It is the little things that really make me regret becoming a mother.

I knew that my career growth was going to be stunted and that was OK because I had a good job that gives an above average income and was happy to stay at that level, I was never once of those people who chased the career ladder. I work to live, not live to work. I knew I wouldn't be going out every single weekend until sunrise and that was OK because I ourgrew that 12 years ago anyway. I knew that for a decade at the very very least there would be no more trips to Rio for Carnaval, or hiking of Machu Picchu, or lazy vacations to Italy where we don't wake up until midday, and drink wine have sex until 3am. That's why I actually gave my husband a small bucketlist of travel I REALLY wanted to do and said my IUD wasn't coming out until we did them - I knew I'd regret it forever if I didn't do these things. People said I was being indulgent, but I didn't care. I have one life, and there are things I wanted to do with it. I knew I wouldn't be able to just go to Douglas or Zara and spend €75 on makeup or clothes on a whim anymore. I knew my relationship with my partner was going to change and not be as spontaneous anymore and would be more "work" than before. I knew it would be harder because we don't have family who can help us out - my family is in another country and my children are far better off being raised here than in a developing country, and my husband has no father and mother is elderly and unwell. His brother makes a great "cool uncle" but not into babysitting, which is entirely his right. Our kids are our problem.These things do suck a lot, but they were things I at least knew was coming, so I can't complain too much, even though I thought I would be more OK with making these changes than I have been in the end. I can at least rationalize those things with "well, you knew this was coming and chose to do this anyway, you can't complain now", even though I didn't expect to be as bothered by them as much. I thought I'd be OK not traveling as much, but it DOES suck to see your brother in law's pics from South Africa while you had a pretty boring family holiday at the beach and didn't really have fun because it was basically child care in a different location.But I'll be honest, I have resented the changes that have come with motherhood much more than I expected. My children are 2.5 and 4.5. I have felt like things have improved a bit now as my oldest gets older, and I am hoping it continues as the second gets older. But while I love my children tremendously and would literally allow a doctor to cut off my arm if it would save either of their lives, I think I would choose differently if I was back in early 2012 and we were having that "OK. We pulling the goalie or not?" conversation again. I will never take this out on them because they never asked to be born and to be here so they deserve to never feel resentment, but I do feel it.It's more the little things I wasn't prepared for that make me wish I chose differently. I love my kids so much. I would let a doctor cut off my arm if that is for some reason what it would take to save either of their lives. I hate being cold but would spend the whole of winter in a flimsy coat if I only had money to buy good coats for them. But I would choose differently if I had my "so....are we pulling the goalie?" conversation from early 2012 over again.is your old friend coming to visit - and not being able to enjoy having a nice chat to her because the kids are being feral and she is too polite to come out and say it, but she goes home early because I can tell they are really pissing her off. it's more the little things I wasn't prepared for that really make me wish I chose differently.It is the coming home tired after a crappy day at work to find out from daycare my kids are sick and knowing I'll be up all night with them.....maybe even for a few nights if it’s a bug.It's arranging a baby sitter for something you are dying to go to....and then the babysitter bails because she forgot she had a presentation due or because her boyfriend has an unexpected day off and she'd rather hang out with him than my 2 and 4 year old. And you want to scream at her she had a commitment and promised you something but she's 22 and deserves to enjoy her life and that age, and you're the 37 year old who chose to have kids. And it is hard not to look at her, with her freedom, her life just beginning, her perfectly groomed eyebrows and beautifully applied makeup she had time to put on and slender frame and feel a bit jealous and wish you were still at that point in life when you now have a "mom bod" and need spanx to look good in anything.It is your old friend coming to visit for a coffee or going to meet a friend for coffee and having to take the kids with you - and not being able to enjoy having a nice chat to her because the kids are being feral and she is too polite to come out and say it, but she goes home early because I can tell they are really pissing her off with their crap....and they are annoying me too.It's trying to watch a TV show with your husband and one of your kids getting up over and over again. It's wanting to just spend a Sunday afternoon in quiet but the kids are loud and feral that day. It's wanting to sleep in because you are tired but the kids wake up at 6:30am. It's being sick and not being able to have proper self care and just having to put on a surgical mask and be a caregiver anyway. I feel like the cold I had last month lasted 3 times longer than it needed to because I just couldn't rest like I needed to and it happened when my husband was away on business and he just couldn't come home (he did try and was denied, he is looking for a new job because his company is really family unfriendly but it is not easy in his industry, especially to find a job with comparable income, his company are dicks but pay well).One of my kids has diabetes, the type that is simply bad luck and not poor health and needs to be managed with injections and it means I am always up at night to check blood, and dealing with needles despite my literal phobia of them. I hate the way I find myself regretting this child more than my other because of their special needs. It’s not their fault and it sucks more for them, but if I knew then what I knew now, they wouldn’t be have been conceived.It's the embarrassing things they do that makes me wish I could die - like my sons phase of grabbing his penis and talking about it in public when he was 2 or the time my daughter had a meltdown so bad on a intercity train that a police officer came onto the train at a stop and asked if she was OK. It is the three times I vomited cleaning it up when he played with the contents of his diaper as a toddler. It's thinking you actually have €100 to treat yourself with.....and then an unexpected expense for one of the kids pops up and it's gone.It's the little things - I love them, but I really do wish I chose differently.This is become a really big pointless post but I just needed to get this off my chest I guess. I love my kids more than I thought was possible to love 2 people. But I'd choose differently if I had my decision on whether to be their mother again. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2qZtdyv