First off, I already feel terrible for thinking the things I do about my stepdaughter, so if you contribute anything, please don't make it something that is going to make me feel any worse than I already do.So, the backstory: My boyfriend and I have been together three years. He has a six year old daughter and I have a ten year old daughter.We met/started dating when his daughter was three. I had quite a bit more patience with her back then, considering her age. Granted, there were times that I felt her behavior was extreme (I.e. hitting and scratching her father hard enough to leave a permanent scar), but I held my tongue. For one, I hoped her behavior would improve with time and, also, being so new in our relationship, I was hesitant to speak up and possibly offend my boyfriend by criticizing his parenting.Now, here we are three years later and I can honestly say that there has been virtually no change in my stepdaughter's behavior. Near-daily temper tantrums...and I'm talking full out screaming, kicking, scratching, breaking things, hurting herself. Stuff that right now I'm not afraid of because she is still kind of small but, in a few years, if this continues, I will be questioning my and my child's safety. Defiance and back-talking adults at every turn. I'd be happy to provide more details if anyone asks but right now I'm trying to keep this short. Overall, I feel her behavior is just not normal and is definitely not healthy for anyone involved.She has been seeing a therapist for these issues but I haven't seen any lasting improvement. She'll be good for the evening on days she sees her therapist but then goes right back to her bad behaviors.I used to care so much for this child, used to see her as my own but, anymore, I just can't stand her. She has been away with family for two weeks and I haven't felt so at peace in a very long time. I dread her coming back.It's gotten the point where, almost every day, I am thinking about moving out just to be away from her. I feel that her behavior is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't even really want to be with him anymore and pretty much the only reason is because of her. And, in part, I blame my boyfriend for the way she is. Not entirely, as I believe some of it is genetic. Her mother has serious mental health issues and is, in fact, sitting in jail at this very moment with a felony charge for domestic violence. But, early on, it really seemed like my boyfriend let her get away with everything. I rarely saw him correct negative actions, etc. For example, early on they were visiting at my apartment when she broke down and started screaming at the top of her lungs while he just sat and looked at her. It was so bad and went on for so long that I was on the verge of asking them to leave and not return.This isn't a jealousy thing. Please don't assume that. Once upon a time, I truly cared for and loved this child. But, after three years, I just can't anymore. I don't see her as my own anymore and I don't think I will ever be able to get that back. Even on her good days, I'm just so burnt out by her bad days that I don't want her around me.I know it's not entirely her fault. There are times where I feel she is being rotten just for the sake of it but, in the long run, she had a tough early life bouncing around with her mentally unstable mother and then placed with her father, who I really don't feel was prepared for her. If I'm being honest with myself, it's as much her behavior as it is my boyfriend's lax attitude about it. It took nearly six months of me begging him to get her help before he finally did. I also feel a bit misled by him due to the fact that, before we moved in together, he would frequently say her behavior at home was improving. Either he flat out lied or she had a major regression after we moved in.Again, I feel terrible for feeling this way about her. I'm just at my wit's end with it all. I feel like a failure, to her and my boyfriend. But, deep in my heart, I'm terrified that she is going to end up like those young girls on Maury or Dr. Phil: smacking their parents around, out using heavy drugs and trying to get pregnant, so on. That just is not something I can put myself and my own daughter through.I just need advice. Am I wrong for thinking these things? I don't think it's a matter of not being equipped to handle raising a child. My own daughter was a monster from the ages of 3-4, and I think I handled her just fine. But, being that my stepdaughter is six and still acts like she is three...I just don't know how much longer I can take this. She'll be starting kindergarten this year and I hope and pray she will even out with this transition, but I can't repress the fear that such a big change will make it all worse.Help.TL,DR Stepdaughter's hostile, sometimes violent, out-of-control behavior has worn on me over the past three years, to the point I don't want to be around her at all and have been considering for some time moving out just to be away from her. I feel terrible for feeling this way, but I'm just so burnt out on her. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2vcAvDy
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