Thursday 25 January 2018

15 year old son has no friends, very apathetic


I'm concerned. My 15 y/o son (HS sophomore, small suburban school, southern US) simply seems to not care about anything. Most notably, he seems to have no friends in or outside of school. His social status seems to have been declining for a while. He's never been remotely close to a girl, but in 8th grade he had a solid, socially-adjusted friend group. Most of them, however, either went to a different high school or stopped interacting with him within a year.From 7th grade to early freshman year, he seemed to undergo constant mood swings. I noticed a change after winter break 9th grade where the lows never changed but the highs weakened significantly.He doesn't really communicate that much or really bring up anything, with a lot of one-word answers and such. He just seems empty and non-expressive. He doesn't even have any real interests anymore. He already has plenty but he has hardly even requested anything - he got $250 for Christmas and he's hardly spent any of it.At school, he's not involved with anything and he doesn't really put in much effort. Despite this, his grades are still good but don't match his ability. He never actually studies for anything and gets 90% of his homework done at school. Currently, his unweighted GPA is a 3.87 and he is enrolled in advanced classes (by his school's standards). His class rank is barely in the top 20% though, because it is expressed on a 100-point scale and he usually does just enough to get an A-, even in easy non-core classes where people who try get 97s, since it is "still a 4.0". He does great on standardized tests, much better than his percentile rank suggests. His PSAT was around 1400 (50 points away from NMF in our state) and he took the ACT and did even better, 32 (sophomore, first try). Despite being ranked around #30 out of 170, his PSAT was top 5 in the grade (fairly average school).Now, the most concerning things, mostly gleamed from things he has let slip:His general attitude towards school, his school in particular, and classmates. He seems to think, even if there are many millions of people more intelligent and driven than him, that his school is full of idiots. He often refers to his classmates as "spoiled rich kids", and once said the girls at his school were "stuck up bitches". He simultaneously exhibits both a superiority complex and inferiority complex. He doesn't have the social connections to get drugs (I'm assuming), so he looks down on people who drink or do drugs. He seems to hate anyone who wears brands like Vineyard Vines / Patagonia, has an iPhone, or got a car from their parents, in particular.Self-defeatism / apathy. He already has his learner's permit but doesn't want to take the time to learn how to drive. He said a car won't do anything for him because he has no friends and nowhere to go anyway. He said something similar about the idea of working out. I notice a lot of "casual" self-deprecation. He said he feels physically and mentally immature compared to others. IHis sleep schedule. During the summer, he would sleep from 7am to 3pm many days. Even though he's not doing homework, he goes to sleep at 2-3 on school nights (waking up at 7:20), claiming to be unable to fall asleep any earlier. On weekends/breaks, he tries to make up for it by sleeping 10-12 hours. I don't know how he survives school on 4 hours of sleep.Next year, he wants to apply to the state's academic boarding school, but he'll fail out academically and socially with his current mindset and work ethic. He thinks people there will be more like him. The biggest problem is that if he finds himself socially marginalized there, there isn't really an escape in just going home. He said he's willing to put in the extra work if he's "surrounded by people who actually give a shit", but no school is perfect or what it claims to be. I'm not even sure what chance he holds of getting in. His test scores are great, GPA is alright, and he's a solid writer (essays). However, any one of these things could sink his app: teacher evaluations, lack of activities, class rank. He really wants to get out of his current school. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2FiAOxO

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