How do I repair my relationship with my 8 year old daughter?

So for the last 4 years, my daughter has been a "bad" kid. She was defiant, hypersensitive, argumentative, careless, reckless, rude, violent, aggressive, mean, and a hundred other things. We fought daily. And because the consequences we gave her for her bad behaviour didn't work, we upped our game and made the consequences more and more severe. Still didn't work. So maybe we weren't just getting through to her. So the consequences were escalated again, and we started yelling at her, because if she couldn't get the idea of losing toys, privileges, and activities, then surely if we let her know exactly how mad we were, then that would get her on track, right? Well no, of course not.So at a certain point we realized that no kid can consciously choose to be this bad, and there had to be something bigger going on besides her just being a difficult child and we took her to her pediatrician who basically sat her down and told her to "Stop it."Wow...cutting edge stuff right there, doc. A lot of good that did. So we went to other doctors...Of course at 4, 5, and 6 they are reluctant and/or unable to diagnose anything, and you're repeatedly told by actual experts, and "experts" that they're just kids being kids. I knew that wasn't true because she was nothing like my other kids nor was she anything like the other kids I saw (nephews/nieces/neighbours/family friends, etc.). We heard it all..."have you tried natural consequences? Reward charts? Gold stickers? All that other shit?" Yes of course we did. She would literally do something bad, and then go and get a toy (even a favourite toy) to give us to take away from her, or go and put an X on the day where she didn't achieve her behaviour goals for the day. She would consequence her goddamn self.So without getting into all the details, she has a few "disorders." She is being treated for all of them with medication, counseling, therapy, and all that other good stuff. And she really has become a completely different child. Looking back at the last 4 years I can't help but feel wracked with guilt because of how hard of a time my wife and I gave her, constantly on her case, making her feel like shit, causing her to act out/lash out, punishing her more, making it worse, and perpetuating that cycle.I can tell my wife and I are not her favourite people and that breaks my heart. I don't want to be best friends with her, because we're still her parents, but our relationship is so strained that she treats us like acquaintances, rather than parents. She lights up when sees other people in her life, but with my wife and I, it's like she's mad at us and we have no idea how to fix it. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2bDsi0r