Today my 11yo had a fight with his steppie. Steppie asked for his laptop, having loaned it to kiddo. Kiddo goes and noodles about in his messy room, comes out, announces, "can't find it, oh well".Um no.After a bit, to see if he would come up with it on his own, I suggested I help him clean up some so he can find the laptop. Oh. Okay. We do so. And find the laptop.It was on the chair.Afterwards kiddo calls me into his room to tell me he doesn't like steppie anymore. Steppie was angry and rude about the missing laptop!Well here the deal, kiddo. Say you are loaned a beyblade piece by a friend. Or loan a beyblade piece to a friend. After a little while, he or you want a part back. Other party blows loaning party off with, "Sorry. Can't find it [subtext; and I've quit even trying because it's not important to me]"You would be pissed. Your friend would be pissed. Because anyone who lends a thing they value to have it treated that way will be salty. That's why steppie was mad. He didn't yell. He didn't even bitch. You just knew he was mad.And that made you feel bad.So now you're mad.But your feeling bad is not because steppie "made you feel that way!" it's guilt, shame and remorse. You are supposed to feel that way. Because you fucked up. This is how our bodies and minds train us to treat others' possessions with more respect. We don't want to feel that bad feeling again. So we learn. I did too. I was, like all children, often careless or thoughtless and then it bit me in the ass.But that's not on steppie. Its all you, baby.Then he felt even worse, because he had been so emotionally invested in the injustice of steppie being mean.So he cried and we cuddled and I reminisced about my own childhood fuckups. And now he knows.I'm so proud, because some ADULTS never figure out that feeling bad doesn't necessarily mean someone has wronged you. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2zIiLxS
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