Reaching The End Of Our Rope, Need Advice

My wife (28f) and I (34m) are quickly reaching the end of the rope with our oldest (9m) and we honestly have run out of options.The boy was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD a few years back and we've managed to get the ADHD under somewhat of a limited control (we haven't quite got down the right med or dosage but we're just about there)...the ODD though we haven't even managed to put a dent in and it's where a biggest problems are.Lying, stealing (money, toys, food), peeing on the floor/his brother/his bed, property damage, ignores his punishments, almost completely dismisses what authority figures tells him - all of this with zero empathy and consideration of consequences. As for remorse? He only feels remorse when he's punished and even then it's over what he lost (ie - toys, tv time, etc...) rather than the action that caused it.He sees a therapist regularly and we have a family session once a month, on top of behavioral therapy we do at home. We have a set schedule for him to follow otherwise it devolves into pure chaos (with small rewards/benefits for following the schedule). We have a list that was written out and explained to him that covers unacceptable/wrong behaviors with their consequences along with the acceptable/right behaviors that have rewards.My wife is taking this personally because she feels like it's her fault somehow, she feels guilty that she can't do anything fun with him because he's always in trouble for something. We've had heart-to-heart conversations with the boy where my wife even told him that and less than 24hrs later he's right back at it.As for me, I'm scared shitless of what's going to happen down the line when he becomes a teenager and his behavior starts having legal consequences. I'm also severely concerned about the impact he's going to have on his brother (6y) and sister (4days).Who can we talk to? What can we do? How do I get this boy on the wagon and doing the right thing? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2C8nkUP