This is my first ever reddit post, but I'm a long time reader of other people's posts. It's also going to be epically long, so apologies in advance.I'm a 29 year old mother of 2 girls (2.5 yo and a 3 month old) and I'm starting to really struggle. Since having my first daughter, I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I went from managing a business, knowing exactly where and what I was doing, to staying at home and raising my girls. This has left me with a real feeling if uneasiness, like I'm constantly standing on quick sand. I feel like I don't know what I want to do with my life, as I have no great passions other then my own kids, but would really like an interesting career, preferably helping others, just for me.I have a good support network with my husband (who does as much as he can whilst working full time) but he doesn't really understand how to talk to me about my problems, and gets rather defensive, as if I'm blaming him (which I'm not, I'm extremely grateful for all he does) but he does get to leave the house 5 days a week and have some adult conversation which makes me jealous.And then there's my mother. She raised me (and my two siblings) as a single parent, which made her super controlling. This is really coming to the front now I'm the only child of hers who has given her grandkids. My whole life she used emotional manipulation and nagging to get me to do what she wanted, and now I find myself just going along with things 'for a quiet life' which makes me feel like a doormat. What's worse is she tells me that all I do is stick my head in the sand and I'm too nice, which annoys me as it's just how I learnt to cope with her. She also used to be a big drinker, now it's just down to weekends but she gets hammered, so the feeling of not knowing what reaction is going to come out from mundane things left me with bad anxiety. The two things I don't know how to deal with when it comes to her is 1) I don't want to turn into her (as much as I love my mum, I don't like her alot of the time and I don't want my kids to grow up and feel like that about me) and 2) I need to learn how to tell her to back off without kicking off WW3 (with "after everything I've done for you and your kids" etc)I've also tried reaching out to other parents, including joining an app that connects you with other parents, but I find myself being ignored or disliked, and after being badly bullied as a child, I end up blaming myself and feeling like I'm a terrible person and that's why no one likes me. Which in itself frustrates me, as I know my worth as a person isn't decided by how others see me, but I can't switch off these feelings of self loathing. I genuinely think no one will bother to reply to this post, but I'm running out of ideas of where to get some help.I just want to feel certain and confident in what I'm doing. And not lie awake at night beating myself up for stuff. I just want some peace.There is much much more to my story but they are the main things I'm looking for help dealing with. I know my problems pale in comparison with some others but if anyone could help I'd appreciate it.TL;DR: feel like I'm standing on quick sand and don't know how to get steady. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2iXQAFC
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