Mommy is depressed, but doesn't know what she wants different. Daddy doesn't know how to help. Kids are okay, but it doesn't feel sustainable.

My (stay at home) wife told me a couple weeks ago in a moment of vulnerable honesty that she hates her life. We talk about changes we could make, or counselors, etc. She couldn't figure out what she'd want to do differently and feels angry and pressured when I ask what she wants. She's tried a couple times to find a counselor, but her schedule is busy and her heart doesn't seem to be in the search.This morning my wife told me she figured out why she hates her life--it's because she hates our kids (4 ages 2-10). I had always thought 4 was too many, and she said this morning she wishes she hadn't had them. All she wants to do every day is get them to bed so she can go to bed so she doesn't have to be awake.She's not catatonic depressed, but she's not fully functional either. She does what's required to get the kids where they need to be. She tries not to yell too much. She struggles to keep up with housework. Judging just by actions, I'd say she's a little down. But it's her words that make me scared, and this morning there was even a weird hollow look in her eyes. The kids are doing okay now, but I worry that seeing mommy always depressed will eventually have some long term impacts.I can't seem to get anywhere asking her what she'd like to do differently--she honestly doesn't seem capable of answering and gets angry when I ask. So it feels like it's on me to figure out changes.We have a lot of resources available from a financial standpoint for nannies, housekeepers, travel. I'm not currently around a lot, working from 9-7 every day, and while that would be hard to change, it feels like all options should be on the table. I could take time off work, give her a few weeks off. That's all to say, I think we have a ton of options open. I just don't know what next steps to take.EDIT: Spent some time looking up nannies. Called and offered my wife a couple of options, said we could have someone come in 2-5 days a week. She shut it all down, and got upset with me for trying to help. She doesn't want outside help or nannies. I think what she wants is for me to pick up the slack with a lot of extra work when I get home, but I'm not in a position to consistently help in that way :( via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2CNA5TM