My sister, her kids, and my grief

I'm a father of two, who are the joy of my life. Throughout that journey, so far, my rock and resource has been my sister. She is 12 years my senior, has 7 kids ranging in she from low twenties to 5, and even when we didn't see eye-to-eye, I've always valued her insight, experience, and passion for loving those around her.On Monday, she, her husband, and six of their kids were in a horrific car accident that left two of the kids in critical condition and took both parents' lives (the other four made it out with only minor injuries). I've been at the hospital since then, watching over her babies, just like she would have been, but I'm finding myself increasingly wanting to pick up the phone and call her when I have no idea what to do. Every time, the realization that I can't hurts all over again. It sounds trite, but I've cried myself dry so often this past week that my eyes may hurt for years.Nobody in particular has been assigned ongoing care of the kids yet. She used to joke with me that, if anything happened to her and her husband, I got all the kids, but I don't know how much of that was ribbing and how much was real - we have no idea if she and her husband had wills with provision in them for the kids. The current assumption is that it will be split somehow between myself, our younger sister/her husband, and grandparents, but for now, I'm at my limit just keeping track of two kiddos in the ICU.The church and friends have mobilized effectively, and made sure that we're provided for. There's a GoFundMe that was created to help take care of finances, and I can't even rub my forehead without folks appearing seemingly out of nowhere with ibuprofen for a headache and asking when I slept last.Thing is, I know how to take care of me. I know how to pay for things for kids. The help and support there are invaluable and welcome, but I don't know how to love her kids like she did. I will try, and I will be the best version of me I can be, but I wasn't ready to lose my guide on this journey. I fear I lack the depth of soul my sister possessed that allowed her to so gracefully care for so many as naturally as breathing.I'm not really looking for anything here, just overwhelmed and needed to type some of this out. Apologies if this violates any of the sub rules - I'm a long time lurker, but this is one of my first posts. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2HBqG9b