Well this is going to be a long and interesting update. We talked to her about my pregnancy, and turns out part of the reason she was so angry was the way some of her friends talked about my husband. But the the innocent crushes they had on him were actually a bigger deal than we thought, and we ended up in arguments with one of the girls parents.Here is a link to my original post, for the background on this.About her reaction to my pregnancy: Last night after we put our younger 2 to bed, our 13 year old went to her room, and shut her door. Around 9:30, while we were binge watching Netflix, she came out and sat between us, we talked about what we needed to do the next day. She said said she didn't want to go, she wanted to stay home with us. I asked her if she wanted to go, but have her dad take her around instead of me, and she said no, looked at him and said "No, I'm kinda of annoyed with you too, I know mom didn't get herself pregnant". So we told her we respect her decision to not go to gymnastics practice, and she can stay home, but her sisters still needed to go to their activities. She gave me the saddest look and started crying, and said she really wanted us to herself, we told her we can, I texted some friends and made arrangements for the girls to go with them tomorrow. She didn't want to talk with us then, but we let her stay up with us, she fell asleep on her dad (which hasn't happened in years), then he carried her to her bedThis morning after I got our 2 youngest ready and out the door, I surprised her with her favorite breakfast, and when she was done, we sat her down and asked her how she was feeling. She started crying and said everything is going to change and that "dad is always gone, he's always busy, [youngest sister] is always with him, I'm never going to see him now". So he gave her a big hug, told her he loved her, and that he's going to spend more time with her. I reminded her I'll be a SAHM in less than 2 weeks, so she'll have more of my attention too, but she said we already spend more time together. She's also worried I won't be able to always go to competitions and games with her if I'm on bed rest like I was with my last 2 pregnancies, and when the baby gets here, I'll have to stay home with it until he/she is older. I told her if I'm on bed rest, I'm really sorry, and I'm going to try my best to come to all her games/competitions. We also discussed how I'm going to be the mom, and I don't expect her to change diapers, feed the baby, get up with him/her, etc. because it's my job, not hers. She said sometimes she's okay with doing it, and I told her thank you, but she should never feel obligated to do it. She's also worried that we won't be able to afford sports or gymnastics anymore, and we reassured her that we had the money.Lastly, she said the worst part is it embarrasses her that it's now obvious that my husband and I are intimate with each other, and she said now her friends will know too, and some of them are going to say sexual stuff about him. She's also grossed out thinking about the baby because she knows how they're made and she doesn't want to think about that. Then she asked me to find her someone to talk to again, and we told her we love her and we're so proud of her for opening up about this, so we decided to give her her phone back a day early. We also promised her this is going to be the last baby, and and she was very relieved to hear that, but asked him to get snipped, which we already have plans for.About her friend's crushes on her dad/violence towards them: My husband asked her about how she felt about her friends liking him, and she said it was genuinely funny at first because hes "old and [she doesn't] understand what they see in him", but over the past few months, it's gotten more crude, and recently a few of them have said pretty graphic things, but she didn't want to tell me at the time because she was worried I'd be jealous. However, she was angry about the baby, so when they were talking about guys they like and some of her friends started talking about my husband again, it made her really mad. Then when her best friend went to go say hi when he was picking up the girls, she just wanted to stop her from getting near her dad. I told her I appreciate that she was worried about me, but I'm not jealous of them, and I love that she loves and cares about her dad so much. But it's not okay to put your hands on another person, especially in anger. She agreed, and said she was just feeling really overwhelmed.So I asked her about the incident the next day, and she said her and her friends were talking about guys from school and sexual things they'd like with them, but one not close friend mentioned my husband, and how she thinks his arms and quarter sleeve tattoos are hot and wants to touch them. Another girl agreed, then said something sexual she'd like to do to him. She started glaring at the girl, so she asked her if she was okay, and in return, she jumped up, pushed her over, and started yelling at her. She said she knew it was wrong, but she was mad they would talk about her dad that way. I agreed with her, but told her that they really shouldn't talk about any guy like that, even the boys at school, and explained to her what sexual objectification is. But I remember what it was like being a teenage girl, so I'd like her to just tone the conversations about it down a bit when they do talk about it. She said she'll work it on and try to change the subject if they start talking about it, and we thanked her.I had 4 sets of parents call me about my daughter pushing her friend over at day camp, 2 just wanted phone calls, so we asked her to go to her room, and we called them. One set apologized profusely, and said they had a talk with their daughter about boundaries, and how inappropriate it is to talk about him, or any guy, that way, but especially your friend's married dad. Their daughter even asked to talk to our daughter, and she apologized.The other phone call was insane. They also had the same talk with their daughter, but they went through her phone and social media.... and she's in a lot of trouble. Why? Turns out she has a few pictures of guys she likes from school on her phone, but she has dozens of pictures of my husband that she took: some in his uniform while he was at the middle school with our daughter, shirtless cutting our grass, in the pool with our younger 2 girls, cooking in the kitchen, cleaning the pool, me and him from behind with his arm around me, etc. She also submitted some of them and some pictures from his Instagram/Facebook to an Instagram page that has over 250,000 followers about hot guys. They sent me the link to it, and yep, it's a picture she took of him shirtless in our backyard standing next to the pool, a video he put on Instagram of him working out, a shirtless selfie he took after working out, and a picture of me and him at the beach, but he's wearing a speedo (she blurred out my face, but the rest of the picture was cut off, it shows other Marines he works with all wearing them to annoy their Gunnery Sergeant, it was a joke), and it had thousands of likes and comments. Some people just commented how hot he is, others were really sexual, and a few were terrible comments about my body. So I messaged whoever runs the page they quickly responded and deleted it the post. This honestly pissed both of us off, we understand the girl is 15, but we felt violated. Because of all this, her parents agreed she shouldn't come over at all for now, but said we didn't do anything wrong, and they don't want to to ruin the girl's friendship, so they can still see each other at gymnastics, hang out away from our house, and school this fall. We told our daughter, and she said she was done with her, and although we didn't show her the post or pictures she took, she was really grossed out by the idea of it, and said she didn't want to hang out with someone who would do that to her dad and I. So now gymnastic practice is going to be a little awkward, but she said she can handle it.The other 2 sets of parents came over, and we're friendly with one set, and have an interesting history with the wife of the other one (they lived across the street from us on base, and she would sit on the porch and watch my husband cut the grass, asked for help moving heavy boxes while her husband was gone, then answers the door wearing a bikini, along with a history of sexual comments about him). The friendly ones had no idea my husband our daughter's biological father, he does look younger, like he's in his early 20s, so they assumed he was her step dad, not that it makes the situation much better, but they now definitely understand why she was so upset. They brought over a case a beer for my husband and brownies for me and apologized, and said they had a talk with their daughter about it.The other set of parents flipped out. They blamed us, the wife called my husband a "Scandinavian predator" (he's half Norwegian, I'm not sure if she knew that, but I'm guessing it was a reference to him being 6'2" with blue eyes) and said he must have been asking for everything, because he sometimes goes running without a shirt and he walks around without a shirt on outside a lot, and he was tempting the girls by wearing shirts that show off his muscles (He doesn't show them off, that's just how shirts fit when you're muscular). He was surprisingly calm during this, because he knows she's a little crazy, but then her husband got into his face, and started cussing and said he got me pregnant when I was 15, so he must have a thing for teenage girls. Never mind the fact that he was also 15 at the time, he was kid too. So my husband started yelling back, the husband from the first set of parents stepped in between them and pushed them apart and threatened to call the cops of the crazy couple, and said the should probably leave. They yelled some more while walking out saying they're going to tell everyone and left. The couple we're friendly with said they know he's not a predator, and the wife is also a Marine and knows some of my husband's female coworkers- apparently even they were talking about him when we first PCS'd here, and said she see's the look in their eyes when they talk about him, so if grown women are going to react that way, than to quote her "Look at you! Of course hormonal teenage girls are going want a piece of that", haha. Thankfully, most people here know that the crazy woman is obsessed with drama, so they're not going to believe a word that comes out of her mouth.Once everyone left, my husband went upstairs to apologize for the yelling, and said everyone was gone, so they could spend some time together. He then let her decide what she wanted to do, and she decided she wanted to go get Sweet Frog and then go see Incredibles 2. While getting ready, she asked when we were going to tell her sisters that I'm pregnant, and we told her she could help decide when and how we tell them- she got excited about that. They're at the movies right now, but he sent me pictures of her smiling and laughing while eating frozen yogurt, and I'm happy she's smiling again. I really appreciate the advice everyone gave me in my last post, it was very helpful. I feel like I'm getting my sweet girl back. :)TL/DR: We sat our daughter down and had a really good talk with her. She opened up a lot, said it grosses her out that I'm pregnant, and she's worried about change, and she's worried her dad won't be able to spend as much time with her. We talked through her feelings, but we still have some work to do, so I'm making her an appointment with a counselor on Monday. Regarding our daughter's friend's crushes on her dad, it took an unexpected turn, turns out one of the was a tad bit obsessed with him, she posted pictures of him online,and our daughter decided not to be friends with her anymore. We also got into an argument with one of the girl's parents. My husband and daughter are at the movie's right now, and she seems a lot happier. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2KDflm7
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