How can we help our son "grow up"?

Our eldest son is 9 and very immature for his age and its really starting to take a strain on him and us as a family.Just a few things for example. He will not drink unless told to do so, we have been telling him for years and years to "get a drink" and really thought this would be something he would do on his own now.He has no friends in school because he acts so much younger than his class mates, just the other day he was telling me he had a "yoghurt fight" with his younger brother (7), something I wouldn't expect at his age.He takes zero pride in his appearance, doesn't shower (unless told), doesn't do his hair, doesn't care for the clothes he wears, his nails are usually long and dirty (I'm always telling him to come to me when they need cutting, he never does), he doesn't care to "look nice". I'm now noticing other kids his age care for how they look.He can't do anything around the house without guidance or prompting. His job is to take the recycling out yet he will only do it when told even though this as been his "job" for 2 years now.Another school example, we were in the playground at school the other day, a big group of his class mates were stood around chatting to each other but then he was pulling his coat over his knees waddling around laughing to himself.These are just a few examples but there is so much more, we really do try to help and guide him and tell him how and how not to behave and act in certain situations but he just takes zero notice. We are feeling like we are failing him, we want him to have friends, be more independent and care for himself more.Maybe we have gone wrong somewhere or we are comparing him to kids who are too mature for their age but he starts secondary school in just a few years and we fear if he doesn't mature soon its going to be really really hard on him.We had another long talk with him today about who he wants to be and that he needs to help take care of himself more but I feel nothing will come of it. What more can we be doing to help him get there? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Fn5nSF