I regret having my babies - if or when does it start to get better?

I'll just come out and say the uncomfortable thing: I really regret becoming a parent. I have 8 months old twins.And because I know this will be the first thing people say: Yes, I have seen doctors about PPD, I am being given some treatment for it, but my feelings of parenthood regret are not PPD. They are me realising that this is my life now and I hate my new life and desperately want my old life back. I do love and care for my children, but I absolutely hate being their mother.I think I had them for the wrong reason - my husband really wanted kids (lots of kids) and I agreed to see how we go with 1. We got twins. I'm so tired there are times my heart has been pounding and palpitating and my husband can't help much because he has a job where the lives of a lot of other people people are at risk if he makes a tiny mistake (I'm trying to be vague for privacy reasons but I'm not exaggerating) so he has to have good proper sleep before work and be sharp and ready. And he earns more than double what I do and we are reliant on his income for our mortgage and bills and everything, so we can't have him staying awake and losing his job or taking time off.We have got a night nurse a couple of nights a week which really helps even though it is costing a fortune and even after sleeping a couple of nights, I wake up and still regret being in my situation. I literally dread when the night nurse goes home and my husband goes to work and I am "stuck" with these babies. I'm still not used to the poop and changing them. I feel 'caged' because I can't just leave the house when I want. I feel unattractive and can't work out like I used to, I don't have time to do things like my nails/hair/makeup anymore. I'm miserable. I miss talking to my husband about things not the babies and poop and going out with him and have more sex and feeling attractive to him. Now I think he just views me as a mom, not an attractive women. No matter what PPD treatment they gave me it won't restore my old life, it won't give me a career back, or freedom back, or money back. That money for the night nurse could have bought so much more stuff and travel. I just want my old life back. I hate being a mom. I'm setting money on fire to be ugly and miserable and stuck living with a huge mistake I want to take back.Does it ever get better. Will I ever start to look better? Will my marriage ever get better? Will I ever get a decent holiday and the chance to spend a cent on my self again? When will this get better? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2f1esJs