Infant loss and PTSD

My husband and I lost our son a week after he was born 10 years ago this July. Four years ago we had a daughter, and 7 weeks ago we had our second daughter, and final child.I expected to have tons of anxiety during my older daughter's pregnancy and infancy, but found myself relatively calm. I expected to be calm this time around, but have been an absolute wreck. I was a nervous anxious mess throughout the entire pregnancy, certain that the worst was going to befall either the baby or myself. Then we delivered a perfectly healthy baby, and I recovered beautifully from a repeat c-section. However my anxiety is still through the roof. One week after she was born I would find myself sobbing in terror that something was going to happen to her. That eventually subsided as my hormones leveled out.However yesterday baby girl's voice started getting hoarse. No idea why. She hasn't been crying too much more than normal, she doesn't have any cold symptoms, no fever, and everything else about her (breathing, eating, peeing) is fine. She is currently laying happily on her playmat cooing at her toys. I've already got an appointment set for tomorrow morning, and have spoken to the ped directly, who told me to look out for croup symptoms, and to take her to urgent care if she develops them. So far no symptoms at all.By all accounts she's likely fine, and all of my proactiveness should have me feeling better, but I find myself still wracked with fear and on the verge of sobbing.Y'all that trauma is real. Our older daughter is 4, and when she sleeps through the night, and we wake up before she does, we still are certain we're going to go in her room and find her dead. She's 4. SIDS hasn't been a thing for nearly 3 years now. And yet...I don't know what I'm hoping to gain from posting here. I guess I just needed to do something other than sit and worry and cry. I know I should probably talk to a therapist. I've worked through all the other aspects of my grief, but this PTSD is a whole other beast. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2sUiyJK