Competitive dance rant

Sorry for the wall of text, just feeling the need to vent. Just for some background, I'm the dad of two girls 9 & 5, and a one-year-old boy.​Last year a brand new dance studio opened up and on a whim we decided to have our girls try it. My nine-year old took dance lessons with a neighborhood friend in their garage two years before and then took a break to focus on school. My five-year-old took one dance class a year ago at another studio before but couldn't leave our side really, so that was kind of a bust. When we went there, everybody was very welcoming and friendly, and being one of their first customers we got pretty chummy with everyone. Things were going well, and both my daughters grew and thrived, and I could even leave either of them at the studio if they had a gap between classes.​At this point, competition wasn't even on our radar. Then when one girl from the 4-5 year old team had to move, her teacher asked if our 5-year-old wanted to try out and join. She did well, and became one of the strongest on the team (at least as well as they could be in that age group).​One thing to note is that my 5-year-old seems to excel at most things she tries, whereas my 9-year-old has a tendency to struggle. While overall the older sister is better, she didn't match up to most other 9-year-olds, whereas my 5-year-old had been bumped up classes ahead of some of her other friends, and is taking classes with 6-8 year olds.​So midway into the competition season there was an open slot for a show they wanted to fill, and offered the chance for my oldest to join, and she was able to do so, even though she was the oldest and tallest on the team, she made the age cutoff. One thing also is that in the beginning, it was always easy to book private lessons because they were smaller, and so my eldest was able to grow because of the one-on-one attention. As the studio grew and attracted more talented dancers, the teachers' schedules got filled up, and pretty soon we would have booked private lessons bumped because another child needed that time slot, and the better dancers became a priority. Even within our own team, those who are stronger get classes moved around their schedule, but if it doesn't work for our daughter, we are expected to take it or leave it, usually we aren't even consulted beforehand.​Now I totally understand the reasons why. The studio relies on awards and winning competitions to successfully market and draw more business. They have a limited number of classrooms and teachers they can devote to teaching our children. In the end, the studio benefits more by improving those at the top than to prop up those at the bottom. I completely understand this. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck.​This year when auditions came, we had both our daughters try out, but while our five-year-old was selected for two teams, our nine-year-old didn't make it into any team. As a consolation, they did offer her a solo, but had we not familiarized ourselves with the owners and teachers, we probably would not have gotten that at all. In some ways it was a pity offer, so she wouldn't come out empty-handed. While a solo sounds nice, I am also aware about where this studio's priorities lie, and I know that my daughter is at the lower end of her age group, and so with the lower likelihood of her placing and getting awards, we are fully aware that there would be less time and attention devoted to that solo. It would only be a matter of time before we would have to deal with last-minute time changes and skipped practices altogether for someone better.​It's a bit heartbreaking, because we have invested time, money, and also social interactions with the people at this dance studio, but at the same time, even with the other children, the higher they go, the less they socialize with those at the bottom. So the kids my daughter was making friends with last year no longer have time for her. Studio outings and social events suddenly become team-only events now.​Perhaps it wasn't worth opening the can of worms that was competitive dance. Perhaps it was a mistake to be anything more than a quick drop-off and pick-up instead of being social and to try and make friends. In some ways staying with them is a slap in the face, and constant reminder how low on the totem pole my daughter is. And putting my younger daughter on team I can only expect to cause jealousy and hurt feelings. Also, all the other kids on her mid-year team were put on a team for this year. Some of it was explained as her age, but she wasn't that much older than the others, and there's no way for that not to sting.​It sucks, because my daughter really loves to dance, and part of me says that she could just go to another studio, but I feel they would all end up being the same. I know there are some non-competitive studios out there too, but it's scary starting somewhere else, and that means leaving friends she has made here. Also I feel turning down the solo would make it awkward if we stayed. Also she really loved her time at competitions, so that part would be missing.​Not sure if there's any advice anyone could offer or anything we haven't considered, but thanks for reading anyway. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2FCknyW