My husband can't keep it together when our toddler acts out physically. How the heck do I approach this?

I have no clue! I have lots of advice for him but I don't know how to help without being condescending.I work with kids of all ages. I've seen lots of toddlers. I've observed lots of parents. I've read a bunch of parenting books/blogs. I don't think I'm a perfect parent or anything, but I've thought about this stuff a lot. In addition, I have been dealing with the physical consequences of having a little kid (having my organs kicked, fucking labor, nipple biting, scratching etc) for a lot longer than he has. Oh, and I have a younger sibling and a bunch of younger cousins.So I'm pretty used to the idea that I'm gonna get hit/scratched/bit on occasion, especially until our high spirited and very physical 20 month old learns some empathy and gains some self-control. I definitely don't like getting hit or scratched, but I think I've figured out how to respond calmly and constructively to it.My husband is an only child and doesn't have much experience with kids. He's a good dad, and mostly really patient. HOWEVER, he yells and is kind of rough with her when she acts out physically - not hitting, but pushing and grabbing in a way that makes me really uncomfortable. I don't think he's trying to be abusive, and I don't think he's being rough enough to harm her physically, but he clearly doesn't have the tools/patience to deal with it effectively, especially when he's tired or stressed (which is often - toddler, remember?).From my observations, it happens most when he's not paying attention to her, or when they're roughhousing. She hits/scratches/bites because she wants his attention or because she's overstimulated or because she doesn't understand how to play rough-but-not-too-rough yet, he yells/pushes her away because it hurts and/or she's interrupting him, she laughs out of nervousness or because she thinks his reaction is funny. Then I have to jump in and remove her from the situation because he can't seem to de-escalate it and frankly, it makes me nervous and angry.I really feel strongly that he needs some tools to react differently - both to help my daughter learn better and to protect their relationship. I mean, she's not even two yet. It's going to get a lot harder.But I also don't know how to approach this without being condescending. On some level, I'm pretty pissed that he can't just act like an adult and freaking rein in his responses. As a result, I don't know how effective this will be coming from me. I'd give him a parenting book to read, but so many of them are written by moms, and let's face it, he's probably not going to read them (he reads lots of web stuff, just not books).Anyone have some good sources for how to parent toddlers or deal with anger from a dad's perspective? Any advice on how to approach this kind of conversation constructively? I love him, I think he's a good dad, and I want us to be on the same page. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2u1Ln24