I want to leave...

My son was born last winter. His dad walked out on us months ago. We were going to mediation to try to pull our shit together, but he is just lying and manipulating in the sessions and I can't take it any more.My son is my whole world, I love him so much, but I know I'm not good for him right now. I'm a mess of tears and I feel like I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I don't have anybody to talk to aside from professionals during business hours. My son did something silly and cute this morning, and I burst into tears because I had nobody to tell. He's a perfect, happy little boy, but I can't raise him, it's too hard. I'm so alone and I am worried that all of this will rub off onto little one and ruin his chances at a normal childhood.But sometimes it's worse than that. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed and I want to leave. I don't know where I would go or what would happen if I did, I only know that I get a strong urge to go out the front door and not come back. The thought makes me feel like a complete piece of shit, and my baby deserves so much better. I would leave him with his dad, but his dad is worse.I know that I would never actually leave. I love my little boy and want him to be ok, and to grow up with at least one parent who loves him enough to not abandon him. I think I've put my feelings aside for so long that they've built up while I wasn't watching. I'm a total mess. I don't even know how to get things done day to day any more. I need help but I don't know what help to ask for, then I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time. I realise my needs don't really need to be met as long as baby's are, but we are just scraping by, and I feel awful for not feeling up to doing more with him.I don't even know what I'm hoping for from this post, I just want my son to be ok, and I'm feeling like I am only going to let him down his whole life. It hasn't been that long, but it's getting worse not better. Can anyone tell me what I'm supposed to do? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2bp6WRA