A mom told me my kid makes her kid uncomfortable

Throwaway. I chose support for my flair but advice is welcome. I just needed to type this out.We’ve lived in our neighborhood for three years and when we first moved, my daughter Jane was 8 years old. We tried to get her to connect with other 8 year old girls, but nothing really took. Jane enrolled in school and sort of made friends eventually, but it was a very long and challenging process with a lot of tears. She graduated from elementary school this spring and none of her friends have reached out to her this summer. Then about a year and a half ago, one girl in our neighborhood, Emma, seemed interested in being friends with Jane. Emma is a year younger than Jane but they seemed to hit it off. Emma would invite Jane over to her house, they hung out when we all ran into each other at common spaces/events, etc.In the meantime, this past winter we brought Jane to an area research hospital to have her assessed. She’d been diagnosed earlier with ADHD and mild depression and the anxiety that goes along with ADHD. After her assessment, she was additionally diagnosed with high functioning autism, which did NOT surprise me. She misses cues, says the wrong thing at the wrong times, and has trouble with some kinds of conversation. Add in her impulse control as a result of the ADHD and she can come across a “weird” kid. I know this about her and I try to coach her when I can, but I also want her to be herself and feel like she is OK the way she is.This weekend, I brought Jane to a neighborhood party, and Emma was there with her family. Emma’s mom, Kate, comes up to me and locks me into a conversation about our kids, schools, etc. I’m not really friends with Kate, though we do socialize and have mutual friends. So as we’re sitting there talking about our kids she takes a big breath like she wants to get something out. She’s smiling nice and big, too. Essentially she says to me that Jane makes Emma uncomfortable and that Emma doesn’t know how to handle it. Jane stands too close and is awkward and Emma doesn’t know what to do about it. Kate starts telling me how she is trying to coach Emma to “just be kind” and polite and find excuses not to hang out. She is telling me this as though we’re in this together as moms—we’re both just trying to help our kids! She also sort of acted out how stiff and uncomfortable Emma felt around Jane and how she told Emma to just “blame things on her mom,” i.e. “I can’t hang out right now because my mom and I are doing something.” She then said "I'm telling you this in case Jane ever comes home and says "Why is Emma being mean to me?"The whole time I’m standing there with a plate of pulled pork in my hand while Kate basically is telling me that my kid is creepy, that she’s creeping out her daughter, and that she’s coaching her daughter in how to get away from my daughter.And here’s the thing. I know Jane makes Emma uncomfortable because I’m not a fucking idiot. I see it. I’ve been gently trying to direct Jane away from Emma without telling her that Emma wants nothing to do with her. So first of all, I’m not sure what Kate is trying to do/say beyond telling me to keep Jane away from Emma, which I already do, thanks very much. And secondly, and more poignantly, Jane has NO friends here in our community and no one who stuck in school. We are looking at one private school for next year but it’s not like that will make her challenges go away. I’m not sure if it’s the kind of thing where she just needs to find the kids who like her for who she is or if we need to give her more support and coaching.What I do know is that the heartbreak of hearing another parent tell you your weird kid makes their normal kid uncomfortable is not something I really know how to get over. And the fact that Kate did this in the middle of a party where I couldn’t really do anything except smile and nod made it even worse.My kid tries so hard. She wants friends so badly. She is smart, funny, artistic and yes—she is odd. Right now her only friend is her little brother, who’s five. I wish someone would just tell me how to help her and that everything would be OK for her someday.TL;DR: Another mom told me my HFA/ADHD kid makes her kid uncomfortable. I worry that this will be something my daughter has to deal with the rest of her life. I am angry at the mom, but I also want to help my daughter and I don’t know how. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2xmmTou