I don't want to be a parent anymore

I'm ready for the abuse, and to be honest- I know i deserve it, so here goes. Throwaway because obvious.Over the past 18 months I have ruined my son's life. He is 10 and until the age of 8, things were brilliant. We were normal mum and son, and loved hanging out together. This was until the start of last year when I was sexually assaulted, lost my job due to alcoholism brought on by PTSD, then lost our home, and subsequently just... gave up.We are in a homeless accommodation shithole of a home now, with no money, travelling to the school I have held onto because it's middle class and my son is struggling so much with work that he wouldn't cope in a rough school. We had to travel 2.5 hours a day to and from here. His attendance went down last year because my alcohol problems prevented me from getting him to school. I spend most of my time in bed. He no longer has his beloved dog, as we are not allowed her in our homeless house. He has none of his possessions except his computer, which he spends hours on due to me not being able to interact or take him out places due to my fuckedupness. He has barely any friends at school because he is considered odd, and we cannot have other kids over here because of me. This past two months he has spent only 2 weeks with me and my mother had him the rest of the time. My relationship with both of them is now at breaking point, I have considered suicide daily.This week he has been at my house with me. His lack of understanding academically has caused screaming fights between us at homework time/in general when chatting. I've come to the stage where I actually dislike him, I'm gutted that he's failing and I just don't want anything to do with it all now. Today my mum stressed me out and told me to come get my son's dog. She knows I'm not allowed dogs in my building (and has threatened me many times with the dog situation to get her own way with me), I lost it and sold the dog. My son cried himself to sleep tonight and spoke to his granny about how much he hates me. She was egging him on the whole time, saying the dog situation was my fault and that I'm a useless mother and to "tell me how he feels about life".I can't parent him anymore, I can't be around my mother anymore, I don't even want to do anything other than escape and forget. I don't like my own child and I hate spending time with him now. I have no idea what to do now, I think I'm too far gone. Even my son crying in bed didn't affect me. He deserves more than me. Please don't tell me I'm depressed and need help. I don't want it- I WANT to give up on all of it. I know what depression is, and in the past have wanted to recover for my son's sake. Now? I literally don't care.TL;DR Shit parent wants to give up, many things in life are wrong and my son deserves better. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2bVod78