Same aged boys next door and neighbors trying to fore a friendship. At a loss for how to handle this appropriately.

We moved with our kids (7 and 4 year old boys, 16 month old girl) from Northern California to Southern California back in August. We absolutely love most parts of it. It's a nice weather area and everyone is friendly. Everyone bikes everywhere and there is so much to do outside. That means the kids around us are always outside. I love it. Our previous neighborhood was mostly old people so this is super refreshing.Our neighbors right nextdoor to us quickly became our friends. They helped us move in and have kids the exact same ages as my two boys. Their oldest and my oldest were born the same month and my younger son and their younger son were born a month apart. We thought it was great at first. The parents are really cool and their boys are well behaved. Our older boys even walk to school together every morning and back home every afternoon by themselves.This is all great and I don't want to ruin it but their oldest is on the autism spectrum. He is high functioning and more along the lines of Aspergers if that was still a diagnosis. He's a great kid but very quirky. He doesn't like sports and my boys (and most of the kids in the neighborhood, including the younger neighbor boy) love to play sports when they get home from school. This leaves him left out and my oldest feels like he has to stop what he is doing to comfort his friend. The neighbors have noticed this and have told him how much they appreciate him doing that. The older neighbor boy also has sensory problems. He can't deal with loud noises and gets upset if it gets too loud at my house. We have a nice sized house but it can get loud with 3 kids plus the neighbor boys. He has had meltdowns in our house. Even things like sleepovers are handled carefully at their house and they are way more overbearing then we are. I get that it's because their son has autism but my son is used to having more freedom without being constantly supervised.I feel like the neighbors try to force this friendship a little. They have expressed being extremely happy that their son finally has a friend. My older son includes their 7 year old whenever he can. But sometimes he wants to play sports or ride bikes. Their 7 year old can only ride with training wheels and can't keep up. Last week my son had a soccer game. He went to a friends house after and when we got home the neighbor boys came over. I told them that my 4 year old was home but my 7 year old was at a friends house. The parents came over the next day to watch football with us and said something like, "Sammy was really upset that Adam didn't come home yesterday because they were supposed to build Legos together." I told them it was last minute and my son probably forgot. They said that they understood but Sammy needs a heads up next time because he spent the previous day throwing a tantrum. I told them I would try to give them a warning next time and we watched football like normal. This isn't the first time this has happened. They have been upset other times. Once my son and their son got into an argument and they came over and told the boys to make up. That's something I prefer to leave to the boys at that age. Another time my son already had friends over and was playing a game of kickball in our yard. Their son went back home and the parents came over to see what happened. When they saw that my sons and their friends were playing kickball they asked how much longer it would be and waited with their son until the game was over. It's nothing major but I feel like they are forcing things. They even say things like, "Sammy, your best friend is home" if they are outside and we arrive home from somewhere. It's very clear they want our boys to be friends.We really like these people and my boys like their boys. My boys are very close and my younger one gets along well with their younger one. That makes the other parents want the boys to hang out as a foresome. Even if my younger one just wants to play with their younger one, they will force them to include their older son if my older son isn't around to play. I think we need to let the boys decide who they want to play with but I know they are super excited their son has a friend and I know how hard it can be for parents of kids wirh special needs. I don't want to hurt their son's feeling or their feelings and ruin a good friendship but my boys need some space. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2OcBRr6