When to use force and when to use patience, kid doesn't listen. My son is almost 4.

It occurs when my son doesn't want to get in the car or wear his shoes, take a shower, go to sleep. I try to explain to him why we are doing what and try to entice a reward. I'll read 5 books if we go now but if we waste time i'll only read 1. He sleeps at 9 but this can go on for an hour. Sometimes he doest though its mixed. When I use force i turn off all the lights and go upstairs and wait for him. He cries "why did you leave me" , "i dont like to be by myself." I'm tired and i dont have time to neogitiate every night for 30 mins to an hour. I'm very patience if he is in the middle of something i'll let him finish. But sometimes enough is enough.​Or when he is taking a bubble bath he wont leave. Sometimes i lose my patience I just grab him out, he cries. I hug him. Done. Or sometimes he wont wear his clothes and he is jumping around naked. I can only say please dont jump for so long. After 30 mins or less I grab him and hold him still and say "I said stop jumping and lets wear clothes" and "I put his clothes on him and sometimes he fights me and he doesn't want to wear it" So he cries and my wife she doesn't like to hear my son cry. I don't get it.​I have one success that he listens to me, i'm tired. I work and do alot of things. And when i'm napping on the couch my son wont bother me cause my patience is zero. I am grumpy of course I dont like myself when i lose my temper with my son. He knows how to play himself. And its a success, he wont bother me when i'm sleeping and he will ask me "papa have you waked up" and i reward him and i play with him. I tell him if he lets me rest i will play with him. He will bother my wife when she is sleeping this is the only example I have to convince her to show some tough love.​But with everything else its a challenge my wife wont let me use some tough decipline. Because he will cry once or twice but he wont cry the third time he just listens this is what i'm trying to convey to my wife. But maybe i'm wrong I can sometimes be to aggressive but waiting 30 minutes or up to an hour to negotiate with a child is maddeing sometimes. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2nv0pzQ