Co-Parenting Halloween Win!

We separated about three years ago. In the first two years, there was a lot of struggles that included the usual anger, resentment, etc. but we did our best to prioritize our kids.Thursday are my days, so the plan was to trick or treat in my in-law's neighborhood with my husband, his parents, my ex-husband, his fiance, and her daughter. Well, my FIL had to work, my husband had to work, and his fiance recently undergone a major medical procedure. Regardless, we kept the same plan except it was just me, my ex-husband, our kids, and her daughter with my MIL at her house.We had a good time! The kids had a blast in their neighborhood, my MIL hugged all of us as we left, and I posted photos on FB tagging my husband and his fiance as well.When I told friends and co-worker's my plans for Halloween, I was always asked, "Isn't that weird though?" By now, it isn't for us, but it took a long time to get to this point. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NpXSAo

Our school districts Highschool is "known for suicides"

It's been all over the news in the US last year that our school was known for high rates of suicides. The schools located in Massillon, Ohio but the schools policy is "Zero tolerance for bullying" but all these kids are being bullied to literal death. I attended this school and I didn't think the discipline for bullying was bad? But when I graduated the years below me all of a sudden had the biggest issues with bullying. Not saying it has never been there because it has, but this issue all happened within a year. There's other children who have died by suicide in other grades but FIVE in one year? I just want to say our SCHOOLS are the biggest dissapointment in this country and I PRAY that one day we can solve all the ignorance in school faculty or atleast put mental health first. I know some may argue "a teacher isnt educated enough to be a councelor" but it doesnt take a degree to give someone the tools to be nice to others and discipline them for being cruel to people. I believe they learn this at home and things throughout the internet. Also, can we as parents stop teaching our children this behavior!? Subconsciously or not, we need to be aware of how we talk and act around our children, of any age. I hate having a child in this world for the simple fact of bullying, noone deserves to feel that worthless because your children are mean. I try to do my best at teaching my child to be friends with everyone even the stereotypical kids who people view "different". Teach your kids to be extra kind to the kids who sit by themselves because they're "different", that's what my Dad always taught me. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2WvXHHJ

I'm worried I will never get back to enjoying parenting.

My son is 4 years old. He's got a lot of great traits. He's really smart, and has a sense of humor, and cares about being kind... he's also exhausting and infuriating.I feel so torn. I spend all day thinking about him while he's at school and missing him. Then within like 20 minutes of him being home, I feel like all my energy is spent and I just count down the minutes until bed time.I used to do all different kinds of activities with him. We would do arts and crafts, music time where we'd listen to different kinds of music and dance or get out our instruments and play, we'd get outdoors and walk or play, we'd read endlessly, cook together, play board games, do puzzles.... now I hate doing any of it. By the time anything is set up, it's so hard to keep him focused, going anywhere seems like such a hassle and a waste of time because I have to spend the entire time correcting his behavior when he's too loud or rambunctious, reminding him not to talk about poop or stick his tongue out at people, or explaining the same thing over and over again. I seriously feel exhausted just THINKING about doing anything with him.I feel like its probably a problem with me more than with him... or maybe he's just developmentally at a stage where it's harder to focus... I don't know. I'm just tired.I feel like crying just writing all this out... my mother was very abusive and I can't remember her ever taking a real interest in spending time with my siblings and I, so when my son was younger I felt so proud. I had stopped that cycle in its tracks. I was engaged, kind, and loving. I felt like if I was ever good at anything in this life, I was a damn good mother with a truly exceptional child.He's still exceptional in a lot of ways, he can spell better than anyone in his class and can recognize lots of simple words by sight, he's beginning to get basic addition and subtraction, he cleans up after himself (mostly) and he's really emotionally intelligent... but he's still just tiring and tedious to me...I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm failing him everyday because I just can't muster the energy to do anything with him. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/336wcah

Baby boy waking up crying

Hello! So the past few weeks our 8month old boy Has been waking up every 30-45 minutes crying and it’s almost as if he cries before he wakes up. After a quick nurse he immediately falls back asleep. We assume this is because of teething maybe? Or is he having bad dreams? Its very upsetting watching him cry when we don’t know why :( via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2WxYZ4Z

I've felt awful for a week, after shouting at my son.

My (28M) Son is 18 months old, he is the light of my life and I look forward to spending time with him every single day. Every time I leave the house to go to work I make sure to give him a cuddle and to tell him that I love him...However, last Friday I was on my own as my wife had planned to stay at a friends. All week I had come home from work at around 1.00am, and was back out the house the next day for work at around 11.00am (my wake up call most of the time is my son, at around 7.30/8.00am) but for a few days he has had a bout of the runny nose, mixed with a lot of coughing and tummy aches. He normally has no trouble sleeping whatsoever, sleeping 8 hours solid most nights of the week. But this night he just would not sleep no matter what I tried; waking himself up by coughing mostly, he first woke up around 2.00am and everything I did to comfort him would work for 30 minutes until he woke himself up again, expecting me to go to him (which I did, every time).​At around 6.30am the tiredness overtook me, I was a walking zombie and my little man's crying had not subsided, so when I went in his room I took it upon myself to shout at him - "SHUT UP!".​The look on his face broke my heart. He went from a little upset to scared and crying. I never thought I'd make my son upset, or afraid of his own Dad, and I am completely ashamed. I immediately calmed down, and picked him up to come and sit on the couch with me (he fell asleep in my arms within about 10 minutes, and remained like that until 10am).I've been thinking about this non-stop all week, even when I'm at work and supposed to be focused on other things, the image of his face creeps into my mind. I even sobbed whilst driving home on a couple of occasions. My son on the other hand, hasn't changed his behaviour around me, and still screams with excitement when I get back home after being at work. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PBOEDY

My very well-behaved son was kicked out of preschool because he lacks social and language skills.

My son is 3 turning 4 soon. He started K3 in August at a large private school (K3-12). Prior to that, he was only around other kids on Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings with his mom (my wife). We think he's pretty smart, of course, but he's still working on formulating his sentences. He can count to twenty and name all the colors and tell you what a horse sounds like but if he wants a car, he will just point and say "car" not "I want that car."We had hoped this preschool would help him with skills like taking turns and learning how to play with others, but the preschool director said he's got to go because he doesn't do these things well.He's been in language therapy and we really feel he's getting better but apparently it's not fast enough for the school. The director said she asked him what color a fence was and he just said "fence!" I know my son and I know if I ask him again and say, "Yes, it's a fence but what COLOR is it?" he would answer me correctly.The preschool director said they passed around a hat for the letter "H" and then they passed around a horse. My son was still so excited about the hat and said "hat" interrupting the new discussion about the horse and they didn't like that. They said this happens with him all the time. I can't help but think, "Whoa! He's like three years old, people, and has only been around kids on a daily basis for two months now. Shouldn't this be expected and handled accordingly?"Three weeks after school started they had us sign him up for the language therapy which he goes to 2x week. Then a month later, they said they were worried about him because he still doesn't understand their questions and can't tell them how he's feeling. But that's WHY we have him in preschool- to help us help him learn these things as he's around other kids, and how to communicate.Now they're telling us he needs occupational therapy and that we need him tested for autism and all this other stuff because they're not equipped to meet his special needs.We have several friends (who have several older kids of their own) who know our son well and they're just as shocked as we are that he got kicked out. They do agree that he's a little behind on his social and language skills but he's a freakin' toddler and they're the ones telling us that preschool is supposed to help in that.We shared his language evaluation with his pediatrician and she said that based on the school's findings, if we don't feel there is something wrong with him, she doesn't see the urgency in seeing him before his annual exam the first week of January. She agreed we should give him more time to get acclimated to preschool and learn from the other kids before we start worrying that he has real learning disabilities. We thought that was good advice so we took it.One of our good friends is a VPK teacher (who has also taught our son in Sunday school) and even she wonders if our son's preschool standards might be too high for 3-year olds. She said they would never kick our son out of her school for the reasons he was kicked out of his. (I wish we could enroll him at her school but it's too far from us!)He's our only son and so this is all new to us. So knowing what we know now, we wonder if it's common nowadays for toddlers to get kicked out of preschool because they lack social and language skills. Do preschools not work with kids and teach them this stuff because they expect kids to have it figured out already?I always thought if a kid got kicked out of preschool, it's was probably due to behavioral problems- which our son doesn't have in the slightest. We are so blessed he's such an obedient child. He doesn't throw tantrums but still may get slightly upset if he has to stop playing to do something else. But then he gets over it himself and forgets he was ever upset.His preschool teachers agree he has absolutely no behavioral problems but they still say he's behind on sharing, taking turns, initiating play with other kids, answering their questions and communicating. We're slowly learning he gets somewhat shy around others because he has no problems answering questions and communicating with his mom and me or other people we know and their kids.Only in the last three weeks has he learned to finally say "yes" to a question like, "Do you need to potty?" instead of just repeating "Potty" as his "yes."We agree he's been slow at learning a proper answer to many questions, and he still does the echolalia thing for questions he doesn't understand, but it just seems to us that his preschool (or ex-preschool, I should say) thinks he's suuuuuuuper sloooooooow in almost all aspects of his social and communication skills compared to all the other kids.My son just didn't start school as advanced as the other kids. At least, that's our take. Either he's truthfully way behind or the other kids are all way advanced, but we believe he's somewhere in the middle and maybe little behind.Given this limited info, do you think they're right and he needs a lot of professional help with these things and he's not just growing as toddlers grow? If so, then we'll consider your words and get him the appropriate help. If not, please oh please encourage us.I think it was a good thing they kicked him out because I don't want him to be where they're unwilling to teach him. I just love him more than anything and want the best for him so wherever he needs to be and whatever I can do, I want to do it. We thought this school was going to help us in that but maybe we made the wrong decision in sending him to this particular school?Thanks in advance! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/36lNpi7

Heading off the cereal debate - our diabolical solution

We don't do cereals in our house. We have successfully curbed it prior to school. We are by no means a no sweets household, but starting off the day with a cereal is a slippery slope and I have genetically terrible teeth (sorry kiddo) so we try to limit added sugars as reasonably as we can.So as I'm sure many of you know, school exposes them to the habits of others. They talk about their favorite characters, foods and that means....cereals. Naturally the 5 year old wants to explore these magical sugar bombs, and I don't blame him. We told him what he could do to earn it, and then discussed a plan amongst ourselves.We were at a loss on how to deal with this issues without causing more....then, as if the world knew of my plight, a discussion online popped up where people were remembering their favorite cereals and Captain Crunch is brought up.Remember those delicious puffs of corn and sugar? It's pure perfection to a child's taste buds. Now, do you remember how they utterly shredded the roof of your mouth? I came to the conclusion that this cereal was our answer.This isn't sadism, though I suppose consenting adults could do something fun with that, but a way for my child to explore sugar cereal and learn moderation without anyone saying a damn word.So today it happened. He had his first bowl. He, of course, got the mouth ouchies and I got to just be a nice mom and give him a hug. This will sort itself out.Anyways I thought I'd share in case any of you are having similar conflicts. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PzCBqA

Grounded from Trick or Treating

My son is almost 5 and got sent home from preschool today for kicking and hitting his teacher it got serious enough that they removed him from the classroom. He says another kid took his toy and the teacher didn’t make him give it back and that’s what started the fit. My wife picked him up and he screamed all the way home about missing the Halloween party at school.I came home and spoke with him about acceptable behavior and grounded him to his room and no tv no tablet until he can go back to school tomorrow. However this means not going out trick or treating tonight.AITA for not letting him go? My wife says he’s already missing his school party but I don’t think he should get to do anything until he is allowed back at school via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2WtSvEx

Am I crazy? School rules cutting into my son's lunch time.

Hi all. My son (7, second grade) goes to a school where the kids get 30 minutes to eat their lunch. No exceptions, and it's defined time (sometimes my son doesn't get to eat his lunch if he has to go to the bathroom during this time).This year, his lunch immediately follows recess, and according to him, the paraeducators let the different second grade classrooms into the cafeteria based on the entire class' behavior. That is, if one or two kids is acting up or talking, they don't let the entire class in. I think eventually the class gets let in, but it cuts into an already short lunch time and my son often doesn't have time to finish his lunch.I feel like kids shouldn't be kept from a meal on the behavior of some bad actors. I also don't think kids should be responsible (if this is the expectation) to police their peers so that they can eat their lunch.So before I go to his teacher, let me know if I sound like a helicopter parent/crazy person. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/34n4RRh

What time to start trick or treating?

My kids are younger and are typically done for the day and in bed by 8. I was thinking we'd start trick or treating at 6 pm so we could be done around 7 pm, have time to get home, get bathed, and in bed at 8. Where I live, sunset is around 6:30. Is it rude to start trick or treating before sunset, what do you guys think? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2WuCm1v

Am i correct in refusing to take my son to after school today because it's halloween?

So he goes to this after school program within a church, it's from 3-6pm monday- friday and when we first enrolled they assured us that they went by the DOE standards. Therefore in case of holidays, bad weather etc. If the DOE said no afterschool then theyd shut down the program for the day too.Thing is, twice now i've noticed that they are not following the standards. There was a really bad rainstorm a month back and afterschool was cancelled in all public schools but they kept their doors open and asked parents to bring their kids in. So i slapped on my rain boots and his. Got umbrellas and braved it out to his after school. I let that day slide and didn't bring up how they didn't abide by the rules figuring it was a once in a blue moon situation. Today all DOE public schools cancelled all after school programs because they know kids want to go trick or treating. That and keeping kids till late at night on halloween is dangerous in the city. I just got a message from his after school program and they stated that they will STILL have the program today and if the kids want to, they can go in their costumes. WTF...I told my son this morning he has after school and he started groaning and going "mom....i want to trick or treat after school..." I told him i agreed with him and that he doesn't have to go to after school today. Now that he's in school i'm just sort of sitting here wondering if i made the right decision. I mean, i bet after school will be fun today due to it being a holiday...they might have a mini party or something...plus it's raining all day...Wonderful parents of reddit, what would you do? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PyQXHR

Weekly - Things my kid said - to share all the things your kids say. - October 31, 2019

This is a weekly thread where you can share the things you're kid said to you that made you laugh/cry/go on a mad rampage.If you'd like to talk daily about things your kids say, feel free to visit /r/thingsmykidsaid via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2JDhRKZ

Mean Kids

My kids are mean, to me. Daily I hear about how I am hated, I am boring, they would rather have another mom, etc. This has been going on and now it's really getting to me. I work 50 hours a week 3rd shift. Sorry yes, I may be boring, but it's because I am working my ass off to provide for you. I have rules so I am horrible. I took Halloween off of work to spend the day with them doing crafts and watching spooky movies and yesterday they brought me to tears because of their meanness. Now I am not in the mood to do anything with them. I would rather go to work. I cried again this morning after getting them on the bus. Do your kids make you cry or am I just being a big baby. It's has been over a year with this and it is wearing on me. My sons are 10 and 7. This is a bit of a rant but I don't want to tell anyone I know about this, I am embarrassed. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/335errN

Why are we so mean to each other

So Halloween is moved to Nov1 where I live due to extreme weather conditions tonight. This is all over the news and obviously, Facebook. Some people are going trick or treating tonight because hey, it’s just a little rain and wind and we’ve seen worse (oh, Canada!). Others want to follow the city’s recommendations. This is where it gets messy. I’ve read horrible things, parents saying « if you truly love your children you will do this » or « I will NOT open the door to the kids on the 31st!! »I mean, arent there any other more important things we should get this angry about?I honestly don’t care bc my kid is 14 mo and has high fever and we aren’t going trick or treating anyway. Buy wth, I just feel so sad that the parents are so mean to eachother.I guess this is just to vent, No question to ask but does anyone want to help me eat all the candy I bought to give?Tldr; Halloween is cancelled, people are mean.Bonus ridiculous point: it will be raining on friday too! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/34iUm1E

Grandma (my mother) is really frustrating me!

My mother lives 100 miles away. She comes to stay with us for 3/4 days once a month. During these days she looks after my 2 year old rather than him going to his usual childminders while I am at work.My son is very attached to Grandma. When she is around he wants nothing to do with me and screams, hits and shouts whenever i enter the room while they are playing. He even tries to lead me out of the room so he can continue playing with her. It really hurts my feelings and I am getting a bit sick of my mothers reaction. She spoils him rotten. He literally can get whatever he wants when she is there and of course that is why he loves being with her. He turns into a really naughty boy when she is there and normally he is a very sweet child. She brings out the worst in him.She intervenes when I tell him off for hitting. Constantly making excuses like "he's tired, he's a baby, he's hungry". We've come to blows so many times over this it is ruining our relationship.Its making me angry because its turning my nice little boy into a not very nice one and I am worried that the time he spends with her is going to negatively impact on him as he gets older. Am I making a big deal out of this? is 4 days a month enough to spoil him?She also doesn't put him down for a nap during the day when he ALWAYS naps for an hour in the afternoon. She went on to tell me last night that he doesn't need a nap anymore and i should stop doing it. I know my son and I know he goes into a meltdown when he is overtired so he does still need a nap. His childminder agrees. Its bugging me how she thinks she knows him better than I do. If I give him some food, she'll take the rest off his plate and say he's had enough even though he's still eating it.Earlier this week he dislocated his elbow (grandma was holding his hand and he pulled one way and she pulled another). When it happened he only wanted me and kept telling her byebye (his way of saying go away). When we got back from the hospital she said how she can see that we (me and son) now have a real close bond. I'm his mother of course we have a bond. I think in her head she believes only him and her have this "bond" and its really annoying me.Do i need to just get over myself? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PAO6xW

I am looking for ways to remain in my daughters life, even though I'm not physically in it. Please help.

I'm not going to give personal details, but through a very shitty situation I have been forced out of my daughters life for the foreseeable future.I do keep a journal for her, tell her about what I'm going through, reinforce that I'm missing her, write small anecdotes from times I've spent with her etc. I missed her birthday but I did still get her some presents, and a card which I've put away safely for the future.I would like to make a video to one day show her, explaining everything that's happened before time passes and the memories fade too much. Tell her what she means to me. I'd really appreciate some ideas on other things to talk about.She's only a baby so it will be a long time before I can build any connection to her. I love her, and I believe she will grow up being fed lies about me. I want to be able to show her one day that no, Dad tried to be there, Dad never stopped thinking about and loving you.Does anybody have any suggestions for me? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/34fimm8

How do I stop my wife from worrying about whether or not our infant son has autism?0

We have an 8 year old, 5 year old, and 4 month old. All boys. The 8 year old is on the autism spectrum. He is high functioning and his teacher is confident he will test into the gifted program when they give the test this school year. He is extremely intelligent but struggles socially and emotionally. He is behind in maturity and has trouble making friends but other than that he seems like a perfectly normal kid.My 5 year old is not on the spectrum. My wife is so worried about the baby being on the spectrum. She believes the odds are higher than normal because of his gender (boys are more likely to be diagnosed on the spectrum) and the fact that we already have a child with autism (genetic link). She is a very smart and educated woman (works as a pharmacist) so I don't think she is buying into any propaganda surrounding autism but she spends a lot of time worrying about our youngest. She looks for early signs and any time he does something slightly off, she starts worrying about autism.I have brought up that worrying won't prevent him from being autistic. She knows that logically but can't apply it emotionally. I have suggested therapy or being looked at for PPD and she insist that she's fine. I don't know what else I can do. I don't want her obessing over this for years. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Pzjs8q

How naked are you with your kids?

My wife and I have two kids, aged 3 and 1. At present when we shower or get changed, we don't ever hide our nudity from the kids. Equally, the older one will routinely wonder into the bathroom when we're showering /bathing etc.Was there a certain age when you started to enforce more privacy? My gut view is that there's nothing shameful about nudity, but I equally don't want to get to a point when they feel embarrassed.Did you just find it naturally phased out as your kids got older, or did you make a conscious decision to enforce privacy? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2q3z4Gv

So math is hard...

Does anyone else have trouble figuring out and helping your kid with the very basic 1st grade math homework? I havent down any sort of math since high school, and even then I wasn't great at it. But my first grader has math homework and it looks completely foreign to me. Does anyone else have this problem or am I just a moron? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2N0YTQt

After saving up, I finally was able to pay the $435 filing fee for full legal and psychial custody of my daughters.

I finally did it, and while I am so proud of myself. He hasn't seen or spoken to our daughters in 7 months. Our 18 month old has no idea who he is. While he does pay child support these last two months, that's only because it is garnished from him after a year long court battle on my part to get him to finally support his daughters. These last two months are the first two months I have recieved child support in a year. I have asked him numerous times to come see the girls, call them, anything. He outright refused and said he didn't have the time. Yesterday I was sent a screenshot of him announcing his new realtionship on fb, with everyone congratulating him. This really was my limit for me. I knew right than I was done giving this man chances to be a father and leaving the door open. You have time for a new Gf, but no time at all to see our kids or help me with them? Even call them once in a while, send them a letter, anything? I feel like it's almost a given I will be given full legal and psychial custody. Our daughters have lived with only me their entire lives, he lives two hours away now, and lives in a firehouse, as he is in the conversation corps. He has no where to take them, and his car is only a 2 seat van. I did request he has supervised visitation once every two weeks at the family court center here in our town. I hope this $435 will be worth it for my daughters and I🤞 via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Wuy61O

Potty training tip

This is based on my experience, YMMV.Often when adults are potty training kiddos they will ask "Do you need to pee?" I would suggest instead asking "Can you pee?" Do you need to pee gets translated into 'Can I hold it a little longer?!' and stubborn kids can always hold it a little bit longer. Changing to asking 'can you' allows them to be successful almost every time you ask and builds better habits from the start.Good luck! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/332PmOr

Guess who's a new dad!

First born son just delivered! What a lighting fast delivery too. He was 5 weeks early but the doctor said he was a perfectly healthy boy. I got the news she was in labor and only about an hour after I got to the hospital she was already done delivering!!! The doctor said it was only 3 contractions after the water broke, luck her that it was so quick, I bet some mothers are jealous haha.Yay me :) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/36eiq7D

How did I miss this? My nearly legally blind 6 year old.

Boy do I feel stupid! I am the proud parent of two amazing kiddos, and had a major epiphany with my 6 year old daughter. She started kindergarten this year and has been thriving. It seems she got so much out of pre-K and her teacher was truly an angel from above. Little one started complaining of headaches in the past few months and I thought it was likely the heat or dehydration and offered water. It was time for her physical so I asked my husband to see if they can do a check on her eyes. He called me on the way home and said, she needs to be seen.As a parent with dreadful vision myself, I took this very seriously and got an appointment for this afternoon. They did the autorefractor and that immediately showed an astigmatism. Okay, so I have that pretty severely in both eyes. As soon as she sat in the chair, the doc asked who in the family had bad eyes. I sheepishly raised my hands. He went straight to work and she excited read her letters (she is so proud to know them all... and their sounds. It's a big deal in Kindergarten). As the print got smaller, she made mistakes. The doctor then put the corrected lenses on her. Again, she excitedly started reading the letters until we got to about 20/60 and then mistake after mistake. G's were C's or 0's. H was an N. She clearly demonstrated she knows her letters but could not see them. The doctor is concerned that her vision may not be fully correctable and it stands at about 20/200 without correction. How in the world did my child walk around borderline legally blind for so long? She has gone to every well visit, has thrived in school, and is able to get around. She has always been a bit clumsy but so am I. The guilt I feel is tremendous because the doctor believes her eyes have always been bad but kids are resilient and she's learned to compensate.TLDR: Mommy sucks and didn't realize her sweet baby is practically legally blind. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NuYi8w

How can I help my 3yo feel like he's not missing out on Halloween?

It's supposedly thunderstorming tomorrow and my son is still getting over a cold (just a cough). If it doesn't rain during the evening, we'll go out. But I don't want to get him all excited just to let him down. We've been talking about trick or treating all weak. What are some alternatives to enjoy Halloween if he can't trick or treat? And what can I tell him to prepare for disappointment? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Nnu33o

Any other young parents out there doing whatever you can to make it?

So, me:I didnt finish high school. Never pursued college. Worked various jobs from 17-19 years old. When I got pregnant I took a part time job at a car wash.I gave birth at 20 years old. Dad was not involved.Three months after giving birth, I got a part time desk job for $12 an hour from 5pm to 10pm, because my parents worked 7 to 4:30, and could watch him while I worked. I still lived with them and could not afford a babysitter working part time for such low pay, so thankfully this worked out. I dont know what I would have done without their help.I eventually quit that job to start working at Little Caesars. Same hours. Nights, weekends.When my sons child support starting coming in, I was able to save a lot and afford to put him in daycare full time so i could work full time.When my son was 2.5, i landed the job I have now.I got an apartment shortly before my son's third birthday, but it didnt come easily. I was only making $12 an hour and the only place that would rent to me and my infant was a crappy complex that required 3x rent, which I didnt qualify for even with child support added to my gross income.So my very generous boss made me fake pay stubs saying I made $16 an hour and I was able to secure the place. (And for the record, I've had no problems paying my bills, and I still live there 1.5 years later - I just didnt technically meet the requirement for 3x the rent)I am very grateful for all the help I received. Not everyone gets as lucky as i did. A lot of my friends that are young parents were and still are in the same boat as me; still living at home, not getting enough child support or income to afford their own place or put their kids in the ridiculously expensive daycares/schools. I completely sympathize with those parents.I am now 25, and my son is 4. He will be attending public school kindergarten next Fall. I'm regularly getting raises at my job, and will be starting college in Jan 2020. It gets easier, but it's been tough. What's your story? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BWZU5J

How did you to find babysitter?

Hi I'm in need of a babysitter for one day a week for four hours. I come to realize I can't rely on my family and they keep backing out on me.Did you get recommended a babysitter?Thru a site? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2N0YfSR

I woke up with a cold. I have a 1 month old baby. What do I do?

Dad here. Woke up with a head cold. Sore throat, stopped up nose, and slight headache. My wife woke up feeling fine. We have a one month old baby. Should I be worried? I don't want our little guy to get sick.Should I refrain from holding him until it goes away? Or if I wash my hands and don't bring him close to my face am I ok?Looking for advice! Thanks Parents! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NtPf7Z

Screeching toddlers!!!

I would always be so apologetic every time my 18mo would scream at the top of his lungs. It’s usually when he’s about to eat or if he’s just super excited. Then there’s always the random screaming.To my luck i took my Little one to storytime at the library, he was fed and was pretty chill. There happened to be a book about puppies and he lost his shit. He started screaming because he loves puppies. I was about to leave when I heard the loudest fucking screech I’ve ever heard. This little girl around the same age is running to him screaming her heart out.My son was terrified and stopped screaming. Eventually the little girl stopped screaming too but wow was she loud.I’m no longer apologetic and whatever, fuck it, its just what kids do. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BXEeq6

My teen daughter (15) just came out to me as bi. Where do i go from here?

So, last year was pretty rough on her, she was being bullied at school and since she only had one real good friend to rely on (a pansexual girl) she was also being labeled as gay by her tormentors . She told me this and said she was 100% sure she was not gay and that she liked boys. Now, we are latinos and catholic, and my husband sometimes would make homophobic jokes, and i must admit that i myself do not want her to be gay. I told her we would love her no matter what, and if she was gay i would confront my fears and be by her side, because i know there is too much hate for the community and our house would be a safe haven for her. That was last year, and although she claimed she was not gay, i still had my suspicions. Last week, my husband's cousin came over and told my husband we need to talk to my daughter as she had come out as bi to his daughter. So once again i talked to her and reassured her, if she needed to say something, i would love her and we would navigate this together, once again she said she was straight. Her cousin loves drama, so i thought she had made it up. And then last night we were driving home and when we were about to arrive she just blurted it out: "mommy, i'm bi and i like a girl". So we arrived home but we stayed in the car, i asked her how she knew that she was bi and not gay (she is 15). She said she had crushes on boys before, but since the beginning of the school year she had a crush on this girl. She is not being bullied anymore, and she has 2 good friends now, one of them identifies as bi and had a girlfriend in middleschool. So, back to last night. I did not know what to tell her, and i told her as much, i told her i loved her and i thanked her for trusting me. I told her i did not know much about the subject but i would do my best to understand it so that i could help her in anything she needed. I asked how she felt and she said she was fine, she had already made her mind to not date anyone now and wait until she leaves for college ( i don't know if this is so that she can come out as gay easier), and she knew this girl she was crushing on was straight so nothing would come of it. I must admit i am afraid for her, the cousin and his family has switched gears, the daughter has not been able to spend the night (sleepovers were a thing between them) and i know it's because they are afraid my daughter would do something to her. My daughter feels inadequate most of the time, she sees her cousin being super popular and she only has 2 friends. So being "rejected" in a way by her cousin because of how she identifies, can't help her in her self esteem. And this has always been my concern, that she would be alienated because of who she loves. I'm scared and i don't know what to do. I am also feeling alone because she asked me NOT to tell her daddy. I re-assured her that even despite how he might feel about gay, he loved her and he would support her. But ultimately i think she has to be able to choose who she tells and when. So i haven't said a word to him. I asked if she had told anyone and she said she had only told the cousin, the 2 friends and now me. She was afraid one of the friends would slip up at some point because that is just how she is. So what do i say to her? where do i go from here? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2MXe11c

Troubled Teenager

Hey everyone, new to this sub, I will get right down to it. This may turn into a long post as we are having a lot of issues with him. My wife and I don't know what to do to help him.I have a 14 year old step son, my wife and I do not have full custody of him, but he is with us a decent amount of time (on the weekends, holidays, school break, etc.). Over the past year or so, maybe longer, we have noticed a shift in his behavior. He has always sort of acted out, but it is now becoming a problem.Last Christmas my SS's uncle bought him a game via Playstation. He linked his credit card to my SS's account and bought the game. He forgot to delete his card info from the PS, and a few months later (we will say March), my SS racked of $500 in in game purchases. It was a nightmare, he denied, denied, denied, but then finally fessed up to it. He was at his dad's house during the time it happened. His Dad and Step mom took his Playstation and he still does not have it back. We made him do chores for a while, but he half-assed them. We have 3 other kids, two being twin toddlers, so it's a lot to handle sometimes. Not trying to make an excuse, we let him off way too easy.Fast forward to a few weeks ago. He was staying at his grandma's house with his sister, who has a PlayStation. Sister went to bed around 10, stepson stayed up until 4 playing Fortnite. The next morning his sister's dad called my wife freaking out stating that over $900 was missing from his account, and the bank froze his account.Once again, SS denied, denied, denied, and finally admitted to stealing the money for in game purchases. So this bring the total to around $1500.Fast forward to last night, we learn that he was suspended from school yesterday due to slapping a girls butt, and trying to fight a guy in the hallway (he is a Freshman in HS). On top of all of this, his best friend and next door neighbor is missing $180 cash. I have a hard time not thinking my step son did this as well.​We don't know what to do, we are looking at boarding schools, we are looking at military schools (I am a Marine Corps vet). We started therapy a few weeks ago, but I think he will just tell the shrink what he thinks the shrink wants to hear.​I am looking for advice, from any parent that has gone through this sort of thing before. What can we do? This is serious stuff, and if he stays on this course, it will not end well for him or his future.I'm sure I left out some details so just ask and I will accommodate. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2N3x229

3 year old says dad touched her

This is an extremely sensitive subject that I’m looking for advice on. I absolutely don’t know what to do.My daughter is 3, almost 3.5. She’s very well spoken for her age, people comment on it all the time. She lives at home with me, her dad whom I am in a long term relationship with but am not married too, and his son who I refer to as my step son.Basically yesterday when my daughter and I got home from work and daycare we were sitting on the couch watching tv and having a snack when she told me “my vagina hurts” and kinda squirmed. She’s sensitive down there and every since she got out of diapers into underwear she seems to be frequently irritated. I brought this up at her 3 year old check up back in June and her doctor took a look and said it’s definitely a little red and to just not leave her in wet swimsuits, try to avoid baths, make sure she’s wiped well, etc.So anyway she told me her vagina hurt and I usually just say ok let’s go rinse off and clean down there but this time I asked, “what happened to it?” to which she replied “someone touched it.” So I asked her who touched it and she said “daddy.” I asked her how he touched it and she said “he tried to wipe me and then he looked at it to check it.” That sounds pretty innocent but I was still kinda weirded out by the whole conversation so I was like, “so did he just wipe it like mommy does, or did he like put his finger in there?” And she said “he put his finger in. That’s so nasty right? It hurt and I cried and cried.”I don’t know what to do. Part of me feels like I asked too many questions, kinda guided her into responses by asking “what happened to it” and by asking “did he just wipe it or put his finger in.” We have talked to her explicitly in the past about how nobody should touch her vagina besides mommy cleaning her or a doctor checking her. I have never had any reason to believe her dad would do something like that, and I obviously don’t want to think it’s true but I also don’t want to just let this go.I mentioned to her dad that she said her vagina hurts because he touched it. I asked her if he had wiped her or checked her recently because I have no idea why she would say that. He said replied with “what? No.” I told him I wanted to take her to the doctor to get checked out again because she’s always complaining about being irritated down there but I was worried that she would say the same thing to them that they said to me and he said “just take her I don’t think she will say that again I think she’s just talking.” I just wanted to see how he reacted.Can I take her to the doctor to be checked or interviewed or whatever they do? Do I have to call the police? I’m so stuck right now. I absolutely have to protect my daughter from anyone at all costs but I’m also so worried she was just kinda telling stories like she does sometimes. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ouROOF

4 year old behavior issues, I’m at the end of my rope

I’m a single parent to a stubborn 4-year-old boy who just started Transitional Kindergarten this past fall. He had a few issues the year before in preschool, but nothing to be super concerned about. Over the summer, his dad moved out of the state and they haven’t seen each other since the beginning of July (I’m really not sure if this is significant or not). I work 1 full time and 2 part time jobs and I attend one college class to try to better our situation.When he started TK, he had a few behavior issues like what we had seen at preschool, but more frequent. The teacher sends notes home about his behavior and we address it. Discussions, taking away TV, taking away toys. When he did well, I would reward him, get super excited, and praise him. But the good times seem to be few and far between. His most common offense is that he won’t stay seated on his spot during the carpet learning time. When asked to complete his class work, sometimes he does it incorrectly, which he states is because he just wanted to be done with it so he could play. I see similar problems at home. He doesn’t often follow directions, especially the first time, so he is often punished for it with time outs or having things taken away.Unfortunately, his behavior kept getting worse and my last stitch effort at getting him to follow directions was to threaten to give ALL of his toys away the next time that is behavior was bad enough to require a note home (something his dad suggested during a phone call one day). Well, about a week later, his behavior was once again horrendous. So I followed through and removed all of his toys. His behavior didn’t change. He continued to behave poorly so any and all of the fall festivities I had planned had to be cancelled. He will not be going trick or treating. I told him yesterday morning that he had to have positive feedback from school in order to carve pumpkins last night.When I went to pick him up, he was sitting in detention at day care. He had run out of daycare without permission. What’s worse is that his feedback from class that day was very poor as HE HAD PUNCHED ANOTHER CHILD IN THE STOMACH and when teachers asked why, he said that he didn’t want to be that kids friend so he punched him. I just don’t understand. I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I’ve tried everything and he will not improve for longer than a week.Any and all advice is welcome. I just don’t know what else to do.TLDR: my 4-year-old’s behavior at school and at home has been worsening progressively and he hit a child at school yesterday. I have tried rewards and taking things away and I don’t know what else to do. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2JzoU7j

What age do they start to "care" for themselves more?

My kids 10 (and a half), 8 (and a half) and 6 don't ever seem to do anything for themselves.Maybe I'm expecting to much but I just seem to spend my days saying the same things over and over."Get a drink", "Have a shower", "Pick your things up", "Wash your hands", "Turn the light off when you're done".These things won't get done unless I say, my 10 year old will go weeks between showers given the chance and my 8 year will not drink unless told to do so.When do these start to come naturally. At 10 should be getting in the shower on his own? At 8 should he get a drink without being told? At 6 should she wash her hands after going to the toilet without me telling her to do so? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2WyRoU4

Wrong to get babysitter so I can pursue personal hobbies? How much is too much?

I'm a mid 30s father of an 8 year old (with anxiety and ADHD) and a 1.5 year old. I'm the primary caregiver in the mornings and afternoons/evenings outside of school/daycare. I've recently managed to emerge from a stretch of depression and I'm trying to add in some activities for myself both just for the fun of doing them and to engage with other people as I don't have much of a social life. Although I have a flexible job that would let me do activities in the daytime while the kids are at school, I live in NYC and almost all activities I'm interested in are evening activities (6pm or later). I'd love to take some dance lessons, go to a board game night, try a martial arts lesson, or something.My wife is a nurse and is working in the evenings about half the time, so I don't feel like I can leave her home alone with the kids on the nights she is actually home (because she wants my company, and because she's tired so taking care of the kids alone is difficult for her). And I usually plan one of those evenings for us to have a babysitter and go to dinner together. I'd be OK with also trying to do an activity with her, but because of the inconsistency of her schedule that would be difficult, and I think it would be nice to have something that's just mine.But, I also feel guilty about not being home to make and participate in dinner and leaving my kids with a babysitter (especially because my older child is having a hard time at school). I'm sure this is OK on occasion, but what's reasonable? I'm really missing adult social contact and adult activities. Is 3 nights a week too much? 2 nights? Should I just forget about this for now until my kids are older? If so, how do you handle life being just work and kids? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2qZDdvD

Weekly- Wallet Wednesday- October 30, 2019

This is a weekly thread where you can share pictures of your children and cute, crazy or awful things they have done. Please upload your pictures through Imgur and post the link as a comment. Feel free to share the context of the picture! If you are not a parent yourself, this is the place to ask us anything. Also, if you ever wonder who we are, click here to meet the mod team! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2BXoxz4

Am I nuts for considering a male babysitter for my two girls?

Never thought I would even consider this. I am a typical overprotective helicopter parent 🤪. I have two girls ages 5 and 6.We moved last year and down the street is the sweetest young man, he’s in eight grade so about 13? We met him because he goes to the same small private school as my younger daughter. We have a mutual friend who recommended him to play with the girls while we were home, kind of like a mother’s helper.Well, this kid is like the super babysitter of all time! He reads the girls novels, does painting with them, etc. the girls adore him.So today he is supposed to come play with the girls. My husband won’t be home until later so for about an hour he would be watching them alone.On one hand, it’s awful for all involved that I even have to question his ability to babysit just because of his gender. He’s done nothing wrong.On the other hand, I would never forgive myself if “something” happened...What would you do? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/36kfy9i

My son cut up my daughters costume

I have 3 kids, a 10 year old daughter, a 8 year old son who will be nine next month and an almost 7 year old daughter. My son is on the autism spectrum, but is very high functioning. Lately he’s been very mean, mostly to his younger sister. It’s been going on for a few months, and we’ve talked about it with his therapist, discussed it alone with him, giving him a lot of 1 on 1 time, we’ve tried everything thinking maybe it’s because he’s jealous of no longer being the baby. Yesterday morning I heard my 7 year old crying bloody murder and when I went upstairs to her bedroom I see my son with scissors and my daughters costume that we made together as a project was all cut up to pieces.I comforted my daughter, made him apologize and brought him downstairs. My husband and I asked him why he would do that and he said “It was ugly and I didn’t like it.” I told him that was the meanest thing he’s done, and that he’s grounded and can’t go trick or treating. He completely freaked out, had a tantrum, kicked and screamed and we just put a pillow under his head until he stopped and got our other kids ready for school.While we were getting the girls ready, I guess he called my mother and told her that we weren’t letting him go trick or treating and she called me yelling about how could I do that to our child and he has autism and he didn’t know what he was doing, but that’s, excuse my language, absolute bullshit.Since then, he has shown no remorse, he just keeps asking if he can go trick or treating now since he hasn’t been bad, but I’m not budging in this punishment.I have no parent friends, and the friends I do have with kids think autism is this big bad thing where he doesn’t understand anything and needs to be constantly coddled.If I let him go trick or treating that would teach him that ultimately his actions don’t have consequences. It will also teach my daughter that her emotions don’t matter.I just need to know that I’m not fucking up my kids. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NBWTNN

Where is the balance between the stay at home parent and the working parent?

Sometimes I get frustrated with my husband because I feel like he doesn’t help me enough, but I don’t know what I should and shouldn’t ask for because I get to stay home and he works. For example, for the last week and a half or so, our 16 month old has been waking up at roughly 12:30am and falling back asleep at around 4:30am. I’m not sure why he’s doing it (I think teething), but it’s exhausting. I’m 28 weeks pregnant so I’m extra tired. On night six of this happening, I told DH if our son woke up again I was going to have him get up with him so I could sleep. He told me no because he had to get up for work and I didn’t. This really got under my skin. I respect my husband’s work, but he’s a professor and his schedule allows him to be home by noon if need be. It wouldn’t have been fun, but I feel like he could have gotten up with our son so I could get some sleep and made it through his work day. Especially since I had already done it for five nights (and have since done it for five more).I get that it’s hard to understand that stay-at-home moms don’t just sit at home all day. When you’re working you don’t really account for the laundry/cleaning/cooking/etc. However, even when he’s home my husband doesn’t do any of the “hard” parenting stuff. He never changes diapers, never gives baths, doesn’t feed him meals, and can’t put him to sleep because I still let him nurse to sleep. These are all just things I do because I’m the stay at home parent. I’m just getting nervous about having this load on me with another baby due in January. Is it my job to do literally everything on my own because I don’t make money? I’m genuinely asking. Where is the balance there?TLDR; How much should I ask my husband to help with our kids considering he works and I stay home?Edit: I hope this didn’t make my husband sound like a dick. He is truly an amazing man, an awesome partner and father, and I wouldn’t want anyone else doing this with me! We’re just figuring it all out together! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/33aTtru

My childs preschool doesn't want him anymore, I start work full time Monday at a new job, feeling pretty defeated.

I am having a pretty awful day today. My 3.5 year old son has been struggling with behavior at preschool for a while, he started last August. First they were upset because he was having too many potty accidents (we pay the not potty trained price), then that got better and he was too loud, or didn't sit well at circle time, he ripped up a book, then he started biting (peaked at 3 times in a week), they sent him home. He stopped biting but was hitting and pushing when people were close to him.I thought he was doing better. He hasn't bitten for almost a month, he hasn't had an incident report for about that much time, then there was the halloween parade/party disaster on Friday. It was held in the hall near school. I could tell mine seemed very tired, they cut nap time short for it but once playing started he was cheerful. After the parade we all were in a field with a steep slope and hung out there (not the safest area and not at the school), the kids kept going down the slope where there were no adults there was a few steps (3 or 4) up to a platform for a door, and the kids kept going up there, my son pushed another kid off the platform and he hit his head and got a goose egg. We felt awful and the parent of the injured boy was pissed. We talked to ours a bunch but he just kept crying and saying sorry and then he said his ear hurt. Next he spent all night screaming from a very bad ear infection.Today I brought him back. yesterday he didn't need any pain meds, he hasn't had a fever since Saturday. I felt ashamed to go to the school with my son, the pusher, the reformed biter, the kid who has too much energy. I felt like crying after I dropped him off. I warned them about the ear infection. Then they called me 4 hours later and told me he is pushing and kicking again and to pick him up. When I went there she said its an ongoing issue, that she is worried he will hurt another kid. I said I would look for a different place and she was clearly happy about that. Now I feel like a horrible mom. They haven't officially kicked him out but now I need to find him a new place, knowing he isn't great in a preschool setting and all while starting my brand new job and new career on Monday. I feel so overwhelmed I can barely function. I don't know how I will pretend to be happy when I start work next week. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PqXmVs

The school’s childcare teacher sent the police to my home today.

This morning, I promised my kids (8,9) that I would pick them up earlier than usual today and get them when school was released instead of childcare.I’ve been struggling really hard lately. I work, I’m taking 4 classes (3 online), I’ve got my son in therapy (abused by father), myself in therapy and trying to get my daughter in as well. My kids have been nightmares the last month or so. I feel like a shell of a person.The kids are fighting and yelling about the chores in their room. I tell them to figure it out and lock my door so they don’t come barging In running around so I can do my statistics homework and exam in peace before my sons therapy.During this time, childcare is calling me but my phone is on silent and on the nightstand.I guess someone comes knocking at the door, asking the kids if they are ok, if everything is ok. My kids come knocking on my door to tell me- they believe that it was someone from childcare. THEY CAME TO MY HOUSE!? Whoever it was, didn’t ask my kids to go fetch me.Ok whatever.20 min later and I’m in the middle of my timed exam and my kids come running up telling me the police are at the door.I had to explain to them, yes I’ve been home, I’m working on my online statistics exam and my phone is on silent and not near me. This is the first time it’s ever happened but not the first time they have skipped childcare. I apologize for their inconvenience, they smile and leave.I check my phone and there’s a text asking if the kids are with me. I respond yes, the police just left. They said that, per policy, if they don’t hear from me within an hour they are required to call the police. Yet, they sent someone from the childcare office to my house and didn’t even bother to ask my kids if I was home (I was upstairs and didn’t even hear a knock).I get that they are looking out for my kids’ safety but I felt so irritated by it. And it also felt sneaky - were they trying to catch a latchkey kid situation? I have no idea. I’ve never had to call childcare and let them know they weren’t coming. They usually know that I have a random schedule sometimes. Is this typical? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ppu7HY

What to tell my three year old son about child with autism??

I've been going to this parent group thing where your kids play in a big room of toys. My three year old boy (Liam) gets along well with all the other kids and leave them alone for the most part. Except one child. He's a four year old boy with autism and extremely protective over the toys that he plays with. It doesn't help that they both absolutely love cars and toy trucks.When my son wants to play with some toys that the boy is playing with he'll yell and take it away from Liam. I will show Liam other toys he can play with and when the little boy is finished with the toy he can play with it. Even if the boy is done with the toy he'll run over and still take it from Liam. To be frank he's quite mean to my son.I'm not really sure what to do at this point. It's been ongoing for a while now, I've talked to his parents and they're really trying to stop him from being so possessive and whatnot. How can I explain to my son what's going on that a three year old will understand? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/36h79n6

My daughter is stealing, help!

Cross post from r/AskWomenAdviceMy Daughter is stealing! HELP!My 8yo daughter has been stealing from family, and possibly friends. I first noticed things disappearing a couple of months ago, it started as small things. Hair brushes, lipstick, candy. Normal kid stuff. We addressed it by letting her know that it's not nice to take things that aren't yours, and we're more than happy to share candy and Hair brushes etc if she just asks rather than taking, hiding, and lying about it.Then money started disappearing. Her aunt thought she misplaced $8, one $5 bill and three $1 bills. The next day, my daughter 'finds' $8 in the same denomination in her backpack?We think that it's possible she had change from a recent birthday gift of $10 and leave it.A week or so later, my husband is giving his mom money, he hands her $25, one $5 bill and a $20 bill. She puts it in her wallet, zips up her purse, and leaves it on her bed. She comes back to her wallet out of her purse, assumes that she forgot to put it away, and returns it to the purse, zipping it up and hanging it on a hook.The next day we go to the store, and Lola pulls out her money to pay, but only has $20. Then, magically, our daughter says that she found a $5 bill in her backpack and would be happy to help Lola pay...At this point we have surpassed coincidences into clear theft.We have spoken with her, and removed privileges, but similar things keep happening. She has never taken from her father or myself (her mother) but keeps taking things and money from her Tita and Lola.I'm at a loss of what to do. How should we further approach this issue? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2JzJpR8

UPDATE! (In guy from Unsolved Mysteries voice) My daughter, now 20 months old decided to walk the length of the hallway on the way to bed tonight!!! She found her confidence!!!

Like I said in my original post. I hate combing the internet for stories that sound like mine. But there are never any updates!! My daughter has been doing little shuffle steps ever since my original post. Today we got to the top of the stairs on the way to bed. Usually she holds one of my fingers going down the hall. Tonight I put her down so she could lean on my legs. I asked her if she was going to walk to her room, and she did!!! I’ve long passed the days of worry. I knew she’d find her groove. I am so proud 🥰https://ift.tt/2JzDRpM via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/32Xafu9

Can someone help me figure out how I feel about this...? (Me 39F, DD 16F)

My daughter is “dating” a guy that is a year older than her. They’ve been together almost two years.We would let them hang out and go places together, he’d come here, she’d go there. Boyfriend wouldn’t talk to us, wouldn’t interact with siblings, wouldn’t look up from his phone, would sit and stare at us over dinner... Then he eventually quit coming in the house. We treated him just like we’d treat anyone else and we’ve never had an issue like this.Daughters friends start messaging me and an older daughter about how the boyfriend is rude, disrespectful, mean to my daughter, etc... The same sort of thing we’d been seeing. Her friends apparently tried to get her to see it, she wouldn’t listen.Daughter got pregnant. Instead of stepping up and being a “man” he literally ran and hid if he saw us, bragged about “ruining” my daughter. On and on and on.We talked to daughter about boyfriend best we could but she doesn’t see it or doesn’t care. Then we start finding out boyfriend is “turning” her against us. Saying it is abusive that we won’t let them run off together and have babies and get married.We finally decide we won’t allow him over unless he’d have a conversation with us, he refused. He told his dad he was banned from our house and banned from our daughter which isn’t true. They haven’t had contact (other than phones, that we know of) outside of school for a year.We know they’re together. We stay out of it as long as we know she’s safe.Boyfriend runs and hides if he sees us, actually ducks behind cars... We’ve never done or said anything to him, never threatened or said anything.Anyway. Today I went to the bank. I’m in the ATM line and I hear men shouting. I ignore it since I couldn’t hear them. I look back and it’s boyfriends dads truck pulled in at an angle behind me. I drive off and out of the parking lot and they came around me laughing hysterically but never made eye contact.I’m sad for my daughter this this guy is her definition of “love” and “forever”, this is the first interaction we’ve had in over a year.What happened wasn’t an accident. Even if they were cussing me out it doesn’t matter. But it’s just the disrespect that comes from this person that is supposed to be a positive in my child’s life when he’s poison.TLDR Daughters boyfriend is disrespectful and rude. He refuses to talk to us or interact with us. He and his father pulled in behind me at an ATM yelling and drove off laughing. Am I overreacting or is this just adding to the “He’s bad news” feeling my husband and I (and all of my daughters friends have.)ETA: She didn’t have the baby. She’s on birth control.Do I say something to daughter or ignore it? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/34dRp26

Best way to distract 1 year old on 11 hour flight

We are taking our 1 year old (12 months) on an 11 hour flight. I have read a lot of tips of what to bring, how to handle the airport, etc. I am trying to put together a list of "distractors" for the flight, so we have a have arsenal of methods to district our daughter.Some details: she is just starting to walk, we will give her as much food as it takes, we have bought a few small new toys to introduce on the flight, we don't give her access to our phones often so that should be a good distractor, she is fairly active compared to other 12 month old's I have seen.-Would love phone app recommendations that are age appropriate-Or any other good distractionsThanks for your help. And yes, I know, we are crazy. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NlSX3y

What do parents who are struggling with finances pack for their childrens lunch?

I'm ashamed to post this but as it looks right now, after food for dinners and school lunches, I have no money left for anything let alone a Halloween costume.My sons lunch plan was, daily for 5 days, a yogurt, 2 fruits, 1 veggie, a sandwich with sandwich meat and mustard, and 2 nutrigrain bars.It's so little already. Our dinners are mostly eggs, noodles, veggies, grilled cheese. Not sure where I can save money.Edit: I unfortunatly am in place where we don't have school lunches provided save for hotdog day or pizza day once a month. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/330d7qq

My 8 year old thinks he’s the boss

I’ve always done the “give your kid options” things but now he thinks he can decide everything and not listen to me at all. We told him he could have 2 snacks after school (1 healthy and 1 unhealthy) versus his eat whatever he wants and he’s been screaming and hitting for an hour and a half. My spouse told me to go take a break, so I’m here. He won’t go to his room. I’ve taken all his electronics away. He’s too heavy to physically take to his room. I don’t know what to do. He throws fits like this often and so does my daughter, who’s worst. It’s got to be our parenting if both kids don’t listen and feel like they can kick the crap out of us. I don’t know what to do via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2WlBTPc

What language to use when talking to kids about others with disabilities

My kid is old enough to start asking questions about people with disabilities, especially other kids.My question is about what language to use. My instinctual approach is to answer questions factually by saying, "So-in-so has a disability that makes it harder for him to talk" or whatever it is, and in some cases to specify the disability if I know what it is. However, my wife and I have both hesitated to do this, feeling it is somehow wrong these days to use the word "disabled". My wife, at the very least, believes the term may be frowned upon by parents of kids with disabilities, even if it is generally accepted by society instead of outdated terms like "handicap" etc.Is it frowned upon by parents to refer to their kids as disabled? Is it a matter of "disabled kid" vs. "kid with disability"? If neither is okay, then what language should we use? Our goal is to be able to talk to our kid while being sensitive to the people we are talking about. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2N0fWCl

Our other children forced our son to forgive his grandfather against his wishes

I posted before about how our 16 year old son had demanded that we basically excommunicate my father. The reason was that my father caused an accident that left our son with significant burns 11 years ago.Our compromise was that he would not be made to interact with his grandfather and we will not talk about him in front of our son.Unfortunately, my father found out about our son's sudden change in attitude towards him and he has voluntarily started avoiding us.Our other kids have been on their grandfather's side from the start, which had caused our son to isolate himself from both us, and basically the only friends he has.On Sunday, he broke down in tears and called my father to our house and said he took everything back and he forgave him. My poor father was very upset and quietly sat through it all.The rest of us were really happy with all this until yesterday, when my wife discovered that our other children had forced our son to do this using threats of silent treatment and exclusion.We also found out our son messaged my father and accused him of turning the family against him and in turn, forced my father to come over and be "forgiven".I understand the other kids intentions were good. But my wife and I feel that our youngest was bullied into something he is clearly not over.We are still a no go on the therapy for our son. He has cut himself off from us in terms of any communication.I'm just wondering how we deal with the other kids. We are going to talk to them tonight. Do we punish them?I want our son to at least have them to talk to. I don't want to jeopardize that. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Nm0Gyy

Public Service announcement. My fully vaccinated children have whooping cough at ages 8 and 5. Here’s what to look out for. Vaccinated kids don’t get it quite as bad and they show symptoms differently.

My children are vaccinated. My daughter (age 8) started coughing mildly about 4 weeks ago. I’m not sure exactly when it began as it was a very mild cough that slowly progressed to a (still mild) stronger cough. Her brother coincidentally had a dTAP booster about 4 weeks ago as he is 5 years old. He started coughing about 2.5-3 weeks ago. With him as well, it started very mild but his got much worse. Progressively they started having runny noses and overall not feeling well so I took them to their doctors. I was told it was viral, cold or flu. Progressively the coughs got worse and runny noses continued but the cough was not terrible at this point. I called back 5-7 days later as my daughter spiked a fever for two days. I expressed that her cough had just gone on too long, although they said her lungs sounded fine they agreed to a chest X-ray. Chest X-ray showed a “reactive node” meaning it was inflamed from what I understand. They said we need to re-X-ray a month later. Again, sent home with no antibiotics. Son then started coughing harder and almost gagging when he did. Two days later I’m back in the office with him. Diagnosis, walking pneumonia. Due to him being allergic to amoxicillin he was put on azithromycin which ended up to be a lucky break (one of the few antibiotics that treats pertussis- amoxicillin does not). Go home. Exactly two days later my daughter who’s seemingly better with a mild, once in a while cough, gets off the school bus and is itching all over. She had went to the nurse who did not even look at her and told her to tell her mom when she gets home. I take her clothes off and she’s got a rash (almost like hives) all over her body. It itches and she’s panicking so I give her a baking soda bath, Benedryl and spread cream all over it. At this point I call after hours at their doctors and demand to be seen the next morning. The rash subsided after the meds kicked in but the next morning there is a new itchy rash up her entire neck, cheek and forehead. Again I give her Benedryl and we head off to the doctors. At this point I’m adamant we are missing something and the doctor agrees to do full bloodwork and nasal testing. The nasal testing was hell. They almost gave up. She fought after the first one and got so upset she threw up and we had to all wrap her in a sheet and hold her down. We went home after testing and another rash had popped up all over her. I’m so glad we didn’t give up though as the bloodwork showed no pertussis but the nasal swabs (they go deep) showed she did indeed have it along with walking pneumonia.We didn’t test my son. He was already being treated. We assume he has it, I know he does. His cough has progressed and now he’s nearly throwing up at night (sometimes he does throw up) due to coughing fits. This is hell. He’s missed three weeks of school. He will go hours seemingly fine for sometimes up to 4-5 hours and then a major coughing fit. He gasps for breath when it happens and pukes or almost does. Daughter is better now with the cough fading.Everyone in contact with these kids had to be treated as well.I can’t imagine how bad this could be if they didn’t have the shield of being vaccinated. It does make it not quite as bad thankfully. People are surprised to find out this can happen to vaccinated kids, but it can. The health department had to speak with my kids school, the school had to send out letters, calls and texts to let everyone know there was an outbreak.Pertussis in vaxxed kids doesn’t always manifest as you read online. Just wanted to do my part and share this. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NnUtlx