My wife and I have four children, ranging in age from two to sixteen. Our second eldest is my daughter and the focus of this post, whom we'll call 'Emma'.Before we even had our first child, my wife and I both had extensive experience with kids. My wife ran a daycare for many years and I often worked with troubled kids in my line of work. Normal worries aside, I always felt we were pretty good parents. Our kids are awesome. Well-behaved, polite, hard-working, independent, on and on. Emma is too. Don't get me wrong, I love my little girl. But ever since she was about twelve, things with her and only her have been a struggle.She's fifteen now. We don't know what to do with her anymore. We're scared for her future. She used to just back-talk and not want to do chores, but that quickly escalated into more serious offensives. She drinks. She smokes (weed & cigarettes). She skips school, and when she doesn't she lands herself in detention. Also got suspended in 7th grade, for telling another student she was going to "slit her throat and make it look like an accident". Never does her homework. Her fighting with her older brother escalated from normal sibling squabbling to physical confrontations. This was all bad enough and we did what we could, everything from punishment to rewards-based encouragement. Nothing made any difference. She laughed in our face. Then she got arrested for vandalizing the park at about one in the morning - unbeknownst to us, she frequently sneaks out. My wife and I talked and decided she needs a change. She doesn't respond to public school or punishments like our other kids, so maybe she's different. We looked into everything from private school to home school to boarding school, and that's where we found our solution. We found one upstate that seemed perfect. It had lots of recreational activities perfect for an artsy/outdoorsy kid like her, good academics curricular, etc etc. We proposed the idea to her and surprisingly enough, she was for it. I think it was mostly because she doesn't want to live with us anymore, but I digress. That was that, we drove her up there and got her settled into her dorm, dropped her off. All was well. She called a few days later and seemed like she was doing great, even did her school work and stayed out of trouble.She got kicked out two weeks later after getting into a fist fight with another student and repeatedly slamming her head into a wall. We had to go pick her up that day. The other girl's parents wanted to press charges, we ended up in court...wasn't good. It's something EVERY DAY with her. She pushes her younger siblings around, yells over everything, breaks things, breaks the rules, argues, makes everything a fight. I know as soon as the school year starts back up, so will the constant detentions, suspensions, failing grades, and notes from the teacher. She was in therapy for two months until one day she absolutely refused to go again. Believe me, I wanted her to, but short of hog tying her and throwing her in the trunk, she wasn't going to go. She never said why. You can't talk to her. She absolutely will not have a real conversation with my wife nor me. She just snarks and makes sarcastic comments then rolls her eyes and leaves. Occasionally, she will call her "uncle" (my best friend/family friend) and talk to him, but not her own parents. She even asked if she could live with him or her grandma. I don't get it. What's so bad about us? I'm patient. I'm understanding. There's nothing she can't tell me and I've always made that clear. Within reason, if she wants something I'm happy to provide it to her, same with our other kids.My wife is pretty much done. I'm frustrated with how angry she is, but at this point she avoids our daughter. Our daughter goes the hardest on her, so as much as I hate to say it, I see why she's broken. She's slapped her, says hateful horrible things, etc.I truly don't know what went wrong with her. My wife and I have loved her every bit as much as our other kids. We supported her, we picked her up when she fell and told her to dust herself off, we tell our kids how important education is and let them know we're always down to help with their homework, I could go on. I just don't know what to do with her anymore. I know with all my heart she's heading down the wrong path. I don't know what to do with her. The only thing I can think of is let her go to juvenile detention next time she gets herself in trouble. Thus far I have bailed her out and done what I can, but that seems so cruel.Anybody have some advice or wisdom to share? I'm all ears. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2yEJLDf
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