One of my kids is a handful. A real handful. She's one of those kids who parents make posts on here (me included) where they literally do not know what to do anymore. Defiant, aggressive, malicious, etc. ODD and ADHD don't even begin to cover some of the oppositional and defiant behaviour...you get the picture. The problem is, that even with how difficult she is, I'm the only one who seems to be able to get through to her even a little bit. My wife and all of the grandparents don't seem to be able to handle her the same way I can, which makes me put added stress, pressure, and guilt on myself when I'm not there. She has been diagnosed with some things and she is in the process of getting treated for those things. She has improved significantly but she still has a looooong way to go. But this post isn't about that.I'll put the TL;DR at the top - I've pretty much shut my life down because of how much I'm struggling with parenting. I'm afraid and ashamed of being seen as a failure of a parent if anyone else has to deal with my daughter when she's at her worst. As a result, I only leave the house to go to work, and even then I feel guilty and afraid in the morning and afternoon when she's not at school and her grandparents are watching her.Anyway, here's the long version...I've been having a really hard time as a dad dealing with all of her behaviour issues. It's really taken its toll and broken me down to the point where I often regret becoming a parent. I'm seriously no longer the person I used to be. I have completely withdrawn from my social life and hobbies for what I think are three reasons that are all kind of tied to the same thing. I'm in therapy, which is helping "unpack" a lot of the shit I have bottled up, and here are some of the things that I recently realized...I just don't have it in me to get together with friends for a night out anymore, because I don't want to pretend that everything's just fucking great. I can't smile and laugh and "let go" when I'm out with friends because I'm just so goddamn depressed that I can't even pretend to be "me" anymore (yes, actual clinical depression) . So rather than have to try to put on a brave face and fake it (which everyone has seen through in the past - "hey man, everything okay? You seem down." etc.) I just don't bother going so they can actually enjoy themselves. Nobody wants to be the Debbie Downer,/drama queen moping around someone else's house or at the bar or whatever, right? The problem is that some of my friends are pissed off that I've just disappeared without a word, and they've let me know about it. I don't have the balls to tell them the truth, and I just feel worse about it because they're pissed at me.I don't participate in my away-from-the-house hobbies any more - partly because of the same reason as #1, but also because of a situation my wife completely unintentionally created. Since the bad behaviour started 4 years ago, every time I've left the house, I've returned to a report about how hard it was while I was gone. Fine. I get that. Parents need to be on the same page. The problem is that it wasn't just a standard report of the things my wife had to deal with. The report started - EVERY TIME - with "The second you walked out the door..." So it got to the point where I was becoming conditioned to feel like shit for leaving the house for any reason, because "the second I walk out the door" I know the shit is going to hit the fan. Logically I know that makes no sense, because my wife is exactly half of the parenting team, and me leaving for work/hobby/grocery shopping/home depot runs is not the reason my kid started acting up, but emotionally speaking , being reminded over and over that when I'm not there she's noticeably worse just made me not want to leave the house.Now, before you tell me it was intentional by my wife, let me just remind you that you've never met her. I've known her for 27 years, and you have no idea what she is like as a person, or what her intentions were. We talked about it last night, and when I told her what that has done to me over the last few years, she was absolutely mortified, she broke down in tears, and it took me 10 minutes to calm her down. She promised to never do it again, and apologized for another 10 minutes. As a random internet person, I would instinctively think she was doing it on purpose too, but believe me...she wasn't. Anyway, what her intentions were doesn't change the fact that the damage is done and now I can't leave the house without worrying that she's terrorizing everyone in my absence.My wife and I pretty much have full-time access to child care any time we want/need it. Our parents all live less than a mile away, all are retired, and are available any time we need them. The problem is that we don't/can't take advantage of our good fortune because I am literally not able to have a good time even when I'm out with my wife because of the constant worry that my daughter is terrorizing her grandparents. I feel guilty for subjecting them to that kind of stress, I feel like it reflects poorly on me as a parent (everybody judges, right?) and I feel like a failure every time I hand my child over to my parents knowing how much of a challenge they have ahead of them. So we have our "date nights" in short outings on weekend nights after the kids go to bed - which is about 9:00. By the time a grandparent comes over, we get ready and leave it's usually 9:30 and due to our jobs we just don't have the energy or desire to stay out well past midnight so it's either a late-night dinner or (not and) a movie (which one of us inevitably ends up falling asleep at), and back home and off to bed. Our social life is pretty much zero.And local babysitters are not an option either. The only options are older siblings of kids she goes to school with and they are all familiar with my daughter (some are even victims of my daughter's bullying), and would under no circumstances want to spend any time with her for any amount of money.So I guess I'm asking if this is something any of you who have difficult kids struggle with - and if so, what are your strategies? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2zcH0bJ
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