Hello,First time reddit poster here - joined to ask for advice on this issue that has consumed my life the past 2.5 years.I am 42 and a father of a 3 year/2 mo old boy. My wife (40) decided to co-sleep with him when he was about 8 months old. As I am a light sleeper and they were nursing throughout the night, I moved to sleeping in what was to be the nursery. My wife, not wanting to 'sleep train,' grew exhausted from the nightly wakings, but continued because she wanted to practice 'attachment parenting.' She didn't even want me to help out on some nights and try to soothe him to give her a break. She couldn't handle his crying (even if I was with him) because she didn't want him to feel abandoned. Adding additional worry to the situation, my son was diagnosed with T1 diabetes.Fast forward 2 and a half years, and we are in the same situation. She is still exhausted waking up multiple times a night (now more so to monitor his blood sugar levels). My son's small bedroom is essentially 2 twin mattresses on the floor (often they both sleep on the same mattress together). She won't let me put him to bed or even sleep with him so she can have a break. On a rare night out for her, I was able to put him to sleep in my bed and he slept through the night without much complaint (but not a restful night sleep for me). Despite this apparent success, she has not allowed this to happen since - she still does not want him to feel abandoned by her and wants to monitor/adjust his blood sugar level during the night.She goes to bed with him and wakes up with him, stays in bed on her phone waiting for him to wake up. As they share the same bed(s), she is always available to talk to (or more often at night, to complain to). Long tantrums with my wife are common (several times a week), often when they are in the bed together. She has lost interest in her career/work, going from full time to part time to about 20 hours a month.My son (otherwise healthy, curious, and active) has been getting anxious around other kids, so often the two of them stay home all day (when I'm at work) because it's difficult to bring him to the park/library etc... I worry that his sense of independence and resilience is being stifled as mom is always present, hovering and worried. My wife gets angry when I suggest bringing him to an athletic class on the weekends due to the risk that he will get upset. I have always wanted him to start preschool before 4 (I loved preschool as a child) but now I feel she will not be willing to let him go, even for half a day.Needless to say, our relationship is on shaky ground. I feel lonely and powerless as we never have time to ourselves and she gets angry when I question the current arrangement and tells me I am not being supportive. I feel like she has supplanted me as husband with our son. My nights are me watching Netflix by myself in bed. Our sex life is practically non-existent.We have seen several couples counselors. She has wanted to stop most of the previous counselors when they began suggesting changes, encouraged me to participate more beyond her comfort level, etc...(she says they 'weren't good'). Many of the counselors gave me post-feedback that they saw signs of anxiety/depression in her.It is apparent that I need change and she does not want to change. I know I am not always the perfect husband. But I feel stressed and I am not sleeping well. I want to be with someone who wants to spend time with me and is willing to compromise. I hold a glimmer of hope that the possibility of us splitting up may force her to give herself a break, re-invest in our relationship, allow me to have more responsibility and influence as a father, and maybe, find someone to talk to herself.I would love to hear your feedback. Have I been too patient? How will my son be affected? Have you been in, or know of, a situation like this?Thank you. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/39lDRoH
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