Teen Sons Embarrassing Me At Games

My teen sons play summer basketball and while they’re athletically very talented, they can be hotheaded and have often embarrassed me at games by letting opposing players get to them in various ways and either getting yelled at by opposing team couches, occasionally getting techs, instigating things (shoving, cussing at opposing players, clapping in face). It’s more the younger teen, but both have had issues. Let me make it clear that these boys have been raised with very clear and rigid expectations of respect, especially for adults but in general. I’m not one of those parents that jumps up to defend my kid regardless of the scenario - when they’re wrong I’m the first to call them on it and we institute and carry out consequences.Although I was a single mom in their younger years (divorced from their father - no contact, bad situation), I am remarried and have been with their stepfather for 7 yrs now, and we have a stable and loving home.When they lose control in these games, even if there may be mitigating factors (refs letting too many fouls go uncalled, aggressive coaches, etc), I firmly believe they must be mentally tough enough not to fall into the trap of instigating aggression and disrespect. At the worst, my older son told an opposing coach to eff off today after a game, when he perceived he was encouraging his players to roughly foul him (thought he had a black eye). I pulled him outside immediately and read him the riot act. I asked his coaches to bench him for the next game, with a possible suspension. He apologized to the coach, and we spoke with the coach as well who was very gracious. We also spoke with his coaches and had him apologize. We have discussed with them at length the fact that they’re lessening themselves, letting team down, disrespecting and hurting team, playing right into other teams strategy of ‘getting into their heads’, etc. They may go several games without an issue but as I’m a very anxious person in general and deeply embarrassed by their conduct, it’s becoming so hard for me sit through their games watching their every move hoping they’re not getting overly agitated, unsure how they’ll handle it. I worry about what other parents think of me/them, and that my boys will be perceived as the troublemakers (in spite of this, they’re not bad kids).We have discussed issues with coaches etc, but the reason I’m here is because I want to hear from others who may have had or having similar experiences, or perhaps went through this themselves as a teen. I worry about what it could mean for them as adults.FYI - the younger teen is in therapy to improve his coping skills, with diagnosis of possible ODD or ADHD, not sure yet. He’s had behavioral issues in school (not typically fighting but oppositional with some teachers) but is usually very well behaved and respectful at home. The older teen is in high school with no behavioral issues and does well on his school team. He used to be somewhat oppositional in school also but matured when he hit high school a couple years ago. Planning to get him into therapy soon as well to address these issues I’m referring to.Please share your experiences and advice. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NehCWU