38/M and have a 5 year old & a 3 year old.I love my kids. But I can say with 110% certainty that if I had the chance to go back to my 30th birthday and do it all over again, I wouldn't have become a parent.Please don't get me wrong. I would be devastated if something happened to them. I would take a bullet for them without thinking. I would go without dinner every night if that is what it took to feed them. I do everything to make sure they have an amazing life.It just feels like their amazing life has come at the expense of everything I liked about my previous life and all my interests and all my hopes for the future.But I feel like I was meant to be their "cool uncle" and not their "dad" if that makes sense. I like being around kids. I was always the cool uncle, but I didn't truly think about what it would mean for my life to not be able to give them back at the end of the day and go back to my life, a life rich with travel, free time to pursue my hobbies, the freedom to be spontaneous, disposable income. I love my children but I feel like the sacrifices are greater than the rewards and could have continued to have the joys children bring to your life without the immense sacrifices it takes to have your own.I feel like every day, I am just going through the motions doing things where the novelty has well and truly worn off. It was fun to have nieces/nephews for a few days....it is not fun to still have the kids in my house days, months years later with out a week. I feel like I'm not really living my life anymore and it's like I'm waiting for the "real" dad to come and "save" me by picking them up and then I go back to my life and drop by to play "cool uncle" once a month. I hate how much it is getting me down because I feel like an asshole. I don't really think therapy will help because it is not PPD, it is just feeling like I made a big mistake. But I made the bed and now must lie in it because once you'd made the bed, you can't remake it.Both kids have ADHD and are difficult compared to my nieces/nephews and honestly, this makes the regret feel even worse. They need expensive treatment and are just difficult all around. I had to give up my dream career opportunity because it would involve too much travel and it is not fair to saddle my wife with the kids on her own. I haven't travelled in 6 years and miss it terribly. I miss that my wife used to put effort into her physical appearance and buying nice lingerie and having sex with me, while now she is a mother, she has let herself go and uses it as an excuse to basically be a slob and rarely have sex. I love her but it frustrates me so much. Whenever I try and talk to her about it, she starts screaming about the unfair expectations on women. I'm not at all expecting her to look like Gisele Bundchen or whatever, I just wish she'd make some effort. She is very overweight honestly bordering on obese and I've lost most of my attraction to her and it's like she doesn't care at all.Having kids means I won't retire early and will be working much longer. I'd can't remember the last day I just got to do something for myself. I spend all my money on the kids and hate that I resent it. I had to move out into the burbs and don't like it. I hate my "parenting lifestyle" and miss my pre-kids marriage. I hate that I have such selfish feelings but they are what they are and I just. Yeah. I love them but wish they were not mine and I was the "uncle".I don't know. Anyone else feel this way so I can feel less alone? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2EjJmoR
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