My Husband Refuses to Allow Me to Teach Our Daughter Spanish!

I’m originally from Trinidad and Tobago where our native language is English my heritage is made up of Indian, Chinese and Latina, so because of the Latina side of my family, I’m also fluent in Spanish. When I first met my husband I fell so deeply in love with him (never mind our 14 year age gap)... I’m 21 and he’s 35 and together we have a 1 year old daughter. He knew I spoke two languages but never really tried to learn my second language, which I had no problem with. My husband is Caucasian American, which means my daughter is made up of 4 different races in her (Indian, Chinese, Latina and Caucasian). When I was pregnant he and I would get into many fights about whether or not our daughter would learn Spanish and eventually it became a problem so I decided not to bring it up and teach her myself. I would talk to her in Spanish, whatever she learned in English ie colors, animals, shapes, numbers etc. from her dad she would learn from me in Spanish. Again I love my husband but when he said, “My daughter is American, you’re an American now and I’m American and here we speak English” it broke my heart, it made me feel as though he doesn’t accept me for who I am. It’s hard to talk to him about anything because even when we first got together, I was 19 and he was 33, I realized he was pretty set in his ways so I could never change him but this is my daughter and I want her to be bilingual. What should I do?Edit: when Brielle was first born he said “There will be no speaking of any language but English in this house” and this was after I just told my baby “¡Te amo!” (I love you!). Even when I’m cooking he HATES when I play my Latino music and he never eats my food when I cook things like arepas, empanadas even when I make churros for dessert he’s either not hungry or already ate. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EZdhSH

Family vacation problems, Advice? Sorry long post

I am going away with family over spring break, we are all renting cabins to unwind and relax for a couple of days. My sister has a 1 1/2 year old and a 7 year old. I have a 10 year old. There are only 2 bedroom cabins available for my sister so she has asked if her 7 year old son could stay with my son in his room in our cabin.Without going into too much detail ( although It's hard), her son has some behavioural problems and is just a very hyper active child but is nice and I love him. My son is the complete opposite. My son is a victim of emotional and psychological abuse from his dad and step mom. He has half siblings there and they have alot of family problems there. Unfortunately my nephew is similar to my sons half sister in some ways and honestly is a hard child to be around for long periods of time. They don't always get along the best because my son starts to take his anger and sadness out on my nephew when my nephew is acting up that stems from the problems at his dad's. All these issues that my sister and I are trying to work on and help them with, but it takes time. My son has really been through alot in his life. My sister and I are also very different and she gets very stressed easily. My partner and I already said that if she is getting stressed and mean we would just separate ourselves from the situation in order for us to enjoy ourselves and for things to calm down. We have had some family fights during get togethers and I'm trying to work on ways to avoid this and not let it ruin the time.I said no to my sister for him to stay the nights in our cabin. 1, because I know my son wouldn't like it, although he would put a smile on and deal with it. It goes against everything we are trying to help him with and that is that he has the right to have feelings and he has the right to say no, or the right to not like something. Because of the abuse at his dad's all those things have been taken from him and we try and help him see these things. He is an extremely none selfish kid. He would do anything asked of him even if it made him miserable. 2, because my partner and I, honestly don't want him staying with us either. I understand some people might thing this sounds cruel. But we are also looking forward to quiet time with our son and ourselves as well.Now I'm worried I'm not being considerate of my sister. But she has a full cabin with 2 rooms, I can't understand why her boys can't share a room or the 1 1/2 year old can't sleep in her room or something. She says she is worried about him sleeping. But what about if she were to stay in a hotel, which we were gonna do before staying in cabins. She would have had no choice but to sleep in same room.I also decided to leave it up to my son. If he said that would be fine and fun I would say yes. I simply told him about our plan to rent a cabin etc, and asked him if he would like his cousin to spend the night with him, before i could even finish he said No, Pls no, I won't be able to sleep. My son gets very drained after spending time with him, and I know it stems from the problems he has at his dad's, and with his other siblings. They are not usual sibling problems he is experiencing there. So I'm not trying to be mean to my sister I just honestly am trying to think about "us" for once. We never go away and do things like this so we are really looking forward to quiet time away from home.This has become a huge deal with my family now and my mom and I got into an argument yesterday over this as she thinks I'm not being considerate. Even my mom knows and agrees about my nephews behaviour and that it is hard to be around for long periods of time. He's my nephew I love him more then anything. Thoughts? 😕 via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2HQlGtA

Mommy is depressed, but doesn't know what she wants different. Daddy doesn't know how to help. Kids are okay, but it doesn't feel sustainable.

My (stay at home) wife told me a couple weeks ago in a moment of vulnerable honesty that she hates her life. We talk about changes we could make, or counselors, etc. She couldn't figure out what she'd want to do differently and feels angry and pressured when I ask what she wants. She's tried a couple times to find a counselor, but her schedule is busy and her heart doesn't seem to be in the search.This morning my wife told me she figured out why she hates her life--it's because she hates our kids (4 ages 2-10). I had always thought 4 was too many, and she said this morning she wishes she hadn't had them. All she wants to do every day is get them to bed so she can go to bed so she doesn't have to be awake.She's not catatonic depressed, but she's not fully functional either. She does what's required to get the kids where they need to be. She tries not to yell too much. She struggles to keep up with housework. Judging just by actions, I'd say she's a little down. But it's her words that make me scared, and this morning there was even a weird hollow look in her eyes. The kids are doing okay now, but I worry that seeing mommy always depressed will eventually have some long term impacts.I can't seem to get anywhere asking her what she'd like to do differently--she honestly doesn't seem capable of answering and gets angry when I ask. So it feels like it's on me to figure out changes.We have a lot of resources available from a financial standpoint for nannies, housekeepers, travel. I'm not currently around a lot, working from 9-7 every day, and while that would be hard to change, it feels like all options should be on the table. I could take time off work, give her a few weeks off. That's all to say, I think we have a ton of options open. I just don't know what next steps to take.EDIT: Spent some time looking up nannies. Called and offered my wife a couple of options, said we could have someone come in 2-5 days a week. She shut it all down, and got upset with me for trying to help. She doesn't want outside help or nannies. I think what she wants is for me to pick up the slack with a lot of extra work when I get home, but I'm not in a position to consistently help in that way :( via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CNA5TM

A letter to my son that made me cry

Before DS turned one I have decided to make him a time capsule with little things from his first year. I promised myself that I will also write him a letter to open when he is 18. After delaying it due to life happening, I finally sat down today to write said letter. The whole 2 pages of it. Then I read it to make sure that I said everything I wanted to say to him. I told DS how I hoped he knew what being loved feels like, how parenting is hard and that I am truly trying my best, how his Dad is an amazing person, all the things i hope we teach him and that he is good enough no matter what. And then I burst into tears. Because that was the first time I realised how important of a job we've got. And that I hope that I am still here when he reads that letter. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2t18BdD

[Sex] I think my daughter masturbates too much

I want to say first that I'm not against masturbation, I think it's normal, but ... I'm starting to notice that my daughter stays in the bathroom for a long time, this seems like a normal behavior (she's a 13-year-old girl), what worries me is that I'm starting to find objects that should not be in the bathroom (pencils , pritt stick).I am very worried that she will get hurt with these objects.I'm thinking of buying a kind of dildo, but I do not know if this is convenient (besides being something very shameful for both)I prefer that my daughter use a safe dildo than a pencil or a toothbrushWhat do you think about it ?PS: Don't judge me I respect my daughter via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2owCzBn

Finally back in daycare! To pick him up at 11....

First of all, I am 23 with two boys 13 months apart one is 2 and one is 3. I work in real estate with my husband and a popular restaurant in my free time. Since the end of December, due to surprising circumstances I have stayed home with the boys. I like to work, a lot. It gives me balance, it gives me peace, perspective, and context.Well, finally I get the boys in a school. My two year old is lovey and sweet but craves lots of attention, my three year old craves attention as well, but is rough and a typical crazy three year old boy. He does his own thing. But at home they are both assertive, playful boys, equally really.Now after that very lengthy intro (sorry), I will get to it. I drop my two year old off today, anticipating it being a rough day for him, but still optimistic. We drop at 7:30, and we get a call at 11 telling us we need to come up there. Apparently he cried the entire time and it was not going to happen today. Although he has spent a lot of time with me as of late, I did not expect him to freak out like this. He cries at the YMCA, but stops, he has been in daycare before, he has stayed with my MIL, and even stays with a close friend of ours who keeps them when we are out of town. I will say, he is a mamas boy and is clingy, I do my best not to overdo it and set boundaries, but he is very demanding and jealous when it comes to attention.Does anyone have any tips or tricks, or even a sympathetic story?I am planning on going up there today around 3:30 after his nap and going to show him I like his teacher and kind of redo their introduction. Good idea?For those with experience in this, how long does this normally last?Is it possible this is a temperament issue because of a developmental stage? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2FG4S7V

How to talk to kindergartner about school shootings (advice/long post)

Just like the title, my 6 yr old daughter had a shooter drill at her elementary school Friday (I only found out yesterday by a recorded message from school).I asked her about the drill, where they had to go (bathroom in the classroom), what they had to do (stay quiet), and how she felt about it.She said she was scared and didn't want to die. She said that she wanted to home school because of it. And she was concerned because one of the boys kept crying in the bathroom and was making noise.I told her that it is ok to feel that way, we practice drills so we know what to do IF something happens (like a fire drill or tornado drill). She asked why in the bathroom? I told her because there are no windows, so that person can't see you. I also told her that her teacher would deal with the crying child if needed (so she doesn't have nightmares). I told her no to home school because she wouldn't have met all her friends (she's very social and loves school). I told her we don't expect it to happen, but we want everyone to be safe. I also told her that if she hears anyone talking about hurting students or teachers, to tell a teacher/adult (so she has something to 'work' on in her dreams/head).I hope I did everything 'right', her Dad was working late, so couldn't help when this happened. Is there anything I could read that would help if she has more questions/anxiety about this?It just scares me about this world my baby is growing up in. I mean I was in MS when Pearl High School shooting happened, but it seems worse now (probably because she's my baby).tldr: daughter had a shooter drill at elementary school, any reading on how to talk to daughter if she has more questions/anxiety about school shootings via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2t3EZfI

My 3 year old cries EVERY time he has to go to his mother's...

At first I thought it was a phase, at one point when he was much younger he did the same to me for a few weeks.We have a split custody, it's been that way since he was just an infant. He's only known this way, half the week with mom and half the week with dad.Before he turned 3 he started crying whenever he would have to leave me. When I go to pick him up, he's eager, ready and willing. It's been over a year now of this, and I'm worried there's some psychological damage happening here.He has at random times told me he doesn't love mommy, and I have to scold him on that. Again last night we had this conversation and nothing has changed.Her time with him is split between her cousin watching him, the grandma and her... the girl moves about once every 9 months to a year. When he's with me, it's solely with me. I'm doing my best to provide a stable environment.He'll cry his eyes out when I mention the night before that he's leaving in the morning. He'll bargain with me to stay, he'll ask to go to work with me so he doesn't have to go with mom. He'll sometimes make it difficult to get dressed so that I can't force him to leave. He sometimes won't let go in front of her so that it's difficult to make the exchange. He's told me he doesn't want to stay with her, that he doesn't love her, and when I ask why it can be for any manor of excuses.Is there a point where I need to step up my concern for him and do more? Should I seek a counselor to help him? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2FEkOYl

Do you think it's inappropriate to kiss your child on the lips?

My son is nine months old and is learning how to give kisses. I think it's really sweet, but a couple of people have told me they think it's creepy and inappropriate for me to let him kiss me on the lips. It's just a quick peck and I would never do it if I'm sick. But the insinuation that it's unnatural makes me kind of uncomfortable and feel weird about it.I'm interested in hearing your guys' thoughts on this. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2oHA3Ye

How do i explain to my son why he can't see certain family members anymore?

I'm married and have three kids. The oldest is 5. The younger two are 2 and 1. When my son was born my older sister had a child the same year a few months apart, another boy. Now my son and this boy grew up together. They literally saw each other everyday and treated each other like brothers. They would get together either at my place or my parent's place or my sister's place.My older sister has always been a bully and we never really had a good relationship. She was verbally abuse to me growing up and would physically hurt me, throw things at me, threaten me etc. She just never plain liked me. But as she got older she mellowed out and seemed to like the idea that we had kids together so she decided as adults that we'd be friends. She even for the first time in ever, when i was in my 20's begin chatting with me on my phone, adding me to social media etc. I thought she finally matured and wanted to make peace in her life.As the years wore on, motherhood seemed to have worn her out and she began exhibiting the same toxic behavior from when she was younger that i thought was abusive. She believes in spanking and yelling at her child at the top of her lungs. Sometimes if her son made a simple mistake of spilling his drink was enough for her to march up to him and slap his arm and scream at his face and call him stupid. My parents would watch but not do anything (they've never had the cojones to say anything to her, even when she was abusive towards me). I would get upset and tell her that she's out of line and hug her son and tell him its ok and that it was an accident. The worst part was that my son would be right there watching this and i could tell by the look in his face that he knew it wasn't right the way his "brother" was being treated. Me and her would take the kids out on outings, to the zoo, parks and every time, without fail either the day or the kids would wear her out and she'd start lashing out verbally, things like "Hayden, shut up already! No one wants to hear you sing that damn song!!" if her son was singing in the car. It would break my heart because he was always so happy from having a good time and his mom would just shut him down. She's not always like this. She has a really sweet side which id see from time to time where she loves that child and will hug him and play with him. Make him meals, read to him etc. She doesn't neglect him in any way. He has all the toys and food he could want. But i think she just has anger issues which my parents never helped her through as a kid and she still has them.I had enough of her sh*t a few months back because she thought it was ok for her to try her crap on MY son. We were in a park and my son was "hunting for squirrels". He wandered off (he usually doesnt) she went up to him and slapped him in the face and began screaming at him over it. I grabbed my son told her not so nice words and marched out of the park with my kids in tow. She later told my parents that i was raising a brat who got away with everything. She said that "family should be allowed to discipline not just mom and dad" She's insane. She thinks a brat is a happy kid and a well behaved kid is a defeated sad looking kid which is what shes creating with her son.Her husband is no better either. He's the more passive of the two, never seen him lay a hand on their kid but he's absolutely useless. He barely does anything with him, no bonding at all from what i can tell. Always acts like hes tired and leaves the parenting to my sister. He agrees with her parenting methods and i've even caught him once or twice making comments about my son to her. Things like "that kid needs to change his attitude" or "this kid needs to be put in place" and for what? Because my son was running around laughing and being loud and you know....being a damn kid!! And he'd sometimes get too rowdy and have trouble calming down after playing which is totally within normal child development. Her husband once or twice also tried poking fun at my son's weight which i shut him down quick. My son is tall for his age and as such weighs more than their son who is a little string bean. My son's pediatrician told me my son is perfectly healthy and within normal weight range.Sorry i feel like im rambling. Well, since the day of the park where she dared lay a hand on my son i havent let him hang out with her or my nephew. I told her over the phone that what she did was not ok. She never apologized and said that i was causing the family to "be divided" and causing drama and that we can hang out again once i admit i was wrong. She also blamed my son for complaining about her and that he needed to apologize to her for being bad and causing her to discipline him. My son is NOT ever going to do that so we are at this point in time not speaking to each other and unfortunately the cousins are have not seen each other for months. My son asks about his cousin and why he can't see him and it breaks my heart. The other day my son broke down crying saying he misses him so much and that he wanted to give him a letter. It was a letter saying that he will always love him. He also tried sneaking off following my mom when he heard she was passing by my sister's house. I try to distract him as much as i can, taking him to play dates, going on outings a lot. But its hard to get him to forget his cousin. Me and my husband think its just not ok to have such toxic people in our lives anymore who think it's ok to disrespect and bully other people. We have also started to limit contact with my parents as well because we don't like how they tend to confuse things around and talk about my sister like she's the virign mary around my son. That and my mom for a while wouldn't stop showing my son pictures of his cousin. "Oh look he's getting big like you? He says he likes pokemon now" Like wtf?! The only thing she gained from those conversations was getting my son to cry.I told my son that its not ok for other people to lay their hands on him, hit him, slap him etc. That he is a person and he is worthy of respect no matter what his age is. I taught him the golden rule. Treat others the way we want to be treated and then told him that his aunt is in "time out" from our family until she learns this. I think he understands but it still hurts him...i dont know what else to do for him..any advice would be great. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EYrWSq

Coffee Time!

I'm an avid connoisseur of coffee. Espresso, French Press, Always fresh ground, from a multitude of different roasts and regions. I'm a coffee snob, love the stuff.That being said, I accidently left my mug on the coffee table while i went to the bathroom. I come back to find my 13 month old toddler guzzling it and laughing. So I find out my affinity for coffee has been passed on. So now, every time she smells poppa making coffee she wants some, a sip, at restaurants she throws a fit if I don't let her smell it.So my question is, at what age could I reasonably give her some very very weak coffee? I feel like a terrible parent asking this, but I figure maybe for a treat or something? Could 1/4 strength 2oz of coffee be worse than chocolate? Thanks! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2oDBoQ7

Road trip book/game/podcast recommendations for 3 year old boy

I realize there are lists online (and have looked at some of them) on this topic, but I'm looking for your favorites. So far, these are my favorite recommendations:Sticker scenes/Colorform type toysColor Wonder kitsGood old coloring book and crayonsWe are looking at book ideas. Have gotten a few from the library to see if they're worth buying.We have movies covered. We'll download a few favorites from Netflix.We'll be including kid apps, but will plan to use as backup to these.Thanks in advance. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2owEBl7

If you or a loved one smokes cigarettes and has a child this post may be right for you.(to answer)

Hi there. I'm a soon to be mother.My mom smokes cigarettes and I'm not sure how to tell her I really dont want cigarette smoke around my baby. Now she is quite aware it is harmful and shr isnt the type of person that will smoke in front of or in the same room as my baby but her house really has a strong musty cigarette smell.When I go over, my clothes would seriously smell like a had a few my self even if I wasnt around get while she was smoking. Im worried that residual smoke/smell will hang around. I could be overly protective but I dont want this to affect my babies health.Have you had this problem?Telling her not to smoke ever is a no go.Is there a way we can both be happy?How can I bring the topic up with out too much upset. My mom is the type that will get emotional over it. And bringing it up lightly is the best for both since dealing with that stress and guilt that come along with going at it head strong will be worse for me and baby. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2HVfT6c

Almost 2 year old throwing temper tantrums

Bit of background, I stopped breastfeeding last week. She was mostly eating at night. I wanted to have her start going in her crib too. Tried one night last week. She cried for 2 hours straight. I caved in and brought her back in to my bed. She wasn't allowed to eat at night though, so small victory.Now she will throw temper tantrums until she passes out again. Last night she kicked me in the face and pulled a chunk of my hair out. She wakes 2-4 times a night and 3/4 of the time she has a tantrum. I've tried talking calmly to her, gently holding her feet so she can't kick me. Even setting her down off the bed for a minute to show her it's wrong to kick.I know I'm probably going about this wrong so any helpful advice would be appreciated. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EYXNlZ

Pros and cons of catholic school?

I am from inner city Philadelphia and my son started school recently he’s only 3 years old and it’s sort of a pre-k thing they are doing. He has been having problems in school since he started other children have been “bothering” him and he came home the other day with 3 big scratches on his face. The people at the school first started off sayin it was an accident that was what was told to us on the incident report they made and had us sign then when trying to get more info it was revealed that he got into a fight with one of the other “kids.” This has caused us to not trust the school and maybe try and get him into another school or program. His mother is religious and she was saying we should try to get him into a catholic school. As someone who is not religious could anyone give me some pros and cons to the situation. Thanks on advanced and sorry for the formatting. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2otGaQT

Child derailing my son's classroom

There's a kid in my son's classroom that is so far behind developmentally/emotionally it's shocking.I don't really know if it's even diagnosable, but it is very odd. Just by looking at his face, his height, his hands, his voice and behavior, I would say he looks and acts like he is 3 if I didn't know any better. He is actually 6.I am the class mom and I help read with the kids, and I'm also a member of the parents' group that runs events and volunteers around the school so I am at the school every day and in the classroom quite a bit.I have ADHD and so does my son, but when I say this kid is off the rails I don't mean that he is hyperactive. He just is not ready to be in school. He wanders around, doesn't follow directions, makes silly voices and noises, is constantly launching himself into people and hugging them--literally this kid is so sweet but is on a whole other level. The other kids don't like him because the attention he gives them is SO INTENSE and no age-appropriate.The teacher is at her wit's end. He derails entire lessons sometimes. Thank god there's an assistant because I have no idea what this poor teacher would do without her.At least now the kid can get his backpack in his cubby, at the beginning of the year he'd come to school so excited, drop his shit on the floor, wander around, give hugs to half the class, talk to people, all the while oblivious to the assistant and teacher yelling his name to get his attention that his bag was in the hall. Then he wouldn't put it away because he didn't want to.I sometimes volunteer for lunch and recess duty and this kid is so sweet but something is clearly abnormal. He acts like a toddler. He even ran away and snuck into the preschool class.Is this normal? Can some kids be this behind developmentally? With potty training and language he seems to be reasonably on target...I guess....but his reading comprehension is about where my 4 year old preschooler's is. He can sometimes sit through part of a story and sometimes answer questions about what is happening, but he is far behind his peers. He acts and LOOKS--physically looks like a 3 year old.This is a private school with no psychologist or support services. I'm upset that the school has allowed him to stay because he is clearly not ready for school and not a good fit, and his behavior impacts the entire class.Is there something I am missing? Is this normal? Should I or can I go to admin about this? I feel bad because the kid is really so sweet but he's just...oh my god he's just a hot mess. He must be under so much stress in this environment. Is this like a diagnosable thing? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2F8PyD8

Weekly- Wallet Wednesday- February 28, 2018

This is a weekly thread where you can share pictures of your children and cute, crazy or awful things they have done. Please upload your pictures through Imgur and post the link as a comment. Feel free to share the context of the picture! If you are not a parent yourself, this is the place to ask us anything. Also, if you ever wonder who we are, click here to meet the mod team! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2t2lNPt

What does a father of a newborn do? I'm not good with kids.

Hallo /r/parenting,My GF (22) told me (25) that she is in her 7 months pregnant.Now I am looking for a job in her region so we can move together. I live >3 hours away from her. The plan that I would move was determined before.At the momemt I go to my Job as if nothing happend and she is doing all the preperation things. Choosing midwife, filing documents...I don't know if I will be at the birth (in case of a premature birth) and even after that, I will only be there at weekends (probably not every weekend).Finally, if we move together, I still don't know what to do with this kid. I didn't wanted a child, I'm not a kids person and have no idea how to be a father.I'm overwhelm with this situation and could need some options and advices.Thank you. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2GP0bbk

Facebook group recommendations.

I am looking for accountability groups on Facebook that are positive and focus on strategies to parenting. The reason I ask is, I’m getting defeated about the amount of parents that use groups as a way to just shit all over school administration or those around them. I get some people need that but I need to stay away from that personally. It sours me as a person.I have found one group that seems to be a balance but I would love an adhd group. I have a 3 yr old that the doctor is already giving advice to how to manage it without saying it outright (ha) and me and dad are both diagnosed so I’m not surprised or anything. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2F1ZWJg

My Kid thinks Friendship stops shootings

So my 8 year old told me something that blew my mind yesterday.Apparently her teacher had decided to share with the class what happened with the latest school shooting. Personally I did not want to tell her about it because she’s 8, I feel she doesn’t really need to know about that right now. Frankly if a school shooter shows up in an elementary school, her knowing that this happens isn’t going to do her a lick of good, because she’s 8 and will not be prepared either way unless that schools running monthly gunman drills, which they aren’t. So why worry her.But that’s neither here nor there at this point.On the way home she told me how her teacher said that and asked if it was true. Since I have a policy of either truth or omission ,but never downright lies with my kids, I confirm that it’s true.She then looked at me and said ‘That’s why I tried to make friends with x. He only has one friend, so I gave him a note that said ‘wanna be bffs?’ But then he tried to throw it away! He needs to have more friends so he doesn’t grow up and shoot people, if you know, that’s what he wants to do.’I just kind of stared at her for a moment. I had no idea what to say. It was like getting sucker punched in the brain.Today my fiancé and I are brainstorming on how to talk to her about how not every introvert is a madman waiting to happen. I’m also writing a letter to the teacher to find out exactly what was said, because my daughter also mentioned meaness as a cause of these shootings and I need to know where that idea came from.I am heartbroken that this is a talk I have to have with my 3rd grader. I hate this country so much right now. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CNgwuG

9yr old stepdaughter bullied/ talks about suicide

My SO and I are heartbroken. Yesterday we received a call from my SD’s school that her classmates reported she told them that she is suicidal. This was reported to my SO and her BM immediately. Needless to say we are stunned. We talked to her and asked her what is going on. Apparently she has been experiencing bullying from three popular girls. They call her ugly, weird, invite her to hang out with them just to ditch her. Our daughter has always had a bit of trouble socializing and now it’s getting out of hand. We talked to the suicide help line and they gave us some good tools to mitigate this in the interim but I’m still afraid of what she might do. My SD confided in us yesterday that she took her dad’s beard scissors and contemplated cutting her arms in the bathroom, but her heart told her not to. We sent a letter to the teacher and vice principal this morning requesting their plan of action.Has anyone else been in this situation? I am terrified and don’t know what to do. My SO is not doing well and I need to step into the decision making role for him right now as he is emotionally drained (this is among many things currently happening in his family).Thanks for any advice. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2BWQwAp

Am I being ridiculous (advice needed with grandparents)?

My mom watches our 3yo son when my husband and I work, usually 4 or 5 hours a day, 3 days a week. She usually clears her schedule and doesn't have to go anywhere, so he's only gone out with her a small handful of times, and every time she lets me know ahead of time.The last month or so, though, she and my dad have taken him out and about 3 times without saying anything until after they get home. Now, I have absolute confidence in my parents' abilities to drive safely, buckle the car seat correctly, and not injure my kid in any way. The problem I have is that in that time, I'm under the impression that he's at their house, not out on the town and that gives me a little anxiety. Like, what if something happened to me or my husband and we couldn't get a hold of them (they're notorious for not answering their cells when out)? Or worse, what if something happened to them and I have no idea where they are?I was planning on going to my mom and just asking for a text letting me know they're going out, but I feel a little ridiculous. I mean, they don't need my permission, I just want to be informed of where my kid is during the day. Is that too much? Am I being silly? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2F0nK4g

Does anyone else have an 8:30 bedtime for their 2.5 year old?!?

I just need to know if there are others out there with late bed times. She went to bed around 7:00 once upon a time, but then it became 7:30, then 8:00, and now 8:30. These changes were cued by her. She has a solid bed time routine. I’ve tried shifting it earlier again with no success. She just goes down better, later. Her father and I are both night owls, so maybe she comes by it naturally, but... I worry because it’s so much later than most. Her dad works from home 3 Days a week, so he can let her sleep in when she wants, usually. She wakes between 6:00am and 8:30am (10-12 hours a night; 1-2 hour day naps) on her own, with no rhyme or reason as to the variation in time.Bonus question: She is inconsistent with her night waking. 1 out of maybe 5 times, she sleeps through the night. The other nights, she wakes between midnight and 5 am to come sleep in our big bed. At this point, I would typically do a little round of cry it out (she’s been successfully sleep trained since 9 months, but it’s not heavily enforced - and we don’t use it when her cries are extremely distressed). But... her dad (and his anxiety) have made sleep training almost a non option. He insists on still using a monitor to view her state of distress in the night (which I’d be fine with if he didn’t obsess - he is sure she’ll suffocate or something - this is not an exaggeration). So, he mostly takes night duty because if I take it and try to cry it out, he’s up anyway and debating with me about why I’m not just getting her. I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve just basically given him night duty because the whole thing just frustrates me (because I don’t agree with his actions, but at the same time he’s not hurting her).So my question is, is this night sleeping routine way off base from the norm for her age? If so, what course of action might be best? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2BXhhom

"Childish" teenager is losing friends because of his interest. What can I do to help him?

My son is on the socially immature side and can't seem to make any lasting friendships.My son just turned 13 years old and is in 7th grade. He use to do okay socially. He was never Mr. Popularity but that wasn't a problem with me. He had a solid friend group that came over regularly.He hasn't had a friend come over since mid December and spends his weekends at home. His friends have moved on from childish interest into things that are more age appropriate. Instead of watching Phineus and Ferb they tune into Stranger Things. Instead of wanting to play "war" they are interested in playing sports. Minecraft and Legos have been replaced by Snapchat and Instagram. They like to hang out at the mall and shop for clothes while he would rather be in the toy section. Many of them are starting to dip their toes into the world of dating. I'm pretty sure my son still thinks girls have cooties (not literally but that's how uninterested he is).I'm not saying anything is wrong with my son. I love that he's a unique individual that doesn't follow the crowd. He isn't afraid to do his own thing but he has noticed that his friends have left him behind. He asked me recently what was wrong with him and why no one likes him. I told him that nothing was wrong and he would find his own crowd but will he? It's hard seeing other kids his age going out and having a good time while he plays in the backyard with our dog or watches YouTube to keep himself occupied.His best friend since first grade called him a loser and I think that was the tipping point for him. I know he thinks that there is something wrong with him.He is involved in boy scouts and the drama club at his school but it he rides solo in both for the most part. He has a couple of friends he talks to while he is there but none that I would consider to he his friends. He has necer been invited over their house and they have declined invites. He sits alone at lunch.What can I do to help him? I know he is at the age where I can't be too involved in his social life but he is dreading Spring Break because he knows he won't see anyone for a whole week. I need to do something. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CLrpNy

My 7 year old touched my 3 year old’s privates. Mom and I need guidance.

A little back story is about 3 years ago the 7 year old (girl) was molested by her 11 year old cousin (boy) it was a one time incident. We called CPS and took her to psychiatrist who said felt like she was ok emotionally and physically.Yesterday we noticed our 3 year old (girl) was peeing her pants. She was recently potty trained but this was standing in the middle of the room peeing her pants. After the 3rd time warning flags went off and I pulled my wife aside and told her that is usually a sign of sexual abuse. Earlier that day the 3 year old was at a babysitter for a few hours. So we started questioning her if anyone there touched her Pee Pee and said no. Then she peed again in the middle of the room about 20 mins later. I sat her down and asked her if ANYONE had touched her Pee Pee and she said yes and pointed at her 7 year old sister. She was adamant that her sister touched her.We had the rest of the girls (we have 4) go upstairs and play and started talking to the 7 year old. She lied with bits of confession in between for about 20 mins straight. She then finally confessed that she isolated the three year old and pulled off her pants and undies and not just touched her but inserted her finger inside her. She said she was just curious but admitted to the 3 year old telling her no but she did it anyways.We are devastated, confused, angry as to why this has happened. We are calling psychiatrist to get her in. The 3 year old is normal today but we are looking at counseling for her as well.What do we do? How do we trust our 7 year old around her sisters? We feel like this was more than just curiosity. She has a history of lying and a disconnect from emotions and has been diagnosed with ADHD and the school as talked to us about testing her for a delay disorder.We need advice as in are we doing everything we should? Is there something else we can do? Our fear is that there is something more and that this might happen again.Thank you all in advance who reply. We will be in and out of the house today working and will respond as we can. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2GQ9pDY

OMG threenager

Amazing little dude, turned 3 a couple of months ago, and his personality COMPLETELY changed.He is a ball of emotions at all times. If the slightest thing doesn't go his way, we get tears, screaming, and aggression (destructive behaviour and lashing out physically, primarily kicking). He has lost the ability to focus on anything - this was a kid who used to spend an hour playing with his little people toys, and now can't seem to do anything for more than a couple of minutes before he loses control, something doesn't go his way and the temper flares.He has also become extremely defiant - refusing to do ANYTHING. We offer choices - these PJs, or those ones. No response, we tell him we'll make the choice. He can put them on, or we will. Inevitably he refuses and it becomes a physical struggle for us to manhandle him to get dressed, put shoes on, go to the bathroom, get into the car seat, ANYTHING.We don't give in to tantrums. We give him space, tell him to come to us when he's ready for a hug, and talk about his big feelings and what we can do to help feel better. We do not allow him to hit or kick, and will either block him or remove ourselves. My husband has lost it a couple of times and yelled at him, but it's like our son isn't there, he doesn't respond to the yelling and just continues crying and kicking (basically in lizard brain).Nothing has changed in our lives. He's at the same daycare with the same kids, everything is the same at home. We do know that one boy in his class has been having issues with aggression, and our son comes home with stories like "B pushed me, B hit me", etc., but we also know our son is showing this same behaviour at school that he is at home.Normal 3 year old stuff? Any survival tips that will allow us to keep some semblance of our sanity? It's hard both because he's making life so unpleasant for US, but more than that it is clear that he is miserable and we don't know how to help him through it. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2oyWeQs

New Parent, Woo!

My wife and I welcomed a baby girl into the world 3 weeks ago, and since then we've experienced all the normal stuff. Our baby girl appears to be a perfectly normal newborn (although the anxiety of "is that normal?" is super high.) My wife is struggling with breastfeeding. We're incredibly excited for day-care. Time has slowed down.Like most, we're saying "one is enough" today, but who knows what that'll look like next year.Just thought I'd say "hola". via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2F9b1eT

What song meaning/lyric has changed for you since becoming a parent?

I was listening to Everclear's "Wonderful" recently. The lyric "I just don't understand how / You can smile with all those tears in your eyes / Tell me everything is wonderful now" really struck me. Yes, I know this song is about a really crappy family environment, but after becoming a parent I can understand how one can have tears in their eyes and tell their little one that everything is better now... so much. I have had my bad days with work and I come home and feel no sense of worth from the job (very rarely and probably when I'm a bit hormonal) and then I do something trivial like burn dinner or drop a plateful of food on the ground right as everyone's lining up to eat, and I just kinda had my moment and needed to shed a tear or two. My toddler has come up to me and asked me if I was ok, and I think I have said that I'm wonderful now as I hold him in my lap. Not in a sarcastic way, but like "I'm wonderful because you are in my life and give me perspective that this little crap - is just that. Trivial little crap. You remind me how wonderful everything is surrounding me and that truly makes me feel wonderful." Anyone else that moment, where things just switched for you in a song or lyric relating to parenting? Would love to read it.Just commenting really on that lyric and my perspective relating to it. Please don't misunderstand me as saying that an abusive familial household is ok for a child or co-parenting relationship. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CKqM71

"I hate Spanish" - 8yo raised bilingual only speaking English

Is this normal? My LatAm husband is especially upset about this (I am too but I don't take it personally), and his family is even more crushed. Every time he or someone in their family speaks Spanish to her, she yells, "I hate Spanish!" and won't respond until someone speaks English (everyone is bilingual).How much should we give in versus insisting on her speaking Spanish? It's really becoming a battle and my MIL is devastated...and starting to get angry at my daughter, which seems like a but of an overreaction to what just may be a phase. My FIL thinks that she's been getting anti-Latin American messaging from society and wants to separate herself from her heritage, but I'm wondering if there's a less insidious rationale. But maybe not :-/Any help or thoughts appreciated for how to handle moving forward.(If it matters, I am white non-Hispanic) via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2F9JOZv

Fiance's 14 year old daughter in contact with older man. Debating whether I should tell him about this or not

My soon to be step-daughter is a very smart girl. She's an A-A/B student. We've never had a problem out of her. She's very quiet and respectful when she comes to visit. She doesn't live with us and she rarely visits anymore. Her mother and my fiance had a disagreement and it made her feel that she had to choose a side and she's much closer to her mother than she is my fiance. This was months ago and they are now slowly repairing their relationship so she visits about every 2 weeks or so.I have her as a friend on Facebook. We sometimes speak on there just so I can see how she's doing and maintain a good relationship with her. I've done some snooping on her Facebook page and saw that she's had a lot of comments on her photos from a guy. I was shocked because she's really shy and I never expected her to be talking to a boy right now. I clicked on his profile and he has most things private but in his "About Me" Section (under profile picture) he has that he is 22 years old!I went back to her Facebook account and looked through her pictures and there was one of both him and her. I'm guessing it was from Snapchat because of the filter. They looked like they were in a car. Whether her mother knows about this, I have no clue. I don't even think that she has a Facebook account neither does my fiance.He is not the best influence on her. In his cover photo he has pictures of gun, naked women and just trust me he isn't the best influence.I'm debating on whether I should notify my fiance about this because it could be just innocent and they could genuinely be friends. She will know that I was snooping and it may affect her wanting to visit again. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2FCiBfO

My daughter is a nasty bully in and out of the house; I’m clueless on how to stop her

I have two girls. My oldest is actually adopted from a family member, she was relinquished at birth and is 19 now. My youngest is 16, and my only with my ex-husband. She doesn’t see her father because he’s an awful person, he’s downright abusive and nasty. My youngest is turning into her father.She picks fights with my oldest when she’s bored and goes right for the jugular. The other day, I walked in on my youngest telling my oldest she was fat, ugly, and the reason her birth mother is addicted to drugs. I tried to shut it down, and my youngest just turned on me instead. I told her she was grounded, tried to make her go to her room, but she won’t listen. I take away her phone, her computer, she just finds them and takes them back. She holds her sister hostage to get what she wants. She’ll literally hold her by the hair and say she’ll only let go if I give back her phone. I tell her that this behavior isn’t okay, she needs to be respectful, and she’s behaving abusively- and she tells me she doesn’t care. She’s pleasant at all other times of the day, perfectly fine, and then she gets in a mood and just goes for it.I’ve been called in for conferences with her principal because my daughter is cyber bullying kids at her school. She threatens them, tells them she wishes they were dead. She finds all this really personal stuff (we live in a small town, it’s not hard) and targets them for it. We’ve been told she’s on her last strike, which I think is far too generous.I don’t know what to do. I know all the answers seem so simple, but taking her phone doesn’t work. Telling her not to do it doesn’t work. I can’t get her through the door of a therapist’s office. I can’t even get her dad to tell her not to do it because he tells her it’s being an “alpha.” I can’t even talk to her because she insults and makes fun of me instead of opening up. Please help. Advice is so necessary. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2F2eicR

All suggestions shot down, at a loss.

Hi Reddit,I'm in a strange situation with a 4 month old baby who is 100% breast fed, and very difficult (colic, reflux, lactose intolerant).We have tried everything from doctors to dietary control, things have slightly improved, but not hugely.My partner constantly asks for suggestions from me, and then immediately shoots them down. If I make no suggestions at all, or decline to have an opinion, then I'm accused of not being supportive.I'm in between a rock and a hard place! Our relationship is suffering. What should I do?Should I continue to make suggestions (although there are none left to make!) fully in the knowledge that none of them stand a chance of being adopted, and being fully prepared to have all my 'input' blown to bits?Thanks. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2FEybId

Weekly - Ask parents everything - February 27, 2018

This bi-weekly thread is meant as a place for non-parents and parents to ask questions to the community.Note - Remember that all questions and responses must adhere to our community rules.For daily questions see /r/Askparents via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2FBeQYh

I'm no longer Will. I am Uncle Phil.

I was born to a drug dealer in 1980 and my mom found the courage to leave him him when I was 5. It wasn't a swift transition and involved the kidnapping of my little sister and a police standoff. It wasn't until I had gone through foster homes and a year living with my aunt and uncle that my mom got me back. Life was tumultuous to say the least until I was 8 and an AA meeting commercial was on T.V. They went around a circle stating their names followed with "and I'm an alcoholic" that I turned to her and said "that's what you are".That was the day my mom got sober. Within a year I had a dad and I was no longer the man of the house. That's a tough transition for a boy who was used to taking care of his mom and his sister, but it was a relief to get to be a kid. I did't do so well with the transition though.By 13 I was such a problem child that my parents kicked me out of the house. I went to live my friend and his dad, who didn't seem to mind because he was too buys dealing drugs to really notice I was there until we did something wrong and got caught for it, and he beat our ass. Not for being delinquents, but for being caught.My dad (step dad, the only dad I had known) got wind of the abuse and picked me up. Things were alright, but I met a girl who had an equally disturbing childhood, if not worse. Within the year I had got her pregnant and not knowing how to be a man, I ran. I moved out of state to live with another aunt and uncle.That was an amazing year. For a brief moment I was surround by family who believed in me. I was a straight-A student who was miles away from my real life. Until a call one day. "You had a daughter last night". It was my mom. I told her no I don't and I hung up.Three weeks later, the guilt got to me and I moved home. I knew I had to do the right thing but I didn't know how. The next several years were me being selfish, almost to the point of sociopathy. All I cared about was my instant gratitude. Whatever made me happy that instant, that was me. Booze, drugs, girls, you name it.Eventually I had fucked up so much that my only out was to move back in with my baby momma. I pretended to be a good person and before I knew it I was married and 20 years old. My daughter knew her father, but I was a bad father. I was angry, I was short-tempered, and I was trapped in a situation that I didn't want. I didn't do this to myself, someone did this to me.A man with no reason to look after me took a liking to me and taught me what it was like to be a man. His name was Marv. I didn't understand why he was the way he was, but I knew that people liked him and I liked that. I wanted to be him. He became my dad.My wife got pregnant and I had a son in 2004. I don't know when it happened, but at some point I stopped pretending to be a good person and I started being a good person. One night, in late 2004, I was carrying my son around the house at 2am because he would cry if he was still. I had gone from a low-life welfare kid thinking my only option was the life my parents promised me, to making 6 figured at 24 because I finally found something I was good at: technology.That night when I was carrying my son, Fresh Prince was on. It was the "why don't he want me man" episode. I sat there at 2am, holding my son while my wife and my daughter slept, crying like a child. I cried for what seemed like hours. My son fell asleep, I laid down with him on the couch and went to sleep. I never spoke of it.A few days later I was taking a shower and broke down completely. I don't remember crying, or even feeling before that. My wife walked into the bathroom and I let it all out. I cried for a week, sporadically. I couldn't get my shit under control. Every time I saw my son, all I could think was "how could he not want me?". I wasn't there for my daughter's birth and I never felt that connection with her. It's been almost 14 years since that week and I still struggle with my inability to be a good father to her.But that moment never left me. Any time I saw that episode, I lost it. I started watching episodes of television that touched me like that when my family went to bed. The finale of SCRUBS when J.D. imagined his perfect life. The episode of Roseanne when Dan finds out Booker beat Jackie. All these moments where men were men and they were allowed to feel.Then in 2011, Marv died. My 3rd child, my 2nd son, had just been born. I was the man I always wanted to be but never thought I would become. I was alone though, I didn't know how to exist without my mentor and while I was the rock for my family who missed their grandpa, I was a wreck when everyone went to bed. I would drink by myself and by morning, nobody would know.My oldest son is 14 now. He's an amazing person. I am in awe of everything he is and it's humbling to think I am his father. I was a poor kid. I was on welfare, my family had no money, the only reason I could play sports was because the school or the lions club supported me. My son doesn't see himself as a rich kid, and he related to my stories as a child. His junior high-school years should, by all rights, be filled with impressing kids with his house and flaunting my financial status. But he doesn't. He collects misfits. His friends are the kids who were like me when I was a kid. Kids with families who don't care about them. Kids who otherwise would think that once High-school is over, they'll be working dead-end jobs.It dawned on me last week when my wife and I were talking that all his friends call us "mom" and "dad". We are the confidants that they have. We are the safe place that they come after school and on the weekends to feel respected, and loved, and encouraged. We're the reason that they're preparing for their SATs in grade 8. We're the ones they ask about how to apply for scholarships and grants. We're the ones they look to when they think about their future.I had a rough week and decided to have a drink after everyone went to bed. Old habits die hard and I pulled up that trusty old Fresh Prince episode and while I teared up as always, this time it was different. This time I realized that I wasn't the wounded child who didn't understand why my father didn't want me. This time it was because I was the man that these lost children looked up to.I first saw that episode in 2004 when I was 24 years old. Tonight I am 37 and I have moved beyond that broken child wondering why he was abandoned. I am no longer the lost child and am now a guiding light (or at least, trying to be) for lost children.Tonight is a victory for me, but not because I made myself better. Tonight is a victory for my children who made me a better man, and had the wisdom to share that with other broken toys.Tonight I am no longer Will. Tonight, I am Uncle Phil. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2FbyL1Y

Who is right? Son (almost sixteen) saw dirty pics on my phone.

My kids have been told repeatedly not to grab people's phones and look through pictures because you never know what someone has on there. They have been warned this counts for my phone too. We are a sex positive household and they know their dad and I have a healthy sex life (obvious with a new baby brother, lol). I've told them it isn't appropriate to snoop or grab and my phone is passcode protected.Tonight I was feeding the baby and put my phone down next to me without shutting it. Before the passcode came on, my son grabbed the phone and started swiping through pics to find one of him. He saw some dirty pics of my husband and I. I was dressed, husband was not. I was in the pictures though (trying not to be too graphic).So now my son is mad at me. I reached out to a mother figure I have and told her what happened and she said I have set a bad example for him and I shouldn't have adult content on my phone because now he thinks it's okay to take and send them. I disagree. As an adult I have a lot of privileges my kids don't have, and I am an adult and am responsible and am able to make informed decisions about where my pictures go, unlike my teen.Thoughts? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2GMvF1D

My daughters are completely dependant on one another to the point that it's creepy

I have two daughters who are both 14 and they are fraternal twins. Ever since they were younger, they were hip to hip ALL of the time but now it's just gotten to be so much more bizarre. They hardly ever speak to me or my husband at home. When they do talk, it's to each other and they whisper. For no reason. They just whisper but loud enough for us to hear. They've never mentioned any friends to us. When I go to pick them up they're just sitting alone away from everyone else. How they feel depends on how the other feels. If one twin wants to do something but the other doesn't, then they both decide not to do it. If one twin is annoyed at something, the other is too. If one twin doesn't want to eat or watch something, the other doesn't either.I understand the whole twins being extremely close thing, but I don't think that this is normal. They insist on doing EVERYTHING together except showering or using the restroom.Any advice on how I can get through to this or have some better understanding? I don't want to approach them and have them think that I see them as weird or anything of that sort. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2HQ7H7g

Teenage son [16M] struggling to cope with becoming a big brother and age gap issues.

I [36F] am a little over six months pregnant with my second child, and my teenage son is having a hard time coping with this change, I think. I'm not really sure how to handle this, but so far everything I've tried seems to be making things worse.I am not with his bio dad and haven't been for a long time (since around the time that my son was born) and his dad hasn't ever been in the picture that he can remember, so it has been just the two of us for a long time. I suspect that in some ways this is part of the problem.A few years ago I met my current husband; we married last summer. My son has always had a good relationship with his step-dad. They spend a lot of time together and probably have more shared interests than my son and I have. It's always been important to me that they have a good relationship because I've never wanted my son to feel left out of my life, mistreated or like anything would be more important to me than him and his well being.Now that I am pregnant it seems like our family dynamic is falling apart. He and my husband are constantly fighting. My son refuses to listen to anything my husband has to say and loves to drop the "you are not my dad" card as an excuse for not having to listen to him. He also refuses to listen to me too most of the time. He has always been a good kid who follows the rules and listens, so this isn't like him at all.We have also been having some issues with him in school. He is still getting good grades, but he has been defiant with some of his teachers and gotten in trouble because of it. He has also cut a few classes.All of this behavior started after we told him that I was pregnant, so I'm not sure how much of this is normal teenage behavior versus related to the pregnancy since he's never been this way before. It also seems to have gotten worse since I became visibly pregnant and haven't felt up to doing some things with him like we did in the past (like running together at a local park or having to postpone the yearly trip we take to the beach around the time I'm due).I was very anxious before I got pregnant about making sure he doesn't feel excluded or replaced, so I have consciously tried to find ways to reassure him that even though my focus may change for a bit my love for him will never change and to spend as much time with him one on one now while I can before the baby makes that difficult. The problem is he never wants to spend time with me anymore or talk to me. It is hard enough to even get him to be seen with me out in public since he is embarrassed by my bump.I didn't want to be pushy since he complained about not having space so I have backed off a bit in trying to do these things, but when I did he started complaining about how my husband and I didn't care about him anymore and treated him like a nobody, which I don't understand since we have always spent a lot of time and effort on making sure his needs are all met and he has a good life. Then when we tried to go back to reassuring him that he is loved he went back to complaining about being smothered.Before my husband and I ever started trying to get pregnant, we had mentioned the idea of having a baby to my son in part because he'd asked about it in the past. He seemed excited at the time about the possibility of getting a sibling since he wanted one for many years, but now that doesn't seem to be the case.I don't know what to do. What bothers me more than anything is that I feel like by having this baby I've hurt my son and damaged my relationship with him and his with his step dad. I keep hoping that maybe it will get better, but I don't know if that is reasonable.I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this situation and if so how you approached it with your teenager. I don't know whether to back off and give him space or if I need to keep trying to show him that we love him and nothing will ever change that.I also don't know what to do about the defiance and problems listening.Is there anything I should be doing to prep him for the baby or to deal with the age gap? I know it seems like because of his age he should be able to handle this, but he's not and I'm looking for anything that might help us.Edit to add that we would like to have one more baby after this but now I am rethinking it because of how hard things have been this time, although my son would probably be away at college by then. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2HQ3Zum

My health anxiety is affecting my child.

I will preface this by saying I have intense, raging anxiety. A lot of it stems from growing up with an alcoholic, neglectful, narccisstic mother but I will spare the details of that story.I have anxiety relating to my health since I was probably around 7. I was convinced I was going to get lead poisoning from touching a pencil. I was afraid I was going to die in my sleep. It was intense, particularly for being so young. It had times where it peaked and subsided, like it does today, but the peaks are HIGH and extremely intense, and I go into full blown panic mode.My first pregnancy was a huge trigger for me. I was convinced I was going to lose the baby/develop some scary pregnancy condition to the point where I look back and feel like I barely enjoyed the pregnancy at all. It was, remarkably to me, a very uneventful pregnancy and my daughter was born at exactly 39 weeks as perfect as could be.I spent a good portion of her first two years of life worry free. I of course panicked when she got sick, and has intrusive thoughts of something bad happening every now and then, but it was manageable and the good times outweighed the bad by a long shot.Then she started getting petechiae. If you’re not familiar, petechiae can be a symptom of blood platelets being low, which is a big sign of leukemia. Despite tons of blood tests and probably over 10 doctors telling me hers were superficial and not the scary kind, I was so utterly convinced she was sick I was driving myself insane. My SO was ready to separate from me as he felt like I was losing touch with reality, and it was plain awful. I ended up seeing a counselor and it helped, but then I went into preterm labor with my second daughter unexpectedly (which was thankfully stopped) but I stopped going to therapy because I was so focused on the baby and preparing.All was well for a few months-I was way too tied up with a toddler and newborn to feed my health obsessions, so the constant googling had stopped. Mind you, I really only worry about things my child could develop (particularly cancers, and recently diabetes). Health anxiety for myself has completely shifted from myself to my daughter. And only my oldest, for some odd reason.Over the last 6 months I’ve been convinced she’s had tumors, cancers, and all kinds of other rare but scary stuff. And I am now starting to realize I’ve taken her to the doctor and had tests performed on her that were probably unnecessary, but my mind can’t accept that. With everything that comes back normal I wonder if they’re missing something or if they’re not right. It fucks with my head so badly.She is nearing 3 and now fears the doctors because I’ve brought her there so much. I feel fucking terrible but my anxiety drives me to do shit like this. My mind literally convinces me that there is something wrong that needs to be immediately investigated. It always goes to the “fight or flight” mode. I feel like I’m constantly analyzing my daughter: how much is she sleeping, is she drinking more than usual, is she acting normal. I hate it.I’ve found that triggers include sites like babycenter.com, where a lot of sad stories get posted and I feel doom that we will be the next ones to have this happen to.I know I am a good mom. But this anxiety is so crippling that I feel it destroying me everyday more and more. I can’t enjoy my children the way I wish I could because I always fear that something dooming is lurking around the corner.I have no one to talk to in real life so this is the only place I felt comfortable sharing. And if anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2HQUPxG

"Mama", "Dada", "Chicken"...

My daughter is 14 months tomorrow and has been expanding her vocabulary, which is amazing to hear! She started with the usual "mama" and "dada", and now says "kitty", "da" for "dog", "ha" for "hot" (and sometimes "hat"), "ma" for "more", "ah dah" for "all done", etc. etc.One that really took me by surprise though was me asking her, "do you want more chicken?" and her going, "chi ken". She actually said it really well, too!So fellow parents, what words did your kid say that took you by surprise? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CKFPxt

How to deal with too many presents for my son

Hi,My son just turned one, he is the first grandchild for both sides of the family and in his first birthday he got an insane amount of presents. Never mind that he enjoyed playing with the boxes more than anything else, but there is no way he will be able to play with all these toys.I understand that everyone is excited and everyone wants him to have fun with whatever they bought, but since this isn't very practical, what I'd like to do is something like sponsoring a child on his name or something like that so the family can contribute to that instead, so when he grows up a little bit, we can tell him about that.My fear is that everyone will be fine with the idea but they will still want him to have fun with something they bought (understandably), so I was wondering if anyone has any suggestion on how to deal with it and convince people to gift him something like that. (I was thinking of asking them to take turns, for example).Thanks, via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2sZFd7p

Parents of teens, are teenage boys still expected to pay for dates?

My 15 year old is going on his first date. They are just doing dinner and a movie but covering the cost of both meals, movie tickets, and snacks is bound to get a little expensive.My son is insisting on paying for everything but he doesn't have enough money and came to me asking for some extra cash. He doesn't generally ask for much and even offered to pay me back. I don't mind giving him the money. I thought we were moving past this a bit and I was wondering how these things are handled in your neck of the woods. How the heck do your young teens make enough to afford dates? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Cn9GjU

I (35F) can't keep up with the constant demands from my teenager (16F)

Yes, I know kids are expensive, responding as such isn't helpful.My teenager (16F) is a good kid. She maintains pretty good grades across the board, even in her AP classes. But I cannot financially keep up with her constant demands. First there is this trip for band in May. We find out the day before the first $50 deposit is due in Sept (which we paid). We told her we really wanted her to have this opportunity to go on this big trip, but she needed to maintain her good grades and do all the fundraisers. Next deposit date came around right before Christmas and she scraped together about $75, we had to pay the other $200. Final deposit of $275 is due Friday, she has raised, in all the opportunities, a whopping $12.70 toward this trip. If we could get what we paid back, we'd try, but we can't anyway, and are planning (with a sweet $100 from my mom) to just finish paying it ourselves anyway.But then on Saturday she needed jeans (fine) and my husband took her to Target where she suddenly also needed a $30 bra and a swimsuit (for her trip). Now today it's "pep gets to go to state on Wednesday. Band teacher says I need cash too." So that's out of the blue (to US, not her). And now this afternoon it's saying she needs brand new glasses (like $200). Which, of course, was also not mentioned before she convinced dad to spend a bunch of money on Saturday. Did I mention we also pay for her iPhone 7?We have 2 other kids. We're not rolling in the dough here, and she has no concept or appreciation at all for the hundreds of dollars she needs on stuff like every month, above and beyond her normal expenses of daily life.I'm feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated with her constant entitlement. Mom and dad are not made of money.I don't know if we should take the iPhone and get her a "dumb" phone while we're trying to catch up paying all these other expenses or what.She gets her snark on that we "don't bother giving allowance", but a) iPhone, b) unlimited cell service, c) bus pass for free reign of travel (with permission of course, she isn't feral); in addition to all the other "little" kind of stuff like lattes and things like that we get her.I don't know what to do or if anyone has any advice. Maybe I'm just hoping someone can tell me how to handle a green eyed monster when they live with you and are your responsibility. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2FaHd1s

Let’s talk about the sex talk

Basically, when did you/will you have the sex talk with your kiddos?My oldest is about to turn six and I’m pretty sure I knew what sex was around 6-7 years old but I don’t really remember how I learned. He walked into our room the other night with perfect timing as someone on tv said the word sex and he was paying attention. I know it’s just a matter of time before he asks. Should I have a sit down and talk to him or should I wait for him to ask? I also have a four year old son and I’m sure any info I present to older son will be passed down to younger son. How do I handle that? Do I talk to both of them? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EV9ASe

How Important is School Quality?

We are looking at where to buy a house outside of Boston. The housing prices here are very expensive. We're currently looking at a house in a nice neighborhood, walkable, accessible to public transportation, but the local elementary school is only rated 5/10 on GreatSchools. Our kid is only 14 mo so we don't have any experience with elementary schools. He currently goes to a wonderful Montessori day care that he could continue at if we bought this house.The alternative would be to look in a neighboring school district where the schools are rated 7-10/10, but the houses are easily $200k more for the same house. The neighborhoods are more suburban which isn't as much to our liking (I enjoy being able to walk to the park, grocery store, etc.).Our kid is going to a good day care and eventually preschool before starting kindergarten, so I think he'll be starting school in good shape. My question is, how much do you value a "good" school district? 5/10 on GreatSchools means "average", and Massachusetts schools are already the best in the country, so maybe it's not a big deal? My hesitation is that this is supposed to be our "forever" house and I don't want to lock my son into an inferior school district if he would really flourish somewhere else. Anyone going to lower-rated schools and having a good experience? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CmAfW7

How do I tell my 6yr old daughter her grandfather passed away?

Please see question. My daughter and grandfather had a fantastic relationship. He lived and breathed for her and spoiled her rotten. He recently passed away and we are trying to figure out how to break the news to her. This is the first death in the family since her birth, so she does not understand (at least I think) the topic of death fully.How do we approach this? All help would be great, thank you. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2sYQ9SN

Two girls (4/7); only Mom will do.

I'm mom and I'm losing my mind.My husband and I both work and we are home with the kids the same amount of time. If anything, he's probably the more fun parent - he's generally hysterical and the girls adore him and have fun with him.But they have this pathological NEED, apparently, for mom to be involved in everything. Storytime is exclusively my purview. Only mom can pick out clothes that are cool enough. Only mom can give hugs when the little one bumps her head. Only mom can make lunch (dad is a better cook). Mom's going to the grocery store? They INSIST on going. Dad's going to the grocery store? They want to stay home with Mom. I also have much more PTO so I handle 99% of the school appointments, doctor and dentist visits, sick days, school dropoffs, etc. They wake up early on the weekends and immediately wake ME up; Dad tries to get up with them but they'll be sneaking back to get me within 10 minutes or so. You get the idea. It's a lot.Dad is well aware of this issue, and I think it hurts a little bit. He really tries to do stuff with the girls, suggest activities, etc, and they have a lot of fun with him when I'm not there.But I don't think he has a full appreciation of how much it can be for me sometimes. Even going to the grocery store solo is an amazing reprieve for me. It's hard to appreciate it if you're not the "chosen one" parent, but Dad's solo commutes, his ability to run errands without either taking an entourage or sneaking out of the house so as not to cause a meltdown, his 30 minutes of uninterrupted evening time while I read stories - all of that adds up.I travel for work occasionally, and I cannot begin to express how nice it is to have a single night in a hotel where no one needs anything from me, I can get up and just shower and get ready in the morning, etc.Anyone have success with turning this around with TWO kids? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2F9l4Rc

Help for a soon to be stay at home Dad (xpost from r/daddit)

Hi all! My husband is slated to be the primary caregiver in 4 weeks when I go back to work. He says he wants to do this, and I believe that he absolutely can but he's struggling at the moment and I'm hoping to get some resources or suggestions for him.Baby is only 4 weeks and has recently been having a lot of days where all she wants to do is feed or be with Mom. This had been really hard on Dad and I think it's making him doubt his abilities. Currently I stay with baby at night while husband sleeps in the guest room. He wakes up in the morning and comes to take her for a few hours so I can get some sleep but lately she's been really cranky and I think he just doesn't have a lot of 'tricks' in his toolbox because he'll rock her, walk with her, change her etc but if those things don't work he brings her upstairs to me. He's been getting really frustrated and the agitation shows in his voice. He says things like 'she's decided to be difficult today' or 'there's nothing wrong with her she shouldn't be crying'Husband had no experience with babies prior to this. I've tried to explain to him that babies cry, and it's not a reflection on his abilities but I don't think he's buying it. I think going into this he always imagined taking care of a toddler and above, someone he can play with instead of this little sack of potatoes that screams and doesn't seem to like him (she totally does like him.)What can I do to help give him more confidence and build his caretaker skills so that we are all comfortable with me leaving for an 8 hour workday?? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Cltx2X

My daughter told me I make her want to die and she hates me, I feel like the worst mother

A while ago, I found out that my ex-husband had been having an affair for years. I made my own post about it on the relationships Reddit, and decided to leave with my 16 year old daughter. I told her about the affair to remove confusion from the situation. We moved several states over to live with my family, and I’ve been working two jobs to make money. It’s really hard. She’s the only person I have, but she’s been making friends easily so I have to let go of her almost everyday. When she’s not at school, she’s with her friends or at a party or at sports. I feel guilty for moving her, but I didn’t feel my ex could’ve cared for her properly without me. He hadn’t cooked for her in over 5 years. My daughter and I fight more often than ever now. She never wants to do her homework, and only maintains her grades to C’s so she can participate. She used to love school, now she forces herself to vomit so she won’t go. I try to give her mental health days, but sometimes I just need her to get up and go. We live with my parents, who call me a bad mother and say my leaving is why my daughter struggles.Last night, I was arguing with my daughter. I’d caught her coming home drunk, and I was really upset about it. I told her she was grounded, and she told me I wasn’t allowed to police her like that. I said I’m her mother, so I do get to police her. She said I don’t act very much like one, and all my shitty decisions have made her feel suicidal and like she hates herself. She said she hated me, and that she didn’t wonder why her father had cheated on me. I told her she couldn’t talk to me that way, and she said she didn’t care- I deserved whatever she said. I didn’t want to fight with her anymore, so she went upstairs, and hasn’t gone to school today.I’m a bad parent. I’m a horrible mother. I don’t know if I need someone to talk me out of that, or if I need the confirmation, but I’m here. I don’t know what to do with my daughter. I don’t know if I can afford therapy for her, and I’m not sure if I’d be willing to reach out to my ex again. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2F4apHD

Older kids babysitting younger kids

I hear a lot of people complain about resentment that they had to do this. I want to know whether people think that resentment is justified? My kids are far too young and close in age for that to be an issue, but I'd like to have more and it might one day be something I have to consider so I'd like to know what people think.Also did anyone not resent babysitting their siblings, why and what do you think made it work? (And likewise if you had to and do) via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2sZBRBm

Handling my parents and presents to my children

I just got a text from my wife, blasting my parents for mailing us a present for our youngest child (M 6mths), but nothing for our other son (M 3y). She's really upset that they have sent a present to just him and not the other one, It's not a Christmas present,.MY wife is furious, and I'm not happy either, but I don't know the best way of explainign this to them so they understnad it's a problem. I had similar problems when I was growing up, some years my older sister would get better presents than me and my brother, other years it would swap round, they never treated us all equally, and now it appears they're making the same mistake with their grand children.they get very defensive and I don't want it to explode into some huge argument where they end up saying "well if that's the thanks we get for buying things then we'll never buy anything!!!". We've had similar responses when we asked if they could make a change to something they were making for our wedding reception, it was basically their way or nothing. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2GLxFY8