I'm so alone

First off, using a throwaway account.Backstory:34 years old I met a gal and we seemed to click on multiple levels. I'm going to cut to the chase here and...well...birth control failed. We were using two forms of birth control, condoms and the shot. The entire time we were dating she was adamant she didn't want kids. Turns out that was a lie 3 months into the pregnancy. I'm not a sketchy little shit so here I am with a 1.5 year old kid.She is no where to be found. She decided, after 6 months, that motherhood is not for her and she's gone. Gone as in left the country (USA) gone. Turns out she was never a citizen to begin with, only here on a green card.Problem:So I'm doing the single dad thing. Yes I'm working on getting her tracked down but...#bureaucracy...it'll be years before anything actually happens. I'm sure it will but in all honesty probably a few years. In the mean time just about everyone I know has bailed on me. Friends, family, everyone. No, I'm not exaggerating either. I think my parents are the only ones still around, albeit they live 3 hours away. My brothers/sisters are so wrapped up in their lives they could care less. I've tried dating and, well, kids are basically S.O. repellent.I don't know what to do. I am so alone. Nobody to talk to. Nobody. I am surrounded by a mass of people, a sea of humanity and absolutely nobody gives a flying shit. I could drop dead tomorrow and nobody would notice. Maybe my parents when the holidays roll around. It's just me and the kid and the kid isn't even old enough to talk to. Yes I have a job but I haven't had anyone to talk to outside of strictly business related stuff in about a year and I see no end in sight. I put my son to sleep and then I go into the bedroom and cry until I pass out. Things are getting pretty bad in the US in regards to the fear mongering and the general climate to the point where I try to strike up a conversation with the mail man or whoever and I'm met with suspicion and nothing more than general acquaintance chit chat. Tried going to clubs and/or groups around my interests (when I can, babysitting is expensive) and it just doesn't seem to work out.I don't know what to do. I have nobody to talk to and it feels as though I am standing on the sidelines while life passes me by. I am so unhappy due to the isolation and loneliness. Literally the only thing keeping me going is the little guy in the room next door. What do I do? I tried support groups but...there really aren't any for single fathers, or if there are there are none in my area. I even tried attending support groups for single mothers and that was a disaster. I ended up being the "token shitbag father" they could all rage against and ask me "why I abandoned them".The dates I have gone on seem to go OK until the topic of kids comes up. How do I even handle that? Hell I haven't gotten laid in over a year. (TMI...maybe but it's random internet so maybe not.) How do I even meet women that aren't just looking for a good time? At my age (34) they're either married or solidly NOT into family commitment. I don't really know where to go with this or even what I'm asking. I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm a bench warmer in the game of life relegated, if anything, to water boy status. I even try to get involved in conversations at work and am more or less told "go away, this doesn't involve you"...which is almost everything when your life consists of "work, kid, sleep, repeat". I love the hell out of the little guy but had I known she would have skipped town like this adoption may have been a better option because I can't give him everything he needs when I'm this tore up. At the same time, I don't want to make a permanent mistake for a temporary situation. Maybe if people could answer these questions it may help.How do I go about making friends given my situation?How do I go about meeting women given my situation?How do I cope with the crushing isolation?How would you handle this situation? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Pq1eTh