When my 3YO has a tantrum, my SO has one too.

My SO is better than I am at a lot of things, but patience is not one of those things. How can I talk to my SO about dealing with our 3YO's temper tantrums?Our son gets angry sometimes when we can't understand what he wants (like all kids). Sometimes it escalates and he yells and hits us or throws himself at us. When this happens I calmly, firmly tell him that the rule about hitting is that it gets him a time out and I put him in his room.This morning, I was in the other room and our LO had one such meltdown. So my SO starts yelling too and crying. I scoop up our son and take him to the other side of the house, where I hold him for a while until he stops crying, then we talk about what happened. I ask if he feels angry, and he says yes. When he's ready to listen, I explain that I know it's frustrating when we don't understand and that if he wants something then he has to help us understand by showing us or explaining in different words. Eventually, we're smiling and laughing and he tells me that he's sorry and he shouldn't hit or yell. Great.Except my SO is still furious. I honestly don't know what she wants our son to do, except maybe that she is upset that he's not taking her seriously as an authority figure. Our son goes to her and she starts yelling again. He comes out and curls up by a table leg where I'm not working at the computer. I pick him up again and my wife comes out and yells that she's not going to talk to him or look at him. She goes into our bedroom and shuts the door. I don't honestly know what to do. He climbs up on the bed and says sorry. She just stares angrily and tells him to sit in front of her. I think she wanted to lecture him on behavior. She says that if he acts that way again, we will not read to him or play with him all day. After a while, he hides behind me. In the end, I take him to kindergarten and she's still angry.I don't want to let our son's anger drive a wedge between my SO and me. I want to have consistent rules with my SO. I don't think anger, yelling, crying or refusing to read to, talk to or play with our LO is a good reaction to tantrums. But if I bring this up with my wife, she gets angry and tells me she reads parenting advice too and that she understands perfectly well.How can I react when both my LO and SO are having a meltdown? What would you do? How can I improve the situation over the longer term? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2vnyzs0