I have twin 4.5 year old daughters. I didn't go into parenting expecting it to be all sunshine and rainbows, especially as an older parent (37 when they were born) who had seen siblings and friends have kids.I knew that I wouldn't be taking a couple of trips overseas annually anymore and would be going on those kid centred family holidays. I knew I wouldn't be buying season tickets for my team anymore. I knew I wouldn't be saving or spending as much and would be pouring money into college funds rather than an earlier retirement or upgrading my iPhone every years. I knew my social life would change, I knew I'd have to give up some career progression to not be travelling as much. I knew sometimes, my kid would have a meltdown and I'd be the parent who has to deal with it rather than walking away or just giving the sympathetic look.I was OK with that and made my peace with that.I can handle having to put $200 a month into the college fund, I can handle not going overseas because I went (almost) everywhere I want to go before having kids. The big stuff isn't a huge issue.But I can't handle the day to day monotony of raising kids. I don't sleep enough because I stay up late just to have some quiet. I am counting down the hours within 5 minutes of them being awake. I can't handle saying "don't put that in your mouth" "don't touch that" "get down" "wash your hands" "don't talk with your mouth full" "don't hit your sister" 385849344 times a day. I can't handle having to still cut up food and for them to need supervision every second of the day. I can't handle wanting to vomiting watch kids eat. I can't handle listening to "Let it Go" 4389 times a week. I can't handle the way that even if they are not having a tantrum, they are still demanding and ruin things and just...act like 4 year olds. I can't handle having to lock myself in the bathroom toI also didn't realise I am way more introverted than I thought (my personality type is the "most introverted extrovert" apparently) and I have some issues with Sensory Processing Disorder that I wasn't aware of until I had kids. I just thought they were things that annoyed everyone and before I had kids, it was pretty easy to walk away from it, and some of the triggers are kid specific.I'm in therapy but I just learned way too late that the day to day monotony is raising kids is just not for me, but as we all know, it's too late now. I feel like a dumbass because I prepared myself for the big picture sacrifices but didn't realise the day-to-day would be the hard part and I'm just not cut out for it. I love my kids dearly, but if I am being completely honest with myself, if I understood the day-to-day monotony I was getting myself into, I don't think we'd have gone for it. We are making the best of it, but my partner and I are not very happy, especially me with the sensory issues.I feel so alone feeling this way, but I hide it well, people say I'm a great parent and seem happy, so there's that at least.But I'm struggling. And have no way out. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/35168gU
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