My health anxiety is affecting my child.

I will preface this by saying I have intense, raging anxiety. A lot of it stems from growing up with an alcoholic, neglectful, narccisstic mother but I will spare the details of that story.I have anxiety relating to my health since I was probably around 7. I was convinced I was going to get lead poisoning from touching a pencil. I was afraid I was going to die in my sleep. It was intense, particularly for being so young. It had times where it peaked and subsided, like it does today, but the peaks are HIGH and extremely intense, and I go into full blown panic mode.My first pregnancy was a huge trigger for me. I was convinced I was going to lose the baby/develop some scary pregnancy condition to the point where I look back and feel like I barely enjoyed the pregnancy at all. It was, remarkably to me, a very uneventful pregnancy and my daughter was born at exactly 39 weeks as perfect as could be.I spent a good portion of her first two years of life worry free. I of course panicked when she got sick, and has intrusive thoughts of something bad happening every now and then, but it was manageable and the good times outweighed the bad by a long shot.Then she started getting petechiae. If you’re not familiar, petechiae can be a symptom of blood platelets being low, which is a big sign of leukemia. Despite tons of blood tests and probably over 10 doctors telling me hers were superficial and not the scary kind, I was so utterly convinced she was sick I was driving myself insane. My SO was ready to separate from me as he felt like I was losing touch with reality, and it was plain awful. I ended up seeing a counselor and it helped, but then I went into preterm labor with my second daughter unexpectedly (which was thankfully stopped) but I stopped going to therapy because I was so focused on the baby and preparing.All was well for a few months-I was way too tied up with a toddler and newborn to feed my health obsessions, so the constant googling had stopped. Mind you, I really only worry about things my child could develop (particularly cancers, and recently diabetes). Health anxiety for myself has completely shifted from myself to my daughter. And only my oldest, for some odd reason.Over the last 6 months I’ve been convinced she’s had tumors, cancers, and all kinds of other rare but scary stuff. And I am now starting to realize I’ve taken her to the doctor and had tests performed on her that were probably unnecessary, but my mind can’t accept that. With everything that comes back normal I wonder if they’re missing something or if they’re not right. It fucks with my head so badly.She is nearing 3 and now fears the doctors because I’ve brought her there so much. I feel fucking terrible but my anxiety drives me to do shit like this. My mind literally convinces me that there is something wrong that needs to be immediately investigated. It always goes to the “fight or flight” mode. I feel like I’m constantly analyzing my daughter: how much is she sleeping, is she drinking more than usual, is she acting normal. I hate it.I’ve found that triggers include sites like babycenter.com, where a lot of sad stories get posted and I feel doom that we will be the next ones to have this happen to.I know I am a good mom. But this anxiety is so crippling that I feel it destroying me everyday more and more. I can’t enjoy my children the way I wish I could because I always fear that something dooming is lurking around the corner.I have no one to talk to in real life so this is the only place I felt comfortable sharing. And if anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2HQUPxG