I need help. My husband’s sister has two children, a 5.5 YO girl and a 3.5 YO boy. I have a 2 YO son and a 7 week old son. Over the past 2 years, I have wanted my kids to develop a good relationship with their aunt and uncle, and also their cousins. It has become harder and harder for me to do so, because my SIL has a COMPLETELY different parenting style than my husband and me. I don’t even know what to call her parenting style other than non-existent. My niece has become incredibly bossy and sassy. My nephew is wild and destructive. I feel as though there are other issues with my nephew that have gone unaddressed as well. He had a very limited vocabulary well after 2 years old, and he really only speaks to his parents. He can’t even stand still long enough for me to say “Hi, I like your shirt” or however I try to make a connection with him when I see him. He is also still not potty trained. My SIL says (to adults, in front of her own kids) “He’s lucky he’s pretty because he’s not the brightest”. Who does that in front of their own kids???The last time I invited them over for a play date was terrible. My nephew peed on my floor twice and pooped his pants. My son was miserable the entire time they were over. They excluded him from everything they were doing, he got hit/knocked down/ran into multiple times, they ripped toys out of his hands. By the time they left, my house was completely destroyed, toys were broken, and my son was in tears. It was stressful for me to be watching a newborn baby, trying to make dinner for them, and policing the kids. My SIL yelled at her kids from my couch, but they don’t listen, and she did nothing to help reinforce the rules I was trying to make.That was about 4 weeks ago, and since then, my son will randomly “re-enact” the things that made him upset. We will be in the middle of playing, eating, or driving in the car and he will exclaim, “No, Austin (name changed), no! Not nice!” or “No, Austin, ow!” I feel terrible.Last weekend we had my son’s 2nd birthday party and my family got to witness firsthand how wild, rude, and destructive my niece and nephew were. I had my grandparents and parents come up to me separately and comment on their behavior. Everyone also noticed the lack of involvement from both my SIL and BIL. I was starting to think that I was extra-protective or sensitive now that I have my own children (I worked in childcare for 8 years, I feel like I've seen everything), but having other people seeing what I have experienced and commenting reinforces that I'm not blowing this out of proportion.I don’t know where to go from here. On one had, I’m trying to be mindful of different parenting styles, but I just don’t think it is acceptable for kids to not listen to adults, and for kids to be so destructive and wild. We don’t run, scream, or throw things in my house. If an adult tells you to do something, you need to respect them.I don’t know what to say to my son when he starts “re-enacting” or talking about “Austin” hurting him or taking his toys.I also don’t know where to go from here with our kids’ relationships. I don’t want my son to be traumatized every time he sees his cousins, and I definitely don’t want him to be picking up bad behaviors as they get older. If I decide to dial way back on the play dates and interactions between our kids, am I failing to provide learning experiences for my son? I don’t want him growing up sheltered and thinking that everything is about him. He does need to learn to share his toys, and he is going to have to understand that not everyone is nice or will want to play with him. But he is only 2 years old (and one week!). Please do tell me if I'm overreacting, and I'm open to any suggestions! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2eRrjOg
No comments:
Post a Comment