My ex husband and I (30F) have been separated/divorced since she was around 2 years old. He had major alcoholism that 2 rounds of rehab could not fix, as well as cheated on me constantly and raped me drunk one night and refused to stop doing cocaine. He got 3 days a week custody which mostly involved my daughter going to his moms for 3 days and seeing him for a few hours at a time. When my daughter was 4 years old, she told me her biological father had put his fingers inside her while she was laying on her belly. I took her to the hospital, she told a forensic child psychologist what happened in detail, and Child Protective Services made a finding of sexual abuse against him. During the investigation, he was granted supervised visits at his parents house where he physically abused her, left bruises which were also documented by the police.We had a 3 year court battle during which the courts determined that the timeline of her story was too inconsistent and decided not to charge him with a crime. They also said the physical abuse was terrible but not illegal since our state allows corporal punishment and there are no specific definitions of what that is. A GAL investigated his life and recommended visits could not happen at his house as it is unfit for a child, and that he go to rehab a 3rd time. I got primary custody and he went to rehab. A reunification plan was made that involves him first having 6 months of supervised visitation then visitation at his parents house then unsupervised visitation every other weekend with overnights. This started in August. My daughter has been in therapy for the last 3 years. She has never discussed the abuse in detail with her therapist beyond "my dad used to hurt me" or something equally vague. Recently she has been seeing him in public places supervised by her grandfather. I bring her to the place, bring her in, and they stay there for 2 hours once a week and then I pick her up.My whole life is dedicated to making sure she's ok. I bring her to weekly therapy, do her homework with her, meet her at the bus stop, take her to piano and sports lessons, cook her great meals, and do family activities on the weekends. She has friends over twice a week and doesn't really have any behavioral problems. Doesn't have tantrums or get angry. Doesn't have bad dreams. Does whine a lot but I don't think that's abnormal. Her teacher suspects she may have an attention problem though as she has a hard time staying on task and paying attention, and her teacher reports she does not make safe choices. Overall, I haven't felt like her abuse affected her that much and haven't seen evidence of her acting out as a result.My husband and I are currently trying to get pregnant and our family friend/neighbor also just announced her pregnancy. So she has been asking a lot of questions about pregnancy lately including how babies are made. Last month. After pestering me for a few weeks I decided to tell her some matter of fact information, that men and women have different genetalia, that a man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina and that is how she gets pregnant, and that it is only for adults. I also told her about periods. She asked a lot of questions about periods but didn't have any questions about sex. I told her if she wanted to talk about it more later or thought of any more questions to just let me know.Last week, I went to a holiday event at her elementary school and came across a piece of writing that was hung on a wall. It was an "all about me" type of worksheet. She had written she loves singing, dancing, she had gotten lice once, and that her dad punched her in the privates. I took the page down off the wall and put it in my purse. I am intending to bring it up with her therapist tomorrow. I asked her about it and she didn't want to talk about it and thought her teacher wouldn't show anyone. (Her teacher said she didn't read it before she hung it up, wtf).Today, she came into my room and asked what our zip code is. I told her and she went back into her room. She came back out and asked another questions about zip codes. I asked her what this was about and she said nothing. She's not allowed to use the Internet on her iPad except for facetiming her Grammy, so I asked her where all of this was coming from and to bring her iPad into my room. She started crying and brought it in. She had been looking up sex videos. For the last few days. Her searches were for, "what does pinus look like" and "cool sex videos" which brought up some horrendous things like "MILF with big tits likes it in the ass". I'm sure she was not looking to stumble across that kind of hardcore stuff. She's only 7! She went into her room and was crying as I looked at her history. I called her back out to my room and told her that this stuff was for adults only, not for kids. I asked her why she had looked it up, and she said she was wanted to know more. I said why didn't you talk to me? She said she wasn't sure. I told her we were going to take her iPad away since this was very inappropriate.(I understand that I screwed up here by not having the parental controls on the iPad totally locked down). I have since changed the wifi password so she doesn't have Internet access.She has therapy every Monday so we will be bringing this up tomorrow. But I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed. It seems to me that she is WAY TOO YOUNG to be looking up porn. Is this from the abuse? Is it because she has started seeing her dad again? Is it just simply curiosity (at age 7 though)? Is it because we had the talk? Did I give her the talk too soon?I know this is probably way above reddits paygrade. Raising a complicated kid doesn't come with any instructional manual. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2AAvDef
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