Tuesday 30 January 2018

As parents, we're probably asking the wrong questions to our kids when it comes to what they did at school.


I'm sure it happened to a couple of you that when your kid comes home from school you excitedely ask them what they learned and that they casually reply 'I don't know' or 'I can't remember.' As you probably guessed, it's not that they haven't actually learned anything meaningful it's probably that you're just asking the wrong questions. I've noticed that if I ask my 5 and 6 year old what they did in class, they'll give me the usual 'drawing, painting, sticking stuff, reading...' Okay... Did you learn anything new? 'Uh yeah....' Like that... 'Uhm I don't know!'It's probably because it requires a lot of energy to 1. think about your whole day and pick through what you've done to see you did and 2. to think about what was new to you and rephrase it to your parents. At that point your kid is probably tired of thinking about school and just wants to play and cool off. After all, I personally don't feel like talking about work just after work.So what I feel is best (and suggest to parents when they write to me telling me that their kids never say anything about what goes on in school) is to first of all let your kid breath and play. Don't make it a first question right as they come home (unless of course they're so excited that they just scream it out.) Before homework, take a few minutes to ask open questions about your kid's day. Ex: Anything new happened today? Vary this question daily, otherwise it gets expected and boring. Then, the important step before starting homework is 'What do you think your homework will be about?' Usually homework is a summary of what has been seen through the day or the week. So your kid should be able to have a slight idea of what will be in there. After that, just lead the discussion... 'Oh so you had math today? Did you also have history? Cool, what did you see? Oh! Any projects?' and so goes on.If you get to the 'What do you think your homework will be about?' and get a 'I dunno!' Then just open the homework and look through the material. Let's say it's about additions, ask your kid if he's seen additions, take it from there.Some kids will still be pretty closed about the whole thing, so I found an approach that works most of the time. It's the feedback approach. So instead of asking them what *they* learned during the day, ask them what the teacher told them or the class during the day. A teacher in general gives about 1 personal feedback per 25 minutes and 1-2 class feedbacks in 30 minutes. So surely the teacher has personally interacted with your child at a certain point. Ask them what did they say to the class in general and what they explained. Most kids will start with things like 'My teacher made us look through pamphlets and told us to search for all the words of the week.' ect. This approach also decupabilises your child. If your kid is explaining what his teacher did, it's nothing that *he* did. Why is that important? Because most parents will react negatively when their kids tell them things they've done in school. Think about it. You ask your kids what they did today, they told you they painted... What did you paint? 'A heart' A heart? 'yeah.' Is that what the teacher asked to paint? Kids has to wonder if he did the right thing... Not that much fun. As opposed to... What did your teacher say today? 'To paint a heart' So you painted a heart? 'Yup, with glitters.' Less stressful for the kid.Sorry for making this so long! I was just talking to a colleague who said her kids always say they do nothing at school and we (as teachers) both know it's completely false, so that the problem must be the kind of questions we ask out children. Try it out! I'm curious to see how it goes at home, I know it's worked in my household.Oh! And also ask the teacher for a classe's schedule, it will help you know when your kid has X or Y activity and will help you with the conversation. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2GxEbSK

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