My four year old is out of control. Please help.

My daughter is completely out of control, ever since she turned four. She just came into our bed in the middle of the night, kicking and shoving my wife and telling her to move. Wife got as upset as people usually do when woken so rudely, and this commotion woke me up.My daughter never listens to us unless we’ve gotten upset and sat down to talk about it, but even so her doing what we’ve asked can last up to a day at best, but usually only 5-10 minutes.We’ve tried incentives for good behaviour. Ice cream, being allowed to watch a movie, etc. We’ve tried punishments for bad behaviour, taking away her stuffed animals and toys, no screen time, etc.And nothing works. She’s a rude, disrespectful, intolerable jerk probably 75% of the time (she’s an incredibly sweet child sometimes, but the bad far outweighs the good). She runs away from us in stores, talks back constantly, hits occasionally (or bites if she’s really mad), and just generally will not listen to anything we ask of her, like cleaning up after herself or whatever.She constantly promises to start acting better and listening but never does. She knows her behaviour is not okay, but does it anyways. I talk to her when she gets in trouble. She usually has a time out followed by a talk about her behaviour. I always make sure that she knows she gets a punishment but that I love her. And still sometimes I hear her mumbling to herself about how “daddy doesn’t love me” or “I hate daddy.” I’ve tried everything I can think of without hitting her (which I will never do), and she’s completely out of control. I love my kid so much, and I feel like I’m failing her. What am I doing so wrong? All I ever wanted was to be a dad... why am I so bad at this? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2SxGBJJ