I cannot stand who my 9 year old daughter has become lately.

We used to get along so well and discuss fun things. She was unique and liked a little bit of everything but now she is always trashing everything from the way I look, the music I listen to, me not having a job from being disabled, anything that her younger brother likes.For instance, on the way home from his soccer game tonight, she constantly tells me the music we were singing sucked and that the only reason he likes it is because he thinks I’m cool which she then tells me that I’m not. I’ve always taught her to be true to herself and not care about what others think is cool but it’s fallen on deaf ears. She went from being a huge Star Wars fan to only liking fashion and pop music. Now, she constantly acts too grown for stuff and is quite frankly, extremely rude. She bashes her brother, complains about food choices, tells me and her mother that we aren’t cool. Hell, she bragged about being the most popular kid in her class today. What did I do wrong here?It’s getting to the point where I can’t even muster up enough energy to be around her. If I pick her up from school and ask how she’s doing, she doesn’t even respond. She points out physical flaws in me left and right and it makes me so angry that she can be so hurtful. In 9 years, she hasn’t admitted fault to anything ever. It just blows my mind because I’ve raised her brother the same way and he’s the sweetest, kindest kid but I’m afraid she’ll rub off on him eventually. She puts him down a lot. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just venting but I do love her but right now, she is incredibly unlikeable to me(apparently not her 4th grade class however)ha.Edit: why is this being downvoted? I thought we could be a little more honest on this forum. It’s hard to talk about this stuff openly. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mth4DO

Donor parents

I posted about a year ago asking how to tell my boy/girl twins that they were conceived by a donor. I had some crazy feedback including someone who said my kids would hate us and we waited too long. We told our kids at 9 years old and nothing has changed. My son loves his dad unconditionally.. they have become closer since we told them. Don’t believe everything you read or advice you get here.. I went with my gut and knew what my kids could handle. If you have a solid relationship with your kids they can handle the anything you throw at them. I think my son is closer now to my husband than they have ever been.. they are going for their black belt together next year and my son is so supportive of his father. Advice on the internet is great but after I posted I was terrified because the majority said my kids would hate us.. didn’t happen that way.. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2n9nUip

Tips for taking young children to restaurants from a chef.

Here are some tips about taking young kids to a decent restaurant from a chef with a 2 year old and a 7 month old:1.) if ur kid wants to walk around. Follow them. Teach them how to keep their head up and look for other people walking around. Get down on their level and explain this to them. Keep them at arms length so u can redirect them from disrupting service and guests. NO RUNNING!2.) look at the menus in advance on line. Be prepared to order food with your drinks. Ur server will not mind. It will speed up dinner and prevent ur very young kids from getting bored. Avoid the drink, apps, entree, dessert coursing style.3.) ask for the check when the server comes to check on the entrees. Just give them ur card even. If something is wrong on the bill when u review they can fix it even after they run ur card.4.) shovel that food in ur face while u can. There will be a time when u can enjoy a meal at a leisurely pace, but now is not that time. Eat fucking fast. When ur kids get old enough to sit still, then u can have a pleasant well paced meal at a restaurant.5.) go right when the place opens the doors or at a not busy time. There will be less guests and hustle and bustle, then kids walking around (while u accompany them) will be less of a burden to staff and guests6.) find a restaurant u like to become regulars at. The staff will quickly learn ur family’s need and be able to anticipate how to serve u best. I used to go to a pub every Monday right at open with my infant and order a really great burger. I did this two Mondays in a row. The third Monday, I sat down, got my kid out of the car seat carrier, and the server already had a beer in hand to greet me with, and let me know my burger was already on the grill. The best feeling ever.7.) if somebody is giving u the stink eye while u are doing ur best to be an attentive parent at a restaurant, STARE THAT FUCK DOWN. Do not break eye contact until u feel that a message is understood that u will rip their god damn throat out if they touch ur children.One love via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2o0VZ4e

I'm annoyed about names

I picked a sort of old-school name for my son. I'd never met a person with this name. I can't think of a famous person with this name. It is a name to me that is strong and unique without being strange or "clever"I then discovered it's apparently in the top ten most popular boys names this year.what the hell via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2oMvBeK

Love my kids but hate parenting

Throwaway account.My kids are 12 and 7 and I love them but if I’m being completely honest, I am terrible at parenting and I don’t enjoy it more than I do. If I can pass the parenting responsibilities to my partner or other family I will 100% of the time. If I didn’t have such involved family members, if something ever happened to my husband or siblings or parents I don’t think I could actually parent my own children.I worked with high risk teenagers for years and I loved them, I feel though because I could be emotionally removed it was a lot easier to manage their needs and desires. That was 10 years ago. Behaviourally my kids are really on par with their peers. Bright, vivacious, generally thoughtful and even still waking up to parent is so hard for me. If parenting was a job I could quit, I would....but I don’t want to.I want to desperately enjoy it, I want my kids to feel I love them (I do) but I think they mostly hear me say I love them. I have gone through ups and downs in my parenting skill level but it’s still abysmal. I keep my kids alive, fed, clothed and with their creature comforts but I’m not engaging and I’m rarely fun with them. I am serious, authoritative and curt and every single day as a parent feels like an endurance test. My mother cries when she watches me parents (to the point, usually with a very cool attitude). I don’t withhold affection and my kids seek affection a lot but generally I have to think to be conscious to give them the affection they want without their coming to me. Luckily my partner and my other family LIVE for my kids joy. I seem to live for their management.I have severe mental health issues (depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder) and then a lot of historical trauma. I planned on not having children but that’s a medical nightmare story in its own right.How do other parents who may feel similarly all the time like me, or even some of the time manage themselves? I want happy rounded kids but I am not even that for myself, I’m doing my very best but I feel like every day is a Groundhog Day of emotional endurance tests when it’s really, the most basic parenting for pretty good kids in general. I’ve been in intensive therapy for 12 years, medicated for just as long and very involved with child protection professionally. My life is saturated with kids, mine and others and I’m struggling. It has less to do kids I think and more to do with my brain. Parenting on fire....am I alone? I feel like I am... via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2oLIRAf

My son is a misogynist — please help

My son, 16, had some friends over on Saturday night and they were in the living room, I was in the kitchen. The door was open. We’ve lived in this house our whole life and he knew I could hear the conversation.He and his friends were having a conversation and to summarize a friend complained that he had been on a date with a girl, he payed for her food, and they went somewhere in his car, and they started to have sex but she changed her mind halfway through.I heard what at first I thought was a friend my son wouldn’t be seeing anymore, say “nah, you shouldn’t have stopped. By the time you’re in her the p*ssy pass has expired.” And I turned to see who it was (the tv was on and also it just never would have occurred to me this were my son) but it was him who’d said it.He saw me standing in the doorframe but he continued, saying (I’m going to paraphrase because I’m too disgusted to recount it all) “it’s not your fault she regrets giving it up or only wanted to go until she was finished. She went with you, that’s consent.”To my relief, at least, his friends were obviously super uncomfortable with his remarks. One said “that’s really not how it works” and the one who had the date said “I mean I was mad and I’m still mad but if I hadn’t stopped that would’ve been rape dude.” And my son casually brushed it off like “nah, it wouldn’t have been.” And the conversation died down and his friends left within half an hour after this.So I kind of organized my thoughts and I read some articles online and I searched the past for how I went so horribly wrong (I’m amicably divorced from his mother and have partial custody, on weekends) and I called her to let her know what I heard. She was stunned.Yesterday I sat him down and basically said “I overheard you talking with your friends last night. I know there’s a lot of pressure at this age to impress your friends but that was not the way to go about it. Do you believe any of those things you were saying?” And he was totally unfazed and said “yah, of course.”I was unprepared for that. I was really clinging to the belief that he was just trying to seem cool. So I said I was disgusted to hear him speaking that way when I thought it was just macho bullshit but to know he actually espoused those beliefs left me speechless and I needed a minute.Whether it was 30 seconds or 5 minutes I don’t know but finally I said “what if someone talked about your mother that way or treated her that way?” And he said, again paraphrasing, “She wouldn’t do something so slutty.”I was out of things to say at that point and just kept repeating the same things I’d been telling him since he was 12, that he needs to respect women and that consent is not optional.He went back to his mom’s house that night but she has no idea what to do either. She can’t believe it. Neither of us are like, on the front lines of feminism or anything, but we have always had frank and open discussions about proper sexual conduct and general social “You don’t mistreat someone because of their race/gender/creed/etc human is human”I may be rambling at this point or ranting I don’t know but my ex is at a loss and so am I.Any advice welcome. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2oLupbw

My wife and disciplining our 4 year old daughter

My wife is just a pushover when it comes to disciplining our 4 year old daughter. Our 4 year old daughter has some serious issues. First, she isn't yet toilet trained, and she throws way more tantrums than a 4 year old should. My wife just spoils and coddles our daughter to an unhealthy degree. She is never consistent with discipline, she ALWAYS caves, and worst of all, whenever I discipline our daughter, she apologizes to my daughter for my discipline. And I'm not abusive or overly authoritarian or anything extreme like that. I do the simple things everyone does (time outs, limits on screen time, etc). Unfortunately, since my wife is the stay at home parent, I have a hard time with discipline. My wife has said that she does this because she doesn't want our daughter to grow up to hate her, and that's just crazy. Just because your parents put you in a time out for misbehaving when you were 4 doesn't mean they'll grow up to hate you. It's like my wife has become our daughter's slave.I'll give you a recent example: this weekend we wanted to go look for a new couch. My daughter didn't want to go and was throwing a tantrum about getting dressed, so instead of being consistent and ignoring the tantrums, my wife caved and we didn't go. This is driving me crazy. Our marriage is on the line, and my wife refuses to see a marriage counselor and stop undermining my discipline. I really don't want to give her an ultimatum or have a divorce over this. What should I do to fix this? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2oKAeWG

Would you let your child shower with your ex and his girlfriend?

Also posted to legal adviceDaughter says Her Father and Girlfriend are showering with her, am I overreacting?Daughter is 3 1/2, we left her dad about two years ago in the middle of the night for a women’s shelter. He was physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive for years and we ran for another state (SC) under court protection. Got a protective order and later agreed to 10 days a month with him(in DE) until at our custody hearing. Working under the assumption that she will be going to school with me once kindergarten starts.Daughter has been talking about showering at her dad’s since she got back earlier this month. Today she said she did not like showering with his girlfriend. Over about an hour (casually, on and off) I asked her questions and got it out that her and the girlfriend take showers together, and that sometimes her father and the girlfriend take showers with her. This sends up MAJOR red flags to me. What the fuck.It’s after hours here so I can’t call my lawyer and I don’t want to be labeled a crazy woman who called DCFS later...is this behavior illegal, or just yucky? She is due to go back up there next week. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mpCd1H

Neighborhood kid , bad influence , comes over all the time - what do I do?

Hi,So this kid lives two doors down. My son is 5, he is 7. This kid is the child of a drug addict who does not have a father in the picture. His grand parents are raising him as she is in rehab very often. Whenever the mom is around we see her running up the street with her phone in her hand, I assume she is trying to score drugs.I don’t let my son into his house cause who knows what’s in there - the mother is a heroin addict.But the grand parents let this kid roam free all the time and he is always screaming and running down the street, ringing my doorbell when my 2 year old is sleeping. This kid almost always hurts my son - like 10 minutes ago he drenched him with the hose.My son is high functioning autism and obsesses over this kid.I had a period of time where I thought I’d be like a neighborhood dad to this kid , but he really is such an annoying kid- it broke my heart when I realized it - that I have to worry about mine and not him.Any advice on how to mitigate this is appreciated.Note: before anyone judges me for not welcoming this kid into my home, know that this has been going on for over 2.5 years and I’m just sick of it. He constantly throws our home into chaos and ruins a lot of god family time via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2moj1Bq

Fellow parents, what should I do? My child's teacher made her wait for the bathroom so long she wet herself.

Not sure where to post this on Reddit, I usually only read, but today I was called by my daughter's school to bring pants and underwear for my daughter because she wet herself. She is 6 years old in first grade, she hasn't had any accidents since she was 3. I came to the school and brought the clothes and asked her what happened. She told me that she told her teacher she needed the restroom but the teacher told her no and to wait until after the lesson. She said she asked again abd was denied, then she wet herself and told her teacher who still told her to WAIT! Then she was taken to the office to wait for another 10 mins or so until I could get there with clothes.I am beyond pissed off. I plan on talking to the principal and the teacher because I feel this is horribly unacceptable to do to a first grader. This teacher is a "new" teacher. She used to be a music teacher for 4th graders, then a third grade teacher, then a 2nd grade and now a 1st grade teacher. I'm wondering if she has a history of being shitty and keeps getting moved around schools. What should I do about this? How should I go about addressing it? Should I tell my child just to go regardless of what the teacher says? I don't want to undermine authority figures in her life because that leads to its own host of issues but at the same time I don't want her to feel like adults can force her to just wet herself because they aren't done talking. Help me out Reddit parents. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ncnCXR

My 6 year old kicked her teacher.

Some background: My daughter just turned 6. She's in 1st grade. Since Pre-K we've been dealing with some behavior issues at school. It started with yelling (mostly at other kids when they were being too loud or not listening). Last year she pinched a friend and threw her bookbag at a group of kids standing in line (she wanted to be line leader). This year she has pushed kids (line leader issue again) and today she kicked her teacher.None of the issues originated at home. We don't use physical violence in our home. We give timeouts for cooling down. We practice deep breathing, mindfulness, and yoga. The more issues she seems to have at school the more it starts to bleed over at home. Getting really defiant this year when she never was at home before.She is in play therapy and we are seeking assessment for anxiety (it doesn't take much to send her into a panic) and sensory issues (she covers her ears and screams when there are loud noises - automatic flushers are the bane of her existence).She is a smart kid. She can count to 100 and knows how to read easy books. She's never showed having a difficult time with the class work.I spoke with her school counselor today about getting a referral for counseling outside the school.We've told her over and over that we don't hit people. We use our words, we count and breathe, we separate ourselves from the situation.I feel horrible. It's like she's struggling with something that I can't help her with. She wasn't like this before. She's always been so sweet and lovey. She's a little beacon of positivity, always telling people they look nice and being super friendly. She's always been extremely sensitive, but I feel like that has been a good thing outside of school. At school her sensitivity just seems to make more issues for her.I don't know how to help her. Her teacher kept saying that she just seems so angry, but that's not what we see at home. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2n2KTeX

This place looks like the night after a Vampire Orgy

Fellow parents, learn from my mistakes.I had a full freak out moment last night, when my daughter woke up with a blinding headache and began to spew this violently red liquid from most of the holes in her face. I was ready to call 911, convinced she was probably dying, when my husband reminded me what we'd had for dinner last night:Roasted beet and sweet potato soup, with raspberry jelly for dessert.She's feeling fine this morning, but I'm never again feeding them pink food when the flu is going around. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2oJex9p

We are having a really tough time and I am kind of terrified, just want to tell someone, not sure where to go next

Tl'dr: Our baby got sick and continues to need medical care, which was already killing us financially, but yesterday my husband was laid off for the most ridiculous reason ever, so now we're totally screwed and I'm not sure what to do.So several months ago, our baby got sick. It was a mysterious fever and lethargy and nobody could figure out what it was. After numerous doctor visits and no answers, we finally took her to the ER where one doctor finally figured out she had something called Kawasaki Disease. It's a rare illness that causes inflammation in the blood vessels all over your body and it only affects babies and toddlers. Nobody really knows what causes it; there's no vaccine or preventative measure that could have stopped her from getting it. And since she'd had it for awhile before anyone figured it out, she was at an increased risk of the biggest complication with it, which is coronary aneurysm. She was hospitalized for almost a week, and during that time she also somehow contracted parainfluenza from someone at the hospital, so she had to be put on quarantine; the whole situation was extremely traumatic for her and absolutely heartbreaking for us as well. We truly didn't know if we would lose her and I cannot describe the horror of that, it's more than words can convey. She is recovering but will continue to be under the care of a cardiologist until early next year at least, to make sure her heart recovers completely.We were already drowning in the flood of medical expenses our insurance didn't cover, but were somehow managing not to allow anything to go into collections, until yesterday when the the shit just totally hit the fan. My husband, who is one of the most hardworking and loyal employees imaginable and has NEVER lost a job in his life, was suddenly laid off. The reason? One of his boss's oldest friends needed a job. So rather than letting my husband know in advance and giving him a chance to find something else, this ASSHOLE kept it to himself until THE DAY BEFORE he was putting his friend on the schedule and then just told my husband he was laid off. No severance, nothing. This guy is fucking evil. He knows our situation, as well. He knows my husband has a family and a child who needs medical care, that we recently closed on a new home, that we both have car payments and that my income is nowhere near enough to cover any of it on my own. I cannot believe the heartlessness of this guy.So anyway... we're screwed. Obviously we're both frantically applying for new positions (me to try to make a little more, and him to get something -- ANYTHING -- so we don't lose everything), we've applied for assistance but were told it would take probably 30 days before we know if we're approved, and until then, LO is just going to have to go without care because we can't use our small savings to pay for doctors appointments while we lose our home and transportation. I have no idea what to do.I created a gofundme awhile back and posted it on FB and here as well, but obviously there are people in much worse situations and I don't expect many people to give; we just don't know that many people and the ones we do aren't rich either. They all have their own struggles and I understand and can't expect them to put themselves in a worse situation to make ours better.I don't know what I'm hoping for; maybe some reassurance? Maybe some stories of people who've been in similar situations and wound up okay? We're so scared and lost; we've never been in this kind of position. You think if you go to work every day and work your ass off, they're not going to suddenly let you go after years for such a random and ridiculous reason. Especially with no warning. I can't wrap my head around it. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ml6MWg

Piercings, tattoos, and buzzcuts oh my!

So I’m a weird looking person that has taken manny a style risk growing up. My mother had a lot of arbitrary rules. No piercings, no short hair, no “weird” clothes, no heeled shoes, no makeup. She wasn’t into fashion or expressing herself much back then and because she didn’t feel she needed to so she decided I didn’t either. So of course I took scissors and markers to my clothes, sewing needles to my ears, razors to my hair, sharpie to my skin, and smuggled makeup from the Avon lady.So when I had my own kid I vowed to let her express herself with only the lightest direction from me (baring anything damaging). She has a severe asymmetrical artsy haircut, wears galaxy makeup on her forehead with crystals for Stars some days, has neon pink eyebrows the next and most days she’s natural. Her clothes are super funky and we just escaped a very cringey style experiment. But she back to custom design by her dresses and tunics. She could could be a hunger games capital child extra on her on days no problem.She has so much confidence she literally unbullyable and I couldn’t be prouder. I’ve had many whispering matches with relatives to hold their tongue, but everyone is on board now. Her classmates dig her style. But the question is...When to let her get her ears pierced?I’m covered in tattoos, piercings and have a bifurcated tongue so that’s where I’m standing. I was hoping the nearly unlimited expression with regards to hair, henna, and fashion would keep it at bay but she’s literally the only kid her age at her school/social group without them. Even a good quarter of the boys have ear piercings around here.I thought she would wait till she was 7+ to start seriously asking. I have no real reason to say no like with permanent tattoos. And so far I’ve stuck by my rule of if she ask for it nearly every day for a month (3 for more serious stuff) then I know she’s serious and it’s not a throw away statement.She’s been asking since she was three but like hell did she understand the implications at all so she got stickers. Then later I was able to placate her want with crystal stickers and clip-ons. But she grew tired of them either falling off constantly or giving her ear aches from the pressure. I tried putting her off it by telling her about the needles and watching YouTube videos but now she’s just more sure.I feel like a hypocrite, my gut says wait. Even though I got mine when I was 4 and a half and officially when I was 5. My parent group is saying I’m a hypocrite so I guess I’m ask for your opinion and perspective.Also yes I’ll be going to a reputable parlor, my kid is on a first name basis with my body mod artist. And my kid is really good at keeping herself clean without me having to bug her about it. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2n0unMu

Daycare requiring a year-long contract

My daughter's in-home daycare is preparing new contracts for the 2020 year and has removed the 2-week termination notice. Instead, they are requiring us to put in writing the expected scope of care for the year (Full year, January-June, etc...), and if we take our daughter out early, we must pay for the amount of care we originally planned.In our example, we are planning to move her to a pre-K program in September. If we decide for any reason to take her out sooner, we are on the hook for payments up until September. This could potentially be thousands of dollars for care we would not receive.Has anyone heard of this? The daycare is requiring us to essentially sign a lease with no flexibility to leave. I have already told the provider that I will not sign this kind of agreement, and we are waiting for their response.A little more background; the provider's daughter took over operations of the daycare at the beginning of the year. Since January, she has:increased the price 8%,extended paid vacation from 2 weeks to 5 weeks (in addition to 12 holidays)Changed hours of operation from 6 PM close to 5:30 PM, which is a big deal for many parentsThe removal of a reasonable termination notice (usually 2-4 weeks) is just one more in a series of bad policy changes. I'm not sure how to proceed at this point, but I think we may have to find an alternative provider. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2oHsVz1

Single dad here, having a really tough time with my son and seeking advice with his behavior

Hey there, a little background. My son was born overseas 5 years ago and around his first birthday I got a visa for his mom and they both got to come to the US. I went back to school, but things weren't working out with his mom and she left us both when I was a junior. I managed to finish school as a single parent and have secured a good job, but my son's emotional development kinda paused when his mom left. She hasn't visited in about a year and he is struggling with that mightily.He goes to weekly counseling, but at the school where he went to preschool we were basically asked to not come back for kindergarten due to his behavior, and now that he's been at a new school for kindergarten his principal already wants to meet with me about his behavior.At home he is usually wonderful, but occasionally he has sudden, awful mood swings and commits a lot of "attention seeking" type issues: saying bad words when he's angry, refusing to eat for long periods of time, telling me he wants to leave and never come back. He cries almost every night before bed asking when I am going to get him a new mommy, and sometimes while grocery shopping he asks strangers if they will be his mommy. I had to move back into my mom's house recently so I could have some help getting him picked up from school and to help her as she goes through some medical issues, and he begs her to let him call her mommy. The kid is clearly struggling.His issues at school so far seem to circle around misunderstanding social cues and boundaries: hugging, pushing, etc. Friday I was informed he jabbed another kid with a pencil. He told me he was showing him where his grandma's IV is, his teacher described it as "stabbing." Now the principal wants to meet with me. His last school used to complain about the same thing, that he didn't understand boundaries and ignored social cues if they inconvenienced his impulses.To clarify, he has been tested 3 different times to see if he is on the spectrum and all 3 times I was told he shows no sign of it but does have some eccentric behaviors I should keep an eye on, like answering questions indirectly (Question: Is this box a square? Answer: It is not a circle, triangle, or hexagon.). I want him tested for ADD or ADHD, but I fear it could be something deeper. Academically he excels, all of his school work is great and he is on pace with the rest of his class. And usually it is only in the afternoon that he has issues, after behaving perfectly fine in the morning. This is the same both at home and at school. This led me to believe it could be dietary but dietary changes have not noticeably helped.Running out of options here, he is a smart boy. Super affectionate and sweet, goes out of his way to help his grandma. He is my world and I want him to be happy and do well in school. But he seems to have no impulse control and acts out often. I don't want him getting booted from kindergarten, right now I am just checking my phone over and over hoping there isn't a message from his teacher. I just want him to make it to Wednesday at this point.Anyone else gone through this and could help? I tried searching around and couldn't find anyone going through the same situation via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mkOJQ1

Anyone else fighting the "But all my friends play GTA!" battle?

I'm a big fan of video games and tech, and I don't believe in hiding the world from my kids. But given an hour of in-game research and a half-hour of reading as many Common Sense Media reviews as I can, we've made the decision to not allow GTA for my 13 and 14 year old. Of course the kids' arguments are "I hear worse things in school" and "I just won't do the bad stuff (killing, prostitution, strip clubs, etc.) " But that just doesn't sell me on it. Why put a kid in a position to even be tempted to mess around with that stuff? AITA? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2n5r8TU

What are the things no one told you before having kids? For example, being a parent means you don't get to use the bathroom alone anymore.

The other day when I was sitting on the toilet, I took a picture. My son was standing right by my side, ready to flush (his favorite thing), my daughter was hugging my leg like she always does.I suddenly thought, why they only show the happy peaceful part of being a parent on TV and movies?Oh yeah you put this new diaper on the baby and he sleeps through the night in his crib.Your kid made a huge mess and you just smile because you bought the latest cleaning product.You bought your kid a new set of train tracks and he just plays with them like the box said.How about the moments when you wake up eight times during the night? How about you need to sing the same song for 8 times before bed time? How about how they just roll over during a poopy diaper change? Come on! When was the last time a baby just lay there let you change diaper?Just my random thoughts after a busy morning, it's only eight thirty! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mo95rM

Weekly - Stories from the week/end - September 30, 2019

This weekly thread is meant as a place to share stories that happened to us as parents over the weekend. Share good, bad, fun, not fun, etc. Also, if you ever wonder who we are, click here to meet the mod team! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ozb5hn

My son has started screaming when his dad asks for a kiss.

Ok so for months we have had the same routine, our son (1 year old and 3 weeks) will have his bath which his dad does while I relax or do chores that need sorting. After his bath he has his bottle then we give him 10/15 to let it settle before we both take him to bed. What usually happens is I go to the bedroom first and grab his blanket and dummy, my partner brings him through and sits on the bed with him. (When we realised my son could give kisses and was trying to, we noticed he wouldnt kiss the person who was holding him, only the people around him, if he wanted to.) So my partner would hand my son over to me, I would give him his blanket as he likes to cuddle it, then give his dad a kiss when he asked, sometimes he would do it without asking, sometimes he would give him lots of kisses to the point where my partner would eventually just have to leave or we would never get him to sleep. Very rarely he would refuse a kiss so we put that down to being over tired.Recently, the last 2 weeks or so, when it gets to bed time and my partner asks for a kiss from our son, instead of giving him one he will just scream and kick his legs. It's really getting to my partner who doesnt feel right without that kiss goodnight and I dont blame him, he has said he "doesnt love me" once or twice, after several days of not getting a kiss. Could it just be a phase? Or could we be putting him to bed too late so therefore over tired? During the day he gives his dad kisses without him asking and will hug him and play with him like normal, its just bedtime that has changed. I feel like we are just keeping him up too long before taking him to bed so he is getting over tired but my partner feels like he doesnt love him.Any advice?TL:DR My 1 year old son has suddenly stopped giving his dad a kiss goodnight and starts screaming and crying. Is it a phase or could he just be overtired?EDIT: Please don't comment telling me I need to respect my child etc, we do respect him, and if he doesnt want the kiss, we don't get one. Don't assume we don't respect our child. This isnt a normal thing for our son, he kisses EVERYONE and EVERYTHING to the point where I have to stop him kissing strangers or sometimes my phone when he has already kissed it twenty times and began leaving slobber. Any other time of the day, if he doesnt want a kiss he usually tells is by ignoring our question. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2oz8owl

My kid came up with a great studying idea

Just wanted to share. My son has always struggled with reading, from a young age. He's almost 16, gets good grades, but he's never really been someone that likes reading.Anyhow, kid had to finish a book from English class this weekend and he was done in record time. I was really surprised. He then told me that he likes to get the audio book from the library and play it while he's reading. Makes it easier to absorb for him.I was floored. Totally great idea, I would have never thought of that.Wanted to share, in case any of you have a kid that has a problem absorbing books. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2orBlKA

Narrating My Baby...

Baby be like... 'Enjoy no sleep and move over.The rules are. I NEED to touch ya face ALL THE TIME! But you must be simultaneously stroking ma back.If you don't, Imma pull your hair out STRAND by STRAND.I'm sleeping in YOUR bed.NO cot for me tonight.If you move me imma lose my shit!Remember you went out this ONE time and left me indoors with my Dad! (What kinda sicko does that?)Poor, Innocent, Defenceless ME with my perfectly capable Daddy, who fed, loved, played with and soothed me. However Dad IS NOT MUM.So now we can have a girly sleepover in your bed 🥰😘Hope you had a relaxing day 😂 BTW, I'm super cute with super shits, grab a nappy' via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mXkejw

New father incoming!!

Partner is pregnant!!! We had spoken about it and she and I weren't openly trying. But fuck, I am so excited. To think that we are going to be a family and have OUR own child blows my mind.Props to my partner, she is the best thing that has happened to me and I couldn't be any happier than to be doing this with her!I'm over the moon guys!!! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mTyJVm

My son died

I dont know what this is for. I dont know if I need advice or support or just to get it off my chest. My son was stillborn at 41 weeks after the placenta separated. We told our 13 year old and he's managing but I dont know how to get my 3 yr old to understand.My wife and I are devastated. How do I be what she needs. How do I deal. What do I do?All I can think about are things I did wrong or didnt do. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nDaTgJ

When do teenage daughters take on human form again ?

My daughter used to be a really pleasant human, then she became a teenager and now she spits fire from her mouth and drinks blood from a chalice.When does it typically end ? 19 ? 20 ? Ever ? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nH96Ht

If you're looking for a new response to "I'm sorry"

Like most parents, I felt guilty yelling at my daughter and said "I'm sorry." Of course, her response was always, "it's okay mommy." Hearing her at 2 saying that made my heart hurt. So I decided to teach her something instead. I said, "Don't say 'it's okay.' Because it's not. It's never okay for someone to hurt you or make you feel bad. So say 'thank you' instead. 'Thank you for recognizing you hurt me.' Since then I've gotten better about yelling and she's stopped saying 'it's okay.' via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ohDZm3

My daughter seems jealous/angry about the time I spend taking care of my grandkids.

I have three kids. My two oldest are adults and my youngest is seventeen. My oldest has two children, ages four and two months. My oldest daughter is struggling financially. She needs help almost every month, sometimes it's big like help with rent, sometimes it is just having me buy formula or giving her a twenty for gas. My two days off I have the grandkids so my daughter can work. She cannot afford day care. I work around 60+ hours a week though it fluctuates alot.My youngest daughter is being weirdly (imo) angry about this. She has a full and active social life and her own car and is not even home that often while the kids are over. I recently encouraged her to quit her job because while it was fine if she worked five days a week during the summer, they didn't cut her hours back now that school was back in session. She's a senior in high school and I said three days a week was the max. I didn't make her, it was something we discussed and agreed it was too much and they refused to cut down her hours. She paid for her car herself and all summer she contributed to her own insurance. Her main worry about quitting was whether or not she'd still be able to keep her car without an income. I told her school was her main job and I would pay the insurance and give her gas money. Which I have. We supply all the usual money for clothes, going out to eat or movies or whatever she needs.Every penny I give her older sister she gets angry about. We do not have a lot of money and helping her sister and paying for the insurance takes all our extra but she hasn't gone without anything. We give her a twenty to pick up dinner or a movie with her friends all the time. I know there is frustration at the loss of financial freedom, having to ask mom and dad for every dollar, but we hardly ever say no.At first this manifested as anger at her sister. Comments like, "she shouldn't have had a baby she can't afford". Which she's not wrong but the kid is already here. All we can do is try to work it out. I didn't reprimand her for this as I felt her feelings were valid even though illogical. But now her resentment has spread to the kids. Anything I buy for the grandkids gets snarky comments. She complains about them all the time. She wouldn't even hold the baby for two minutes so I could pee saying it wasn't her problem. She was an amazing aunt to the four year old, taking her to the park, buying her art supplies out of her own money so they could paint together. Just above and beyond without anyone ever asking her to. But since the baby and my oldest's financial problems she ignores her or is mean. My granddaughter worships her and it breaks her little heart.I don't know what to do. I don't know where to draw the lines between what is appropriate behavior. I feel guilty about it from both ends but I don't know what I can change. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2m5I9gh

I’m going to be a dad

Woke up this morning to my s/o in pain so I took her to the hospital. They took a pregnancy test and sure enough...positive. I’m 24 and she is 22. I really couldn’t be any happier. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2omcvf7

Need help talking to my child's psychologist. I'm afraid her pills are turning her into a psychopath.

My step daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety and Depression. Yesterday, I caught my step daughter (12) trying to drown our cat. The day before, she got suspended from school for assaulting a teacher and running out of school and disappearing for several hours. These incidents are extremely out of character for her but the scariest thing and my biggest concern is that after these two incidences, she showed absolutely no remorse, fear or even offered her usual banter, she also has oppositional disorder.Earlier in the week, we had an appt with her psychiatrist, who also schedules therapy sessions s with a psychologist. We went in with the intention of asking for more therapy sessions instead of this continual experimentation with different pills which had been going on for the last three years.I work in the field of early childhood education and am required to take continuing education on subjects such a early childhood development, understanding trauma and etc. From what I have learned from these courses and observing her for 3 years is that she was never given the opportunity to develop basic cognitive and socio-emotional skills. She had an extremely dysfunctional early life and has seen and experienced traumatic events due to her mother's drug addiction.Basically, the doctor was combative and condescending and said that she really needs the pills. She then prescribed Zoloft at a higher dose than usual which was to be taken immediately. Now, I know and completely understand that antidepressants may take up to several weeks to kick in but in my step daughter's case it kicked in the next day. Zoloft is an SSRI and it works by increasing serotonin the "the happiness chemical" in the brain. I'm afraid that because she has an excess of serotonin, she is not able to process feelings such as guilt and sadness and pain.This is exactly what we did not want to happen, we wanted her to develop these skills. She is not incapable of showing empathy, I have worked with her throughout the years and she has shown improvement but with these pills, she has completely lost everything we have been working so hard for.I need help relaying this information to her psychiatrist so that she will understand our concerns instead of shutting us down immediately just because we don't have a high degree in mental health.Thanks for reading. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mGJU3W

My nephew said "that's disgusting!" while pointing at my daughter.

He's a 2.5yo who previously left a bad taste in my mouth after he screamed at the top of his lungs in my daughter's face when she was only 8 months old. His mom (my sister) did nothing about it, so I had to step in and be the parent.A little backstory: my daughter was born with hemangioma. It has drastically improved over a year, but there's no doubt it will leave a visible scar for maybe the rest of her life. We are discontinuing treatment soon (Drs orders) so the meds don't disrupt her system. But man, it's barely noticeable.Yesterday, we visited my mom. Little did I know my sister and her family would be there. So, I kept my guard up and made sure to keep my daughter's (14mo) distance from him. But when she got comfortable, my daughter wanted to follow my nephew around. Next thing I know, as we are all in the kitchen (parents and kids), my nephew points to my daughter and says "ew! That's disgusting!" I kept trying to figure out what he was pointing at, and I didn't see anything that could potentially be disgusting in the eyes of a toddler, other than her hemangioma. I didn't publicly acknowledge my observation, but I kept trying to ask him "what's disgusting?" as he was running away from my daughter.I knew this would eventually happen. But, I hadn't prepared myself to stick up for my daughter's cosmetic abnormality that she has to live with; I've only prepared myself when the day she asks about it comes. What kind of advice can you throw at me when other people, especially other toddlers, try to bring my daughter down because of this "scar"? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mGJRVO

BIG Parenting Conflict Between Partners

If this is the wrong platform to ask, my apologies. (Please help send me in the right direction if this is the case lol)My husband and I do well parenting out two young children together, I'd say, 80% of the time. (as long as he is having a good day)... My husband changes diapers, kisses booboos, cooks dinner sometimes lol, tucks them in when I cant, plays all the best games with them, etc. HOWEVER, if he decides he is having a bad day, or suddenly for some unrelated reason, decides he is in a bad mood.. he lashes out on the kids for any tiny thing they do. (Even if they play too loud they may get in big trouble.)He will stomp as he walks through the house towards them, and YELL louder than a siren until his veins pop out of his head and neck. He will terrorize them with his intimidating persona...(military vet - really shines through)... and I always step infront of the kids in those moments, or tell him to stop!! But that makes it WAAAYYYY worse, and he will turn his aggression towards all three of us that much more.And within moments, he is back to normal, and wants to take the kids to the park etc.. but doesnt understand why we are all in a different mood. (Because the kids & I are in shock and traumatized).. if we don't "give him another chance" he is prone to get upset all over again, so it's hard.This happens maybe 2 times a month now.. it used to happen ALLLLLL THE TIME. But he is "trying" to get better. He refuses counseling, medication, etc etc.. so it's hard for me to suggest anything that will help his level of mood swings.Our kids are young. About to turn 2 and 6. This morning the little one wasn't feeling well (has been fighting a tough cold for a few days) so our son was vocal this morning.. moaning and groaning, being miserable. My husband started stomping from our room upstairs, down the hallway, and down the stairs, SO LOUDLY, that my toddler started to practically hyperventilate in absolute fear! He didnt know what the loud banging was over his head and he was terrified. Then, before I could even register what was happening, my husband grabbed up the little one and spanked him twice. Causing him to cry that much worse. I shouted, "he didnt do anything!!! He just doesnt feel well!!" And my husband said, "he was being too loud.. he did everything. Now shut up and go in the bathroom."We do not see eye to eye on his obscurely strict was of reprimanding children (of any age) but especially when they are as young as ours are now!!I'm on my very very very last straw. Should I divorce this guy yet, give him an ultimatum, leave for my moms for awhile, what...?Because he is absolutely perfect all the rest of the time!! Seriously a delight to be around. But these rare blow ups, are enough to cause me to second guess who I chose to raise children with. I'm embarrassed.. and I feel so sorry for my kids.. I need something to change, what do I do? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mFtKb3

I feel bad for telling off my 11 month old.

He’s so damn defiant. He’s obsessed with the printer and cat tree. I tell him no and move him away. I did that for about a month. Now I just move him away and put him on his bum and he sometimes attention cries.I’m so tired of saying no all the time. He currently trying to climb past a rocking horse to get to the things.Will he ever listen to me??? I’m gonna end up tearing out my hair in a moment via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nHFlWS

This Granny is not happy..

We got our oldest grand daughter Suga Bear a tablet for her 5th Birthday In August. She comes to spend the night last night, and I go to charge her tablet. As I am plugging it up for her, she informs me that it has marker all over the screen. I asked her what happened. She says her Mammas friends 2 year old has written on it. My daughter hasn’t even attempted to clean it.I grab a magic eraser from under the sink and slightly dampen it, and turn off her tablet. “No Granny you are gonna make it dead!” Is her exact words. “Calm down little Suga, Granny’s got this.”All it took was 5 minutes, and her tablet is back to new again.We got her the tablet for learning games to help with what she’s learning in kindergarten. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2onl1ut

I am mad

My oldest is in the process of getting an ASD diagnosis. But he’s usually pretty collaborative and has a lot of fun doing various activities such as toddler gym, etc. But lately he’s been having meltdowns. all. the. time. But I still try to distract him by bringing him to his favourite places. The thing is, my husband works all the time and we also have a nine month old, which I bring along all the time. So I’m always carting around a 3 year old with possible ASD and a 9 month old everywhere. This morning, at his toddler gym class which he usually loves, he was having a hard time. I was wearing the 9 month old on my back and when they were presented some toys to play with, a lady who was there with her husband and her baby daughter told me « you know, your baby would also enjoy playing with those toys. » as if I were somehow depriving him of this pleasure. I told her that I had to take care of my oldest at the moment and that I’m doing my best given my resources. It really frustrated me since I was there alone with two kids and she was there with her husband with one kid, judging my parenting to my youngest. Maybe I’m overly sensitive but I’m really tired because I am trying my best. I’m tired. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mG4AZR

Teenager had first car wreck

Looking for opinions: Kid had first fender bender. Guy admitted he pulled in front of him and my kid didn’t stop fast enough. Jerk lectured him on driving . Anyhoo. Instead of kid getting points on license (because it would be his fault), and insurance doubling, I offer to pay the guy for damage. He doesn’t want police involved either for some unknown reason. I gave him $500 cash and got him to sign something. My question is, should I make son pay me back? All or half? Thanks! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nDCJcR

Rude mom cliques at School Gate and Birthday Parties

Really stressed over this.  My daughter started school in June and seems to be settling in ok and quite confident.  I really think the problem could be me.  When I drop off and pick up there seems to be a group of mums that turn their back to you rather than speak.  I don't want to get involved in a clicky group but worried my daughter could be alienated.Twice my daughter was invited to kids birthday parties which was for both kids and moms..So I had to tag along because my daughter forced me to go with her..but at the parties the moms sit as groups and they completely ignore me and snub me..even when I approach some moms they hardly talk to me and some ignore me rudely and talk among themselves..I feel like I'm back to high school.. it's affecting my self esteem..Now my daughter wants to have a birthday party next month and invite these moms and their kids..but they are all so rude .. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nyrWk1

Dad appreciation post 📯

I have the best Dad! Seriously!He is intelligent and strong, and supportive and kind and he wants the absolute world for me. He has worldly stories and life advice that captivates my attention entirely! (paying attention to anything is not my forte) and knows exactly when to say the right thing, or nothing at all. He's the best teacher!I'm so lucky I can count on him every day, I'm so lucky to have him in my life. I trust him more than anyone with anything that bothers me and I trust him to be as excited as me if something is awesome too!If I ever become half the person he is today when I am his age I will be so, so, so proud.I love you, Dad.You're the best.Thanks for being my Dad. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nATd5o

What do I say to my 17-year old suicidal daughter? (crosspost from /r/SuicideWatch)

Dad here, nasty divorce several years ago, mom got full custody, very spotty and problematic visitation since then. My daughter, now 17, has always had emotional problems, long before the divorce. But her problems were never serious, just the "typical" ADHD issues for which she's seen a psychologist and been given various medications. She's more-or-less socially adjusted, has friends, has emotions, intelligent, does good in school, but has inexplicable bouts of depression that she cannot explain.I live and work overseas; she's in the USA with her mom. Long story on that; it sucks, but that's the way it is. I want to be close to my daughter, but distance screws it up (and the fucked-up Family Courts). I consider myself a loving father, never abused or neglected my daughter, and always been willing to do anything to help her.So, it pains me to hear her talk recently on the phone about being hospitalized for depression with suicidal thoughts. My own beautiful baby daughter, for whom I would kill or die, talking about ending her own life. Wow. I can't believe I'm even typing this. Seems like a dream/nightmare. And I'm way the Hell over here, working to earn money, and she's back in the USA, out-of-reach.I don't know much about suicide/depression. But I know that I can't simply argue with her into being "okay", I can't give her a "pep talk", I can't emotionally blackmail her, I can't "reason" with her into doing what I want.But what do I say? Obviously, I told her openly that I don't want her to do it. I want her to live. She'll be 18 soon, and free to get a passport and travel to see me (her mom refuses to let her travel). I encouraged her to think about our reunion someday. I wanted to give her something to look forward to.She's 17, and every teenager has hormones and anger and craziness. But this is something more. I don't know what to tell her. Ideas?I'm desperate. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nzsTbY

My 4yo just told me Santa isn’t real

Every night my 4yo daughter and I have a routine where she says “Let’s talk about stuff!” and we decide on a topic to discuss. Sometimes dogs or trucks or the flu or Thanksgiving. Tonight was Christmas and when I brought up Santa, she said I’m silly and told me Santa isn’t real and it’s a game we play. Both of my kids have done this. I don’t know if I’m really shitty at lying about Santa or if they’re both smart.Guess that saved me from starting an awkward conversation. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2m2ODwh

The worst part about being a parent is the irrational fear we have for our kids safety.

We live in Michigan, a state that has seen 3 deaths currently from the EEE disease which is transmitted by mosquitos.Our daughter was bit by a mosquito at our local park on Thursday and my wife has been irrationally (her words) nervous about our daughter coming down with EEE. I’ve spent our time telling her that she doesn’t have EEE and that only 21 people have come down with this in the country so far, which means the changes of her having it are EXTREMELY low. So low that I doubt one could put a real number or percentage chance out there.However this is night 3 and our daughter is having a hard time sleeping and now we’re all sitting up, watching Trolls and I’m being irrationally scared myself. I find myself saying silent prayers that these thoughts would just go away, that I’m being ridiculous, etc. I made the mistake of telling my wife that I’m irrationally feeling the same way as her which has her freaking out even more.She isn’t showing any symptoms but I can’t shake the fact that our normally fantastic sleeper was up at 2am screaming for us. I know we’re looking way too into this.I hate this part of being a parent. I want time to move as slowly as possible so I can enjoy it but I also want it to be fast forwarded so that she can live and experience a long, happy, fulfilling life. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nCkrZl

Proud parent moment

Yesterday the kid next door came wanting to play with my 6 year old. KND (kid next door) is an only child and has a bit of trouble in social settings. She does however love Miss 6 and they get along fairly well. I do also have an almost 3 year old miss who loves cuddles and play like most toddlers. KND hates her. She constantly tells her to go away, or screams on top of her lungs whenever miss 3 goes to play with her. About a month ago, KND and Miss 6 were playing in our front yard and they pretty much bullied Miss 3 who had no idea she was being treated poorly. I was not home, hubs actually had a good chat to Miss 6 and explained why her actions were quite mean.A few weeks ago, we watched an ep of Bluey (every parent needs to watch this) and it was pretty much bluey's neighbour not wanting to play with Bingo (bluey's younger sister) so I said to miss 6, this is interesting..its exactly what happens with you and KND.So cue yesterday..KND comes over..starts the usual..and Miss 6 goes 'you have to include my little sister...she's only two..how would you feel if nobody wanted to play with you? Anyway this is my house and her house..so you have to follow our rules!'OMG you guys..I was so so proud of her! Hubs and I try not interfere with our kids playing styles unless they are harming one another. We tend to watch and see what type of choices they make. Miss 6 is usually very impressionable and will go along with the pack but she looked out for her sister without being asked and that is such a big proud moment! So..pro life tip..if you want your kids to learn something..make them watch bluey!ps: not an ad for bluey..promise! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mMNAB4

I've been dealing with a lot of shit and right now I'm just overwhelmed with the love I have for my two year old

TL;DR: recovering drug addict enjoyed a night relaxing with my toddlerShe just fell asleep, curled up between me and the couch, head on my arm. We are sleeping on two stacked mattresses in the living room because it's still getting to 80° here in Pennsylvania and its cooler downstairs. I just looked over at her peaceful sleeping and was momentarily captivated by her beauty in the glow of the TV, which has Frasier playing quietly.I'm a recovering drug addict with 18 days clean. I have a baby addiction compared to most addicts but it really took over my life. I was using stimulants like adderall to keep me going so I could keep up with being a CNA, and a mom, and a housekeeper, and a cook... alone. I have no support in any capacity for her. I thought it made me a better parent but it made me an absent parent even though I was still in the home because of the many nights I couldn't sleep and my two year old went to bed by herself.Past week or so I've been really nauseous, and I get tired easily anyway but especially since my stomach hurts and I have no appetite. Today my eldest child was here overnight and trying to be attentive to both of them and fair to both of them wears me out so when she went back to her dad's, my youngest took a nap and I dozed for a few minutes but then got up and started cleaning up the black hole that is our house. When my LO woke up, I gave up on the cleaning and took her for a walk using the new-to-us walker/tricycle thing I found on the side of the road. When we got back, I'd used up all my energy, and my stomach hurt, so I threw tater tots in the oven for supper and we spent the evening just lying in bed, watching Svengoolie for me, and YouTube videos for her, giggling and being silly. Munching on dry Mini Wheats for dessert. At one point, we got up to get fresh drinks and were trying to sort of the tricycle because the front wheel turns sideways, and I got into the seat and she pushed me with the handle which was like, a foot above her head. I couldn't believe she was able to push me. We laughed and laughed. It's been a really nice, relaxing night at home, sober.Since I'm in intensive outpatient treatment to address my drug addiction, I dont have time to work. I only have childcare during the day on weekdays and I do IOP every morning until 12, then its back to back appointments till it's time to get home and pick her up and start supper to start again the next day. Money is a big stressor for me; my electric was shut off Thursday for non payment, and I've resorted more than once to shoplifting the basic necessities (like coffee and baby wipes) as well as demeaned myself by begging neighbors for money for diapers. My phone is off right now because I dont have $40 to pay for the service, using another neighbor's wifi at the moment. I carry a lot of guilt and shame about the complete failure I am as a 29 year old person, and as a mother.But tonight I was able to forget all my shit. My phone is off so no one could get ahold of me. My stomach hurts so I let myself rest for once (I have it in my head that being tired from not using drugs is no excuse not to attend to my responsibilities) and I just relaxed and just enjoy spending time with my kid. And we didnt do anything. we didn't even have a real dinner. She didnt care; she just enjoyed spending time together.I really needed this, you guys, I really did. It's the stuff you don't realize you're missing when you're using. I'm glad she is young enough not to remember the dark times and I will do everything I can to make sure she doesn't make any new memories where I let her down because I chose drugs. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mAbpw1

Parenthood is for extroverts.

It might sound weird but it is. Just the fact that you are stuck with another human always needing you, talking to you, and involving you, forcibly makes you one, but that’s just the beginning. I thought I was extremely extroverted when I had my daughter and I had no idea just how introverted I was haha. Every time someone wants to see her I have to be involved. Almost every time I’m in public with her people talk to her/ me, or to me about her, etc. It amazes me how many people think you want to talk for 10min at the grocery store about how old your child is and what their current developmental milestones are. Sorry if this was a bit of a rant but I just thought maybe a few of you could relate. If you can, know you’re not alone. I too am trying to figure how to to navigate it all. I realize this all might not be true to the exact definition of extrovert but I think you all know what I’m trying to say lol.So to all the fellow parents out there having to talk to too many people this week, including your little munchkin(s), I feel you, and I’m sorry! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2m0iMfH

Just when you can't stand them any more

I've been struggling lately. My 4-year-old son tests my patience on a daily basis. He's been struggling with impulsivity and hyperactivity, and is often finding himself in trouble both at school and at home. I've been working on rewarding good behavior, finding outlets for his energy, all that. But it's exhausting. To top it off he is constantly hanging all over me, and it's gotten to a point that I regularly find myself dreaming of a vacation away from him just for a few days. And of course when I think that I start to feel guilty.Anyways, today started off poorly, basically spending the whole morning trying to redirect him, desperately trying to sneak away for a five minute break (but he always finds me and gets upset if I don't tell him where I'm going). I was feeling really overwhelmed and anxious about everything. Fortunately the afternoon was much better and we actually had a good day overall. And then at bedtime he unknowingly redeemed himself for weeks of challenging behavior: As I was tucking him in I told him if he wakes up early he needs to stay in his room for a little bit until it's time to get up and he can draw a picture or something. He says "can you teach me how to write 'I love you Mama'? I want to write that for you to make you happy but I don't know how."Sometimes (often) there are days when I just want to scream because he drives me crazy. But then I have to take a step back and remember that I am his most favorite thing in the whole world. Then there are the nights like tonight when I'm able to remember that he is my most favorite thing in the whole world too. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nDQ7xj

Teacher badmouthing my parenting to my 8 year old

My kids teacher has been badmouthing me to other parents and now my own daughter and I’m totally at a loss as to what I should do.We switched from a charter school to a public school this year so both my kids are new and there was some sort of “get to know you” assignment in my 8 year old’s class.One of the questions was favorite TV show or movie. She said All In The Family. Ok, great. Good show, solid choice.So after school her teacher brings me and my husband the project and says my daughter claims to have been watching All in The Family and was I aware of what programs she’d been taking in.I said, you know, “sure, we watch it as a family every weekend.” Thinking that would be that. She said “well it’s a highly inappropriate show for young children” and I said “Thanks for your concern, but we’re fine. She isn’t going behind our backs or anything, we watch it as a family.” And the teacher said “Well, I have to tell you, I that’s questionable judgement on your part.”My husband doesn’t take very well to that kind of passive condescension so he says “Nothing compared to the Eminem music we listen to on the way here” and I figured I should just end the conversation before it escalated.Everyone at the school thinks of us as the “new family” but I have a few friends whose kids have always gone there and one alerted me that the teacher was essentially gossiping about me while the kids were being dropped off. I thought it was wildly inappropriate but I figured as long as my daughter enjoys school, I’d let idle gossip roll of my back.I have a friend who’s a reading specialist at the school and come in a couple times a week and she just informed me that they’d say these things around my daughter. What my friend overheard was “If your mommy really cared about you, you wouldn’t watch that show.” And in the context of something like running in the halls “I know your mother has no rules or regulations at your house but when you come to school you’re not the boss like you think you are everywhere else.”My reading specialist friend confronted the teacher because as someone who works with kids she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Before she could flat out say “that’s inappropriate” she said (this is what she told me was said at least and I’m paraphrasing from memory) “So you’ve met CoralMansion Jr and her family?” “Yes, they’re reckless. I tried to help her but she didn’t want to be helped.” “I actually know CoralMansion Jr and—“ “oh does she have a learning disability? Go figure the way she rots her brain at home.” So reading specialist friend said “they’re good people and happy kids in a home that puts a strong emphasis on education. You’re barking up the wrong tree and this is not appropriate.”The teacher more or less shrugged it off with an “I know best I’ve worked with kids for X years” speech.I tried to gauge my daughter’s feelings/awareness of the situation without provoking anything so just kind of offhandedly said “How’s Mrs. Newteacher so far?” And she just said “she’s kind of grouchy but it’s still fun.” And I said you know, “what’s grouchy about her” and it sounds like my daughter is just attributing these comments to her teacher being old.On the one hand, if my daughter’s ok so am I. On the other hand, it’s still early in the year and if there’s a chance this escalated into a bigger issue, I want to act now before we’re halfway through the year and it’s harder to initiate a conversation. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ny7ShP

3 Y.O Boy not communicating/throwing tantrums - Need advice

Ever since my child has turned two, mom and dad have been on anxiety island. My son, who I love so very much, was getting in trouble for biting in day care. We felt awful bc it was happening often and we had no clue how to fix it so we took him out. Around that time, we noticed a speech delay. Fast forward to now, he was diagnosed (by education system) with autism. He is now 3.2 years old and attends a pre k, speech and occupational therapy, and is doing well. He is talking more but no where near where his peers are. It’s mostly babble that only we can understand.While I’m not sure I agree with the diagnosis sometimes, I’ve absolutely accepted it. He’s my child so I just want techniques that work to HELP HIM. He doesn’t listen or communicate to instructions very well at all. If we tell him no he can’t have a cupcake, he will try every which way possible to evade us and get it. When we say no again, he freaks out. He then goes to other ppl to get it and then I have to say no and then he starts screaming. He does this often and he just doesn’t understand. I get normal toddler things, but this is almost if we say no or any form of no, it’s a yell or cry type event. If we pass target or sonic, he gets upset bc he doesn’t get to go in or get a large cup of water. It’s like we can’t do anything without ticking him off.When we try to teach him- he is very hyperactive (Literally NEVER sits still) and when we say try to concentrate, try to pee on the potty, etc just to get him to try to learn it ends up a struggle. I am at my wits end. Is there any advice or hope? We have tried the stay calm constantly route, the ENOUGH look route, the try not to say no to things but instead defer route, try to teach him. I just don’t know if I am a bad parent who can’t teach his kid or if my kid just can’t communicate so he acts like this... he is a great kid but this issue and non communication is so damn tough. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2m0VVkj

It's happening!!

So a little backstory and obligatory mobile warning. I managed to potty train my son when he was 2 using the naked method (no pants and stayed home for a couple weeks. He had some regression and ended up back in diapers for various reasons.We finally got back into potty training when he turned 3 in March.HE SLEPT WITHOUT A DIAPER LAST NIGHT!! He woke up clean and dry, and I just had to say it somewhere. I'm so excited for him! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ob1woT

Talking to kids about a death... I’ve never done this before.

Trigger warning...I’m having a hard time even putting this into words.My daughters uncle killed himself. I haven’t told her yet and I don’t know how or if I should even tell her. I don’t know if I should tell her he died or tell her he committed suicide or just say “he passed away”. She just turned 9. This is someone she hasn’t seen much and probably wasn’t going to ever see again (ex husbands brother, ex husband isn’t in the picture much anymore). Part of me doesn’t want to tell her anything because I don’t think she’d even know and hasn’t noticed anything yet. Sometimes my ex in laws come to visit her though (maybe once every six months) and I’m afraid they will talk about it. I have no clue what to do. Do you talk to a 9 year old about suicide? My daughters very mature but still. Should I open up the conversation about suicide with this? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2mAEwPB

Do mixed race children these days still feel like they have to "pick a side"? Is there anyway to discourage that?

My kids are mixed race. I am white and my husband is black. We are fortunate enough to live in an area where that really is not a big deal. Their school is 12 percent mixed race. My 3rd graders three best friends are mixed race of various races (Filipino/Mexican, Chinese/White, and Japanese/White) and my kindergartener's best friend is mixed race (Korean/Black). So they see a lot of families with parents of different racial and cultural backgrounds and it isn't a big deal. They are being raised Jewish and our synagogue isn't as diverse as I would like and our area has a tiny black population, but other than that I would say it is almost ideal.I watched a new show called Mixed-ish with my husband and one of the main themes of the show is how hard it is for mixed race kids to feel like they fit in. The brother of the main character ends up picking his "black side" while the little sister ends up picking her "white side." Is this something kids still feel pressured to do or was this more of an isssue when mixed race marriages weren't as common? The show mentioned that biracial kids have way more biracial role models now, so I was thinking that might make them more inclinded to feel like they can identify as biracial.Thoughts from either mixed race people or parents of mixed race children? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2o26kN5

Car seats

Okay I hate car seats. I cannot get the car seat tight in my car. I attach the anchors and try to tighten it to no avail. The seat is so loose. I have watched video after video of how they do it and it doesn't budge, but my car seat wiggles about 2 inches. Even with my husband tighten it. He thinks it's fine, but if we ever get into an accident...What am I doing wrong? I'm so frustrated. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2lXVIhM