I became a de facto parent in February to a 12 year old, because my partner’s parents are homeless and also human garbage. Neither one of us could bear his little brother (let’s call him Charlie) living in the prostitution/druglord hotel so with us he came. As a fun bonus, his parents don’t give us a cent to help pay for his needs, not even the SNAP that’s supposed to help with groceries. We had to kick out a roommate (and a third of our rent) to be able to give him a room instead of a mattress in the living room. When we ask for help his mother throws a tantrum because we OBVIOUSLY are so rich (working... at a burger place and a call center...) and how DARE we ask her for money (not like she owes my partner almost a thousand dollars he’s in debt for). She knows we’re not cruel enough to say no to taking care of him but Christ, I don’t know what to do about it. I guess this is an issue for another post.Anyway I’ve been working overtime and I’m fucking exhausted and it’s compounded with many weeks of exhaustion and I just... can’t be the parent I want to be. I need to apply to jobs in my field but when I’m home I just want to hide in my room. I can’t do either because I have to cook dinner, and do chores and amuse Charlie for three hours before my partner gets home. The parents take him on weekends, which I work, so I never just get time to myself and/or my partner save for maybe four hours on my days off before he gets off school.I have never wanted children and part of it is because I don’t know why they’re like that or how to tolerate annoying behaviors. But I don’t want to take that out on Charlie because I know he’s had a rough life. He’s thriving here, where he knows we always have food and we’re not going to beat him or yell at him or each other. He failed fifth grade last year, and now he’s making straight A’s. I know we’re a god influence on him but... shit is exhausting. I haven’t felt well rested in weeks.I’m resentful that I DO have to take care of him. He SHOULDNT be my responsibility, but he is. I don’t want to take that out on him but I can’t keep this up. We can’t afford him in our new apartment (we signed the lease for early June) but his parents still can’t find a place who will take people with a conviction and for evictions. I don’t get to see my friends, I spend all of my energy just figuring out what I can feed him (fucker has gotten it in his head he’s not going to eat leftovers more than once so he either eats a sandwich or nothing, but i hate both options, I want him to eat something fucking healthy for once). I know most people start with infants and they’re horrible but man, I was not ready, and am not ready to be a parent. My mental health has never been good and it’s not getting better. I just want to rest. I’m so cranky and petty and spiteful when I don’t feel good and I don’t know how to swallow it all down. I don’t snap at him 9 times out of 10, but I hate how he deflates when I do. I hate it when I can see the fear in his eyes because I know I just treated him like his parents do and I can’t deal with it.I need to learn to be patient. But he can be. So. Annoying. Like how when I ask him to put away the cold things he just leaves out all the freezer groceries because “they’re freezing not cold” and finding stupid fucking annoying loopholes because “it’s funny”.Or more annoyingly, like how the past week he just repeats the phrase chicken nugget constantly for no reason. Sometimes he calls us that, sometimes his friends, constantly requests it if I ask for his input on food, sometime he just... says it. Dozens of times in a row for literally no fucking reason. It’s all I can do to not scream and i have occasionally asked him to knock it off but he only listens for a few hours and then it’s back. I imagine this is a phase but if it’s not this is something else that’s annoying. It’s gotten to the point I just let him play video games almost all afternoon and I avoid interacting with him as much as possible when it’s not mealtime or bedtime because I don’t want to snap. I don’t want to be the kind of parent that lets him game for four hours a day, but I also don’t want to lose my temper.How do you do it? How do people with tempers manage children? Why does he fill me with primal rage for doing stupid small shit like that? How do you learn to let go or pick your battles?I don’t want to be a bad person but I’m so fucking burnt out. My anxiety meds aren’t cutting it anymore and I honestly have been thinking about just taking painkillers to turn off my anger or something. Also this might be the wrong sub, in which case feel free to point me towards a better one. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2JoXE8O
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