Parents who were 'never having kids'/scared of having a kid - how did it end up for you?

I hope this is OK to ask. I'm 36, and my husband (also 36) and I are unexpectedly pregnant. Given our ages, I do feel like it is a bit of a 'now or never' thing, as I'll be 37 by the time I have the baby.I'm someone who always said 'I'm never ever having kids', for a combination of reasons - money, pregnancy/childbirth itself, lack of freedom and the fear of regretting it. But now I'm suddenly got this wave of wanting to keep it. I don't know whether this is just pregnancy hormones coming over me or maybe a sign that I want a child more than I though I did.Now, I'm still terrified of childbirth (and I have anxiety and would try and get a scheduled C-Section because that would help me a lot) and I'm terrified of my marriage being ruined by having a baby and looking back at my old life and missing it soooo much and realising that I hate having a kid and wish I could go back and have an abortion, but I also keep getting these 'but what if it works out and we actually have a really happy life with the baby.I know the first three or so years will be absolute hell - poop, diapers, no sleep, little sex. But did it get better and start to feel more worth it after that? Because I feel like almost all the reasons I don't want to be a parent are because of those first few years, and I like the idea of having adult/older children.My husband is desperate for me to keep the baby. He's always wanted kids and always hoped I'd change my mind (no chance of birth control sabotage, I am the one who forgot to get her new depo shot).I don't really know where I am going with this, but yeah, if there is anyone reading this who was like me before they became a parent, how did it work out for you? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2v4roEK