So I am a new dad. 5 mo old baby boy. long post. I need helpMy wife and I had things happen pretty quick. we are only 1.5 yrs in to our relatiionship total. We are also young. I am 23 and she is 21. we were both raised relatively different. I had a split family, mom remarried, step-dad was abusive, but I learned hard work and respect as well as a lot of other things you learn working on a farm from age 10. She grew up in a non-affection showing, pastors house (oxymoron?) with a relatively normal upbringing. Never really saw parents fight, she was supported through all things (but as far as I can tell, mainly given the solutions rather than finding on her own), and has never expressed any hardships she has experienced.So that brings us to the present. She is the most loving and caring mother ever. And I knew she would be which is why I got down on one knee quick. So as a result she naturally gravitated towards attachment parenting. Now pre birth, we hadn't really talked about anything regarding it. I had no idea about it, but I trusted her and let her make those calls.So my job requires me to work away from home. Usually I'm gone from 530am to about 8pm IF I am able to come home, but more often than not, I spend on average 2 to 3 nights away from home. And then I'll have 2 or 3 days off consecutively. Currently I'm on the first night of being away 6 nights in a row, which is the longest so far.So she calls me tonight crying saying "I can't so this, I'm so tired, I'm not okay etc." I do my best to comfort her, but I have a fever of 101 right now bc I didn't sleep last night due to being up with our son from 2am to 6am and then taking him from 7 until 9 to let her sleep without him in the bed. Then I went to work.Now I know she is exhausted. the 4 month sleep regression took it's toll on her, and he might still have some residual affects. So things are hard. She is also pretty dependent on me to keep her sane. And if I'm not physically there. it's hard for her. She has been saying a lot of "take him because im too tired for this" or "I'm getting angry" after only 3 minutes of standing and bouncing. physically I'm stronger and more capable as well as mentally more levelled to hold him for way longer. I also don't have to deal with it every night, so I'm not trying to put her down or say I'm better in any way, I'm just trying to say I think she is pretty defeated now.I also know, that no matter what form of parenting you practice l, it's MOM first correct? As a mom if you do not prioritize your physical and mental health first, you will not be able to take care of your LO.Now I should be there very night. ideally I'd have a 9 to 5, but with no degree, I take whay I get, and move when opportunities present themselves. She doesn't know, but I've looked for other jobs and the only way I can afford financially for what ive gotten would be to work two jobs. And I think that might be worse. idk. I do my best to support her, but at what point do I say "you have to make some changes for your sake." or do I never say that? There is no perfect mom, and no perfect family situation. I am far from a perfect husband and father. But I don't know what to say to her and have her accept it. She is thoroughly convinced this is my fault, and I should be doing something different and I should be trying harder.And maybe I should be, it's not that I'm not, but maybe there is a way I could try harder. I don't know, I do a lot I think.I see it like this. I've taken about 1k a month pay cut in order to be home more, which barely gets us by. We are already behind on bills because i took two months off after our son was born and went through my savings. I get paid for days worked. And since September I've been home an extra 6 to 8 days. But as the man I also have to provide emotionally which is why I took the pay cut. (we live in miami, it's not cheap)What do I do. How so I tell her she needs to prioritize herself more. She needs to let him fuss for 10 minutes so she can make herself breakfast. I love co sleeping, but what are you supposed to do, if you are physically incapable of holding him for more than 5 minutes and it takes at least 30 for him to fall asleep. I'm aware that there is no easy, quick fix button. But she isn't used to that. And even though patience is my strong suit, I'm just at a loss of what to do. She is gungho for attachment parenting, and I support her as best I can, but I also see a different reality. Plenty of babies have been born and plenty of mom's and dad's have done their best. Is it bad if I would of done thiings differently if I would of know we would be where we are. Everything I read about AP is relationships suffering and while I agree with the science. 2 to 3 yrs of this compared to all the development of toddler aged to kindergarten to preteen to teenager is not worth it. But that's based off a traditional, non science based, personal opinion derived from my own life.tl;dr how do you do attachment parenting when I am away from the house for days at a time. How do I support my wife. What does it look like for her to prioritize her physical and mental health while doing attachment parenting. How does co sleeping work, if there is no sleeping. What kinds of schedules can you incorporate while also supporting your LO. I know 5 months is early. Which is why I'm scared as I've read some mom's go through this until 1yr+ AP MIGHT be what's best scientifically, but i do not believe following it exactly is what's best for our family. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2gSeYL2
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