How is anyone supposed to handle this?

My wife (25F) and I (24M) have a newborn son who's just turned three weeks yesterday, and I don't know how we're supposed to make it.I thought I had a realistic outlook on birth and having a child to care for and that's why the feelings fleeted when he was born. There were no tears, no sudden realization of what was about to be our lives, no heartfelt moment, and I thought that was good because that must have meant that mentally I had some preparation.Since this is our first baby my wife was able to clearly see some of the more glamorous and celebratory parts of pregnancy and a baby. We were setting up the nursery early, found gender results early with a third party ultrasound technician, and made sure to have a gender reveal party and baby shower. When I told her that I wasn't looking forward to the newborn/infant stage and that I was really only looking forward to when he started developing she didn't take to kindly to it. That made it all that much worse when he was born and she didn't feel a thing, or when we took him home and she didn't feel a thing, or when she was diagnosed with PPD and her pills don't help her, or last night when she said she feels nothing towards him. I feel the same way.We didn't have an easy stay in the hospital. They released us on day five after attempted inducing and a C-section as well as a spinal headache for my wife. I thought maybe once we got home that our mindsets would change and that we'd all connect and love each other together.My wife and I are going to bed at separate times. I take the first two feedings in the late night around 11-12 and 2-3ish. This was fair when I didn't have work but now the baby isn't making things easy on us and now that I have to be at work at 7:30 I'm finding it's not very doable and most days I don't know what day it is or have trouble recalling the last time I slept more than two hours at one time. It was also easier when he was brand new because he was so tired. We're thinking as of late that he's got colic and last night was an absolute and utter hell.Nothing we did could help his crying and wailing. We're hesitant to attempt anything to fix his issues because everything we do causes another problem. If he has hiccups the gripe water fixes that but then coats his throat and we have to give him nasal drops. By that time the hiccups and crying result in gas and then gas relief temporarily halts the crying but then he spits up and cries. Soon after that he's hungry again because he's spit up, then it's right back to hiccups and square one.Yes, we've tried just letting the hiccups out too, which results in spitting up 99.99% of the time.We're losing sleep, we rarely go to bed together, we're rarely up together, and even when we are we're not here. My wife's depression has her not being herself or wanting to do any of the things that she used to want to do, even when we're so happy to pawn him on his grandmother for a night or even a few hours we still can't catch up on anything.We hate this. We don't feel a connection and we're thinking we won't ever feel one. We miss each other. We miss how our lives used to be. We can't continue on like this and I leave on a deployment in October for six months. I can't stand to think that she'll have to put up with this alone.Last night she said she didn't want him. I completely agree.I know from what I've read here that there are probably many who will not agree with this or some who weathered the storm and are on the other side looking back and remembering when you felt the same way, but I just really had to get this out and this was the best community I thought to do so. Thank you for taking the time to read and/or comment.Also we are attempting to contact a counselor. Our insurance only provides us with three counselors at a time, all three we have left voicemails for and are still waiting to hear back. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PI9wXA