Dear /r/pareting, I need some advice.My SO and I come from two different cultures and countries. He is from Country A, we live in Country B. where I am from. In-laws still live in Country A.When I say different cultures, I mean really different cultures. Country A is less focused on individual, and more on the community - what you do, who you are, where you live, what you achieve in your life - all of this is viewed more as a "our" achievement, rather than a personal achievement. Very traditional culture, where men and women are best thought to be separated until marriage, which needs to happen quite early in life. Very religious, very family oriented. Everybody loves kids, though.In Country B, people are more individualistic. Kids are loved, but there's an expectation that you become fairly self-sufficient early on - eg kids go to school on their own, they can make easier foods by the time their 10-12, alcohol is permitted at the age of 16, as is driving etc. You can be married, single, same-sex relationship, not have kids - whatever is your wish. Religion is not an issue, most people describe themselves either as low in religion or plainly not interested.So my MIL loves kids, including our own (two, under-10s, toddlers really). The only times we can actually visit country A, is in summer, due to school being out. It's not possible for us to take both the whole summer off, to spend in Country A, so our current options are to send the kids away without us and have MIL and FIL receive them at the airport or go and visit more short-term, but all of us.My in-laws attitudes to childrearing is very different from how I was raised and how children in Country B are raised. My own grandparents were similar in their attitudes and I admit that I might be a little bit unfairly judgemental of my in-laws. Firstly, they are in their late 60s, early 70s. They're not immobile, but they for sure ain't in their 50s. But there's a whole lot of family surrounding them (I personally take an issue with this - I hate the notion of everybody having an opinion and thinking that they deserve an opinion - again; very common in Country A) and they'd probably not be alone. They think that children can do no bad. Children in Country A are allowed lots of liberties eg "look what a rumbustious and an active child!" (while said child is destroying your fence), they are fed lots of candy and sugar soda and lemonade, because that's what they think kids SHOULD be allowed to eat. I've seen kids with horrible yellowed, blackened teeth at the age of 5-6. The kids there rarely have a timetable, so they go to bed when adults go to bed; they eat whatever the adults eat (lots of carbs or meat), they are even given sips of wine from the age of 3-4!My own grandparents were similar, like I said. I was fed lot of sweets and given copious amounts of soda to drink, because "children NEED sugar". For most of my life I have been heavily overweight and hated exercise (it's hard to exercise when you're heavy), sugar addiction is a real thing. I'm slowly doing better these days, but I admit that I am a freak when it comes to food and dental care - due to my grandparents actions I have very few teeth that have NOT been repaired at all.So I am worried that when we send our kids to in-laws, without our supervision, within those two months unsupervised (without us there) whatever we try to enforce them, will just be a water off the goose's back, not to mention it will be very difficult to resume routine after two months of free-for-all. We have tried talking to in-laws and they say they will do according to our wishes, but we won't be there to enforce them and I've had enough experience with MIL, to say I doubt about this. I admit, I may be judgemental, but I don't want my kids to have the same problems like I had - bad rotten teeth, heavy overweight since 7!!! years old, no strength to exercise, no fun in playing, bullying etc. Besides I don't believe that kids NEED sugar, a cake or ice-cream once-twice a week should be quite good, since we offer as much fruit and berries as they want during other times.What do I do? My SO shares my opinion, but due to us not living in Country A, he thinks our children won't get "enough" from his roots without spending summers there. I want them to get to know their father's culture as well, but I never want to be willingly put in position where my mother was with me. He thinks his parents will listen to us, but I don't - I've seen them how they are even with us THERE.So far we've been able to solve issues, but that is due to the fact that we've mostly lived in Country B and SO has been heavily influenced by childrearing here, by seeing fathers participate heavily in children's lives and from people allowing children freedom, but also not letting them to grow completely on their own. Is there any ideas or advice? Any books I can read about cultural differences in childrearing? What have you personally done if your in-laws have very different ideas in childrearing? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2uMUVBH
