I stood up to my mom on behalf of my son.

Now for a very brief bit of background...I was molested when I was 5, it was something that my mom walked in on. She told my dad what happened and somehow they decided because it was a family member that they would not do anything about it. They kept bringing this person around every single holiday or big event throughout my childhood. I was forced to give this grown man a hug hello and goodbye from the time I was 5 until I was 15. He even lived with us for a few weeks. I grew up not feeling protected, a burden, not a priority. I felt unsafe every time this person was around.​So because of my past, we have had a rule in our house since my son was a toddler: you ask him if you can hug him or kiss him. If he says no, then you can ask him for a fist bump. He may say yes or he may say no. It's ok. We are trying to teach him that NO means NO and that he is in control of his body. It also gets the point across to him that other people are in control of their bodies and if they don't like something, he needs to respect that.​My son is now 6 years old. We were at dinner with family, my mom included. She kissed my son quite unexpectedly, my son was leaning in to tell her something and she took that opportunity to steal a kiss. By his reaction, I could tell he did not like that, but he moved on and I figured I would talk with my mom at a later time about it. What I did not expect is when I was tucking him in and went to kiss him goodnight, he told me that he did not like it when grandma surprise kissed him. We had a talk about boundaries, that he is in control and if he didn't like something that he can always tell her or anybody, "No, I do not like that!"​I had to have a talk with my mom a few days later. I reminded her of the rule of asking before hugging and kissing. Then I brought up the incident at dinner a couple of days before. I told her that my son specifically said something to me. Making sure that she knew that it was not just my issue but my sons as well. My mother made excuse after excuse. At one point she said, "Well, we are Italian, that is how we are in our family." I told her no. that is not how we are in our family. I told her that she needs to ask my son for a hug or a kiss. I could tell she was super hurt. I could tell she felt rejected. But you know what, this is not about her...this is about my son who needs to be comfortable and be able to trust the people around him. You would not randomly kiss an adult in our family, why is it ok to force yourself onto a child? In talking with her and telling her that I need to stand up for my son's boundaries, something that was not done for me with my molester, she then was silent. Completely silent. I think it finally dawned on her what I went through as a kid. It's nothing I haven't said before, but in that silence, I could tell that things were clicking into place for her.​So yes, I will stand up for my son. I will make him a priority. I will enforce his boundaries without apologizing. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2XetpYK