a week.How do I delicately tell my wife that she’s a raging idiot at night and she needs to sleep elsewhere? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Beu4S9

My 15 year old Son’s binge drinking Dad allowed him to drink Tequila

“Mom, have you ever tried tequila?” My 15 year old asks me in the car. “Ummm, yeah.” “Dad asked me if I wanted to try the tequila while we all went on a tequila tasting in Mexico.”I don’t want him to stop telling me things if I flip out. So I told him, “Watch your Dad and his antics to get you to drink alcohol. That’s a bad path in this family. It would not be good for you. I know your Jamaican friends are cool with underage drinking, but really be safe.”I’m terrified as his dad is a binge drinker. He drinks copious amounts on the weekends and gets belligerent. His Dads grandma asked me when my son was 3 if she could give him a sip of her crown and coke. They party hard, and do other messed up stuff that I can’t get into talking about here.How do I teach him differently? When the other side is pulling him down a path that compromises and manipulates in upper class suburbia. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2CXQGGl

Send Help: I'm not sure we will make it.

18mo old had a stomach bug the past two days.I woke up this morning feeling the worst I've felt in years and have been in nauseated pain all day.My husband gets home around 11 from an early training and seems fine but out of no where he is now laying on one bathroom floor while I lay in the adjacent bathroom.I just puked my guts out and I'm pretty sure he is close behind.Thankfully the baby is Napping right now. .. But what do we do? WHAT CAN WE DO?Send Help.... Please... via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2BfMX71

Six year old boy sent home from school for cursing, teacher mentioned she thinks he may be a candidate for medication...

Six year old son has been struggling at kindergarten, repeatedly being disruptive, saying potty words, acting out for attention, he showed his butt to another boy, gets possessive over legos, messes up other kids’ work, etc. This is all “normal” stuff, but the frequency, despite repeated interventions by us as parents, discipline charts, rewarding good behavior, taking away things when he does poorly, etc. we don’t seem to be making improvementWhen I picked him up today, the head of the school said that they love him, he is excelling academcally, they think he is a loving kid, he’s not mean spirited, but the level of lack of impulse control, she said she felt like it’s someone with diabetes, he just cannot help himself, and she recommended we talk to the pediatrician about medicating himI know there are risks, but if the pediatrician recommends that, I think we would say yes, but I would love to hear others’ experiences. We talked previously to his pediatrician, and implemented what he recommended, the consistency, consequences, etc. so it may now be to that level that we have to either medicate, go to some behavioral specialist, etc....I feel I am running out of time, in that, logistically, this will interfere directly with him getting into a really great school next year, and even if he got in, if he is behaving like this, even the current school said, our lives as parents would be really difficult if he is “in the big leagues” at this other school, and getting in trouble as much as he is now. So now we have to go to plan B, a lesser private school, or public school. If he is advanced, even bored at this really good kindergarten, it could be a disaster in a public school with large class sizes, etc. But is that better than getting kicked out of the great school, when maybe he just needs a few years to develop, with meds or not, then apply to that school later....Of course, I am blaming myself, thinking all kinds of drastic thoughts that I have ruined his life, but I suppose all that matters is what is best for him, I can deal with myself....Thanks via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2HHbwzi

I need to post this here and be okay with it.

Extermly worried my youngest is emotionaly disturbed, and I have no idea what to do.

I have two children, and also have a lot of experience with kids in genearl. All through college I did work at a daycare center so I have seen a lot of children, and have been trained in dealing with them to a certain point. It's to the point with my youngest child that my family is on the verge of falling apart. No one in the house is getting any sleep, and all of our moods are pretty much determined by the moods of my youngest child. I can't take it anymore, my husband can't take it anymore, and we have no idea what to do.​My youngest is 3 years old. About 25% of the days are normal days for someone her age that I have expereince with. Another 50% of her days are bad days that I would say for someone her age.... The last 25% are hell on earth. Constant screaming, constant crying... And I know you guys may be thinking constant... what is constant. I litterally had a night last night where no one in my house slept until 2am. That's because when she got home from daycare she litterally would not stop screaming, and crying until she just couldn't anymore. I would ask her what she wanted what we could do what was going on, and all I would get is screaming in return. No one in my family will watch her because they know this is a behavior issue she has. She ended up passing out on my bedroom floor. I didn't want to take her to bed and risk waking her up. Then when she woke up this morning she was just as bad until right before we left for daycare. I have had many many many day's and nights like this.​We have also had to remove her bedroom door. At first she found out how to lock her door, and she would lock it. So we changed the door knob. Then to stop us from getting into her room she would put crap and toys in front of the door so we couldn't open the door.​She is violent on a regular basis. Keep in mind I have never hit any of my kids EVER. I don't know where she is getting this kind of attitude from. It's from a 3 year old so it's not like it's painful or anything, but I have had a daycare already ask to remove her because of her violence, and I think in general just how difficult she is.​My entire family can't take it anymore. I'm afraid my husband may leave. My family won't even watch her pretty much under any circumstance. What's weird is my oldest is the EXACT opposite. He's so understanding. Compassionate. He doesn't always listen (and what kid does), but he's easy to work with and get things done with. But my youngest it unbarable, and I have no fucking clue what to do. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Tob2jd

Help! Bed wetting regression

My four and half year old has been potty trained for about two years. She's very good at taking herself to the bathroom during the day, and at first she would call for us at night to help her too.Last year however she fell at school and broke her arm. Ever since she's regressed on her nighttime potties. She no longer calls for us, just wets herself in her nighttime diaper and doesn't think twice about it. She still does great during the day, but I cannot get her to go at night. Right now I'm waking her up at night and either get there too late after she's already wet or too early (in which case she won't go).I don't know what to do. Four and a half seems old to not have any nighttime control, especially since she was doing so well before. Does anyone have any tips? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2CWI7eY

In the car on the way to school, my 8yo told me, “I hope [Brother] gets a better spoon.”

I was obviously confused and asked her what she was talking about. She said, “That’s why he’s staying home, right? Cause he’s sick? When I was sick before somebody told me they hope I get a better spoon. I thought that’s what you’re supposed to say.” via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2TpTTpd

Infant ibuprofen recalls.

Heads up, friends! Mods, I know links are discouraged but because this is a safety issue I'm hoping you'll allow it.http://bit.ly/2ToyQTR via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Sg1Obn

Hi all

I’m looking for a bit of advice in how to deal with my three year old. Although she’s lovely, I’m struggling to know how to deal with her inability to wait for anything. For instance, she will say she is hungry, I will say “I’ll get you something in a minute” and she complete and utter melt down! Is this something that she will grow out of? I obviously don’t cave in and give her what she wants immediately but it doesn’t seem to make a difference what I do! via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Gd2GHp

Is my 4yo son's time with his grandmother a right or a privilege? LONG

LONG- Tl;dr at the endSo my husband and I are working on being consistent with discipline with our 4yo son. I'll admit that I don't feel like I am very good at parenting a preschooler, but I am trying my best. We also have 2 younger daughters (2.5y & 8m), so our energy is minimal. Most of the time I feel like I am just firefighting, but I am trying to get to the root causes of some of my son's more challenging behaviors.In general, he is a kind and courteous kid, but sometimes he is very broody and physical in his responses when things don't go his way. Lately, I've been working hard to affirm the emotions he's feeling (e.g., frustration, anger, etc) and helping give him tools to work through them. We brainstormed together and came up with blowing air out of his mouth, pretending like he's a dragon using fire to burn his frustration up. It has helped him a bit, but we're still working on it.As far as discipline goes, we typically revoke privileges and find that to be effective with him. Both my husband and I were spanked growing up and do not feel comfortable with that for our children. We have used time outs (i.e., removing him from our presence and his toys) and/or taking a toy away for a set amount of time, usually the rest of the day, but sometimes a shorter length of time like until after lunch or something like that.Here's where the grandmother situation comes in-my mom comes out one day a week to help with the kids (I'm a SAHM). Sometimes I have appointments or errands to run during these visits, so I am out of the house. Other times, I work on projects around the house. When I am home during these visits, my son has been horrible to me lately. Like just mean and nasty, out of character and embarrassing. I know it's mostly because he's competing for attention and wants her 100% to himself, and I think this behavior, to a degree, is normal kid behavior, not good, but relatively normal.On her last visit, I told him in front of her, "If you continue to act this way, Gigi may go home early today." In my head, time with his grandmother is a privilege that can be revoked temporarily (similarly to time out away from my husband or me) and would obviously be restored at a defined point.My mom, who is quite sensitive and has some emotional baggage, was extremely hurt by this statement and felt like I was positioning her in a way that forced her to abandon him that would damage their relationship. Obviously, this is not what I meant to do, and I think ultimately she and I view time with her differently, i.e., a privilege vs. a right.So what do I do here? In my mind, I feel like this discipline is consistent with what we do in our family, but it hurt (and will continue to hurt) my mom's feelings if I don't find something else that works. Obviously, I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also don't want mine hurt when my son is mean to me. Help?--------Tl;dr-My 4yo son is mean to me when my mom, his grandmother, is around. My husband and I typically use time out or take away toys to discipline him, and I view time with her as something that can be taken away for a defined time when his behavior is repeatedly disrespectful. I said this in front of her, and she was extremely hurt, saying that it forced her to abandon him and damage their relationship. Who's right here? Is time with his grandmother a right or a privilege? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2WzhhTo

My(34f) daughter(17f) is very promiscuous and got pregnant after having sex with a friend of hers. My husband(34M) and I were teen parents as well and are devastated. How do we help her?

For some background I want to confess that I and my husband were teen parents. We both were kicked out of our homes because we decided to have her. After enduring so much we finally established a successful business and we are financially very well off now.We always wanted to show her the love which we never received from our own parents. So we doted on her. She always got whatever she wanted. But we didn't know that we were spoiling her. She turned into this very lazy person, who only parties with her friends, smokes, and I'm sure she does drugs. My sister used to do drugs and I can see the same symptoms in my daughter. Short temper, anxiety issues, those eyes etc. But my husband is in denial and refuses to believe that his beloved daughter is capable of doing such things. She's also promiscuous and openly says that she isn't interested in boyfriend's but is ok with fwb relationships. She even snaps on her 7yo sister who is now afraid to talk to her.(they used to be super close).I and my husband take full responsibility. We thought it was love but it never crossed us that setting healthy boundaries was a part of good parenting. Being abuse victims ourselves we never set any boundaries because we thought that it was tantamount to abuse. So here we are. She's pregnant now. She agreed to abort the child.But what do we do to turn her into a responsible adult. We are clueless. My mother is furious with me and accusing me for not disciplining her. She's suggesting some strict lifestyle changes to her like taking her to the church, and she's suggesting chastity belts so that she learns self control( Yeah she's insane and extremely conservative, so I had to run away when we had our daughter), but I dont want to do anything drastic along those lines. We want to make her feel loved and help her become responsible.Does anyone have any advice? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2UtMC80

Soon to be 13 year old wanting to sleep in our room most nights. Unsure how to handle this the best way possible?

My husband and I have four kids. A 14 year old girl, 12 year old boy, 2 year old boy, and 5 month old girl. We have a 4 bedroom house. The older two sleep on the same level in separate bedrooms across from each other. The toddler sleeps in one of the downstairs bedrooms and we room share with the baby in the room across from him.My 12 year old (13 in March) is a good kid. He plays hockey and baseball. He gets straight As. He has a lot of friends and goes to sleepovers. Very average preteen boy things. He is open and talks to us a lot.About 3 weeks ago he started coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night asking if he could sleep on the floor in our room. It was late and we didn't ask why. We told him he could. It was probably a mistake because this has been happening over and over again. We told him no and he got very angry. He started yelling and asked if we cared about him. We both got up and had a conversation with him about it. He said that he's been having bad dreams lately and just feels more comfortable sleeping with us. He said he can't remember the dreams but wakes up scared in the middle of the night. That is when he comes downstairs. We have tried getting him a nightlight and leaving the door open. His sister has been leaving her door open with her light on as well. We have let him leave his light on. We have tried white noise.At this point I don't know what else to do. Do we take him to the doctor? He seems to get bad anxiety when we tell him no and its not in a way I have ever seen before. We tell him no all the time and he accepts it, even if he sometimes pushes, but this is different. It's like he is genuinely and truly afraid of something but he can't explain what.He is a normal boy during the day. Laughing and joking around. He had friends over last night and was doing great. He went to his bed to go to sleep but woke up in the middle of the night and came to our room. We reached out to his teachers this week (without revealing details) and they say he's fine at school. His hockey coach couldn't think of any issues. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2DLGMco

Weekly - Things my kid said - to share all the things your kids say. - January 31, 2019

This is a weekly thread where you can share the things you're kid said to you that made you laugh/cry/go on a mad rampage.If you'd like to talk daily about things your kids say, feel free to visit /r/thingsmykidsaid via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Uy7OK9

I feel disconnected from my father and don’t believe I’d care if he was gone forever, am I a monster?

When I was around seven, my brothers and I were playing a board game, I needed to pee but didn’t want to stop playing so I held it in. My brother went into another room and when he came back he deliberately scared me from behind “boo” (or something like that), I accidentally pee’d a little, I was embarrassed, luckily my brothers didn’t see, so I went into my room and changed pants. About half an hour later, I went downstairs and my parents noticed I was wearing different pants, I was questioned and dad found out that I had accidentally “wet my pants” and was angry; saying “you’re too old to wet yourself, what are you, a baby!?!”, several minutes later he was yelling at me and escorted me to their bedroom and told me “if you’re going to wet your pants like a baby, you can wear a nappy like a baby!” (Nappy is a diaper for US folks), I was infuriated and was at this point yelling back at him and trying ever so hard to get away, I was told if I didn’t put it on he would belt me. To this day, 17 years later I still look back on this memory and absolutely despise him for it, hatred even.Throughout my life, I have had little to no support from him, I was constantly told through my schooling that “why bother, you won’t pass anyway”, and was told “it’s not like you’re going to pass Year 12 anyway” (I did pass, fully.) and when questioned on it, I was told “it was to encourage you, reverse psychology”. (Year 12 is the final year of school before “college”)Of recent, I’m working full time and am planning on going to University, when I disclosed this to him, I was basically told “do whatever you want” in an obviously grumpy tone of voice, further discussions have taken place, the most recent he’s told me “I think you’re stupid if you leave a full time job to study at University”, I feel as if I’m not getting ANY support from him AT ALL, all I want is some encouragement, just something so basic as a “I think that’s a good idea”.Growing up, I constantly went through phases of absolutely hating my father, then a few months would go by and I’d tell myself “maybe he isn’t that bad”, then back to hatred.I’m not sure what to do anymore, I’m still dependant on my parents (living at home so I can study at University).Tl;dr I feel like my father has been a complete twat my whole life and doesn’t support anything I want to do. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2G15qZb

Is it normal for curiosity with Fire?

My son is 7 years old and over all a great kid. He does his chores every day (sometimes more enthusiastically than other days), works hard in school and listens when we tell him things.We have a wood stove and he helps my husband when he starts a fire. He helps carry wood into the house and things like that.Well, yesterday while I was cleaning the kitchen from dinner he decided to take the lighter and light some paper in his room. He must have lit enough to cause a good bit of ashes. Then he tried to fix it by using the vacuum to clean it up and of course that just caused more smokiness.At first, I didn’t know what was going on and was worried about a leak in our chimney or some thing and was worried our house was on fire but then found out he was using a lighter.He has a tv in his room and we immediately took the Roku connected to it (which makes the tv worthless for them) and had a very serious conversation with him about using lighters and starting fires and why it was so dangerous.I am also thinking of not letting him play in his basketball game Saturday just so he realizes the seriousness of the situation.Is it normal for little kids to be curious with Fire? Would you let your child then go on to play in his youth basketball game or take the week off? He never had done anything like this before and I am at a loss. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2FYu6RT

Isofix vs seatbelt chairs

Hi,First time parent here.My daughter is 6 months and I'm are looking for a new car seat.. I find so much conflicting information online and would like more opinions or data on it.In your opinion, what is the best? Isofix or seatbelt fastened car seats? Do you have any examples of good seats?Thank you 😊 via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2GcCwV2

I am a teen working retail and have a genuine question.

Crying kids in the middle of the store, I understand temper tantrums but why do so many parents practically ignore them? Is there a method to it or just lazy parenting? I ask because it annoys the ever living hell out of me and if I understand the general situation more I can be more tolerant towards it. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2G0gVQj

Anyone else's kiddo say sinister things in their sleep?

My 3yo sleeps in my bed and I was getting up to pee around 2:30am Tuesday. House in total darkness. I get to the door and just as it opens he says "don't come in" in what can only be described as the most unsettling tone I've heard him have. I have never moved so fast in my life. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2RZJ14P

How do you explain the boundaries of hugging to a ten-year-old?

I am a nanny for a ten-year old that is constantly wanting hugs for every reason. Full, squish your guts out hugs and hang-off-you while you're trying to walk. At first it was cute, but its gotten to the point its actually making me uncomfortable but she and the parents are offended when I say "please don't do that." since she's "just showing affection."I have tried to explain boundaries, as I can bearly walk in a straight line without the kid wanting to hang off me for hugs, but now she is "air hugging" me everywhere I go and then "surprise hugging" me whenever I'm busy with something like dishes or cooking,How do you explain you a ten year old to respect boundaries in that aspect? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2UuPr8N

How can I not be so mean to my family by the end of the day?

I'm a Father and Husband. Family is great. I'm great... until about 9pm. After a long day of sleep deprivation, not getting to do what I wanted, and the night process of getting everyone to bed, I get in a bad mood. It usually ends with me yelling at everyone. How are all you getting through this? My wife is having a hard enough time with other family issues and my attitude at night doesn't help. I'm actually a really nice guy. It's just at night I turn into Mr. Hyde. Thanks. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2DKp49c

I really need some advice.. or I not even sure to be honest

So a little back story.I have a daughter and a son, my daughter is my step daughter that I’ve raised since she was a year old. She is now about to be 8.A week ago my daughter, asked me to her schools daddy daughter dance. I was excited and took us both out to buy some clothes for the event.This afternoon I came home during my lunch to have lunch with my family per usual. As my wife chased my son around, my daughter turned to me and said, daddy I want to tell you something.. I want to go with my real Dad, not you.I couldn’t even respond to her, I kind of just looked at her. Then got up and walked to the restroom where I cried like I haven’t cried in a long time. After I was able to collect myself, I said a quick goodbye to my wife and headed back to my office. I drove teary eyed all the way back.I’m home now, and I’m in my home office. I do have some work to catch up on but I can’t really get invested in it at the moment. I’m honestly heartbroken. My daughter sees her biological maybe once a month or so. He’s never been here for her. I know the way I’m feeling, and just hiding in here isn’t ideal. But just looking at her right now brings me back to tears... I don’t know what I’m looking for.. or what to even say to her. I wouldn’t for a minute stand in the way of her decision. But I’m just hurt. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Rny2Nr

Did anyone who regretted kids at first have a change of heart as the kids got older?

LO is 12 months old and right now, I really regret becoming a mother. I love my LO but if I really understood what I was getting into with parenthood, I wouldn't have begged my husband to start trying for a baby. We needed IVF. This makes it even worse. We PAID for this and I regret it.I honestly thought this was what I wanted more than anything but instead I feel trapped. I miss my freedom. I miss having friends (the huge lifestyle change has seen us grow apart) that were my friends because they liked me and because we had common interests, not because we happened to have children in the same month. I miss being able to just go somewhere because I wanted to. I miss sleeping. I miss going out to eat. I used to have beautiful skin and pregnancy destroyed it and it won't seem to recover. It is wrinkly and dry. I have a huge belly roll that won't budge. I miss travelling with my husband.I deeply regret not going to University and wanted to do it part time while LO was young but I can't handle it, she is just too much. She is a very clingy and high needs baby. I really really dislike being a mother. I have tried outsourcing things and getting baby sitters and everything. I just hate being a mother. I love my child but despise motherhood. I hate the way I have no identity to anyone anymore other than "LO's mum". I miss my old relationship with my husband. The one where we did not always yell at each other because we are stressed. He is upset because he wants to take a lower stress job but feels trapped in his higher paying one because we have LO now. I hate this. I get no enjoyment out of motherhood. I love my daughter but taking care of her is a horrible chore. I am sick of my husband and I snapping at each other because we are tired and stressed.I am sick of the crying, the babbling, the getting into everything, the mess, everything. She has some health needs which will be expensive for us over the coming years. People think we must be well off because my husband is a doctor, but he has some debts, student loans, we have the IVF bills, we live in a high COL area. I am at home with her more than I want to because childcare is so so so expensive. My mother came to visit us and was saying jokingly how she wishes she could take LO home with her and all I could think was "please, take her, free me from this prison".I went to two therapists who said I don't have Post Partum Depression in the sense they can treat. I just really dislike the one job you can't quit.Did anyone feel like this when their LO was very young but started to enjoy it more or hate it less as the child got older and was not so demanding? Because that is the only hope left that I will not hate my life forever. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Ga05xS

I had a horrible dream about my son, and the scary thing is it could actually happen in real life :(

So, I had a nightmare the other night that terrified me more than any other dream I have ever had. There were no ghosts or monsters in this dream.In my dream, I was getting ready to pack my son away in a neighborhood that was a little sketchy (I don't know why we were there in the dream). We were leaving someone's house and as I opened the passenger door to whatever vehicle I was driving in the dream, a group of guys drove up to the front of the house and begin to unleash gunfire.I recall gripping my son as tight as I could and ducking behind a car. The guys quickly drove away and I stood up unharmed, but my son was struggling to breathe. I pulled him away from me to find 2 bullet holes in his back.I felt my heart fall out of my chest in real life; I was horrified and woke up in the biggest tear-filled panic ever. I even broke down in tears re-counting the dream to my wife the next morning and I tear up thinking about it now.It's such a shame that I know there are parents who have had to live out my nightmare in real life. The school shootings; the "stray bullets" the "caught in a crossfire" and the mass shootings plaguing our society today - it's all very real. There are parents who have felt the pain I felt x10 by something I saw in a dream. This dream was way too real and I cannot stop thinking about it.It surely made me want to hold my son a little closer at night and as I drop him off at school. There was no purpose to this post beyond sharing my sentiments of this dream and the horrors we deal with today. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2GdtXJS

Xbox rules

I’ve had it with HCBD and his giving gifts with conditions. My kids are great kids and obey all his rules and still fall short of his insane expectations.I’m buying an Xbox for my children at my home, it’s very uncharacteristic of me. Because dad has given one to our 15 yr old son with extreme rules making it impossible to play. He won’t even allow the game system to make an appearance at my home even though I buy games for them when they have good behavior.So I’m headed to Costco now.Here’s the rules I’m setting for my three. 17 f, 15 m, 12 f.Please offer suggestions as I’m not a gamer and haven’t any idea what world I’m entering into...VIDEO GAME RULES-$250 divided by 3. $84.00 each. Either pay me or payment can be earned by chores to pay for Xbox. So you three will own the game system and mom will not manage fairness in playing. It’s between you three.-it is a privilege that I, (M, G, O) must earn.-NO GTA, games rated M will be discussed with mom for permission.-grades and all assignments must be turned in prior to playing.-gaming will always be done in a common area.-if I began to become aggressive during play, I will take a time out and go get exercise to calm down.-online play will be respect towards other online gamers. If they become inappropriate, I will block them. I will never give any personal information to anyone. (Phone numbers, address, names, etc.)-kids input on fair rules so they feel heard on the buy in... via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2GcOGgA

Advice and Resources for Slow to Warm Children

My daughter is 16 months old and has always had strong stranger anxiety and generally froze and just observed for majority of visits outside the home(library/gymboree). She's a bit better at the library now, walking around a bit and not as hesitant but still refuses to go on any equipment at the gymboree.After reading some articles online, I abandoned the sink or swim strategy of making her do a lot of these things and letting her move at her own pace, even if it means going somewhere and letting her just stare and observe for 1 hour.Any tips/articles/books for children with the slow to warm temperament? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Gbzr7G

I am a father of a soon to be born Trisomy 13 baby.

Just looking for advice.My wife is over 6mo pregnant and the baby has what the doctor has concluded as more of the severe abnormalities.At first we thought we knew what we were in for; understanding the unavoidable circumstances. But, the further along we get, the harder everything becomes. I believe the stress and anxiety had boiled over into everything else we do.Living day to day wondering if this is the last day she kicks or waiting for the phone call from a crying wife is tough. Just looking for... Honestly I don't know. It's hard to know what to ask for when you've never experienced anything like this. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2HGh4dF

Bed wetting

My 9 year old son still wets the bed. We have tried everything! Medication from the doctor, setting alarms to wake him up in the middle of the night, limiting the amount of water he has at night, expensive pee alarms that should wake him up when he wets the bed, and more. Has anyone else had this problem? He will be 10 soon and it is hindering his ability to have sleep overs with his friends and is causing low self esteem. I am desperate to help him! via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2CYXXFQ

Has anyone NOT “sleep trained” their child?

Hi all. I’m a bit nervous posting this as I know I’m not parent of the year. In fact, this is my first child and I don’t really know what the hell I’m doing. Maybe I’ll give a TL;DR before going into detail with my situation.TL;DR: I am in a one bedroom apartment and share a room (And often a bed) with a needy, breastfed 6 month old. Up until recently, he fell asleep in his side-car crib while I watched tv and relaxed. However, he wasn’t sleeping well so I have given him the bedroom and myself the living room. It’s been about a week with little to no progress. My anxiety is at an all-time high, and I’m wondering if I should just give up and let myself in my own bedroom again?That wasn’t a very good summary so maybe I should move on to my story.First of all, I am a 23 year old stay-at home mom with a general anxiety disorder. I am not medicated as I didn’t like what it did to me. So, I manage my anxiety by giving myself “my time.” Up until recently, it was time in my bedroom. I had a whole ritual. I would get my fuzziest blankets, my fuzziest pajamas, a glass of wine and some cheese, and would sit in front of my 55 inch tv and decompress until bedtime. I’m laughing right now at how foolish that sounds, having a 55 inch tv in the room with a baby. But maybe I didn’t want to admit it was a problem because I enjoyed it so much. Frasier is even funnier on a big screen. Sometimes my anxiety gets so bad from a hard day that I repeat to myself “Bed, tv, wine (or sometimes tea, popcorn, whatever), pajamas.” It was one thing I had for myself at the end of the day. My husband would come home from work and watch our son for the evening. It was my time.Well, lately our son has woken up at 3 am ready to play. I mean energy at a 10! The only thing to get him to sleep is breastfeeding him (because he still demands to nurse at least 2-3 times a night) and having his head on my chest while I gently pat his back. This often takes hours. So, we resolved that the big screen had to go out in the living room, and my evenings would be spent there while our son got the bedroom with peace and quiet.We will put him to bed around 7, we will usually struggle with “Cry It Out” until 7:30, and I hang out in the living room, until I’m ready to use my bedroom strictly for sleep.I am actually shocked at how negatively this has affected my anxiety. Perhaps you have to have an anxiety disorder to understand, but this small change has completely thrown off my evenings. I don’t completely decompress. I do not feel at ease. I want to be in my own bed for the evening, and being out in the living room is surprisingly stressing me out. Perhaps because it is less closed-off.What’s more, I haven’t been this exhausted since our son was a newborn. Seriously. I am a zombie. I am constantly fighting with my husband, we aren’t having sex (this is often the one thing we indulged in at the end of the day together), and the house is a wreck. If I was treading water before, now I am sinking.Even worse, sleep training doesn’t seem to be working. Perhaps his internal clock has improved. He will know when it is time for bed (about 7:30). However, come 3am, he is up again for play, or to demand me. Early this morning, I found myself patting his back for an hour again and wondering “Why am I doing this?” *If I could choose between not sleeping and having my bedroom, and not sleeping and not having my bedroom, I’ll pick the former. *I talked to a couple of my friends about this, who are also young moms, and they basically said, “It’s not worth the anxiety. If it makes no difference, have your tv time in your bedroom.” (Albeit maybe a smaller tv!) I find this advice liberating, but I don’t want to create a greater problem down the road. And, as I always worry, I don’t want to be selfish.So what do you all think? I know I haven’t given this new setup a long time at all, but I’m already coming apart at the seams. Though sleep is scarce, I was at least getting by before. Does anyone have any insight or helpful stories?I really hope I don’t come across as prissy. I don’t have any family nearby or friends I trust with my son. It’s just my husband and me. Though I want to do what’s best for my son, my anxiety often seeps into the next day if I don’t decompress fully. I love my son, but I need to take care of myself too, even if that just means so I can take care of him.Thanks for any insight! And please be gentle. I dunno if I’ve made any huge mistakes as a parent already. I’m honestly trying my best. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2RW36sK

8 year old is obsessed with boys and I am starting to get worried.

Every since she was 2 my daughter has been obsessed with boys. I wasn't too worried at first. Everyone told me it was normal. My oldest had a preschool boyfriend and has no interest in dating at 16. My older son would point out all the pretty girls he saw as a toddler but he's a normal preteen boy now who hangs out solely with boys. I was told that she would grow out of this and believed it because I saw it happen with my oldest two.It has not happened. If anything it has gotten worse. On the first day of school she talked about the 3 cutest boys in her class. We were watching a football game and she commented that she wants to the cute guy to win because he's cute. We were picking school clothes and she said that she had to look cute for all of the cute boys at school. That was a red flag. We talked about how she shouldn't be dressing for others and should wear what makes her happy. How she shouldn't be seeking attention from boys.In the beginning of the school year my boys (11 and 10) had their friend (10) over to play. My 8 year old was playing with them and they started wrestling. At one point my daughter held neighbor boy down and tried to kiss him. He was very upset by this. My daughter is always talking about how cute he is but we told her not to tell him because it makes him uncomfortable and to never touch him without his consent. We role played and it looked like she understood. Then she does this.We were worried about sexual abuse because I know this is one of the signs. We contacted her pediatrician and he told us to bring her in. He didn't think there were any signs of sexual abuse but we decided to speak with a therapist who deals with sexual abuse just to be sure. She also determined that sexual abuse was highly unlikely.I am not sure what to do. She talks about kissing boys and how she can't wait until she is old enough to date her brothers' friend. We keep trying to stress consent and boundaries and while she appears to understand it, it's like she can't help herself once she gets around boys she thinks are cute. We were getting Valentine's Day cards for her class and she kept talking about how she hopes the cute boy in class gives her the best Valentine and how she'll be sad if he gives another girl a better Valentine.I don't know what to do. I don't want to overreact but my daughter is placing such a high importance on being valued by boys and is not respectful of people's boundaries. Please help. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2GcVvij

Should I address teacher about religious movie watched in class?

Hi there,Before winter break, the 4th grade teachers at my daughter's school put all the kiddos together in one classroom and showed them the 2017 movie "The Star". This movie is a self-described "computer-animated Christian comedy film based on the Nativity of Jesus". I was incredibly surprised to find that out of all the available movies that might occupy the minds of antsy 4th graders eager for vacation, that this film, with its obvious and explicit religious material, would be chosen as appropriate for students in the public-school setting.Even though it is now the end of January, I am still bothered by it. Should I address my concerns with the teacher? I don't want to come off as a blustery interfering parent. I am not anti-religion (except when it comes to public school). But as a teacher myself, if I was looking for a movie to occupy 9-year-olds the day before winter break, I would have chosen a different film.What do you guys think? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2FVjPWR

Our six year old routinely won't do what we ask and it's making me resent her

I'm at my wit's end with our just turned six year old daughter, after yet another morning of almost being late to school. She just won't do what we ask of her. She knows the routine, and yet I still have to tell her approximately TWENTY FUCKING TIMES to brush her teeth and go pee. Today, it took her 33 minutes to pee, wash her hands, brush her teeth, and put on clothes. Then, during the breakfast I have to tell her fifty fucking times to eat, she got peanut butter ALL OVER herself, all up her sleeve and down the front of her shirt. And that was it: I lost it, because I'm so tired of this shitty kid who never fucking listens and constantly stalls, and now we're behind YET AGAIN even though we woke up a half hour earlier than usual. During dinner, she gets up from her seat and runs around the house about a thousand times, and no matter how many times we put her back in her seat, no matter how many times we tell her that she needs to sit down while we're eating dinner, she gets up again. After dinner, her dad will take her upstairs so that they can pee, wash hands, brush, floss, and do a shower (every other night). He basically has to threaten her with bodily harm to get her to cooperate. She will stall, dance around, try to hug us, play in the mirror, do everything but the task at hand. Sometimes, we can get her to cooperate if we turn things into a game, but honestly, we don't always have the energy for that. And of course we don't want to yell and threaten her either, but that is often the only thing that works. Her behavior is draining, it eats up a huge amount of time, and it's making me feel resentful of her. This morning, I actually swore at her, said "I don't like you right now," and told her that she was acting like a jerk. Now I feel terribly guilty. I normally adore my sweet little girl. If she sucks, it's my fault. She's only six, and I'm her mother. I don't know what to do. Something needs to change. I could really use some advice. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2TospjY

Weekly- Wallet Wednesday- January 30, 2019

This is a weekly thread where you can share pictures of your children and cute, crazy or awful things they have done. Please upload your pictures through Imgur and post the link as a comment. Feel free to share the context of the picture! If you are not a parent yourself, this is the place to ask us anything. Also, if you ever wonder who we are, click here to meet the mod team! via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2SgJEX1

I am tired, angry and lost. And I need parental advice.

For those who don’t want to read a rant, here’s the tl;dr: my kid chose to go with my ex and I’m angry and sad and lost. I don’t know what I did wrong and I don’t know how to go about this feeling. I need advise.RANT: I [39M] had raised my kid for the first 15 years. 5 years ago, the mother and I decided to go our separate ways. After 2 years, my kid decided to go with the mother. It has been 3 years now and I still cannot come to terms with that decision.While I respect the decision, I find myself angry. I’m angry I’ve been left alone. I find myself lacking. I cannot understand where I’ve fallen short. I did my best to give the best quality of life. I never failed to show how much I love(d) my kid.I haven’t seen my kid in over 2 years. Every time I reach out, the whole exchange feels “transactional”. I get nonchalant responses. I don’t even get a message unless I send a message first. The only time I do, it’s about something the game set up under my email address. So I have decided to give up as I find this an exercise in futility. I will still be here for the kid, but I am done trying to reach out.For the parents who live separately from their kids, how do you deal with this? Am I wrong to feel this way? Is this normal? Is my kid’s behaviour normal? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Usmc6p

My daughter is 7 and considers herself smart. I have questions.

Ive always been very wary of the word 'gifted' and if I had the choice between raising a child with good values, and raising a child with a razor sharp IQ, I would always choose the former. I dont even now what gifted means, and I think labelling a kid with that risks doing them more harm than good.​So Ms 7 tends to think she's great at everything she does. Doesnt matter what it is; first attempt at a cartwheel and falling over - she's amazing; the best first cartwheel ever; First attempt at throwing a frizbee - amazing, best throw ever. She's been doing Tae Kwan Do for a few months and is still a white belt. Needless to say shes the best white belt in the class.​I guess what I would like to see her doing is being less obsessed with her own excellence at everything she does and to start to get a bit more perspective about what it means to be a beginner at something, and it being perfectly ok to be starting out, having a go, and just giving things your best shot. Not everything is a competition where she is the winner.​Today she was talking about reading something (she's admittedly capable at reading) and she talked about not wanting to boast about it but everyone says she's so smart.​I mean, its nice to think we're smart. I like to think Im smart sometimes. What I would like to see her doing here is not being so convinced of her own intellectual prowess on this matter, and to be able to get some perspective on it that she is still a beginner, and even though she has read a lot more probably than many other kids, there are still kids that are way ahead of her; the important thing being to do your best, and not get too hung up on comparing yourself to others.​Thanks for reading this long post. Needless to say we do have conversations with her about this, but I feel like we havent done too well at teaching her humility. Dont get me wrong - I really do want her feeling good about herself, but I would prefer her to think more realistically about the actual extent of her talents; particularly that just because shes ahead of other kids at some things doesnt mean shes better then them at everything. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Rpzgrw

Recalled Infant Ibuprofen Still on Shelves - FYI

My toddler got hit by a double whammy this week; not only is she suffering through a particularly painful teething episode, but she's also come down with a nasty cold. Her doctor gave us the ok to treat her pain and her fever with Infant Ibuprofen, so I stopped by my local CVS today to replace the stuff I had thrown out early last December.The reason why I tossed the first bottle almost two months ago was because it had been recalled due to safety concerns (more information can be found here). Figuring that two months was enough time to let the dust settle on the recall, I opted for the store / generic stuff, as I had in the past.This time, the poor flummoxed pharmacist wasn't able to ring it up. "The computer is saying that I can't sell this," she said, confused. "I guess that means there is a recall?"That's exactly what it was.So, here is what I can tell you. I don't know if the kiddie Ibuprofen was from the specific lots that were recalled. I only know that A.) CVS made the call that this was a product not eligible for sale due to a safety recall, and B.) at the time of this writing, CVS has yet to remove it from shelves. I also know that at least in my case, there was a fail-safe that prevented the sale. (So hey, that's good.)But the recall also extends to Ibuprofen sold at Walmart and Family Dollar, and I don't know if they have implemented the same flagging functionality that I describe above. I also feel comfortable saying that my experience shows that we can't always trust stores (even large chains) to remove recalled products from shelves, even months after recalls have been issued.I guess that leaves it to us to do our due diligence when it comes to safety issues like this. Obviously none of this amounts to anything panic-inducing, but I think it's important to know that no safety measure is perfect.​Here's to healthy, happy and safe kiddos.​ via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2CVDdPl

PSA: Facebook is paying teens to download an app that records their online activity

http://bit.ly/2TlQxDL has repackaged an app that Apple pulled from the App Store in August and is now bypassing the App Store by paying kids to download and use the app for "research". The app creates a VPN that intercepts all device activity and allows it to be tracked by FB.This may not be as relevant to those of us with <10 year olds, but it's downright scary if you have a phone-using kid.Search your kids' phones and remove the Facebook Research app and any related root certificates installed with that name. via /r/Parenting https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/alahia/psa_facebook_is_paying_teens_to_download_an_app/?utm_source=ifttt

Should I even bother to try to fix this right now.

Because of living arrangements, my 2 year old is becoming a lot to deal with. Co-sleeping has completely thrown off his schedule. He’s falling asleep around midnight to 2am and waking up around noon. TV runs from around 8 or 9 until his passes out because no one wants to hear him cry. For some reason no one understands what it’s either 5 minutes while everyone’s awake or all night because he’s overly tired.The best thing about TV is sure he’s not crying but he’s not able to fall asleep either.I’m being constantly undermined. Everyone wants to fix his crying fit by letting him get out of bed or appeasing his need for a midnight snack. I’ve always been the one to refuse to give him unnecessary things when he starts whining for them. I don’t buy candy. He doesn’t eat candy unless of course someone buys it and decides he deserves some for whining.I feel like I’m stuck unable I’m able to get on my feet. I’m not going to complain about how hard it is to get anything reasonable done when I can’t get to sleep until 4am.I don’t even know how to raise my child around family who’s motto is just give the baby whatever it takes to make him shut up. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2G8eU40

Stepsons (10,5) share a room, preparing to split them up

I’ve found lots of articles about how to keep the peace between siblings who share a room, but none about how to transition them into their own! The 10 year old is definitely ready for his own space, the age gap is really starting to make a difference, and we think it’s time to start getting the 5 year old to be more independent from his older brother. We will be putting the 5 year old in his own room in about two weeks (once my best friend moves out) and I’m looking for advice on how to make the transition smooth. I’m definitely expecting to wake up to him on the floor of his brother’s room a few nights at first but any advice would be much appreciated! via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2SdXh9h

Home is infested with rats, is our baby safe or do we need a hotel until it's cleaned and they are extirminated?

Portland, OrCame home after a 2 week vacation and our home has evidence of rats. There are droppings and my dog caught two. Not super bad but they are here for sureWe have a 6 month old and want to know how serious is this, do we need a hotel or could we just clean everything properly and start setting up traps and begin process of extermating? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2RYVfKM

Bullies are no match for older siblings!

My 6 yr old is being bullied on the bus. It’s not being handled as well as id like on the school’s part but we are trying.His older siblings caught wind of the situation and decided to take matters in to their own hands.Last week they decided to start sitting next to him on the bus so they can ward away any bullies. So far, it’s worked! The bullies leave him alone now.I’m just so proud of them for taking the initiative to do this. They shouldn’t have to and I’m sure they have lots of other friends on the bus they’d rather sit with. But they chose their brother instead.This might not be a long term solution but thank god for older siblings ❤️ via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Gasunj

How do you fix it after you fuck up?

So I messed up pretty big time and lost it on DD (4). The entire story is in my post history if you're curious, but suffice to say it wasn't my finest moment. I apologized and I've tried to talk to her about it, but I'm a bit at a loss on how to address it without blowing it up into something bigger than it is. Advice, personal experience, anything would help. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2DH9ifk

Father calls toddler Idiot - Could this be damaging?

I wish he wouldn't. Our child is only 1.5 years old and he doesn't understand the word yet, but still!He's just a little baby, playing, laughing, babbling away. He's a happy little boy who is excited to spend time with his dad.We are separated but I am facilitating visits as we don't yet have a custody agreement.I left the marriage because of narcissistic abuse.I don't know what to do. I've said in the past things like "hey, don't call him names, it could be damaging". To no avail.What would you suggest I say/ do? Or is it not a big deal? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2MFoOeJ

Help! Advice on getting 3 year old to stay in bed throughout the night from bedtime onwards.

As soon as my 3 year old turned 3(a month or so ago), it became a nightmare trying to put her down for the night. It takes me an hour to get her to sleep. She would cry or constantly ask for me to go back to her room. She has a night light on. We limit naps to at most 1.5 hours now(used to be 2.5 hours). Some days she doesn't even nap and still takes forever to get her down at night. Once she's down she usually wakes up a few times at night and would call me again. This is new behavior and nothing has changed really aside from her turning 3 and a new baby 6 months ago. She used to sleep 12 hours a night without calling for us. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2sS52DA

Help with discipline

I need serious help with a discipline system... or “behavior management” or whatever you want to call it. My kids are out of control!There’s a ton of advice out there but so much of it doesn’t fit my situation well. First of all I should preface with the fact that have moderate-severe, medium-functioning depression. Not going to go into detail on that other than to say I’ve been trying to treat it fairly unsuccessfully for 12+ years and obviously it makes everything about parenting much harder.My kids are 7 and 4 and we’ve really never had a discipline system. Besides yelling, of course. And then eventually I simply give up and let them do whatever because I’m too tired to fight. We have no authority and the kids walk all over us. I’m so sick of it.A quick browse online makes it pretty clear that “positive parenting” is the current popular method. And to give it credit, it seems to be backed up with a fair amount of research. I’ve read quite a bit about it and gave it a shot, but I finally realized it’s just too hard for someone in my condition. I’m not sure I could ever summon the patience, compassion, empathy and understanding it requires, as hard as that is to admit. And it’s waaaay too vague and situation dependent. I need something simple and clear cut that doesn’t require a lot of thought to execute.My daughter thinks a token system is stupid, so that won’t work unless she buys into it. She has an attitude, so she says that about most things we try.Time-outs or simply having house rules with consequences (some of which seem arbitrary) don’t seem to be popular practices anymore. And besides, my time-outs just seem to make my kids more upset and they trash their rooms or something.What am I supposed to do??? What does everyone else do when their kids break the rules? What do you do when your kids won’t stop hitting each other, making messes that they refuse to clean up, get into things that are off limits, or just in general disobeying or refusing to listen? via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2WmoWEe

6 year old tyrant vs kindergarten teacher

It's like a battle of the wills since my 6 year old daughter started kindergarten. We never had issues like this in preschool, so I chalked it up to just a kid who handles change poorly. Her first month in school went about as poorly as possible. I was getting phone calls from the principal, emails and calls from the teacher, my daughter even got a half day suspension from school due to her behavior. It was baffling, and so unlike her. She's strong willed, don't get me wrong... But the way she was acting was beyond her norm. So my husband and I weathered the storm, did everything we were asked to do, star charts at home, conversations about school, grounding her from stuff. Which frankly got old, and frustrating for me. I felt like I had to ground her everyday. The teacher would send these daily reports home that talked about all the bad things my kid did that day. It started to feel like she was being boxed into the stereotypical "bad kid" with little hope of ever being seen as anything but. Then one day, she turned it around. I have no idea what changed, but her attitude did a 180 and she started doing really well in school. My husband and I were so pleased, the teacher stopped harassing me, everything was great. Then Christmas break happened and I worked a ton so our schedule got all messed up. No big deal, so I thought. School resumed, I started getting emails from the teacher and calls from the principal and vice principal about her behavior. I figured it was an adjustment thing again, and it would resolve as she readjusted. So then today I get approached by her teacher who wants to ask me how it's going insert internal eye roll I immediately know this isn't a "just checking in conversation" as she claims. Nope, my kid is refusing to do her work in school, being defiant, and just general debauchery. The whole conversation I'm thinking what do you want me to do? Like she's just complaining about my kids behavior but she's offered no solutions. So I pipe up with a genius idea (not really, but something my mom did when I was in school) and I offered to come to the classroom to help her and get a better idea of what is going on. I was immediately shot down, that wouldn't be a good idea. The way this teacher describes my daughters behavior is not the behavior we see at home, so my thinking is I should witness this behavior first hand in the environment that it's happening in. I know my daughter has told me kids taunt her and tease her in class- I think it's normal kid stuff, doesn't sound like bullying by any means. So, I'm wondering why a teacher wouldn't want a parent to come and assess and help? When I was struggling in school my mom thought it was 100% my fault and I was being a POS, she sat in my class for a week and observed the teacher. Low and behold it was not me, the teacher was awful, she would refuse to answer questions I asked and respond with "you already know the answer, go sit down." She would send back my 3rd grade math homework so many times that my mom would do it with a calculator and she'd still mark it all wrong. This was at a private school, and I think that teacher was ready for retirement. Anyways, I mention this because I feel it's important to my intrinsic bias, as I've been a victim of a terrible teacher and it took me a long time (tutoring, summer school, etc) to get caught up and be successful in school again. My daughters teacher has thrown a lot of red flags my way- for example she doesn't participate with the other kindergarten teachers, progress notes that just tally the amount of times my daughter did something wrong without addressing ANY improvements, her phone calls about how she's never seen a child act out like my daughter in all her 17 years of teaching, telling me that the girl who has a reading deficit can do her homework faster than my daughter, and now telling me I shouldn't come to the classroom because it wouldn't be helpful. I'm not a teacher, maybe she's right? I love my daughter, but she is not perfect, she is a boundary pusher- but she responds to set boundaries once they have been identified. I don't claim to be a perfect parent and I'm not trying to put all blame on this teacher. I'm just trying to navigate these murky waters with little experience in the matter, and do what is best for my daughter. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2Rp87VE